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Anon wants to play Rock band | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:31:26 No.435670409 > be me > 17 when rock band came out > read about rock band online every day > watch rock band videos every day > too old for xmas but really want 39 KB JPG rock band > brother has a ps3 but it's in his room > no other consoles in the house > he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas > fast forward xmas eve > beg mom to let me open one gift early > it's rock band > for 360 > I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all > "I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more." it's my very own 360 was best xmas ever >>435670583 # >>435673117 # >>435673494 # >>435677913 # >>435681208 =
: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:31:26 No.435670409 > be me > 17 when rock band came out > read about rock band online every day > watch rock band videos every day > too old for xmas but really want 39 KB JPG rock band > brother has a ps3 but it's in his room > no other consoles in the house > he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas > fast forward xmas eve > beg mom to let me open one gift early > it's rock band > for 360 > I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all > "I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more." it's my very own 360 was best xmas ever >>435670583 # >>435673117 # >>435673494 # >>435677913 # >>435681208 =

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Anon works at McDonald | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon goes to an amusement park | /r/Greentext

Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] ile: fetchimage.jpg (490 KB, 680x1073) U Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:13:25 No.591983662 What's the most inappropriate situation you've ever found yourself playing video games in? I went to a theme park and played my game boy while the park security spent 6+ hours looking for my missing brother. They never found him but I beat the Elite Four in his honor Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:13 No.591983863 >>591983662 (OP) # Well what else were you supposed to do? If you go help looking then you're at risk of missing yourself. >> Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:59 No.591983943 Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:16:29 No.591983992 File: benjamin-ratterman-isabel(...).jpg (475 KB, 1600x1200) >>591983863 # I was 19.
Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] ile: fetchimage.jpg (490 KB, 680x1073) U Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:13:25 No.591983662 What's the most inappropriate situation you've ever found yourself playing video games in? I went to a theme park and played my game boy while the park security spent 6+ hours looking for my missing brother. They never found him but I beat the Elite Four in his honor Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:13 No.591983863 >>591983662 (OP) # Well what else were you supposed to do? If you go help looking then you're at risk of missing yourself. >> Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:59 No.591983943 Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:16:29 No.591983992 File: benjamin-ratterman-isabel(...).jpg (475 KB, 1600x1200) >>591983863 # I was 19.

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Anon’s cat is the best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today

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anon has tinnitus | /r/Greentext

>be me >have tinnitus > EEEEЕЕЕЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEEEEEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕЕЕ 15.9 kB JPG EEEEE ЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEE EEEEE EEEEER EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEB EEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEEEEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕ ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEEEEЕ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>be me >have tinnitus > EEEEЕЕЕЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEEEEEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕЕЕ 15.9 kB JPG EEEEE ЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEE EEEEE EEEEER EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEB EEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEEEEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕ ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEEEEЕ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Anon isn't a rapist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class
: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class

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Anon plays with a hampster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon goes through airport security | /r/Greentext

File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe
File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe

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Anon is rekt again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/22(Sat)10:18:03 No.67752905 At a club >been chatting up this girl >we talk for an hour or so at the bar >thankfully music wasn't that loud >decide to make a move >"Anon, I will go downstairs to WC" 11 KB JPG >ok >10min have passed, she hasn't come back >go downstairs, sit at a table >l see her coming out of the WC with some dude. She is tucking in her blouse >looks exhausted >walks by me completely ignoring me Rekt again 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/12/22(Sat)10:18:03 No.67752905 At a club >been chatting up this girl >we talk for an hour or so at the bar >thankfully music wasn't that loud >decide to make a move >"Anon, I will go downstairs to WC" 11 KB JPG >ok >10min have passed, she hasn't come back >go downstairs, sit at a table >l see her coming out of the WC with some dude. She is tucking in her blouse >looks exhausted >walks by me completely ignoring me Rekt again 4 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a gay pedo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:24:13 No.874429103 >be me, degenerate coomer >meet a girl at work >for some reason she likes me >take her out to dinner >take a walk in the park afterwards >she kisses me >mfw I now have to retrain myself to get boners for normal human women 8 KB JPG after months of daily shota threads and t----- p---
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:24:13 No.874429103 >be me, degenerate coomer >meet a girl at work >for some reason she likes me >take her out to dinner >take a walk in the park afterwards >she kisses me >mfw I now have to retrain myself to get boners for normal human women 8 KB JPG after months of daily shota threads and t----- p---

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Anon is Indian | /r/Greentext

>be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth
>be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth

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anon eliminates climate change | /r/Greentext

>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as
>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as

