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Days Gone by | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 92 KB PNG 09/08/21 (Wed)12:20:56 No.65304187 >Past four years been "saving" all my vacation days >Plan was to eventually have enough vacation days that I could live off a full paycheck workless for an extended period >Just found out that vacation days do not stack, and I keep none of the days I didn't use at the end of each year F--- life
: Anonymous 92 KB PNG 09/08/21 (Wed)12:20:56 No.65304187 >Past four years been "saving" all my vacation days >Plan was to eventually have enough vacation days that I could live off a full paycheck workless for an extended period >Just found out that vacation days do not stack, and I keep none of the days I didn't use at the end of each year F--- life

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Anon was "found out" by his mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay
Anonymous 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay

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Average Day in the Life of an American | /r/Greentext

Average Day in the Life of an (...) C 127 KB JPG 08/21/22(Sun)11:19:56 No.391967036 >Wake up in termite infested apartment >Pray to American flag for good fortune >Text from my boss says I have to come in for unpaid overtime because he's understaffed >Can't have breakfast because my landlord drank the last of the milk >Leaving the apartment I see a notice from the Hoa saying I will be fined if I don't put up my Official Coca-Cola™ Frosty the Snowman™ Light- Up Inflatable Christmas Decoration >Love that community spitit >Can't take my car to work because it got repossessed after I missed the 300th monthly installment of $499.99 >Cant walk to work because it's illegal >Have to take my wife's boyfriend's bicycle instead >On the way I see a woman shovelling dead children out of the local school >"Again?" I ask >She shrugs and says "Shall not be infringed." >As I'm turning onto 6379.53rd Street, I get driven off the road by a five (imperial) ton pickup truck billowing black smoke >A man wearing a camouflage shirt, camouflage cargo pants, camouflage boots, camouflage gloves and a camouflage cap with a camouflage American flag on it leans out of the window >"THE ROAD IS FOR CARS, F-----!" >Thank him for his service >An old woman finds me lying in a pool of my own blood >I beg her not to call an ambulance, but she doesn't seek English >Half way to the hospital they realise I don't have insurance and they kick me out on the freeway >Tip them with the $300 I keep on my person at all times >Crawl the rest of the way to the hospital >Don't have any money left to tip the doctors, so they spit in my IV >Get a text from my boss saying I'm fired because I missed the morning cheer >Nurse hands me a bill for $3,000,000 and a month's free trial of Opiodol™ >Salute the American flag on the way out >Get shot by the police for moving my hand too quickly >Thank Jesus that I was born in the only free country in the world
Average Day in the Life of an (...) C 127 KB JPG 08/21/22(Sun)11:19:56 No.391967036 >Wake up in termite infested apartment >Pray to American flag for good fortune >Text from my boss says I have to come in for unpaid overtime because he's understaffed >Can't have breakfast because my landlord drank the last of the milk >Leaving the apartment I see a notice from the Hoa saying I will be fined if I don't put up my Official Coca-Cola™ Frosty the Snowman™ Light- Up Inflatable Christmas Decoration >Love that community spitit >Can't take my car to work because it got repossessed after I missed the 300th monthly installment of $499.99 >Cant walk to work because it's illegal >Have to take my wife's boyfriend's bicycle instead >On the way I see a woman shovelling dead children out of the local school >"Again?" I ask >She shrugs and says "Shall not be infringed." >As I'm turning onto 6379.53rd Street, I get driven off the road by a five (imperial) ton pickup truck billowing black smoke >A man wearing a camouflage shirt, camouflage cargo pants, camouflage boots, camouflage gloves and a camouflage cap with a camouflage American flag on it leans out of the window >"THE ROAD IS FOR CARS, F-----!" >Thank him for his service >An old woman finds me lying in a pool of my own blood >I beg her not to call an ambulance, but she doesn't seek English >Half way to the hospital they realise I don't have insurance and they kick me out on the freeway >Tip them with the $300 I keep on my person at all times >Crawl the rest of the way to the hospital >Don't have any money left to tip the doctors, so they spit in my IV >Get a text from my boss saying I'm fired because I missed the morning cheer >Nurse hands me a bill for $3,000,000 and a month's free trial of Opiodol™ >Salute the American flag on the way out >Get shot by the police for moving my hand too quickly >Thank Jesus that I was born in the only free country in the world

