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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 88S7M67S 03/07/22(Mon)15:28:23 No.365802087 Rig How is this tiny-ass country causing so many problems? altic ea LITHUANI liningrad RUSSIA Vilnlus 43 KB PNG
: Anonymous (ID: 88S7M67S 03/07/22(Mon)15:28:23 No.365802087 Rig How is this tiny-ass country causing so many problems? altic ea LITHUANI liningrad RUSSIA Vilnlus 43 KB PNG

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Anon works at a museum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)13:01:26 No.875084480 >be me >worked in a s----- museum >gave tours to classes all the time >the work was boring >the museum sucked >you pay $20 to walk around and read, no interactions, nothing but placards and pictures 100 KB JPG >start on going joke with coworkers >when training new hires for tours we throw in s--- that isn't true >l decide to give George Washington a middle name >l gave the new hire his study materials >have him shadow my tours and keep referring to George Washington as George S. Washington >nobody questions the S. >new hire takes over tours and refers to him with the S >not a single soul questions him while me and my coworkers are trying hard as hell not to laugh >went back 8 years later after with my own kid for her class >went on to tell her how I used to work here when she was a baby >get to part about George >lady giving tours gets to his part and says "George S. Washington was the first president of the United States" >l f------ lost it >all these years have came and gone >and these f---- still call him George S. Washington >ask her what the S. stands for >she says Smith >you don't understand /b/ >l had to leave the museum I was laughing so hard
: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)13:01:26 No.875084480 >be me >worked in a s----- museum >gave tours to classes all the time >the work was boring >the museum sucked >you pay $20 to walk around and read, no interactions, nothing but placards and pictures 100 KB JPG >start on going joke with coworkers >when training new hires for tours we throw in s--- that isn't true >l decide to give George Washington a middle name >l gave the new hire his study materials >have him shadow my tours and keep referring to George Washington as George S. Washington >nobody questions the S. >new hire takes over tours and refers to him with the S >not a single soul questions him while me and my coworkers are trying hard as hell not to laugh >went back 8 years later after with my own kid for her class >went on to tell her how I used to work here when she was a baby >get to part about George >lady giving tours gets to his part and says "George S. Washington was the first president of the United States" >l f------ lost it >all these years have came and gone >and these f---- still call him George S. Washington >ask her what the S. stands for >she says Smith >you don't understand /b/ >l had to leave the museum I was laughing so hard

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Anon plays with a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/20(Mon)09:58:35 No.820407755 what do you think about hitting your kid? >friend and were playing fallout 76 >heard his daughter crying in background >he said "one sec" 8 KB JPG >heared a brutal smack >sounded like he summoned the strength of zeus to smack the ever living s--- out of her >shes cried even louder >more smacks >silence >he got back on the mic Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
: Anonymous 02/10/20(Mon)09:58:35 No.820407755 what do you think about hitting your kid? >friend and were playing fallout 76 >heard his daughter crying in background >he said "one sec" 8 KB JPG >heared a brutal smack >sounded like he summoned the strength of zeus to smack the ever living s--- out of her >shes cried even louder >more smacks >silence >he got back on the mic Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

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Anon got played | /r/Greentext

File: 1360192407607.png (57 KB, 455x451) My Ukrainian refugee won't mate with me and has taken over my house Anonymous (ID: 3biEGXFU 03/22/22(Tue)14:23:46 No.368642128 >>368642454 >>368642477 >>368642557 >>368642581 >>368642723 >>368642730 >>368642765 >>368642778 >>368642822 As you guys predicted I ended up with a post- wall chubster with three kids. I'm signed up for 6 months and already regretting it. The problem is she is very aware of her rights, she won't put out and she threatened me with the police for asking. She knows I can't kick her out and has basically taken over my house while I'm relegated to one room. The kids scream constantly, she never stops talking on her phone, she invites random people over at all hours. I've become a prisoner in my own house
File: 1360192407607.png (57 KB, 455x451) My Ukrainian refugee won't mate with me and has taken over my house Anonymous (ID: 3biEGXFU 03/22/22(Tue)14:23:46 No.368642128 >>368642454 >>368642477 >>368642557 >>368642581 >>368642723 >>368642730 >>368642765 >>368642778 >>368642822 As you guys predicted I ended up with a post- wall chubster with three kids. I'm signed up for 6 months and already regretting it. The problem is she is very aware of her rights, she won't put out and she threatened me with the police for asking. She knows I can't kick her out and has basically taken over my house while I'm relegated to one room. The kids scream constantly, she never stops talking on her phone, she invites random people over at all hours. I've become a prisoner in my own house

