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Anon accidentally joins a gang.... | /r/Greentext

>>65156362 # >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread| am told to throw in the trash
>>65156362 # >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread| am told to throw in the trash

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anon wins at his own game | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)14:54:55 >never ask anyone out >never get rejected >basically irresistible haha who's the chad now 5 KB JPG
Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)14:54:55 >never ask anyone out >never get rejected >basically irresistible haha who's the chad now 5 KB JPG

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Anons refugee | /r/Greentext

liSI4oec (OP) · C 21m (3/15 7:54) · 367333282 23 Re · 3 Img JPG 80KB · (865 × 665) 11 Replies >here's your government-mandated Ukrainian refugee and 350 euros a month for taking care of her JNCtTWtp · E 20m (3/15 7:55) · 367333526 1 Reply Wrong gender •..
liSI4oec (OP) · C 21m (3/15 7:54) · 367333282 23 Re · 3 Img JPG 80KB · (865 × 665) 11 Replies >here's your government-mandated Ukrainian refugee and 350 euros a month for taking care of her JNCtTWtp · E 20m (3/15 7:55) · 367333526 1 Reply Wrong gender •..

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Anon is a sigma femboy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)13:43:50 No.862423117 >Be me an incredibly femine fit tard. >Can crush watermelons with my thighs and bench 300. >aside from my arms I pass as female. >Post on tinder looking for some boy 6 KB JPG p----. >Get multiple beta males who think they can top me. >go ahead f----- try it. >let them in my home and lock the door. >The look of sheer horror as a l unsheath my 7 inch long feminine penis makes me diamonds every time. >F--- them in the ass as they screech in terror. >Blow my load deep in there hairy ass and tell them to get out of my home. >Such is my life.
: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)13:43:50 No.862423117 >Be me an incredibly femine fit tard. >Can crush watermelons with my thighs and bench 300. >aside from my arms I pass as female. >Post on tinder looking for some boy 6 KB JPG p----. >Get multiple beta males who think they can top me. >go ahead f----- try it. >let them in my home and lock the door. >The look of sheer horror as a l unsheath my 7 inch long feminine penis makes me diamonds every time. >F--- them in the ass as they screech in terror. >Blow my load deep in there hairy ass and tell them to get out of my home. >Such is my life.

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Anon is Russian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)14:34:10 No.67859246 >add a chick from soc >she's european A >tell her i'm russian (this was before the war) >she doesn't seem to mind >we sort of hit it off >war breaks out >she blocks me 173 KB JPG Did she think I personally executed 9000 Ukrainian children or something?
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)14:34:10 No.67859246 >add a chick from soc >she's european A >tell her i'm russian (this was before the war) >she doesn't seem to mind >we sort of hit it off >war breaks out >she blocks me 173 KB JPG Did she think I personally executed 9000 Ukrainian children or something?

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anon likes star wars | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)08:55:48 No.854477149 >Be me (really strong) (star wars aficionado) >Go to target >See a chump in a star wars shirt Lessontime.jpeg >Go up to him >"If you're such a Star Wars fan, what year did Episode 1 start and 128 KB JPG what year did episode 10 end?" >All he can mudder outs is "Goo goo ga ga ma ma ma ma." >Slap the s--- out of him and make him cry like a little bitch >#noposersallowed >#truefansonly So /b/ do you know any good lawyers?
: Anonymous 05/15/21(Sat)08:55:48 No.854477149 >Be me (really strong) (star wars aficionado) >Go to target >See a chump in a star wars shirt Lessontime.jpeg >Go up to him >"If you're such a Star Wars fan, what year did Episode 1 start and 128 KB JPG what year did episode 10 end?" >All he can mudder outs is "Goo goo ga ga ma ma ma ma." >Slap the s--- out of him and make him cry like a little bitch >#noposersallowed >#truefansonly So /b/ do you know any good lawyers?

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are you sure about that?Anon doesn’t have autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)20:25:29 No.50120427 >be me >16 years old >cute girl from class sends me a message >"hey, anon, I've got two tickets to this comedy show, would you like 65 KB PNG to..." >thinking she wants to sell them to me >"oh, no thanks, I don't really like these guys" > oh... okay, sorry >more than 4 years later >lying in bed unable to sleep >finally realise what she meant >mfw : Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)20:26:44 No.50120446 Could be worse. Could have autism
: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)20:25:29 No.50120427 >be me >16 years old >cute girl from class sends me a message >"hey, anon, I've got two tickets to this comedy show, would you like 65 KB PNG to..." >thinking she wants to sell them to me >"oh, no thanks, I don't really like these guys" > oh... okay, sorry >more than 4 years later >lying in bed unable to sleep >finally realise what she meant >mfw : Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)20:26:44 No.50120446 Could be worse. Could have autism

