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Anon is gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:43:22 No.843024931 >have deep itch in a------ >use mommys christopher walken inspired 14 inch wall mountable dildo to scratch it Hehe, im not gay right? I mean, i was just scratching a itch right /b/ros? 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:45:02 No.843025025 : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:47:05 No.843025149 >>843025329 # : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:50:02 No.843025329 : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:50:43 No.843025367 >>843024931(OP)_# >read this >get an itch in the back of my throat >probably need a shotgun to reach it
: Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:43:22 No.843024931 >have deep itch in a------ >use mommys christopher walken inspired 14 inch wall mountable dildo to scratch it Hehe, im not gay right? I mean, i was just scratching a itch right /b/ros? 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:45:02 No.843025025 : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:47:05 No.843025149 >>843025329 # : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:50:02 No.843025329 : Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)10:50:43 No.843025367 >>843024931(OP)_# >read this >get an itch in the back of my throat >probably need a shotgun to reach it

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Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/22/15(Mon)22:23:43 No.623416640 >buy Helium >around 100 balloon >gun >attach balloons filled with helium to gun >shoot yourself >let the gun fly away >no one will ever know Thank me later
Anonymous 06/22/15(Mon)22:23:43 No.623416640 >buy Helium >around 100 balloon >gun >attach balloons filled with helium to gun >shoot yourself >let the gun fly away >no one will ever know Thank me later

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Anon corrects his professor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/18/22(Fri)12:25:46 No.14242387 SCLENCE 1339683702387.jpg| 30 KB JPG >it's my first university lecture >teacher:"x should therefore be multiplied by 0.5" >pronounces it as "oh point five" >I raise my hand and correct her:"that's a zero and not an 0. It's called zero point five" >she just looks at me annoyed and continues >everyone laughs because they realize how ridiculous university is with those professors
: Anonymous 02/18/22(Fri)12:25:46 No.14242387 SCLENCE 1339683702387.jpg| 30 KB JPG >it's my first university lecture >teacher:"x should therefore be multiplied by 0.5" >pronounces it as "oh point five" >I raise my hand and correct her:"that's a zero and not an 0. It's called zero point five" >she just looks at me annoyed and continues >everyone laughs because they realize how ridiculous university is with those professors

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Anon is from Brazil | /r/Greentext


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Anon shops with his mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)19:57:56 No.67457179 >go to the store to buy some magnum chocolate ice cream >got the same thing from there yesterday >store clerk who was an old lady remembered it >had a little chitchat about the store 198 KB PNG >nice, friendly, and very pleasant to talk to >go to the store right next to it which is a boutique where younger women around my age work since my mom was shopping for some clothes >get glanced at like I'm a literal r-----
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)19:57:56 No.67457179 >go to the store to buy some magnum chocolate ice cream >got the same thing from there yesterday >store clerk who was an old lady remembered it >had a little chitchat about the store 198 KB PNG >nice, friendly, and very pleasant to talk to >go to the store right next to it which is a boutique where younger women around my age work since my mom was shopping for some clothes >get glanced at like I'm a literal r-----

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Anon is chinese | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: H2PqNkyH 07/25/21(Sun)14:37:21 No.331452024 >be Chinese >wake up at 3am >breakfast: 5 packs of cigarettes and powdered elephant tusk for strong penis >get into car and drive off 679 KB WEBM >see elderly woman with her grandson on sidewalk >veer onto sidewalk to run them over >check rearview mirror >kid's still twitching >hit reverse and finish the job >get on highway >sit in 3 day traffic jam surviving on cigarettes and roadkill soup >arrive at shoe factory in time for my 18 hour shift >spend all day praising glorious leader Xi for wonderful life
: Anonymous (ID: H2PqNkyH 07/25/21(Sun)14:37:21 No.331452024 >be Chinese >wake up at 3am >breakfast: 5 packs of cigarettes and powdered elephant tusk for strong penis >get into car and drive off 679 KB WEBM >see elderly woman with her grandson on sidewalk >veer onto sidewalk to run them over >check rearview mirror >kid's still twitching >hit reverse and finish the job >get on highway >sit in 3 day traffic jam surviving on cigarettes and roadkill soup >arrive at shoe factory in time for my 18 hour shift >spend all day praising glorious leader Xi for wonderful life

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Perfect way to go | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: CINHW8YS) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 >rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues >lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg >tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging your lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit
Anonymous (ID: CINHW8YS) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 >rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues >lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg >tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging your lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit

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Sex for Men | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)08:11:08 No.50101930 Sex for men: >do all the work >stay hard >take care of your body so that you can do all the work and stay hard >don't c-- too fast 81 KB JPG >don't c-- too slow >you must c-- at some point >not have a micropeen >be aggressive and r----, but also not really >be good at oral and fingering and excellent at reading body language so she feels comfortable at all times and can get off just the way she likes >make sure body odor and grooming is under control at all times >wear a tight-ass rubber glove on your dong so you can't feel s---, or your life will be ruined Sex for women: >just f------ lay there >you can suck his d---, maybe, if you feel like it But yeah, men sure are f------ selfish in bed, amirite ladies?
: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)08:11:08 No.50101930 Sex for men: >do all the work >stay hard >take care of your body so that you can do all the work and stay hard >don't c-- too fast 81 KB JPG >don't c-- too slow >you must c-- at some point >not have a micropeen >be aggressive and r----, but also not really >be good at oral and fingering and excellent at reading body language so she feels comfortable at all times and can get off just the way she likes >make sure body odor and grooming is under control at all times >wear a tight-ass rubber glove on your dong so you can't feel s---, or your life will be ruined Sex for women: >just f------ lay there >you can suck his d---, maybe, if you feel like it But yeah, men sure are f------ selfish in bed, amirite ladies?