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Anon likes 24 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)16:40:32 No.875075631 >Be me >Have Disney+ >One day binge watch 24 >Really like the Jack Bauer character >Start to dress like him 1.69 MB JPG >Give responses like "Dammit", "Give me the schematics" and "I don't have time to explain" in daily life more often >Start to cycle my days in hour segments, I have to finish my tasks within said hour, no matter how much I have to rush or how s--- it turns out >I normally wear headphones when I'm commuting, the only 3 things I listen to now are the 24 credits theme, Key Of Awesome "Man crush on Jack Bauer" or the 24 ticking clock sound effect for an hour >This week my autism has taken a new turn. Everyday when I get off the tube (subway), I run through the station, shouting "MOVE!" to anyone in the way and making sure to run into as many roasties as possible, as though I'm actually stopping a terrorist attack | I know l'm probably just experiencing an ego death and a mega autism mutation, but at the same time I'm cooler and more productive than I've ever been
: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)16:40:32 No.875075631 >Be me >Have Disney+ >One day binge watch 24 >Really like the Jack Bauer character >Start to dress like him 1.69 MB JPG >Give responses like "Dammit", "Give me the schematics" and "I don't have time to explain" in daily life more often >Start to cycle my days in hour segments, I have to finish my tasks within said hour, no matter how much I have to rush or how s--- it turns out >I normally wear headphones when I'm commuting, the only 3 things I listen to now are the 24 credits theme, Key Of Awesome "Man crush on Jack Bauer" or the 24 ticking clock sound effect for an hour >This week my autism has taken a new turn. Everyday when I get off the tube (subway), I run through the station, shouting "MOVE!" to anyone in the way and making sure to run into as many roasties as possible, as though I'm actually stopping a terrorist attack | I know l'm probably just experiencing an ego death and a mega autism mutation, but at the same time I'm cooler and more productive than I've ever been

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10 Gallon hat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/19(Tue)09:02:21 No.123956570 >At cinema >cowboy with 10 gallon hat sits in front of me >ask him to take off hat >head is the same size and shape as the hat 12 KB GIF
: Anonymous 11/12/19(Tue)09:02:21 No.123956570 >At cinema >cowboy with 10 gallon hat sits in front of me >ask him to take off hat >head is the same size and shape as the hat 12 KB GIF

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anon enjoys gas | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/30/18(Thu)00:18:25 No.778520043 >Attempt suicide with Helium gas >Dad busts in; removes mask >"Son, why?!" >Reply in chipmunk voice >"LIFE IS PAIN" >he starts laughing 148 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/30/18(Thu)00:18:25 No.778520043 >Attempt suicide with Helium gas >Dad busts in; removes mask >"Son, why?!" >Reply in chipmunk voice >"LIFE IS PAIN" >he starts laughing 148 KB JPG

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anon throws a controller | /r/Greentext

controller.jpg 84 KB JPG >here's your controller bro : Anonymous 11/02/17(Thu)18:52:59 No.395523756 >toss me the controller bro >I can't, it keeps coming back
controller.jpg 84 KB JPG >here's your controller bro : Anonymous 11/02/17(Thu)18:52:59 No.395523756 >toss me the controller bro >I can't, it keeps coming back

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Anon goes for a run | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/20(Wed)12:43:49 No.6026769 I went running once >never run >not very good at all >look super unnatural >cop pulls up, asks me if l'm ok, and if I'm running from someone sad day
: Anonymous 09/30/20(Wed)12:43:49 No.6026769 I went running once >never run >not very good at all >look super unnatural >cop pulls up, asks me if l'm ok, and if I'm running from someone sad day

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Jew in Attic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)00:44:08 No.46985577 I feel bad for Anne Frank. It's every girls nightmare to have the whole world read your diary. She also didn't get a single dollar out of it, which is every Jews nightmare. >>46985757 # >>46985788 # >>46985908 # >>46987296 # >>46987641 # >>46989472 # >>46990171 #
: Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)00:44:08 No.46985577 I feel bad for Anne Frank. It's every girls nightmare to have the whole world read your diary. She also didn't get a single dollar out of it, which is every Jews nightmare. >>46985757 # >>46985788 # >>46985908 # >>46987296 # >>46987641 # >>46989472 # >>46990171 #

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Anon spends too much time on 4chan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 34524884 55 min. ago >be me >be in communications class >persuasive speech >autism = activate >start speech with "be me" >awkward silence from class should i just drop out?
Anonymous 34524884 55 min. ago >be me >be in communications class >persuasive speech >autism = activate >start speech with "be me" >awkward silence from class should i just drop out?