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Anon switches teams when the game gets hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:50:42 No.874455849 >be me >no luck online dating >download grinder >inbox is flooded in 2 hours time 46 messages >find a cute femboy Saues 76 KB JPG >end up chatting for a bit and am invited to hangout >never dated a guy but what the hell >go on a pretty nice date, dudes always complementing me which I've never had on a date >he's actually trying to impress me, get to know me etc >l feel beyond flattered >end up back at his place >super clean, spotless and organized >actually lives on his own in a nice house in the suburbs >end up watching Borat and having a great time >we did end up kissing and sleeping together and it was honestly amazing >been together for 5 months now and I couldn't be happier >no drama, no periods, full sex life, adventures, and he spends money on me buying me gifts, clothes, even got me a new Xbox when my Xbox one crapped out >l've never been treated this way by any female ever >l don't think I will ever go back >gay is the way Anons >pic isn't him the only one I could find that looks similar
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:50:42 No.874455849 >be me >no luck online dating >download grinder >inbox is flooded in 2 hours time 46 messages >find a cute femboy Saues 76 KB JPG >end up chatting for a bit and am invited to hangout >never dated a guy but what the hell >go on a pretty nice date, dudes always complementing me which I've never had on a date >he's actually trying to impress me, get to know me etc >l feel beyond flattered >end up back at his place >super clean, spotless and organized >actually lives on his own in a nice house in the suburbs >end up watching Borat and having a great time >we did end up kissing and sleeping together and it was honestly amazing >been together for 5 months now and I couldn't be happier >no drama, no periods, full sex life, adventures, and he spends money on me buying me gifts, clothes, even got me a new Xbox when my Xbox one crapped out >l've never been treated this way by any female ever >l don't think I will ever go back >gay is the way Anons >pic isn't him the only one I could find that looks similar

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Anon meets whale | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke
O Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke

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Anon has a curse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)11:03:53 No.789891996 images.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >18, 6', good looking male >Loads of girls like me >But everytime I end up in bed with someone there is a problem >Every girl is scared by my c--- >Mfw I'm a virgin because of big c--- >30 minutes ago >Decide to pay an escort to finally have sex >Escort see c--- >Says c--- is too big >Get money back >Still Virgin >Mfw
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)11:03:53 No.789891996 images.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >18, 6', good looking male >Loads of girls like me >But everytime I end up in bed with someone there is a problem >Every girl is scared by my c--- >Mfw I'm a virgin because of big c--- >30 minutes ago >Decide to pay an escort to finally have sex >Escort see c--- >Says c--- is too big >Get money back >Still Virgin >Mfw

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Fortnite Bad >:| | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)13:15:05 No.454850861 >just a rip off of other games that released years prior. >gets worse with every update >people only play it so they can collect s----- cosmetics >it's playerbase consists of s----- toxic players FORTNITE 483 KB JPG >barely has a story and relies on its obnoxious fans to make one for them >slowly dying off and the devs are desperately trying to keep it relevant God I f------ hate overwatch. Any other points missed? >pic unrelated.
: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)13:15:05 No.454850861 >just a rip off of other games that released years prior. >gets worse with every update >people only play it so they can collect s----- cosmetics >it's playerbase consists of s----- toxic players FORTNITE 483 KB JPG >barely has a story and relies on its obnoxious fans to make one for them >slowly dying off and the devs are desperately trying to keep it relevant God I f------ hate overwatch. Any other points missed? >pic unrelated.

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Anon is transphobic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)15:07:54 No.796027787 >have a dream that my brother is a man again >wake up >check facebook >he's still a goddamn ugly ass t----- i just want my brother back 72 KB JPG 152 Replies / 17 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)15:07:54 No.796027787 >have a dream that my brother is a man again >wake up >check facebook >he's still a goddamn ugly ass t----- i just want my brother back 72 KB JPG 152 Replies / 17 Images View Thread

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anon knows someone that knows someone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)15:55:17 No.874427546 >be me >Admin of a little discord server >Have this friend >Unturnedplayer.3gp >He brings a guy he met on unturned to the server >l say "send cp" as a internal joke between us 2 KB PNG >Mfw he says "i actually have, you want some" >Later get a 13GB mega folder on your dms >It actually is This happened 2 times already, w-- happens with unturned players?
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)15:55:17 No.874427546 >be me >Admin of a little discord server >Have this friend >Unturnedplayer.3gp >He brings a guy he met on unturned to the server >l say "send cp" as a internal joke between us 2 KB PNG >Mfw he says "i actually have, you want some" >Later get a 13GB mega folder on your dms >It actually is This happened 2 times already, w-- happens with unturned players?

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Anon gets some ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times
: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times

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not green but still | /r/Greentext

dqv7qdxijg341.jpg 77 KB JPG How would history change if there was a giant disembodied hand that zooms around the planet and crushes one random person with its index finger every day? It's called The Hand and it's always slightly faster than you.
dqv7qdxijg341.jpg 77 KB JPG How would history change if there was a giant disembodied hand that zooms around the planet and crushes one random person with its index finger every day? It's called The Hand and it's always slightly faster than you.

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