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Anon has gay friends | /r/Greentext

>friends with gay guy >he talks about his boyfriend >one time he talks about how he and his boyfriend are farting and laughing at their farts in bed >say "that's gross dude" >he freaks the f--- out and asks 477 KB JPG me what my f------ problem is >stop talking to him >another gay friend >tells me about how he loves butter >he tells me about how he used to lick the butter or just eat the butter as is like it's a chocolate bar or something >tell him "that's gross" >he freaks the f--- out and screams "what's your f------ problem dude" is this just normal for gay guys to say nasty s--- and for them to freak out if i think it's gross? I don't like nasty s---. I don't like if straight guys talk about it, gay guys, women, whatever. The f--- is wrong with people
>friends with gay guy >he talks about his boyfriend >one time he talks about how he and his boyfriend are farting and laughing at their farts in bed >say "that's gross dude" >he freaks the f--- out and asks 477 KB JPG me what my f------ problem is >stop talking to him >another gay friend >tells me about how he loves butter >he tells me about how he used to lick the butter or just eat the butter as is like it's a chocolate bar or something >tell him "that's gross" >he freaks the f--- out and screams "what's your f------ problem dude" is this just normal for gay guys to say nasty s--- and for them to freak out if i think it's gross? I don't like nasty s---. I don't like if straight guys talk about it, gay guys, women, whatever. The f--- is wrong with people

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Anon being germ*n | /r/Greentext

No.87571996 11 hours ago Germany >Jurgen WHY THE F--- CANT YOU JUST WRITE JUERGEN ITS F------ JUERGEN IF YOU DONT HAVE AN UMLAUT HIS NAME IS NOT JURGEN 25 replies No.8757215111 hours ago * Israel >>87571996 how about killing yourself you disgusting germ*n 24 replies No.87572244 11 hours ago Germany >>87572151 how about you leave through the chimney like your grandpa 32 replies
No.87571996 11 hours ago Germany >Jurgen WHY THE F--- CANT YOU JUST WRITE JUERGEN ITS F------ JUERGEN IF YOU DONT HAVE AN UMLAUT HIS NAME IS NOT JURGEN 25 replies No.8757215111 hours ago * Israel >>87571996 how about killing yourself you disgusting germ*n 24 replies No.87572244 11 hours ago Germany >>87572151 how about you leave through the chimney like your grandpa 32 replies

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anon finds love | /r/Greentext

WOW THIS IS YOUR ABYSS?! IT'S SO COOL Y-YEAH >be me 17yo looser >have no social >decide to just go to party i wasnt invited to >know noone >offer cigs to group standing outside >they all leave except 6/10 qt cantcomplain_imlooser.png >sit outside and start talking >is she talking to me because she is drunk? >talk goes well. get her number ffw next week >text her because bored >texts back >she is enthusiastic about getting to know me >wants to go to date >go to some normie marvel movie >she wants me to go home with her cantbelievethisishappening.bmp >her room is messy but ok >she sits next to me on her bed >she puts her hand on my thigh feelsgood.pepe >says she wants to peg me >cant think of an excuse >getting pegged >feel pressure at the back >wake up s------ my bed again
WOW THIS IS YOUR ABYSS?! IT'S SO COOL Y-YEAH >be me 17yo looser >have no social >decide to just go to party i wasnt invited to >know noone >offer cigs to group standing outside >they all leave except 6/10 qt cantcomplain_imlooser.png >sit outside and start talking >is she talking to me because she is drunk? >talk goes well. get her number ffw next week >text her because bored >texts back >she is enthusiastic about getting to know me >wants to go to date >go to some normie marvel movie >she wants me to go home with her cantbelievethisishappening.bmp >her room is messy but ok >she sits next to me on her bed >she puts her hand on my thigh feelsgood.pepe >says she wants to peg me >cant think of an excuse >getting pegged >feel pressure at the back >wake up s------ my bed again

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Anon took drugs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 03/15/21(Mon)07:54:08 No.62759582 >friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel f------ euphoric, literally nothing can stop me >zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if 213 KB JPG i wanted to >compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years >don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them easily >actually want to live my life, go out and have fun >don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future >drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self H--------, is this what life as a normie is actually like? Those first few minutes I felt like I was in paradise. Now I just know how much I was robbed of a happy existence.
: Anonymous E 03/15/21(Mon)07:54:08 No.62759582 >friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel f------ euphoric, literally nothing can stop me >zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if 213 KB JPG i wanted to >compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years >don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them easily >actually want to live my life, go out and have fun >don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future >drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self H--------, is this what life as a normie is actually like? Those first few minutes I felt like I was in paradise. Now I just know how much I was robbed of a happy existence.

