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Earl of Sandwich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash

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Anons humor is unappreciated | /r/Greentext

File: 1.jpg (41 KB, 590x548) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)10:05:43 No.873475092 Did I do something wrong, anons? >be me >be 15 >be a bit short >Parents tell me to hang from pull up bar >Tell them the only place l'm hanging from is a rope >I laugh >Parents angry because I made insensitive joke mfw I realize no one appreciates my sense of humor
File: 1.jpg (41 KB, 590x548) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)10:05:43 No.873475092 Did I do something wrong, anons? >be me >be 15 >be a bit short >Parents tell me to hang from pull up bar >Tell them the only place l'm hanging from is a rope >I laugh >Parents angry because I made insensitive joke mfw I realize no one appreciates my sense of humor

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Anon figures out the goal | /r/Greentext

>don't want Ukraine to join Nato >them joining nato would completely f--- up your geostrategic position >absolutely can't have Ukraine in Nato >try to use politics and diplomacy >can't win against nwo money and 23 KB JPG corrupt Ukrainian politics >start to lose grip on Ukraine in 2014 >relationship worsens completely after you grab that precious Krim >nato gets closer and closer to getting Ukraine in >so you play your last card >invade Ukraine >use your units in the most retarded way possible >no air support >no supplies >make your army laughing stock of the whole world >lose tons of soldiers >lose tons of equipment >no problem, that's army tradition anyway >eventually retreat without achieving any objective >Ukraine now believes it can beat Russia on its own >decides it doesn't even need nato anymore >proudly announces it will stay independent >other nato countries see what a laughing stock the Russian army is >lose any fear >nato desolves as no one fears Russia anymore and doesn't want mutt soldiers on its land >crisis prevented Putin is a f------ genius, poltards just can't understand 69D chess
>don't want Ukraine to join Nato >them joining nato would completely f--- up your geostrategic position >absolutely can't have Ukraine in Nato >try to use politics and diplomacy >can't win against nwo money and 23 KB JPG corrupt Ukrainian politics >start to lose grip on Ukraine in 2014 >relationship worsens completely after you grab that precious Krim >nato gets closer and closer to getting Ukraine in >so you play your last card >invade Ukraine >use your units in the most retarded way possible >no air support >no supplies >make your army laughing stock of the whole world >lose tons of soldiers >lose tons of equipment >no problem, that's army tradition anyway >eventually retreat without achieving any objective >Ukraine now believes it can beat Russia on its own >decides it doesn't even need nato anymore >proudly announces it will stay independent >other nato countries see what a laughing stock the Russian army is >lose any fear >nato desolves as no one fears Russia anymore and doesn't want mutt soldiers on its land >crisis prevented Putin is a f------ genius, poltards just can't understand 69D chess

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French anon has advice for Ukraine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YOBCPKOP)O 02/27/22(Sun)14:01:06 No.363881081 Why don't they just surrender? Seriously, it's not that hard to swallow your pride and survive >>363881540 # >>363883907 # >>363884051 # >>363884590 # >>363885521 # >>363886431 # >>363886978 # >>363887461 # >>363887822 # >>363888378 # >>363889055 # >>363889575 # >>363889920 # >>363890576 # >>363890827 # >>363891212 # >>363891982 # >>363892023 # >>363892992 # >>363893346 # >>363893582 # >>363893936 # >>363894267 # >>363894432 # >>363894977 # >>363895083 # >>363895086 # >>363895377 # >>363895837 # >>363895933 # >>363895974 # >>363895995 # >>363896210 # >>363896238 # >>363896876 # >>363897149 # >>363897160 # >>363897417 # >>363897455 # >>363897535 # >>363897682 # >>363897689 # >>363897784 # >>363897874 # >>363897969 # >>363898126 # >>363898341 # >>363898561 ## >>363898787 #
: Anonymous (ID: YOBCPKOP)O 02/27/22(Sun)14:01:06 No.363881081 Why don't they just surrender? Seriously, it's not that hard to swallow your pride and survive >>363881540 # >>363883907 # >>363884051 # >>363884590 # >>363885521 # >>363886431 # >>363886978 # >>363887461 # >>363887822 # >>363888378 # >>363889055 # >>363889575 # >>363889920 # >>363890576 # >>363890827 # >>363891212 # >>363891982 # >>363892023 # >>363892992 # >>363893346 # >>363893582 # >>363893936 # >>363894267 # >>363894432 # >>363894977 # >>363895083 # >>363895086 # >>363895377 # >>363895837 # >>363895933 # >>363895974 # >>363895995 # >>363896210 # >>363896238 # >>363896876 # >>363897149 # >>363897160 # >>363897417 # >>363897455 # >>363897535 # >>363897682 # >>363897689 # >>363897784 # >>363897874 # >>363897969 # >>363898126 # >>363898341 # >>363898561 ## >>363898787 #