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Anon doesn't know Korea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ? 06/28/17(Wed)17:57:22 No.1223025 Ask a Korean that is proud of his country anything 40 KB PNG 243 Replies / 19 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: OE0PIP66 ) 06/28/17(Wed)22:54:10 No.1225455 >>1223025 (OP) # Pepsi isn't a f------ country retard
: Anonymous ? 06/28/17(Wed)17:57:22 No.1223025 Ask a Korean that is proud of his country anything 40 KB PNG 243 Replies / 19 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: OE0PIP66 ) 06/28/17(Wed)22:54:10 No.1225455 >>1223025 (OP) # Pepsi isn't a f------ country retard

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Anon finishes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Hamilton 05/16/18(Wed)14:28:36 No.45447213 >trying to pirate hamilton >Wait few hours to download >Finally finishes >lts just 3 hours of p--- >J------- Really I feel like I won in this 357 KB JPG situation View Thread
: Anonymous Hamilton 05/16/18(Wed)14:28:36 No.45447213 >trying to pirate hamilton >Wait few hours to download >Finally finishes >lts just 3 hours of p--- >J------- Really I feel like I won in this 357 KB JPG situation View Thread

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Anon is diagnosed with autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri) 13:16:24 No.875063890 >be me >In my twenties >Live at home with my parents >Get diagnosed with autism recently >Don't think much of it, nothing changed for me really >Come home one day after a hard day of sperging out 36 KB JPG >Go to room >My normal blanket is gone >Thefuck.jpeg >It's replaced with a f------ weighted blanket >It's nice and very soft but still ask parents about it because what, why, where, and how the f--- >They say that they did some research to look into what "kids like me" need >Ask what they mean >They f------ replaced my blanket because l'm an autist >Kind of annoyed but not too bad >But no, it gets worse anons. >My mom starts talking to me like I'm an actual retard now >She says something about how they want to do anything they can to accommodate me and my needs >Wut.tgif >She goes on to explain that she understands that kids with autism often have trouble with making it to the bathroom >WHATTHEFUCK. >l'm so confused by this point >She tells me they bought me diapers and that I don't have to wear them all the time but they expect me to wear them to bed >Spent the rest of the evening arguing with them about it with me telling them I didn't piss myself and her telling me it was just a precaution >She talked to my aunt and she's the one that brought it up because her friend has a tardbaby or some s--- >My dad gets so annoyed he finally tells me that I have to wear them to bed or I can't live with them because he doesn't plan on replacing my furniture >End up forced to wear one to bed >Ffw to now >Laying in bed with a f------ diaper and weighted blanket on me Just f------ kill me now anons.
: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri) 13:16:24 No.875063890 >be me >In my twenties >Live at home with my parents >Get diagnosed with autism recently >Don't think much of it, nothing changed for me really >Come home one day after a hard day of sperging out 36 KB JPG >Go to room >My normal blanket is gone >Thefuck.jpeg >It's replaced with a f------ weighted blanket >It's nice and very soft but still ask parents about it because what, why, where, and how the f--- >They say that they did some research to look into what "kids like me" need >Ask what they mean >They f------ replaced my blanket because l'm an autist >Kind of annoyed but not too bad >But no, it gets worse anons. >My mom starts talking to me like I'm an actual retard now >She says something about how they want to do anything they can to accommodate me and my needs >Wut.tgif >She goes on to explain that she understands that kids with autism often have trouble with making it to the bathroom >WHATTHEFUCK. >l'm so confused by this point >She tells me they bought me diapers and that I don't have to wear them all the time but they expect me to wear them to bed >Spent the rest of the evening arguing with them about it with me telling them I didn't piss myself and her telling me it was just a precaution >She talked to my aunt and she's the one that brought it up because her friend has a tardbaby or some s--- >My dad gets so annoyed he finally tells me that I have to wear them to bed or I can't live with them because he doesn't plan on replacing my furniture >End up forced to wear one to bed >Ffw to now >Laying in bed with a f------ diaper and weighted blanket on me Just f------ kill me now anons.

