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Anon likes Adventure Time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/19(Wed)13:28:49 No.792530524 >be mo 351 KB PNG BMC
: Anonymous 02/13/19(Wed)13:28:49 No.792530524 >be mo 351 KB PNG BMC

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Wild ride from start to finish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)21:23:06 No.51034759 I just shoved a whole stick of (salted) butter up my a------ and now it's currently melting inside me. Will report back with results when it's fully melted. 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)22:28:14 No.51035749 OK so I was able to get most of it in the bowl. Here's how I'll describe the experience. It feels great going in, then quickly becomes unpleasant. Once it fully melts, it becomes unmanageable as it will literally leak out of you. I wrote the OP laying on my back and as soon as I 1.3 MB JPG sat up I realized I was in trouble. Some of the butter got on my mattress. I tried to take it to the kitchen but that wasn't happening. The bathroom was closer. I got most of it into the bowl but it sort of exploded out of me so now there's butter everywhere in the bathroom. I wasn't expecting it to BURN LIKE HELL COMING OUT. MY A------ IS ON FIRE IT F------ HURTS. Probably because of the salt. I'm on the verge of crying, this could absolutely become a form of torture. Also I think the butter in its melted state tricks your body into thinking you have diarrhea because it sent me into horrible contractions and now I'm spewing diarrhea like crazy. I think I triggered something. The butter is really oily. Upside: the inside of my ass feels super soft. Downside: it's IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of the oily feeling. I'm going to have to take a shower. I can keep wiping and wiping and wiping and still see melted butter on the paper towels
: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)21:23:06 No.51034759 I just shoved a whole stick of (salted) butter up my a------ and now it's currently melting inside me. Will report back with results when it's fully melted. 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)22:28:14 No.51035749 OK so I was able to get most of it in the bowl. Here's how I'll describe the experience. It feels great going in, then quickly becomes unpleasant. Once it fully melts, it becomes unmanageable as it will literally leak out of you. I wrote the OP laying on my back and as soon as I 1.3 MB JPG sat up I realized I was in trouble. Some of the butter got on my mattress. I tried to take it to the kitchen but that wasn't happening. The bathroom was closer. I got most of it into the bowl but it sort of exploded out of me so now there's butter everywhere in the bathroom. I wasn't expecting it to BURN LIKE HELL COMING OUT. MY A------ IS ON FIRE IT F------ HURTS. Probably because of the salt. I'm on the verge of crying, this could absolutely become a form of torture. Also I think the butter in its melted state tricks your body into thinking you have diarrhea because it sent me into horrible contractions and now I'm spewing diarrhea like crazy. I think I triggered something. The butter is really oily. Upside: the inside of my ass feels super soft. Downside: it's IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of the oily feeling. I'm going to have to take a shower. I can keep wiping and wiping and wiping and still see melted butter on the paper towels

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anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

Am I a bad person? >be me >go to local gym regularly >requires a membership obviously >don't have one 314 KB PNG >ask to use bathroom >pretend I have to go really bad >wagie at the door says sure >nice >go to the bathroom and camp there for 5 minutes >exit and start working out >wagie sees me, isn't paid enough to tell me to leave I have been doing this for the last 8 months. I've never been kicked out. Haven't paid a dime in memberships
Am I a bad person? >be me >go to local gym regularly >requires a membership obviously >don't have one 314 KB PNG >ask to use bathroom >pretend I have to go really bad >wagie at the door says sure >nice >go to the bathroom and camp there for 5 minutes >exit and start working out >wagie sees me, isn't paid enough to tell me to leave I have been doing this for the last 8 months. I've never been kicked out. Haven't paid a dime in memberships

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anon gets the train | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 48767783 1 hr ago •.. >buy two tickets on train for my monthly appointment with therapist >standing roastie w----- still expect me to give up one of the seats when it gets busy >the Chad of the train says some dumb s--- like "hey don't be a d---, she's a woman" 61.0 kB JPG >refuse to give up seat stating I've purchased two tickets, therefore have two seats for me >all the passengers are becoming hostile towards me >tell them there is cctv on train so don't even think about touching me >next stop some transport officer comes on >he says to leave the train or we won't let the train continue >stay seated, train is waiting for 45 minutes and all the wagecucks are late for work >eventually he gives up and calls me a f------ d------- as he leaves >train finally departs >still made it in time for therapist When did you last get one over the NPCS? 3 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous 48767783 1 hr ago •.. >buy two tickets on train for my monthly appointment with therapist >standing roastie w----- still expect me to give up one of the seats when it gets busy >the Chad of the train says some dumb s--- like "hey don't be a d---, she's a woman" 61.0 kB JPG >refuse to give up seat stating I've purchased two tickets, therefore have two seats for me >all the passengers are becoming hostile towards me >tell them there is cctv on train so don't even think about touching me >next stop some transport officer comes on >he says to leave the train or we won't let the train continue >stay seated, train is waiting for 45 minutes and all the wagecucks are late for work >eventually he gives up and calls me a f------ d------- as he leaves >train finally departs >still made it in time for therapist When did you last get one over the NPCS? 3 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY