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Anon got priorities | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)18:30:59 No.67592367 >world about to end >still virgin mfw 111 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)18:30:59 No.67592367 >world about to end >still virgin mfw 111 KB JPG

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Anon goes to the restroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)01:18:47 No.67134420 Story from today >Go to use restroom >Pick the urinal on the far left as it's the closest (there are 3 for context) >Soon after another guy comes, takes the far right urinal >Randomly a third guy comes in 27 KB JPG and exclaims "Ayooo, it's peepee time" >He approaches middle stall and says "mind if I squeeeeze in here?" Before doing so regardless >"How are we doing today, fellas?" >Start to awkwardly laugh, finish pissing and and got to wash my hands >He follows me, watches me wash my hands, then proceeds to not wash his and leave Did I meet a sigma male?
: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)01:18:47 No.67134420 Story from today >Go to use restroom >Pick the urinal on the far left as it's the closest (there are 3 for context) >Soon after another guy comes, takes the far right urinal >Randomly a third guy comes in 27 KB JPG and exclaims "Ayooo, it's peepee time" >He approaches middle stall and says "mind if I squeeeeze in here?" Before doing so regardless >"How are we doing today, fellas?" >Start to awkwardly laugh, finish pissing and and got to wash my hands >He follows me, watches me wash my hands, then proceeds to not wash his and leave Did I meet a sigma male?

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Anon is scared. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 2X0IVL25 )E 02/27/22(Sun)11:18:34 No.363842086 >we are barely minutes away from a total nuclear war and barely anyone talks about it 176 KB PNG Anonymous (ID: ki0Qc8Wx ) 02/27/22(Sun)11:29:50 No.363844767 >>363842086 (OP) Because nukes don't exist.
Anonymous (ID: 2X0IVL25 )E 02/27/22(Sun)11:18:34 No.363842086 >we are barely minutes away from a total nuclear war and barely anyone talks about it 176 KB PNG Anonymous (ID: ki0Qc8Wx ) 02/27/22(Sun)11:29:50 No.363844767 >>363842086 (OP) Because nukes don't exist.

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:02:46 No.67227363 >someone posts their overweight cat/dog on the internet >dozens of people crawl out of the woodwork to scold them for abusing their animal by letting it be fat 14 KB JPG >someone posts their overweight child on the internet >nobody says anything even though it is several orders of magnitude worse than letting a f------ cat be fat >if I say anything I get banned from wherever and people act like I am evil Why?
: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:02:46 No.67227363 >someone posts their overweight cat/dog on the internet >dozens of people crawl out of the woodwork to scold them for abusing their animal by letting it be fat 14 KB JPG >someone posts their overweight child on the internet >nobody says anything even though it is several orders of magnitude worse than letting a f------ cat be fat >if I say anything I get banned from wherever and people act like I am evil Why?