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Anon goes to the bathroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)06:29:58 No.875051616 Bathroom stories? >Elementary school, 4th grade >Need to go badly, Can't s--- when anyone else is in the bathroom >Walk in, waste time washing my hands until the other guys leave >Now have the bathroom all to myself, probably been in there for around 2 minutes now >just as I start to unload and let loose someone else walks 6 KB JPG in >they just stand there, don't even use the bathroom. >I quickly halt my release and try to conceal my presence >1 minute goes by >2 minutes >5 >this mf knows I can't s--- and is just waiting me out. I hate him >he starts pacing around the bathroom and tries looking under the stalls to see me >desperately need to s--- so I try doing it in silence as he is hunting me, each sound killing me a little more >been out of class for 10-15 minutes even though the bathroom is right next to our class so teacher starts to come looking >she peeks her head in the doorway and asks the other guy if anyone else is in there >"No... I don't see anyone else." >hear him finally wash his hands and leave >thank God >a wave of pure ecstasy and relief washes over me as I release the largest, most oppressive s--- in history. It was powerful, cracking the air like a whip. The smell was profuse and pungent. I thought I was going to crack the porcelain bowl. >Once I am finally done I walk out of the stall and see him. He hadn't actually left and faked me out. >"yeah, I thought so" before he slowly turns and walks away. >nothing but despair fills my heart in that moment. Saw him again in the bathroom a few months later. He takes his shirt off when he pees in the urinals.
: Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)06:29:58 No.875051616 Bathroom stories? >Elementary school, 4th grade >Need to go badly, Can't s--- when anyone else is in the bathroom >Walk in, waste time washing my hands until the other guys leave >Now have the bathroom all to myself, probably been in there for around 2 minutes now >just as I start to unload and let loose someone else walks 6 KB JPG in >they just stand there, don't even use the bathroom. >I quickly halt my release and try to conceal my presence >1 minute goes by >2 minutes >5 >this mf knows I can't s--- and is just waiting me out. I hate him >he starts pacing around the bathroom and tries looking under the stalls to see me >desperately need to s--- so I try doing it in silence as he is hunting me, each sound killing me a little more >been out of class for 10-15 minutes even though the bathroom is right next to our class so teacher starts to come looking >she peeks her head in the doorway and asks the other guy if anyone else is in there >"No... I don't see anyone else." >hear him finally wash his hands and leave >thank God >a wave of pure ecstasy and relief washes over me as I release the largest, most oppressive s--- in history. It was powerful, cracking the air like a whip. The smell was profuse and pungent. I thought I was going to crack the porcelain bowl. >Once I am finally done I walk out of the stall and see him. He hadn't actually left and faked me out. >"yeah, I thought so" before he slowly turns and walks away. >nothing but despair fills my heart in that moment. Saw him again in the bathroom a few months later. He takes his shirt off when he pees in the urinals.

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Anon misses Emos | /r/Greentext

Anonymous B45tWh9U 105241343 1 hr. ago Whatever happens to emos? Where did they go? 29 REPLIES 9 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous H8G/1aFs 105241496 1 hr. ago If your social group is defined by a suicidal nature don't expect it to last a long time. 1 REPLY
Anonymous B45tWh9U 105241343 1 hr. ago Whatever happens to emos? Where did they go? 29 REPLIES 9 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous H8G/1aFs 105241496 1 hr. ago If your social group is defined by a suicidal nature don't expect it to last a long time. 1 REPLY

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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)19:28:36 No.86195773 1.28 MB JPG >have cracked several laptops by bearing my palms down on them why aren't they more sturdy Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)01:03:24 No.86199030 >>86195773 (OP) lose weight you fat p------------
Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)19:28:36 No.86195773 1.28 MB JPG >have cracked several laptops by bearing my palms down on them why aren't they more sturdy Anonymous 03/25/22(Fri)01:03:24 No.86199030 >>86195773 (OP) lose weight you fat p------------