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Anon has a good day | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 303 KB JPG 08/20/22(Sat) 10:49:49 No.69885894 >be me >extreme loner, work part time and study full time but still robot >leave hometown 18 months ago, don't see friends from then, hear from them maybe once or twice. >accept this is the sands of time and move on >today >phone rings, it's a friend from hometown who I used to get wasted with, assume it's just a f----around but answer it anyway >"Hey anon, anonson and I are going to see the new Dragon Ball tonight, we're coming by to get you in two hours" >go out and watch film with friends >plot was meh, animation was decent but was just happy to see friends >they're happy to see me, tell me they've missed having me around and shower me with booze and have many laughs >it was a good day There's no point to this thread, I just wanted to share that today was a good day. : Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat)10:54:08 No.69885920 Feel u bro. My friends are what keep me from depression and the knowledge that at least one female was interested in me at some point keeps me sane :3
Anonymous 303 KB JPG 08/20/22(Sat) 10:49:49 No.69885894 >be me >extreme loner, work part time and study full time but still robot >leave hometown 18 months ago, don't see friends from then, hear from them maybe once or twice. >accept this is the sands of time and move on >today >phone rings, it's a friend from hometown who I used to get wasted with, assume it's just a f----around but answer it anyway >"Hey anon, anonson and I are going to see the new Dragon Ball tonight, we're coming by to get you in two hours" >go out and watch film with friends >plot was meh, animation was decent but was just happy to see friends >they're happy to see me, tell me they've missed having me around and shower me with booze and have many laughs >it was a good day There's no point to this thread, I just wanted to share that today was a good day. : Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat)10:54:08 No.69885920 Feel u bro. My friends are what keep me from depression and the knowledge that at least one female was interested in me at some point keeps me sane :3

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Pride after the fall | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat)20:00:10 No.69888024 >Be 5"9 baldie male who's sub8 in every department except blue eyes >Standing at crowded bus terminal >Women are all giving me dirty looks except for a few who are absorbed into their phones >One lady in particular is giving me the devil's eye so hard that it feels like I'm actually becoming cursed 40 KB PNG >Pretty normal day for someone like me when I get the idea to go exist for a bit (huge problem) >Get a hug from my boyfriend >Suddenly the dirty looks are gone and even the witch has stopped paying attention >One of them is even smiling at me now
: Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat)20:00:10 No.69888024 >Be 5"9 baldie male who's sub8 in every department except blue eyes >Standing at crowded bus terminal >Women are all giving me dirty looks except for a few who are absorbed into their phones >One lady in particular is giving me the devil's eye so hard that it feels like I'm actually becoming cursed 40 KB PNG >Pretty normal day for someone like me when I get the idea to go exist for a bit (huge problem) >Get a hug from my boyfriend >Suddenly the dirty looks are gone and even the witch has stopped paying attention >One of them is even smiling at me now

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Anon scares alpha males | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cool ZONE 04/17/21 (Sat)07:55:05 No.63251555 465 KB PNG >be me >s------- in public university bathroom >no one else here >two alphas walk in >I'm squat pooping, so they don't see my feet under the stall door >don't want them to bully me, so I stay as quiet as possible >they start talking about sex and drugs and other alpha things >goes on for five minutes >they notice one of the stall doors is closed >knock on door >'yo, is anyone in there?' >panic >shout 'F--- OFF!' >my voice is incredibly deep >they leave the bathroom quickly >mfw I scared the alphas
: Anonymous cool ZONE 04/17/21 (Sat)07:55:05 No.63251555 465 KB PNG >be me >s------- in public university bathroom >no one else here >two alphas walk in >I'm squat pooping, so they don't see my feet under the stall door >don't want them to bully me, so I stay as quiet as possible >they start talking about sex and drugs and other alpha things >goes on for five minutes >they notice one of the stall doors is closed >knock on door >'yo, is anyone in there?' >panic >shout 'F--- OFF!' >my voice is incredibly deep >they leave the bathroom quickly >mfw I scared the alphas

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Anon got no trickled down privilege | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 159 KB JPG 08/21/22(Sun)01:00:07 No.884258465 I hate my ancestors /b/ >dad's side of ancestors were slave owners >w-- I'm so f------ mad. How did my ancestors get to own slaves but my dad is a f------ wendys manager at age 57? Between the slave owners and me, someone f----- up so bad that now not only are we all going to hell for the slave owning sins but we couldn't even retain our slavery wealth to enjoy in this world. I was robbed of my white privilege.
Anonymous 159 KB JPG 08/21/22(Sun)01:00:07 No.884258465 I hate my ancestors /b/ >dad's side of ancestors were slave owners >w-- I'm so f------ mad. How did my ancestors get to own slaves but my dad is a f------ wendys manager at age 57? Between the slave owners and me, someone f----- up so bad that now not only are we all going to hell for the slave owning sins but we couldn't even retain our slavery wealth to enjoy in this world. I was robbed of my white privilege.