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Anons was a dumb baby | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)22:40:27 No.803097363 >Be me >born around 2lbs AUTISTIC AUTISM CHILD >survive that AREA >pull out my oxygen tube and turn purple 308 KB PNG >nurse puts it back in >almost spawn killed myself >gets autism instead
: Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)22:40:27 No.803097363 >Be me >born around 2lbs AUTISTIC AUTISM CHILD >survive that AREA >pull out my oxygen tube and turn purple 308 KB PNG >nurse puts it back in >almost spawn killed myself >gets autism instead

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Anon is finally home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)07:17:04 No.793960993 > be 14 y/o me > find 4chan > everyone calls each other autistic and gay > "this is stupid" > leave 4chan 137 KB PNG > ffw 3 years > realize l'm gay > ffw another year > get diagnosed with autism > mfw > I'm home bois
: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)07:17:04 No.793960993 > be 14 y/o me > find 4chan > everyone calls each other autistic and gay > "this is stupid" > leave 4chan 137 KB PNG > ffw 3 years > realize l'm gay > ffw another year > get diagnosed with autism > mfw > I'm home bois

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Anon is normie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I found some irony 05/15/18(Tue)07:19:03 No.45411384 >go to iFunny >post a green text >get called a Reddit user >get called a normie I got called a normie on the EWIPE TO NEXT> normiest site 136 KB JPG
: Anonymous I found some irony 05/15/18(Tue)07:19:03 No.45411384 >go to iFunny >post a green text >get called a Reddit user >get called a normie I got called a normie on the EWIPE TO NEXT> normiest site 136 KB JPG

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Anon scares off demons | /r/Greentext

>Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seeing shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed 6 KB JPG >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either" >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what /x/ says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes >Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then.
>Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seeing shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed 6 KB JPG >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either" >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what /x/ says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes >Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then.

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anon likes spongebob | /r/Greentext


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Chad "Egg" | /r/Greentext

>be me last night| >very drunk >at party >want some weed >text weed guy the word "Egg" >refuse to elaborate 21 KB JPG >pass out
>be me last night| >very drunk >at party >want some weed >text weed guy the word "Egg" >refuse to elaborate 21 KB JPG >pass out

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Anon makes a point | /r/Greentext

HELMETS E HOSES CIRCUMCISED & UNCIRCUMCISED DIFFERENCES & SIMILARITIES written by Tricia LaVoice illustrated by Olivia Milton helmethose.png 324 KB PNG >All these guys like, "I won't wear a mask, that's a violation of my rights!" >Meanwhile someone cut the end of their d---- off and they defend it
HELMETS E HOSES CIRCUMCISED & UNCIRCUMCISED DIFFERENCES & SIMILARITIES written by Tricia LaVoice illustrated by Olivia Milton helmethose.png 324 KB PNG >All these guys like, "I won't wear a mask, that's a violation of my rights!" >Meanwhile someone cut the end of their d---- off and they defend it

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Anon Makes a Friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/18(Tue)01:45:50 No.48683649 >this old Iranian man at my gym, older than 60 >always talks to me, one day tells me that hes sad that he's on the decline in life >I tell him that since hes making the effort I dont think hes on the decline. From then on he always calls me his good friend >always tells me sex jokes in gym, all of them really bad and if I dont pretend to laugh he will just tell them again >example: "what did the horse and black man have in common, they both have huge d---- and are animals" >By being near this man I have no chance of ever talking to anyone else in my gym ever due to association >one day while telling sex jokes he has a 5lb bag of pistachios, asks if I want any. before I answer he dumps half the bag on the floor in front of my bench and says enjoy my friend He says that it's my turn to come up with sex jokes for him as he has run out >>48684095 # >>48684205 # >>48684940 # >>48686081 # >>48688099 # >>48688233 # >>48688389 # >>48688445 # >>48688646 # >>48689396 # >>48689512 # >>48691738 # >>48692688 # >>48692759 #
: Anonymous 12/11/18(Tue)01:45:50 No.48683649 >this old Iranian man at my gym, older than 60 >always talks to me, one day tells me that hes sad that he's on the decline in life >I tell him that since hes making the effort I dont think hes on the decline. From then on he always calls me his good friend >always tells me sex jokes in gym, all of them really bad and if I dont pretend to laugh he will just tell them again >example: "what did the horse and black man have in common, they both have huge d---- and are animals" >By being near this man I have no chance of ever talking to anyone else in my gym ever due to association >one day while telling sex jokes he has a 5lb bag of pistachios, asks if I want any. before I answer he dumps half the bag on the floor in front of my bench and says enjoy my friend He says that it's my turn to come up with sex jokes for him as he has run out >>48684095 # >>48684205 # >>48684940 # >>48686081 # >>48688099 # >>48688233 # >>48688389 # >>48688445 # >>48688646 # >>48689396 # >>48689512 # >>48691738 # >>48692688 # >>48692759 #

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