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Most Beautiful Greentext Ever Conceived. | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: eQot91c+) 05/01/13(Wed)18:34:43 No.477045509 File: 1367447683568.jpg-(9 KB, 480x360, yui.jpg) >>477043204 >be me >be 16 >be a total beta >have few friends nothing special >total weaboo >be doing duke of edinburgh award >for the volunteering decide to help a paralyzed girl and her mum >her dad was fighting over seas at the time >first day listen to the mum about what Il be doing idgf >meet girl >10/10 >DAYUM.jpeg >say hello how are you the usual s--- >get started helping the mum cook >me and her get talking about her daughter >ask what she does all day >she just lies in bed watching tv. >feels bad man >dont think much other of it though -go in to take her food and to her feed her etc >SHE'S WATCHING DEATH NOTE >we start talking like crazy >discuss other anime >become friends quickly >keep up DoE award >keep talking to her >become very good friends >DOE ends >keep on visiting her after school >go out with her with her in a wheel chair >go to park and stuff >she's never been outside for a prolonged amount of time >start dating kind of >keep on visiting and helping out >watch anime together for a couple of weeks >get onto angel beats >episode ten >find out Yui was paralyzed >keep quiet >marriage proposal scene >engageoverfeel.png >10/10 girl asks ifi would like her more if she could move >tears rolling down face >throw my arms around her >sofly say you are perfect the way you are, don't ever change" that was the first time i ever hugged my wife
O Anonymous (ID: eQot91c+) 05/01/13(Wed)18:34:43 No.477045509 File: 1367447683568.jpg-(9 KB, 480x360, yui.jpg) >>477043204 >be me >be 16 >be a total beta >have few friends nothing special >total weaboo >be doing duke of edinburgh award >for the volunteering decide to help a paralyzed girl and her mum >her dad was fighting over seas at the time >first day listen to the mum about what Il be doing idgf >meet girl >10/10 >DAYUM.jpeg >say hello how are you the usual s--- >get started helping the mum cook >me and her get talking about her daughter >ask what she does all day >she just lies in bed watching tv. >feels bad man >dont think much other of it though -go in to take her food and to her feed her etc >SHE'S WATCHING DEATH NOTE >we start talking like crazy >discuss other anime >become friends quickly >keep up DoE award >keep talking to her >become very good friends >DOE ends >keep on visiting her after school >go out with her with her in a wheel chair >go to park and stuff >she's never been outside for a prolonged amount of time >start dating kind of >keep on visiting and helping out >watch anime together for a couple of weeks >get onto angel beats >episode ten >find out Yui was paralyzed >keep quiet >marriage proposal scene >engageoverfeel.png >10/10 girl asks ifi would like her more if she could move >tears rolling down face >throw my arms around her >sofly say you are perfect the way you are, don't ever change" that was the first time i ever hugged my wife

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Anon handles danger ropes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Yesterday 1413695 innawoods autism thread >be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n s--- for a bonfıre >go about 20 feet away from camp >see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults s------- pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can >hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find >head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me >other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on
Anonymous Yesterday 1413695 innawoods autism thread >be me >cub scouts camping trip >its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n s--- for a bonfıre >go about 20 feet away from camp >see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults s------- pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can >hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find >head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me >other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on

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Anon is a man of culture | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)02:16:02 No.154642473 >patient is 26 years old, never had sex, never been to a concert, has no friends and doesn't have a job >run a brain scan, check for a tumor, then check his browser history 29 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)02:20:32 No.154642654 >>154642473 (OP) # >why check his browser history? 86 KB JPG >>154643041 # >>154657984 # : Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)02:30:46 No.154643041 >>154642654 # >a man who doesn't have sex will obviously become a p--- connoisseur, and I'm not gonna let such a curated selection to go unappreciated. 19 KB JPG >>154644997 # >>154662906 # >>154665287 # >>154665419 #
: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)02:16:02 No.154642473 >patient is 26 years old, never had sex, never been to a concert, has no friends and doesn't have a job >run a brain scan, check for a tumor, then check his browser history 29 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)02:20:32 No.154642654 >>154642473 (OP) # >why check his browser history? 86 KB JPG >>154643041 # >>154657984 # : Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)02:30:46 No.154643041 >>154642654 # >a man who doesn't have sex will obviously become a p--- connoisseur, and I'm not gonna let such a curated selection to go unappreciated. 19 KB JPG >>154644997 # >>154662906 # >>154665287 # >>154665419 #

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