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Anon turns in a project | /r/Greentext

359 KB PNG > be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw
359 KB PNG > be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw

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anon finds the solution | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: NOUg4QGN UCH 08/28/21(Sat)11:20:28 No.336511053 >hey >hey guys >hey guys, get this >if you separate your garbage into plastic, paper and glass >if you stop driving your car and 231 KB PNG use public transport instead >if you stop eating meat >if you pay your government more taxes (actually, this one is the most important one) >your government >your government >get this >your government >your government will reduce the temperature of the planet
Anonymous (ID: NOUg4QGN UCH 08/28/21(Sat)11:20:28 No.336511053 >hey >hey guys >hey guys, get this >if you separate your garbage into plastic, paper and glass >if you stop driving your car and 231 KB PNG use public transport instead >if you stop eating meat >if you pay your government more taxes (actually, this one is the most important one) >your government >your government >get this >your government >your government will reduce the temperature of the planet

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Anon whips and neigh neigh | /r/Greentext

87 KB PNG you have 10 seconds to prove your not a horse : Anonymous I can use a keyboard and mouse 08/16/22(Tue)21:20:28 No.884026691 08/16/22(Tue)21:21:29 No.884026741 Anonymous >>884026660 (OP) # >you're : Anonymous >>884026660 (OP) # S--- s--- s--- s--- s--- s--- s--- 08/16/22(Tue)21:23:18 No.884026821 08/16/22(Tue)21:23:27 No.884026826 : Anonymous How would a horse type this?
87 KB PNG you have 10 seconds to prove your not a horse : Anonymous I can use a keyboard and mouse 08/16/22(Tue)21:20:28 No.884026691 08/16/22(Tue)21:21:29 No.884026741 Anonymous >>884026660 (OP) # >you're : Anonymous >>884026660 (OP) # S--- s--- s--- s--- s--- s--- s--- 08/16/22(Tue)21:23:18 No.884026821 08/16/22(Tue)21:23:27 No.884026826 : Anonymous How would a horse type this?

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Anon loves ants | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/28/22(Tue)02:18:12 No.880981822 9 KB JPG >be me >enjoying my delicious icecream >a wasp lands on me >"hehe it wants to be my friend" >stings me >pain.png >I swat it away. >I find the wasp nest where it came from in my backyard. >I don't have any pest control items >i declare war on the wasps and toss whats left of my icecream on the wasp nest. >I go to work >Hours later, i come back and see ants have invaded the tree where the wasp nest was located. >The wasps go a------ and attack the incoming ants >The ants let the rest of the ant colony know that the ants are under attack. >Incoming massive ant army >Wasps are now under attack >Individual wasps are held down by ants and stung repeatedly. >Must be 1000 wasps vs 100,000 ants. >I listen to soviet march music from the game red alert 3 on repeat and watch a massive insect war breakout for a solid 3 hours. >Eventually the ants start breaching the wasp nest >Wasps abandon their nest with their young. >Yeah f--- them wasps, serves them right. >Next day, i see many corpses of fallen ants and wasps. >Everyday I salute the ants for their service and brave sacrifice before i go to work. >I love ants.
Anonymous 06/28/22(Tue)02:18:12 No.880981822 9 KB JPG >be me >enjoying my delicious icecream >a wasp lands on me >"hehe it wants to be my friend" >stings me >pain.png >I swat it away. >I find the wasp nest where it came from in my backyard. >I don't have any pest control items >i declare war on the wasps and toss whats left of my icecream on the wasp nest. >I go to work >Hours later, i come back and see ants have invaded the tree where the wasp nest was located. >The wasps go a------ and attack the incoming ants >The ants let the rest of the ant colony know that the ants are under attack. >Incoming massive ant army >Wasps are now under attack >Individual wasps are held down by ants and stung repeatedly. >Must be 1000 wasps vs 100,000 ants. >I listen to soviet march music from the game red alert 3 on repeat and watch a massive insect war breakout for a solid 3 hours. >Eventually the ants start breaching the wasp nest >Wasps abandon their nest with their young. >Yeah f--- them wasps, serves them right. >Next day, i see many corpses of fallen ants and wasps. >Everyday I salute the ants for their service and brave sacrifice before i go to work. >I love ants.

