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Anon is a champion | /r/Greentext

File: 20190131-053124-Ali-Liston.jpg (239 KB, 1500x1125) O Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)16:56:30 No.854355841 >logs onto omegle for daily social interaction >"stranger: what are ur pronouns?" >SJW spotted >"Me:Nig/Ger." >They disconect crowning me the victor pic related
File: 20190131-053124-Ali-Liston.jpg (239 KB, 1500x1125) O Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)16:56:30 No.854355841 >logs onto omegle for daily social interaction >"stranger: what are ur pronouns?" >SJW spotted >"Me:Nig/Ger." >They disconect crowning me the victor pic related

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Anon loves his son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/08/19(Sun)03:03:27 No.8114915 >Be Me >Dad of two >A boy and a girl > my son is 12 year old 13 in December >I think he might be gay >Beg me to take him and his best friend to one of those Instagram famous guys Pepe And son 163 KB PNG meet and greets >Said screw it I bought tickets >Go to the event dumb boring concert but screw it deal with it cuz my kid and his friend are having fun. >Concert is over my kid & his friend go to the back with there VIP passes to meet the Instagram guys >Let them go by them self cuz why not >l'm waiting in the lobby for them >My kid come out crying his eyes out Obviously was worried ask him what was wrong >My kid told me he was just so happy to finally meet him and got a chance to talk to him >On the way home both my kid & his friend are talkin & laughing in the backseat on the way home >never seen my son so happy before >I love you son no matter what gay or straight > l just want you to be happy
: Anonymous 09/08/19(Sun)03:03:27 No.8114915 >Be Me >Dad of two >A boy and a girl > my son is 12 year old 13 in December >I think he might be gay >Beg me to take him and his best friend to one of those Instagram famous guys Pepe And son 163 KB PNG meet and greets >Said screw it I bought tickets >Go to the event dumb boring concert but screw it deal with it cuz my kid and his friend are having fun. >Concert is over my kid & his friend go to the back with there VIP passes to meet the Instagram guys >Let them go by them self cuz why not >l'm waiting in the lobby for them >My kid come out crying his eyes out Obviously was worried ask him what was wrong >My kid told me he was just so happy to finally meet him and got a chance to talk to him >On the way home both my kid & his friend are talkin & laughing in the backseat on the way home >never seen my son so happy before >I love you son no matter what gay or straight > l just want you to be happy

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Wingmom>>> | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)18:31:50 No.62413130 >flying back home for the holidays >had a long layover in Chicago >decided to take a nap in the airport to pass the time >when I wake up, there is a note on my lap >"I think you're hot. Only in town a few days. Call me *phone number* Chrissy." >Laugh it off. Already have a gf, plus I'm leaving Soon >Take picture of note and send it to my mom, figured she'd get a kick out of it >Mom starts texting the girl, pretending to be me, then sends me screenshots >Chrissy is super sexually aggressive in her texts. >She's looking to hook up while it town over break >Sends mom nudes
: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)18:31:50 No.62413130 >flying back home for the holidays >had a long layover in Chicago >decided to take a nap in the airport to pass the time >when I wake up, there is a note on my lap >"I think you're hot. Only in town a few days. Call me *phone number* Chrissy." >Laugh it off. Already have a gf, plus I'm leaving Soon >Take picture of note and send it to my mom, figured she'd get a kick out of it >Mom starts texting the girl, pretending to be me, then sends me screenshots >Chrissy is super sexually aggressive in her texts. >She's looking to hook up while it town over break >Sends mom nudes

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Anon gets cockblocked | /r/Greentext

File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300. tSrfb2A jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15:14:15 UTC-6 No 519 So /bl, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda
File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300. tSrfb2A jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15:14:15 UTC-6 No 519 So /bl, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda

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Nun of them wants Anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:23:16 No.64665666 >be me >highschool >try to get girlfriend >"sorry anon let's stay friends" >becomes a nun >uni >have a gf >"sorry anon I felt the calling" 27 KB JPG >becomes a nun >make friends with lady at the cafe near my home >ask on a date >"oh anon pardon me, I can't" >ofc she would be a nun How the f--- am I supposed to compete with Jesus? | Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:27:57 No.64665698 >>64665666 (OP) # >666 Lmao get f----- antichrist
: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:23:16 No.64665666 >be me >highschool >try to get girlfriend >"sorry anon let's stay friends" >becomes a nun >uni >have a gf >"sorry anon I felt the calling" 27 KB JPG >becomes a nun >make friends with lady at the cafe near my home >ask on a date >"oh anon pardon me, I can't" >ofc she would be a nun How the f--- am I supposed to compete with Jesus? | Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:27:57 No.64665698 >>64665666 (OP) # >666 Lmao get f----- antichrist