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Wholesome anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/19(Mon)03:33:29 No.52729584 >be me >20 and just got license >go on road trip across canada >end up in alaska >stop at tourist place that lets you rent gold pans and 609 KB PNG pan for gold in their river >they let you keep whatever you find >spend an hour and a half and get nothing >not a single speck >go back in and turn in the pan >owner asks me if I need a container for my gold, I tell him I didn't find anything >about to leave when an older gentleman who was out there with me taps my shoulder >"here son" >hands me small glass vial with a few tiny nuggets >smile at this nice gesture and leave slightly happier than when I arrived Thanks for the gold, kind stranger
: Anonymous 06/03/19(Mon)03:33:29 No.52729584 >be me >20 and just got license >go on road trip across canada >end up in alaska >stop at tourist place that lets you rent gold pans and 609 KB PNG pan for gold in their river >they let you keep whatever you find >spend an hour and a half and get nothing >not a single speck >go back in and turn in the pan >owner asks me if I need a container for my gold, I tell him I didn't find anything >about to leave when an older gentleman who was out there with me taps my shoulder >"here son" >hands me small glass vial with a few tiny nuggets >smile at this nice gesture and leave slightly happier than when I arrived Thanks for the gold, kind stranger

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Anon plays No Mans Sky | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/29/18(Mon)08:02:19 No.48982685 >heard No Man's Sky is finally good. >bought copy and start up game >found random generated planet to NO MAN'S SKY land >suddenly ship crash lands >must be part of game 16 KB JPG >everything black >character finally opens eyes >suddenly riding behind cart >"Hey, you. You're finally awake." >gdi todd howard.
: Anonymous 10/29/18(Mon)08:02:19 No.48982685 >heard No Man's Sky is finally good. >bought copy and start up game >found random generated planet to NO MAN'S SKY land >suddenly ship crash lands >must be part of game 16 KB JPG >everything black >character finally opens eyes >suddenly riding behind cart >"Hey, you. You're finally awake." >gdi todd howard.

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I'm not gay, but... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/17/18(Tue)09:04:05 No.766096427 Transgender Finds Love With The Man Who Rejected Her As A Male LAUGHOFF Transgender Finds Love With The Man Who Rejected Her As A Male - iRediT Screenshot 20180416-185733.png 1.07 MB PNG "wanna go on a date?" "I ain't gay" "What if I grow some t--- and grow my hair out?" "...fine"
: Anonymous 04/17/18(Tue)09:04:05 No.766096427 Transgender Finds Love With The Man Who Rejected Her As A Male LAUGHOFF Transgender Finds Love With The Man Who Rejected Her As A Male - iRediT Screenshot 20180416-185733.png 1.07 MB PNG "wanna go on a date?" "I ain't gay" "What if I grow some t--- and grow my hair out?" "...fine"

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Anon has a granddad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)22:25:15 No.783826773 >be me >0 >granddad said he loved me >be me >5 >break arm in fight >granddad said I should be more 137 KB PNG careful but he still loves me >be me >7 >accidentally start fire in chicken coop because I found some matches >granddad scolds me for hours but said that hes happy im ok and he loves me >be me >9 >get bullied at school and come home crying >granddad tells me im going to be ok and that he loves me >be me >23 >visit granddad because he is old and sick >he tells me that he loves me >after I leave and say goodbye I get a call >granddad died may it be in the gates of heaven or the boiler rooms of hell ill see you again you fantastic son of a bitch you may call me fake and gay now
: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)22:25:15 No.783826773 >be me >0 >granddad said he loved me >be me >5 >break arm in fight >granddad said I should be more 137 KB PNG careful but he still loves me >be me >7 >accidentally start fire in chicken coop because I found some matches >granddad scolds me for hours but said that hes happy im ok and he loves me >be me >9 >get bullied at school and come home crying >granddad tells me im going to be ok and that he loves me >be me >23 >visit granddad because he is old and sick >he tells me that he loves me >after I leave and say goodbye I get a call >granddad died may it be in the gates of heaven or the boiler rooms of hell ill see you again you fantastic son of a bitch you may call me fake and gay now