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Anon is a gay bitch | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 774692608 25 min. ago > 10 years ago I was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and badass >now I realize you are all a bunch of f------ 5.6 kB JPG 3 REPLIES 4 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 774692704 24 min. ago >>774692608 (OP) >welcome home you gay bitch 1 REPLY
Anonymous | 774692608 25 min. ago > 10 years ago I was afraid to post here thinking you guys are all hackers and badass >now I realize you are all a bunch of f------ 5.6 kB JPG 3 REPLIES 4 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 774692704 24 min. ago >>774692608 (OP) >welcome home you gay bitch 1 REPLY

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Anon masturbates in class | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: 761zsAma) 05/28/14(Wed)17:03:44 No.548501734 ITT: Embarrassing high school stories. >be me >been feeling like s--- for the last few months >talk to a doctor about it >he writes me a prescription for an antidepressant >it's called anafranil >after a few weeks, the effects start to kick in >feelsgoodman >be sitting in calculus class one day >s---'s boring as f--- >i yawn >instantly get rock hard >feels like i'm about to c-- >wat >overcome by earthshaking orgasm >shake desk back and forth while yelling "OH F--- YES!" >fall out of chair >legs trembling, huge c------- on my pants >everyone looks at me in shock >ask to be excused >later that night, look up side effects of anafranil on wikipedia >it says that 5% of users experience spontaneous orgasms that are triggered by yawning >n---- whut >go to class next day >everyone trying not to laugh as i walk in and sit down >teacher hands out test >look at first question and get huge, throbbing erection >oh god >dat integral sign >dat dy/dx >so f------ hot >my brain has associated calculus with orgasmic bliss >unzip fly and take test while fapping on stealth mode >someone yawns >yawning is contagious >i yawn >itshappening.gif >my c--- erupts like old faithful >sprays fountain of c-- all over my face >mfw i fapped to my calculus test >mfw everyone in school now calls me the mathturbator
O Anonymous (ID: 761zsAma) 05/28/14(Wed)17:03:44 No.548501734 ITT: Embarrassing high school stories. >be me >been feeling like s--- for the last few months >talk to a doctor about it >he writes me a prescription for an antidepressant >it's called anafranil >after a few weeks, the effects start to kick in >feelsgoodman >be sitting in calculus class one day >s---'s boring as f--- >i yawn >instantly get rock hard >feels like i'm about to c-- >wat >overcome by earthshaking orgasm >shake desk back and forth while yelling "OH F--- YES!" >fall out of chair >legs trembling, huge c------- on my pants >everyone looks at me in shock >ask to be excused >later that night, look up side effects of anafranil on wikipedia >it says that 5% of users experience spontaneous orgasms that are triggered by yawning >n---- whut >go to class next day >everyone trying not to laugh as i walk in and sit down >teacher hands out test >look at first question and get huge, throbbing erection >oh god >dat integral sign >dat dy/dx >so f------ hot >my brain has associated calculus with orgasmic bliss >unzip fly and take test while fapping on stealth mode >someone yawns >yawning is contagious >i yawn >itshappening.gif >my c--- erupts like old faithful >sprays fountain of c-- all over my face >mfw i fapped to my calculus test >mfw everyone in school now calls me the mathturbator

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Anon crunches the numbers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/19(Mon)09:09:31 No.54212062 >be me |>day after losing virginity want to make record of experience. |>don't have a diary (chick thing) >open up excel spreadsheet. Type number "1" in column 1, the year in column 2. >proceed to rate girl and experience against certain criteria. Starts with P---- Hair: "trimmed > next column - P---- Tightness: Very tight 46 KB PNG >fast forward to today- have been adding and rating for past 15 years. >I like to look over this spreadsheet and jerk to the memories. >l've done some analysis and today I share some findings gentlemen... >81% shaved >6.5% natural >6.5% trimmed >23% swallowed >15% licked my ass >12% did a--- >58% sucked balls >18% took a facial >12.5% had an unpleasant fishy odor I have more columns is anons are interested
: Anonymous 09/02/19(Mon)09:09:31 No.54212062 >be me |>day after losing virginity want to make record of experience. |>don't have a diary (chick thing) >open up excel spreadsheet. Type number "1" in column 1, the year in column 2. >proceed to rate girl and experience against certain criteria. Starts with P---- Hair: "trimmed > next column - P---- Tightness: Very tight 46 KB PNG >fast forward to today- have been adding and rating for past 15 years. >I like to look over this spreadsheet and jerk to the memories. >l've done some analysis and today I share some findings gentlemen... >81% shaved >6.5% natural >6.5% trimmed >23% swallowed >15% licked my ass >12% did a--- >58% sucked balls >18% took a facial >12.5% had an unpleasant fishy odor I have more columns is anons are interested