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Khan Academy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)08:55:59 No.64766386 80552736-CDEA-4828-AA16-5F57FBABC95E.jpg 182 KB JPG >one shot at life > TENGAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZAYAT TAIIIIIIIIIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGAS IYZDAGGULLLLLLLSEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNWWOHHNNNCHOOONNNNHICHEENEGTE ESIIIDDDHIМOORAAASAHНННННННННННН HEYEEEEEAHНННННННННННННННННННЕЕEYEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАННННННННННННЕRELHEGG GGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYYYYYYYEZZ EEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIIIISSKHAAAAA NNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAAS SSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHUCCHHHHTT EEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARI DSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)08:55:59 No.64766386 80552736-CDEA-4828-AA16-5F57FBABC95E.jpg 182 KB JPG >one shot at life > TENGAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZAYAT TAIIIIIIIIIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGAS IYZDAGGULLLLLLLSEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNWWOHHNNNCHOOONNNNHICHEENEGTE ESIIIDDDHIМOORAAASAHНННННННННННН HEYEEEEEAHНННННННННННННННННННЕЕEYEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАННННННННННННЕRELHEGG GGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYYYYYYYEZZ EEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIIIISSKHAAAAA NNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAAS SSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHUCCHHHHTT EEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARI DSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY

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Anon confesses | /r/Greentext

Confession time Every weekend or so I take a s---, put it in a bag, and drive to a suburban neighborhood so I can throw it at houses the process usually goes as follows 274.2 kB PNG >I s--- into a bag some time around midnight >Tie bag up and get into car >Drive around 40 minutes out of my town >Find a house that looks very nice, not one that's already dirty >Make sure it doesn't have any cameras or video doorbells >Sneak up to house and rub s--- onto walls, windows, the front door, really anything at all. >Throw any leftover s--- into open windows or onto the roof >Knock very loudly on door and ring the doorbell >Run back to car >Watch pure shock and absolute horror envelop their face as they walk outside to find my masterful work >They quickly notice me sitting in my car with a s----eating grin across my face >9/10 times they angrily run or walk towards my car >l drive away just enough to make them realize that can't chase my car on foot >They go to their own car to chase me >Because of how angry they are, they usually don't see the s--- I sloppily hide under the car door handle >They quickly recoil away from their car in disgust when they realize they just grabbed my s--- >Stick my head out my car window and laugh even harder at them as they get even angrier >Quickly speed off
Confession time Every weekend or so I take a s---, put it in a bag, and drive to a suburban neighborhood so I can throw it at houses the process usually goes as follows 274.2 kB PNG >I s--- into a bag some time around midnight >Tie bag up and get into car >Drive around 40 minutes out of my town >Find a house that looks very nice, not one that's already dirty >Make sure it doesn't have any cameras or video doorbells >Sneak up to house and rub s--- onto walls, windows, the front door, really anything at all. >Throw any leftover s--- into open windows or onto the roof >Knock very loudly on door and ring the doorbell >Run back to car >Watch pure shock and absolute horror envelop their face as they walk outside to find my masterful work >They quickly notice me sitting in my car with a s----eating grin across my face >9/10 times they angrily run or walk towards my car >l drive away just enough to make them realize that can't chase my car on foot >They go to their own car to chase me >Because of how angry they are, they usually don't see the s--- I sloppily hide under the car door handle >They quickly recoil away from their car in disgust when they realize they just grabbed my s--- >Stick my head out my car window and laugh even harder at them as they get even angrier >Quickly speed off

