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Great idea, Next lets destroy the world with nuke | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: ZhGqpei5 ) 02/28/22(Mon)02:47:09 No.364047841 38 KB JPG >hmm yes, I will destroy my country's economy so I can take over Ukraine, a worthless s------- Is he unironically retarded?
Anonymous (ID: ZhGqpei5 ) 02/28/22(Mon)02:47:09 No.364047841 38 KB JPG >hmm yes, I will destroy my country's economy so I can take over Ukraine, a worthless s------- Is he unironically retarded?

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Anon reporting in from /uhg/ | /r/Greentext

9:38 ןו. 1ו >>363744797 (OP)# LATEST UPDATES: >Iron Man of Kiev taken out 75 jets in his high tech iron man suit >Cougar of Kyiv successfully seduced 890 Russian service men and got them to switch sides and provide intel to Ukraine MoD >Ghost of Kyiv taken out almost 300 russian planes >Ukrainian Reaper personally executed 450 Russian dogs including entire elite spetznaz units >Ukraine air defense BTFOS 150 russian planes over the black sea and in Ukraine proper >columns of russian hardware for miles and miles sit destroyed, estimated losses: 780 tanks, 250 APCS, 375 towed artillery among others >Odessa Ass Bandit rapes over 80 russian military men and POWS >Russian service members fleeing like crazy and joining Ukraine side >Britain is delivering high tech weapons and ammunition >Zelensky personally on the ground, fighting with his soldiers on the front lines to boost morale II
9:38 ןו. 1ו >>363744797 (OP)# LATEST UPDATES: >Iron Man of Kiev taken out 75 jets in his high tech iron man suit >Cougar of Kyiv successfully seduced 890 Russian service men and got them to switch sides and provide intel to Ukraine MoD >Ghost of Kyiv taken out almost 300 russian planes >Ukrainian Reaper personally executed 450 Russian dogs including entire elite spetznaz units >Ukraine air defense BTFOS 150 russian planes over the black sea and in Ukraine proper >columns of russian hardware for miles and miles sit destroyed, estimated losses: 780 tanks, 250 APCS, 375 towed artillery among others >Odessa Ass Bandit rapes over 80 russian military men and POWS >Russian service members fleeing like crazy and joining Ukraine side >Britain is delivering high tech weapons and ammunition >Zelensky personally on the ground, fighting with his soldiers on the front lines to boost morale II

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Anon loses the genetic lottery. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)09:49:34 No.792436734 >dad is easily 6'5 and has sporty built >mom is 5'11 but also has a sporty built >be me >their first born >they have my sister 16 months later >mom & dad think we're going to be 98 KB JPG great sports players >l ended up having asthma and only being 5'4 >sister became 6'3 and has the perfect sporty built >she plays volleyball, soccer, and softball >mom & dad love her >our living is filled with pictures of her and trophies >the only picture of me is the family photo >mom & dad rarely talk to me >sister is probably going to college for free because sports >mfw I don't even give a s--- about college I just want my parents to love me
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)09:49:34 No.792436734 >dad is easily 6'5 and has sporty built >mom is 5'11 but also has a sporty built >be me >their first born >they have my sister 16 months later >mom & dad think we're going to be 98 KB JPG great sports players >l ended up having asthma and only being 5'4 >sister became 6'3 and has the perfect sporty built >she plays volleyball, soccer, and softball >mom & dad love her >our living is filled with pictures of her and trophies >the only picture of me is the family photo >mom & dad rarely talk to me >sister is probably going to college for free because sports >mfw I don't even give a s--- about college I just want my parents to love me

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Anon did the math | /r/Greentext


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Anon plays a game. | /r/Greentext


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A fine mess indeed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (KKFSR099 ) E 02/27/22(Sun)19:32:09 No.363964474 1645975402896.png 356 KB PNG >be poor russian living in village without running water >join russian army for vodka money >one day your commander tells you a training exercise will happen along ukraine. >you drag your comatose self onto the border >you are issued a 1960s era cuckcar. >you are forced to listen as putin goes on an unhinged rant and then orders you to attack ukraine. >as you drive in you watch your comrades die to javalin strikes. >you run out of gas >walk to local village to ask to buy gas >they take you hostage. Many such cases. I almost feel bad for them.
: Anonymous (ID: (KKFSR099 ) E 02/27/22(Sun)19:32:09 No.363964474 1645975402896.png 356 KB PNG >be poor russian living in village without running water >join russian army for vodka money >one day your commander tells you a training exercise will happen along ukraine. >you drag your comatose self onto the border >you are issued a 1960s era cuckcar. >you are forced to listen as putin goes on an unhinged rant and then orders you to attack ukraine. >as you drive in you watch your comrades die to javalin strikes. >you run out of gas >walk to local village to ask to buy gas >they take you hostage. Many such cases. I almost feel bad for them.