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Anon spits bars | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/21/18(Tue)09:06:27 No.47648209 Just in case nobody has heard rap before, let me show you what it sounds like: >big gun me shoot you >0oga booga >big red hate big blue >l got big wee wee 251 KB PNG >I shoot you again >and take your girlfriend
: Anonymous 08/21/18(Tue)09:06:27 No.47648209 Just in case nobody has heard rap before, let me show you what it sounds like: >big gun me shoot you >0oga booga >big red hate big blue >l got big wee wee 251 KB PNG >I shoot you again >and take your girlfriend

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Anon plays Mafia 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)12:09:14 No.63110295 >Be me >15 at the time >Little to no irl friends >No gf >Just got Mafia 2 >l am immediately interested in Joe Barbaro 93 KB JPG >Start copying his voice, mannerisms, language, and looks. >l basically start wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a leather jacket and jeans and acting like a stereotypical New Jersey or New York guy. >l'm also interested by classic cars due to Mafia 2 >Save up enough money to get a Karmann Ghia >get a s--- ton of friends >Somehow get an average looking gf >Get my first bj in spring >Get laid sometime during summer >Mfw Joe Barbaro got me laid

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Anon has made it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Inflection point: Should I bec(...) 07/05/21(Mon)22:05:02 No.64455881 >27 yo >khvirgin >Meet a cute 31 year old single mom >She has a 7 year old boy >Starts showing interest in me >Thinks I'm cool, flirts, eventually asks 183 KB JPG me out. >The date was awesome, I was nervous and she thought it was cute. >Drops her at her place, the nanny is just leaving >"Hey anon, my kid is already sleeping, don't you want to come in?" >holyshititshappening.jpg >Small talk on the couch, she jumps on top of me and starts making out with me. >Sex.jpg >l never felt so happy in my life >Been together for two months >Her kid is a cool guy, loves dinosaurs >We go to the museum, see some fossils I buy him ice cream and a toy triceratops. >"uncle anon, this is the best day ever" For the first time in my life, I feel a fraction of what a being a father is like. I feel purpose and drive, my job doesn't seem pointless anymore. I look forward to meeting them and doing family stuff together. Am I making a huge mistake? I think I'm gonna marry this woman and adopt the little guy.
: Anonymous Inflection point: Should I bec(...) 07/05/21(Mon)22:05:02 No.64455881 >27 yo >khvirgin >Meet a cute 31 year old single mom >She has a 7 year old boy >Starts showing interest in me >Thinks I'm cool, flirts, eventually asks 183 KB JPG me out. >The date was awesome, I was nervous and she thought it was cute. >Drops her at her place, the nanny is just leaving >"Hey anon, my kid is already sleeping, don't you want to come in?" >holyshititshappening.jpg >Small talk on the couch, she jumps on top of me and starts making out with me. >Sex.jpg >l never felt so happy in my life >Been together for two months >Her kid is a cool guy, loves dinosaurs >We go to the museum, see some fossils I buy him ice cream and a toy triceratops. >"uncle anon, this is the best day ever" For the first time in my life, I feel a fraction of what a being a father is like. I feel purpose and drive, my job doesn't seem pointless anymore. I look forward to meeting them and doing family stuff together. Am I making a huge mistake? I think I'm gonna marry this woman and adopt the little guy.

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Anon has doubts about christianity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)19:28:06 No.27883609 >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard 31 KB JPG Thanks? 94 Replies / 6 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)19:28:06 No.27883609 >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard 31 KB JPG Thanks? 94 Replies / 6 Images View Thread

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Old but gold | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)09:33:25 No.786551542 >be me >be walking around the city >suddenly almost perfect grill (9.5/10) walks in front of me >fat DSLS, thigh gap, all 37 KB JPG that s--- >notice how l'm walking directly behind her >due to the slipstreaming, the air which went through her crotch is touching my wee wee >mfw her vagina basically touched my d--- >mfw I basically had sex See ya later, virgins
: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)09:33:25 No.786551542 >be me >be walking around the city >suddenly almost perfect grill (9.5/10) walks in front of me >fat DSLS, thigh gap, all 37 KB JPG that s--- >notice how l'm walking directly behind her >due to the slipstreaming, the air which went through her crotch is touching my wee wee >mfw her vagina basically touched my d--- >mfw I basically had sex See ya later, virgins