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Anon attempts to get back with his ex. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)06:28:35 No.64765424 >ex broke up with me 10 months ago >really cared about her, was the only meaningful relationship l've ever had (im 21) >was my fault we broke up and I didn't rly get over it >every relationship since and before her has been a complete disaster, still think about 21 KВ JPG her daily >she randomly starts following me on ig two weeks ago >we start talking and hanging out again >it's obvious she wants us to get back together >incredibly happy >ask her if she wants us to start over expecting her to say yes >"anon I'm talking to this guy and I'm really into him I can't I'm so sorry" >Imao ok then >later that night driving around with some friends at 3 am >pull up into gas station and see that guys car >don't know him but found out who he was, friend knows him tho >was with another girl >comes up to us obviously f----- up on something >barely able to speak, shaking, stumbling etc >asks us if we can hook him up with some crystal, says he needs his fix asap >police car pull passes by, he thinks they're coming for him and runs away into the darkness >leaves car in gear, car rolls forward and crashes into some fence >comes back after police is gone gets in car and drives away with bumper scraping >this in a country where hard drugs and this kind of s--- in general are rly uncommon >mfw
Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)06:28:35 No.64765424 >ex broke up with me 10 months ago >really cared about her, was the only meaningful relationship l've ever had (im 21) >was my fault we broke up and I didn't rly get over it >every relationship since and before her has been a complete disaster, still think about 21 KВ JPG her daily >she randomly starts following me on ig two weeks ago >we start talking and hanging out again >it's obvious she wants us to get back together >incredibly happy >ask her if she wants us to start over expecting her to say yes >"anon I'm talking to this guy and I'm really into him I can't I'm so sorry" >Imao ok then >later that night driving around with some friends at 3 am >pull up into gas station and see that guys car >don't know him but found out who he was, friend knows him tho >was with another girl >comes up to us obviously f----- up on something >barely able to speak, shaking, stumbling etc >asks us if we can hook him up with some crystal, says he needs his fix asap >police car pull passes by, he thinks they're coming for him and runs away into the darkness >leaves car in gear, car rolls forward and crashes into some fence >comes back after police is gone gets in car and drives away with bumper scraping >this in a country where hard drugs and this kind of s--- in general are rly uncommon >mfw

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occupational safety | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)00:43:34 No.49812438 >be me >at work 11pm about to mop the floor in the back >hear front door open, peak around corner >see two men in ski masks holding like a crowbar and a monkey wrench >they're yelling >first guy in sees me and starts running towards me >i backpeddle around the corner still facing his direction >he faces me from about 3 feet away, he's still yelling and holding his long blunt object >l draw ruger Icp from front right pocket and shoot him in the chest three times >i drew with an improper grip with my thumb not wrapped around so the slide cuts my thumb and i bleed a fair bit >guy falls down yelling and weezing, second guy runs away back out the front door the guy died. cops come. they also believe it was justified. coworkers were all unharmed.
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)00:43:34 No.49812438 >be me >at work 11pm about to mop the floor in the back >hear front door open, peak around corner >see two men in ski masks holding like a crowbar and a monkey wrench >they're yelling >first guy in sees me and starts running towards me >i backpeddle around the corner still facing his direction >he faces me from about 3 feet away, he's still yelling and holding his long blunt object >l draw ruger Icp from front right pocket and shoot him in the chest three times >i drew with an improper grip with my thumb not wrapped around so the slide cuts my thumb and i bleed a fair bit >guy falls down yelling and weezing, second guy runs away back out the front door the guy died. cops come. they also believe it was justified. coworkers were all unharmed.

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Anon is the Anti-President of the United States | /r/Greentext

1627645468065.png (221 KB, 1210x1000) google yandex iqdb wait O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:45:55 No.859970066 >be me >bored >unhappy with the current situation >don't know what to do >scroll random pages on wikipedia >find a page called "anti pope" >basically the antipope was someone who declared himself pope if he didn't like the current one >lightbulb.gif >take a bible >swear in as a president >tfw i am the antipresident of the united states no need to thank me american citizens
1627645468065.png (221 KB, 1210x1000) google yandex iqdb wait O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:45:55 No.859970066 >be me >bored >unhappy with the current situation >don't know what to do >scroll random pages on wikipedia >find a page called "anti pope" >basically the antipope was someone who declared himself pope if he didn't like the current one >lightbulb.gif >take a bible >swear in as a president >tfw i am the antipresident of the united states no need to thank me american citizens

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Anon is native american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)10:45:49 No.859895809 >be me >come from lower class family >also native american >decide to go to college >l've gotten essentially a full ride scholarship from all the s--- they throw at me for my background >family has never payed a dime 22 KB PNG being a minority in america is hard View Thread
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)10:45:49 No.859895809 >be me >come from lower class family >also native american >decide to go to college >l've gotten essentially a full ride scholarship from all the s--- they throw at me for my background >family has never payed a dime 22 KB PNG being a minority in america is hard View Thread

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Mozart and Salieri | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)09:59:24 No.64766882 >get an interest in a subject >realize theres people studying this since 12 >realize im so far behind and everyone will think im a fraud >get overwhelmed and panic >go back to browsing 4chan mindlessly 41 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:00:31 No.64766889 >>64766882 (OP) # What a bitch you are. No matter what you think you're good at, there's a 12 year old asian boy who is 100x better than you at it. Just accept it, and don't give a s---. >>64767065 #
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)09:59:24 No.64766882 >get an interest in a subject >realize theres people studying this since 12 >realize im so far behind and everyone will think im a fraud >get overwhelmed and panic >go back to browsing 4chan mindlessly 41 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:00:31 No.64766889 >>64766882 (OP) # What a bitch you are. No matter what you think you're good at, there's a 12 year old asian boy who is 100x better than you at it. Just accept it, and don't give a s---. >>64767065 #