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Anon does philophosy | /r/Greentext

32 images (29).jpg 157 KB JPG >If matter/energy cannot be created or destroyed, then it will continue infinitely into the future. >If consciousness is the result of physical processes in the brain, and the matter that makes up my brain will continue to exist for an infinite amount of time, then eventually my brain will reform using the same matter in the same configuration and thus have the same consciousness. >If you cannot percieve time while unconscious, then there will appear to be no space between my death and my eventual rebirth
32 images (29).jpg 157 KB JPG >If matter/energy cannot be created or destroyed, then it will continue infinitely into the future. >If consciousness is the result of physical processes in the brain, and the matter that makes up my brain will continue to exist for an infinite amount of time, then eventually my brain will reform using the same matter in the same configuration and thus have the same consciousness. >If you cannot percieve time while unconscious, then there will appear to be no space between my death and my eventual rebirth

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Weighed down by the past | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous BRIDE 173 KB JPG 08/20/22(Sat)21:30:08 No.69888940 >am older femanon in early thirties >always been fat my entire life >maybe chubby during my high school years depending on how you feel about the term but just fat now >got married in 2013 >back in 2008 to 2011, I used to post fat fetish videos of myself on classic Youtube >it felt good seeing people comment on them and like parts of me that everyone had made fun of all my life >most of the videos were me playing up my fatness and doing stuff like eating or breaking buttons on small shirts >eventually got banned by Youtube >for years now I thought it all vanished >but yesterday I saw my old videos uploaded on a site called Stuffer DB >they have my face in them >they're all over the internet too and impossible to take down I'm scared, my husband isn't some super conservative guy but I don't know how he would react to these old videos. Plus we have three kids and I'm pregnant with a fourth, and I don't want their friends finding them. I actually hate the OnlyFans culture nowadays and just did these videos to make myself feel better.
: Anonymous BRIDE 173 KB JPG 08/20/22(Sat)21:30:08 No.69888940 >am older femanon in early thirties >always been fat my entire life >maybe chubby during my high school years depending on how you feel about the term but just fat now >got married in 2013 >back in 2008 to 2011, I used to post fat fetish videos of myself on classic Youtube >it felt good seeing people comment on them and like parts of me that everyone had made fun of all my life >most of the videos were me playing up my fatness and doing stuff like eating or breaking buttons on small shirts >eventually got banned by Youtube >for years now I thought it all vanished >but yesterday I saw my old videos uploaded on a site called Stuffer DB >they have my face in them >they're all over the internet too and impossible to take down I'm scared, my husband isn't some super conservative guy but I don't know how he would react to these old videos. Plus we have three kids and I'm pregnant with a fourth, and I don't want their friends finding them. I actually hate the OnlyFans culture nowadays and just did these videos to make myself feel better.

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smart fella or fart smella | /r/Greentext

add wire and connect it to wifi card > "ah, my masterpiece is complete" > le proud.png > slowly move mouse to wifi icon > "mcdonalds wifi" > icon starts moving > *put hands together to pray* > connecting.... > second-hand-ticking.png > connecting.... > *sweat dribbles down head* > connecting... connecting... > BOOM! > WIFI CONNECTS! > *eyes pop out of head towards screen* > w--.jpg > *jaw drops onto laptop keyboard* > "W-- FREE WIFI!!!!" > hackerman.jpg > have free wifi for life > *eyes flash into dollar signs* > go to mcdonalds later that day > worker tells me thank you > "no... thank YOU :)" > le smug.jpg Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat) 19:05:38 > be me > move into new apartment > broke.jpg > need wifi > no-wifi.png > le sad face > notice McDonalds across the street > thinking.jpg > *rubs chin* > "ah i have an idea" > *lightbulb pops lights above head* > dedicated_face.jpg > find old tin can > drill hole > hole is perfect size
add wire and connect it to wifi card > "ah, my masterpiece is complete" > le proud.png > slowly move mouse to wifi icon > "mcdonalds wifi" > icon starts moving > *put hands together to pray* > connecting.... > second-hand-ticking.png > connecting.... > *sweat dribbles down head* > connecting... connecting... > BOOM! > WIFI CONNECTS! > *eyes pop out of head towards screen* > w--.jpg > *jaw drops onto laptop keyboard* > "W-- FREE WIFI!!!!" > hackerman.jpg > have free wifi for life > *eyes flash into dollar signs* > go to mcdonalds later that day > worker tells me thank you > "no... thank YOU :)" > le smug.jpg Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat) 19:05:38 > be me > move into new apartment > broke.jpg > need wifi > no-wifi.png > le sad face > notice McDonalds across the street > thinking.jpg > *rubs chin* > "ah i have an idea" > *lightbulb pops lights above head* > dedicated_face.jpg > find old tin can > drill hole > hole is perfect size