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Anon hate Teams | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: ZqMGdYAI ) 03/19/22(Sat)22:46:05 No.14751123 >2 years since the start of the "pandemic" >it's still a p------------ 55 КВ PNG Anonymous (ID: QtLMJzqv ) [] 03/20/22(Sun)00:16:35 No.14751459 >>14751123 (OP) Holy f---. I f------ hate Teams so much. It's like it intentionally tries to be as difficult and as terrible as possible. Nobody asked, but I'm going to tell you guys anyways because I'm f------ p----- off after seeing that logo. My work has weekly Teams meetings and routinely has difficulties with it with video and/or audio LITERALLY every single time. We have lost clients for this because some people I work with have scheduled video meetings with them but don't get the video and/or audio working and the client thought it was unprofessional. I think this happened four times. Clients and almost all of us have f------ BEGGED management to just use Google meets but management said no because "not everybody has an accessible Google account", despite all of our work e-mails that are given to us being powered by g-mail. F--- Teams.
Anonymous (ID: ZqMGdYAI ) 03/19/22(Sat)22:46:05 No.14751123 >2 years since the start of the "pandemic" >it's still a p------------ 55 КВ PNG Anonymous (ID: QtLMJzqv ) [] 03/20/22(Sun)00:16:35 No.14751459 >>14751123 (OP) Holy f---. I f------ hate Teams so much. It's like it intentionally tries to be as difficult and as terrible as possible. Nobody asked, but I'm going to tell you guys anyways because I'm f------ p----- off after seeing that logo. My work has weekly Teams meetings and routinely has difficulties with it with video and/or audio LITERALLY every single time. We have lost clients for this because some people I work with have scheduled video meetings with them but don't get the video and/or audio working and the client thought it was unprofessional. I think this happened four times. Clients and almost all of us have f------ BEGGED management to just use Google meets but management said no because "not everybody has an accessible Google account", despite all of our work e-mails that are given to us being powered by g-mail. F--- Teams.

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Eddddddddddddddd | /r/Greentext

No.55008835 10/23/19(Wed)18:13:21 download~2.jpg JPG 8.7 KiB 171x171 >be me >in health class >teacher says we are going to start the sex ed unit >mfw my name is Ed >later virgins No.55009191 10/23/19(Wed)18:49:33 Thate this f------ website so f------ much ...
No.55008835 10/23/19(Wed)18:13:21 download~2.jpg JPG 8.7 KiB 171x171 >be me >in health class >teacher says we are going to start the sex ed unit >mfw my name is Ed >later virgins No.55009191 10/23/19(Wed)18:49:33 Thate this f------ website so f------ much ...

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Anon feels insecure | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/06/20(Fri)06:17:29 No.5704199 >the cute cash register girl drops the change into your hand >she places the change gently into chad's hand after me 22 KB JPG It's the little things that get to me.
Anonymous 03/06/20(Fri)06:17:29 No.5704199 >the cute cash register girl drops the change into your hand >she places the change gently into chad's hand after me 22 KB JPG It's the little things that get to me.

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Anon gets free gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:04:47 No.66575792 >girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught feelings for me and has started refusing my money >gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far >says she'll give me back the rest when she gets the money 295 KB PNG >wants to see me more often now What do I do now? Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:07:20 No.66575822 >>66575792 (OP) >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free?
Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:04:47 No.66575792 >girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught feelings for me and has started refusing my money >gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far >says she'll give me back the rest when she gets the money 295 KB PNG >wants to see me more often now What do I do now? Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:07:20 No.66575822 >>66575792 (OP) >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free?

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Anon wants crossbow | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous f--- australia 03/20/22(Sun)06:02:40 No.52532966 >want crossbow >literally only want it to shoot cans in my backyard, maybe go hunting rabbits one day >live in the sharia state of south australia 195 KB PNG >have to apply for a permit to own one >go to the station to ask for the application documents >"why do you want it" >"just want to get into target shooting" >"just get a bow, don't even bother getting a crossbow" >no criminal history >literally outright refuses to give me the form and just says get a bow >this has happened 3 times now why the f--- is this country so goddam s---, i'm trying to do this s--- the legal way and they wont even let me
: Anonymous f--- australia 03/20/22(Sun)06:02:40 No.52532966 >want crossbow >literally only want it to shoot cans in my backyard, maybe go hunting rabbits one day >live in the sharia state of south australia 195 KB PNG >have to apply for a permit to own one >go to the station to ask for the application documents >"why do you want it" >"just want to get into target shooting" >"just get a bow, don't even bother getting a crossbow" >no criminal history >literally outright refuses to give me the form and just says get a bow >this has happened 3 times now why the f--- is this country so goddam s---, i'm trying to do this s--- the legal way and they wont even let me

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