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Anon walks home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/22(Sat)17:50:42 No.873445442 the Covenant watching the UNSC Pelican >walk home from friends house deploy A 2001 >midway through I hear clicking behind Chevy Suburban me >can't see because it's dark >think it's someone with a dog >eventually see it's an old f--- with a cane and he's gaining fast >l start speed walking and he's still 667 KB JPG gaining slightly >li get in my house and he yells something I didn't really hear as I turn into my driveway >look out my window facing the street and he's looking in my window for a bit then walks on There's a 75% chance it's my grandfather with balance issues that I couldn't recognize in the dark but still is creepy as s--- considering my town is one of those small ones with a few pedophiles.
: Anonymous 02/26/22(Sat)17:50:42 No.873445442 the Covenant watching the UNSC Pelican >walk home from friends house deploy A 2001 >midway through I hear clicking behind Chevy Suburban me >can't see because it's dark >think it's someone with a dog >eventually see it's an old f--- with a cane and he's gaining fast >l start speed walking and he's still 667 KB JPG gaining slightly >li get in my house and he yells something I didn't really hear as I turn into my driveway >look out my window facing the street and he's looking in my window for a bit then walks on There's a 75% chance it's my grandfather with balance issues that I couldn't recognize in the dark but still is creepy as s--- considering my town is one of those small ones with a few pedophiles.

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Anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)14:33:53 No.67591305 1645353185626.jpg 164 KB JPG >make plans for something i wanted to do for years >one person can't come >two people >third person can only be for a short time >everything i wanted to go to is cancelled F--- this s---, can i just once have nice things
: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)14:33:53 No.67591305 1645353185626.jpg 164 KB JPG >make plans for something i wanted to do for years >one person can't come >two people >third person can only be for a short time >everything i wanted to go to is cancelled F--- this s---, can i just once have nice things

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Anon becomes homosexual | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/19(Fri)08:03:10 No.792689080 Got back from weird Valentine's date. >be me. 5'4" 103lb straight guy >forever alone in 93 KB JPG "friendzone" because of my size >6'4" bear at work says he'll take me out for dinner because he can tell I'm down. >fast forward end of night I'm sucking his d--- and he's telling me how hot I am >Never in life been told I'm hot F--- it. I guess I'm gay now.
: Anonymous 02/15/19(Fri)08:03:10 No.792689080 Got back from weird Valentine's date. >be me. 5'4" 103lb straight guy >forever alone in 93 KB JPG "friendzone" because of my size >6'4" bear at work says he'll take me out for dinner because he can tell I'm down. >fast forward end of night I'm sucking his d--- and he's telling me how hot I am >Never in life been told I'm hot F--- it. I guess I'm gay now.

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Anon discovers modern schooling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)02:32:40 No.66894250 >babysitting nephew >11 years old >he's doing remote school >watch in for a bit >teacher is like 15 minutes late >she's obviously high or hungover, is barely able to slur words that were 35 KB JPG written before, looks like she just woke up and is still in a t-shirt and sweatpants. >after a few minutes of listening nephew just puts on his headphones and starts playing minecraft I'm 28, no kids, so I had no idea this was happening but have kids just been not going to school for the past 2 years
: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)02:32:40 No.66894250 >babysitting nephew >11 years old >he's doing remote school >watch in for a bit >teacher is like 15 minutes late >she's obviously high or hungover, is barely able to slur words that were 35 KB JPG written before, looks like she just woke up and is still in a t-shirt and sweatpants. >after a few minutes of listening nephew just puts on his headphones and starts playing minecraft I'm 28, no kids, so I had no idea this was happening but have kids just been not going to school for the past 2 years

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Anon has a job. | /r/Greentext


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Anon has been scorned. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)08:06:20 No.873470956 >2007 >Someone kept eating my lunch out of the fridge at work >l got tired of it >l poisoned my sandwich with mole poison (look that s--- up) and rubbed raw chicken all over the lunch meat >Slapped that puppy in the fridge with a fake name on it >lt disappeared before lunch >Heard nothing until the next day >Apparently ambulances showed up on 3rd shift and took a guy out on a stretcher >He had to get his stomach pumped and was out of work for a month >l had never even met this guy. He was stealing my food before leaving at the shift change and then eating it the following night F--- you, dont steal my food
: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)08:06:20 No.873470956 >2007 >Someone kept eating my lunch out of the fridge at work >l got tired of it >l poisoned my sandwich with mole poison (look that s--- up) and rubbed raw chicken all over the lunch meat >Slapped that puppy in the fridge with a fake name on it >lt disappeared before lunch >Heard nothing until the next day >Apparently ambulances showed up on 3rd shift and took a guy out on a stretcher >He had to get his stomach pumped and was out of work for a month >l had never even met this guy. He was stealing my food before leaving at the shift change and then eating it the following night F--- you, dont steal my food