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Abandon hope | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Y6A8X65U my final confession 02/27/22(Sun)22:59:44 No.364010521 well, since the world is about to end bros, I think I should get this off my chest and tell you about the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me in my life 817 KB PNG >be 20 yr old NEET >parents very understanding, never pressured me to get a job >but my mom would always be on me about getting a girlfriend >tell her that I'm not the "chad" style of man, not easy to get girls (that's why l'm still a virgin) >she reassures me l'm very handsome >tells me to try looking for girls on dating sites, but I tell her l've already been using tinder for years with not even one date >fast forward 2 weeks >get a match on tinder finally >profile of a really cute girl names amber >we match and hit it off instantly >she likes everything I like, same anime and video games, talk for hours every night >try to set up a date >she keeps deflecting >eventually pressure her, she goes quiet >my mom comes into my den and admits that she was amber the whole time >tells me she just wanted to make me feel confident about talking to girls >later that day she drives me to dennys for dinner and jokingly calls it our "first date" I just can't hold it in anymore, now you all know my pain and suffering
: Anonymous (ID: Y6A8X65U my final confession 02/27/22(Sun)22:59:44 No.364010521 well, since the world is about to end bros, I think I should get this off my chest and tell you about the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me in my life 817 KB PNG >be 20 yr old NEET >parents very understanding, never pressured me to get a job >but my mom would always be on me about getting a girlfriend >tell her that I'm not the "chad" style of man, not easy to get girls (that's why l'm still a virgin) >she reassures me l'm very handsome >tells me to try looking for girls on dating sites, but I tell her l've already been using tinder for years with not even one date >fast forward 2 weeks >get a match on tinder finally >profile of a really cute girl names amber >we match and hit it off instantly >she likes everything I like, same anime and video games, talk for hours every night >try to set up a date >she keeps deflecting >eventually pressure her, she goes quiet >my mom comes into my den and admits that she was amber the whole time >tells me she just wanted to make me feel confident about talking to girls >later that day she drives me to dennys for dinner and jokingly calls it our "first date" I just can't hold it in anymore, now you all know my pain and suffering

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Anon has to fart | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am
Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am

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please upvote i want coins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/19(Tue)15:20:03 No.816422718 >be me in high school >on the back of the bus cause that's where funny s--- goes down >hear girl say she likes futurama >turn to her and say "bite my shiny metal ass!" >she laughs but proceeded to say "anon you know you'll never get a 217 KB JPG gf" as a comeback >mfw
: Anonymous 12/17/19(Tue)15:20:03 No.816422718 >be me in high school >on the back of the bus cause that's where funny s--- goes down >hear girl say she likes futurama >turn to her and say "bite my shiny metal ass!" >she laughs but proceeded to say "anon you know you'll never get a 217 KB JPG gf" as a comeback >mfw

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Anon hustles | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a Simple Man | /r/Greentext

File: uuwuwu.png (517 KB, 768x1024) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun) >'ate the FBI >'ate Chris 'Ansen >luv me discord kitten simple as
File: uuwuwu.png (517 KB, 768x1024) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun) >'ate the FBI >'ate Chris 'Ansen >luv me discord kitten simple as

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Anon is James Bond? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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Anon has a realization | /r/Greentext

Rio 1940s/50s: WEDD LIFE The funny thing is that people worry about some kind of dystopian future, without realizing that we're living in it. Imagine showing pictures or video of the modern world to someone in the 1950s. They'd be horrified.
Rio 1940s/50s: WEDD LIFE The funny thing is that people worry about some kind of dystopian future, without realizing that we're living in it. Imagine showing pictures or video of the modern world to someone in the 1950s. They'd be horrified.