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Anon streams. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/22(Fri)03:39:42 No.69870318 63 KB JPG >streaming services seen as affordable alternative to cable >everything you could ever want to watch is on-demand in one place fast forward like ten years >every cable channel makes their own streaming service >everything you wanna watch is scattered across 20 different streaming services >combined price exceeds that of a cable plan media piracy will always remain a viable option
: Anonymous 08/19/22(Fri)03:39:42 No.69870318 63 KB JPG >streaming services seen as affordable alternative to cable >everything you could ever want to watch is on-demand in one place fast forward like ten years >every cable channel makes their own streaming service >everything you wanna watch is scattered across 20 different streaming services >combined price exceeds that of a cable plan media piracy will always remain a viable option

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Anon helps his mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/22 (Fri)09:56:31 No.609521397 1652456198828.png 587 KB PNG >"Anon, I need your help" >"sure, mom" >*quits ranked match*
: Anonymous 08/19/22 (Fri)09:56:31 No.609521397 1652456198828.png 587 KB PNG >"Anon, I need your help" >"sure, mom" >*quits ranked match*

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Anon accidentally his whole Super Nintendo | /r/Greentext

File :1223273739.jpg-(23 KB, 448x464) Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)02:15:39 No.89346705 [Reply] I accidently my whole super nintendo. Is..is that safe? >> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)02:16:26 No.89346822 >>89346705 you did wat? >> Anonymous 10/06/08 (Mon)02:17:30 No.89346972 my whole super nintendo
File :1223273739.jpg-(23 KB, 448x464) Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)02:15:39 No.89346705 [Reply] I accidently my whole super nintendo. Is..is that safe? >> Anonymous 10/06/08(Mon)02:16:26 No.89346822 >>89346705 you did wat? >> Anonymous 10/06/08 (Mon)02:17:30 No.89346972 my whole super nintendo

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Anon observes | /r/Greentext

R: 9/1: 3 Mosquito: >drains blood from their victim >rubs their hands afterwards Coincidence? I think not
R: 9/1: 3 Mosquito: >drains blood from their victim >rubs their hands afterwards Coincidence? I think not

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Anon is getting gigachad training | /r/Greentext

SCARED Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat) 08:13:01 No.69880434 [Reply] ► >>69881553 >started going to therapy >there's a shrink specializing in mens issues >~24 reviews, vast majority 5 stars >he's a 6'2" Chad Thundercock >what >was feeling depressed and stressed about work >teaches me how to unironically cope >works good enough, feel less bad >ask him about girls and dating >tells me about how it honestly isn't that easy, he used to be fat >but says that all the guys that need help with their dating has found some success >but only if they gave his advice and methods an honest try The guy looks like a literal Chad but he hasn't told me to just "be myself" or anything like that. Right now my "homework" is to talk to 2 girls I think are pretty without any expectations. Talking to them is the goal, it doesn't matter what happens.
SCARED Anonymous 08/20/22(Sat) 08:13:01 No.69880434 [Reply] ► >>69881553 >started going to therapy >there's a shrink specializing in mens issues >~24 reviews, vast majority 5 stars >he's a 6'2" Chad Thundercock >what >was feeling depressed and stressed about work >teaches me how to unironically cope >works good enough, feel less bad >ask him about girls and dating >tells me about how it honestly isn't that easy, he used to be fat >but says that all the guys that need help with their dating has found some success >but only if they gave his advice and methods an honest try The guy looks like a literal Chad but he hasn't told me to just "be myself" or anything like that. Right now my "homework" is to talk to 2 girls I think are pretty without any expectations. Talking to them is the goal, it doesn't matter what happens.

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Anon is not you | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous me not you 27 KB JPG >be you >don't be me 08/17/22(Wed) 23:15:14 No.69850241 >you are you >be me >not you >i am me >you are not >i am me and not you >you are you >be you >not me Rookie mistake
: Anonymous me not you 27 KB JPG >be you >don't be me 08/17/22(Wed) 23:15:14 No.69850241 >you are you >be me >not you >i am me >you are not >i am me and not you >you are you >be you >not me Rookie mistake

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