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Anon Is Peak Evolution | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/22(Sat)22:22:21 No.873457014 I am peak evolution. Find a flaw. > Cannot mention my skin color. > Must call me "sire". 30 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/26/22(Sat)22:22:21 No.873457014 I am peak evolution. Find a flaw. > Cannot mention my skin color. > Must call me "sire". 30 KB JPG

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext


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Anon analyses russian tactics | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets vaccinated against the Coof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)15:18:45 No.851455113 > Be me > Decide to get vaccine > Drive on over to the vaccination center in my town > as soon as I get there I notice a mob across the street 4 KB JPG > it's a group of anti-vacc retards chanting "Vaccines cause autism" and "COVID vaccine is a microchip" > think they are just a group of paranoid dipshits > proceed to head inside > fill out paperwork and await my shot > wait in a room along with hundreds of other people > biggest crowd of people l've seen in a room since the quarantine > after around an hour I get the shot > get told to come back in two weeks for the next dose > leave building > crowd of dipshits are still chanting > get in car > Head home > about half way I start getting a little drowsy > tough it out until I get home > as soon as I get home I fall on my couch > pass the f--- out > when I wake up I notice a loading bar > "Downloading Autisim.exe" > F--- > Bar is at 98% > lay there in fear > 99% > start to cry > Error: Autism.exe already Running on system > MFW I've had autism this whole time
: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)15:18:45 No.851455113 > Be me > Decide to get vaccine > Drive on over to the vaccination center in my town > as soon as I get there I notice a mob across the street 4 KB JPG > it's a group of anti-vacc retards chanting "Vaccines cause autism" and "COVID vaccine is a microchip" > think they are just a group of paranoid dipshits > proceed to head inside > fill out paperwork and await my shot > wait in a room along with hundreds of other people > biggest crowd of people l've seen in a room since the quarantine > after around an hour I get the shot > get told to come back in two weeks for the next dose > leave building > crowd of dipshits are still chanting > get in car > Head home > about half way I start getting a little drowsy > tough it out until I get home > as soon as I get home I fall on my couch > pass the f--- out > when I wake up I notice a loading bar > "Downloading Autisim.exe" > F--- > Bar is at 98% > lay there in fear > 99% > start to cry > Error: Autism.exe already Running on system > MFW I've had autism this whole time

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Score: -1 Idiot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)14:55:45 No.63605654 >test positive for covid >go to an anti-mask rally >cough around as much as possible while yelling covid is a hoax >couple of people look at me weird 13 KB JPG >tell them I do have covid and it's only making me have the coofs, I'm perfectly fine >prove covid is fake >people cheer me on for being brave >check the Facebook participants after a couple of weeks >couple ended up in the hospital >one died
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)14:55:45 No.63605654 >test positive for covid >go to an anti-mask rally >cough around as much as possible while yelling covid is a hoax >couple of people look at me weird 13 KB JPG >tell them I do have covid and it's only making me have the coofs, I'm perfectly fine >prove covid is fake >people cheer me on for being brave >check the Facebook participants after a couple of weeks >couple ended up in the hospital >one died

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anon is an autistic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/20/22(Sun)19:17:53 No.873071519 >be me >reddit f----- >go on reddit >call myself a autist >get banned for a week cause autist is hate word 29 KB PNG >comment below mine says kys f----- >still on reddit >might just kill my self anyway reddit is moderated by f------ and trannies and nothing can prove otherwise best i lurk here with fellow incels
Anonymous 02/20/22(Sun)19:17:53 No.873071519 >be me >reddit f----- >go on reddit >call myself a autist >get banned for a week cause autist is hate word 29 KB PNG >comment below mine says kys f----- >still on reddit >might just kill my self anyway reddit is moderated by f------ and trannies and nothing can prove otherwise best i lurk here with fellow incels

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