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Story vibes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0

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Anon's quest for love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)19:18:00 No.753951070 Did I just cuck myself? >went to store 1 hour before closing >gather my s--- and head to the checkout 278 KB JPG >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our non-existent weekend plans >payed and about head out >she says "you know, my shift is almost done" >me "alright! have a good weekend, bye!" Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)19:18:00 No.753951070 Did I just cuck myself? >went to store 1 hour before closing >gather my s--- and head to the checkout 278 KB JPG >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our non-existent weekend plans >payed and about head out >she says "you know, my shift is almost done" >me "alright! have a good weekend, bye!" Pic unrelated

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Anon discovers the reality of war | /r/Greentext

>>363857356 >be russian soldier >drive $4m tank across border into radioactive wasteland >get stuck in mud >run out of gas >no supply chain and can't leave tank behind >blow tank up with $150k javelin >angry ukrainian farmer walks over and throws shoe at me >run off into woods >get r---- by bear >such is life
>>363857356 >be russian soldier >drive $4m tank across border into radioactive wasteland >get stuck in mud >run out of gas >no supply chain and can't leave tank behind >blow tank up with $150k javelin >angry ukrainian farmer walks over and throws shoe at me >run off into woods >get r---- by bear >such is life

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Anon sends a warning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LNTESS5L Message to Humanity 02/27/22(Sun)13:17:37 No.363916545 Further use of Thermonuclear weapons will warrant immediate intervention from the galactic federation of planets. All humans will be made to stand trial. 304 KB JPG This message has been made known to all humans : Anonymous (ID: /6Qx1vu) E 02/27/22(Sun)13:18:42 No.363916839 >>363916545 (OP)_# e--------- space n----- >>363920749 # >>363927183 # >>363932697 # >>363941879 # >>363943045 # >>363943921 # >>363949224 # >>363950122 # >>363951397 # >>363953148 #
: Anonymous (ID: LNTESS5L Message to Humanity 02/27/22(Sun)13:17:37 No.363916545 Further use of Thermonuclear weapons will warrant immediate intervention from the galactic federation of planets. All humans will be made to stand trial. 304 KB JPG This message has been made known to all humans : Anonymous (ID: /6Qx1vu) E 02/27/22(Sun)13:18:42 No.363916839 >>363916545 (OP)_# e--------- space n----- >>363920749 # >>363927183 # >>363932697 # >>363941879 # >>363943045 # >>363943921 # >>363949224 # >>363950122 # >>363951397 # >>363953148 #

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Earl of Sandwich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash

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Anons humor is unappreciated | /r/Greentext

File: 1.jpg (41 KB, 590x548) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)10:05:43 No.873475092 Did I do something wrong, anons? >be me >be 15 >be a bit short >Parents tell me to hang from pull up bar >Tell them the only place l'm hanging from is a rope >I laugh >Parents angry because I made insensitive joke mfw I realize no one appreciates my sense of humor
File: 1.jpg (41 KB, 590x548) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)10:05:43 No.873475092 Did I do something wrong, anons? >be me >be 15 >be a bit short >Parents tell me to hang from pull up bar >Tell them the only place l'm hanging from is a rope >I laugh >Parents angry because I made insensitive joke mfw I realize no one appreciates my sense of humor

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Anon figures out the goal | /r/Greentext

>don't want Ukraine to join Nato >them joining nato would completely f--- up your geostrategic position >absolutely can't have Ukraine in Nato >try to use politics and diplomacy >can't win against nwo money and 23 KB JPG corrupt Ukrainian politics >start to lose grip on Ukraine in 2014 >relationship worsens completely after you grab that precious Krim >nato gets closer and closer to getting Ukraine in >so you play your last card >invade Ukraine >use your units in the most retarded way possible >no air support >no supplies >make your army laughing stock of the whole world >lose tons of soldiers >lose tons of equipment >no problem, that's army tradition anyway >eventually retreat without achieving any objective >Ukraine now believes it can beat Russia on its own >decides it doesn't even need nato anymore >proudly announces it will stay independent >other nato countries see what a laughing stock the Russian army is >lose any fear >nato desolves as no one fears Russia anymore and doesn't want mutt soldiers on its land >crisis prevented Putin is a f------ genius, poltards just can't understand 69D chess
>don't want Ukraine to join Nato >them joining nato would completely f--- up your geostrategic position >absolutely can't have Ukraine in Nato >try to use politics and diplomacy >can't win against nwo money and 23 KB JPG corrupt Ukrainian politics >start to lose grip on Ukraine in 2014 >relationship worsens completely after you grab that precious Krim >nato gets closer and closer to getting Ukraine in >so you play your last card >invade Ukraine >use your units in the most retarded way possible >no air support >no supplies >make your army laughing stock of the whole world >lose tons of soldiers >lose tons of equipment >no problem, that's army tradition anyway >eventually retreat without achieving any objective >Ukraine now believes it can beat Russia on its own >decides it doesn't even need nato anymore >proudly announces it will stay independent >other nato countries see what a laughing stock the Russian army is >lose any fear >nato desolves as no one fears Russia anymore and doesn't want mutt soldiers on its land >crisis prevented Putin is a f------ genius, poltards just can't understand 69D chess

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