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Anon wants an Xbox | /r/Greentext

>be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy
>be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy

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Anon is a man of gender equality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)15:57:47 No.64602560 >hit the wall? look at your face, creep 816 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)16:11:36 No.64602667 WOMAN >>64602560 (OP) # >look at my face? count your remaining eggs, roastie. МОMENT 48 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)15:57:47 No.64602560 >hit the wall? look at your face, creep 816 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)16:11:36 No.64602667 WOMAN >>64602560 (OP) # >look at my face? count your remaining eggs, roastie. МОMENT 48 KB JPG

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Anon stalks his prey | /r/Greentext

>These tracks... The imprint of women's shoes, but the stride length is that of a man. I'm getting close..
>These tracks... The imprint of women's shoes, but the stride length is that of a man. I'm getting close..

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Anon is le epic wholesome 100 redditor | /r/Greentext

File: bsthethtebtjpg (68 KB, 499x547) Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:14:36 No.859955339 >Be me >Le epic redditor >Work at McDonald's >Le Karen comes in and starts recording me for vegan tiktok >Start recording to post on rslashcringe >Call her a le cringe chonker >Make her a reddit styled chungus burger on the house >Cringe vegan seething Another win for us le epic redditors Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:46:40 No.859956567 File: b3b9e29f70ae2b7451ece3dac6db55.jpg (43 KB, 513x600) Put me in the r/greentext post
File: bsthethtebtjpg (68 KB, 499x547) Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:14:36 No.859955339 >Be me >Le epic redditor >Work at McDonald's >Le Karen comes in and starts recording me for vegan tiktok >Start recording to post on rslashcringe >Call her a le cringe chonker >Make her a reddit styled chungus burger on the house >Cringe vegan seething Another win for us le epic redditors Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:46:40 No.859956567 File: b3b9e29f70ae2b7451ece3dac6db55.jpg (43 KB, 513x600) Put me in the r/greentext post

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Anon's CBT sock | /r/Greentext

File: Tfw+mom+finds+your+piss+d{.).jpg (30 KB, 495x362) O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:25:08 No.859854691 [Reply] >mom found the ball stretching sock
File: Tfw+mom+finds+your+piss+d{.).jpg (30 KB, 495x362) O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:25:08 No.859854691 [Reply] >mom found the ball stretching sock

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Anon is slow, but he's learning | /r/Greentext

File: pepethumbsup.jpg (7 KB, 282x179) I Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:59:54 No.859920033 ► >TIL a person should have seks with another person (usually a male and a female) in order to have kids I learn new things everyday one day at a time
File: pepethumbsup.jpg (7 KB, 282x179) I Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:59:54 No.859920033 ► >TIL a person should have seks with another person (usually a male and a female) in order to have kids I learn new things everyday one day at a time

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anon lives in america | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)12:23:22 No.64764987 >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep 53 KB PNG barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)13:15:21 No.64765339 buy a gun
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)12:23:22 No.64764987 >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep 53 KB PNG barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)13:15:21 No.64765339 buy a gun

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)22:42:10 No.859942087 >>859942164 >>859942193 >>859942241 >>859942243 >>859942257 >Be me >30 y/o black Canadian, last year >Talking with black coworkers >Talking about how black Americans make us all look bad with their looting and rioting and thug lyfe crap >Wonder how they expect police not to shoot first, ask later when so many of them act like f------ baboons. >We all mostly agree >WorkDone.zip >GetHome >Log on to Reddit >Every post got something to do with blm george floyd or some other retarded crap >Post my opinion >Youarenowbannedfromallthebigsubreddits.jpg >Inbox fills up with death threats, race traitor, racist, you're not a real black man messages >mfw I'm being threatened and called a racist by white people. >mfw white people on reddit think black people cant have their own opinions.
O Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)22:42:10 No.859942087 >>859942164 >>859942193 >>859942241 >>859942243 >>859942257 >Be me >30 y/o black Canadian, last year >Talking with black coworkers >Talking about how black Americans make us all look bad with their looting and rioting and thug lyfe crap >Wonder how they expect police not to shoot first, ask later when so many of them act like f------ baboons. >We all mostly agree >WorkDone.zip >GetHome >Log on to Reddit >Every post got something to do with blm george floyd or some other retarded crap >Post my opinion >Youarenowbannedfromallthebigsubreddits.jpg >Inbox fills up with death threats, race traitor, racist, you're not a real black man messages >mfw I'm being threatened and called a racist by white people. >mfw white people on reddit think black people cant have their own opinions.

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