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Anon is a country | /r/Greentext


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Anon becomes bulletproof. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Microdosing bullets 08/23/21(Mon)16:34:45 No.50331942 Hey /k/ommandos I started microdosing bullets by shooting myself in the leg with .177 pellets and after 2 months they stopped breaking skin so i've moved up to .22 pellets. My goal is to work up to 22lr by the end of the year and then one day get to .223. Is this possible? Can I 694 KB JPG become bulletproof?
: Anonymous Microdosing bullets 08/23/21(Mon)16:34:45 No.50331942 Hey /k/ommandos I started microdosing bullets by shooting myself in the leg with .177 pellets and after 2 months they stopped breaking skin so i've moved up to .22 pellets. My goal is to work up to 22lr by the end of the year and then one day get to .223. Is this possible? Can I 694 KB JPG become bulletproof?

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random v Settings Mobile Home >go on reddit >make account 70 KB JPG >post pictures of puppies you get from google >go on female incel subs and post a larp about a man wolf whistling you in the street and you smashed a brick in his face >post fake story about cop beating up a black guy >go on any sub, find a really popular post from 6+ months ago and repost it >post s--- memes to normie cocksuckers you copy from instagram >go on any sub basically that allows for a story to be told and make up any s---. the more extreme the better. >copy any tweet from a black that insults whites, post it on their BIAcKpEOpLeTwltTeR sub >go on some trans sub and post about "being brave" by telling your father he's c--- because you love taking d--- in the shitbox >google any news story about a cop f------ up and post it >post more pictures of cute animals for the 13 year olds to go awwwwwwwww >when posting pictures of cute animals, speak like an autistic f------ sperg - use words like 'hooman' 'smol' 'pupper' and 'zoomies' All of this will net you an easy 10,000 karma a week. Go online. Sell the account. Going rates are $80 for an account that has 10k karma on it. Do this with several accounts at a time, and you can basically treat it as a second job. Thats right guys, posting absolute f------ low quality s--- on reddit for incels, femcels, turbovirigns, blm fans and leftie fart sniffers etc can literally be your next job. Always have one account you don't sell. Turtle it up to 100,000 karma. Going rate online for this is TWO THOUSAND F------ DOLLARS.
Board /b/ - Random v Settings Mobile Home >go on reddit >make account 70 KB JPG >post pictures of puppies you get from google >go on female incel subs and post a larp about a man wolf whistling you in the street and you smashed a brick in his face >post fake story about cop beating up a black guy >go on any sub, find a really popular post from 6+ months ago and repost it >post s--- memes to normie cocksuckers you copy from instagram >go on any sub basically that allows for a story to be told and make up any s---. the more extreme the better. >copy any tweet from a black that insults whites, post it on their BIAcKpEOpLeTwltTeR sub >go on some trans sub and post about "being brave" by telling your father he's c--- because you love taking d--- in the shitbox >google any news story about a cop f------ up and post it >post more pictures of cute animals for the 13 year olds to go awwwwwwwww >when posting pictures of cute animals, speak like an autistic f------ sperg - use words like 'hooman' 'smol' 'pupper' and 'zoomies' All of this will net you an easy 10,000 karma a week. Go online. Sell the account. Going rates are $80 for an account that has 10k karma on it. Do this with several accounts at a time, and you can basically treat it as a second job. Thats right guys, posting absolute f------ low quality s--- on reddit for incels, femcels, turbovirigns, blm fans and leftie fart sniffers etc can literally be your next job. Always have one account you don't sell. Turtle it up to 100,000 karma. Going rate online for this is TWO THOUSAND F------ DOLLARS.

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Anon is a sperg | /r/Greentext

>boss calls me into his office with HR >he tells me they got a customer complaint that I was very "stand-off" and "distant" and that I need to communicate better and be more cheerful >for some reason say "Sorry, I'm austistic." >I'm not even diagnosed as autistic >he apologizes and tells me to get back to work >fast forward 2 weeks to today >coworkers tell me to check the website, front page is "Diversity and Equal Opportunity" and a "Get to Know Our Team" >a slide show automatically starts and there's some of my black coworkers, someone in a wheel chair and then me from an office christmas party photo, with my name and blurb stating "Anon is autistic but we find his unique approach and creativity a huge attribute to >HR printed off a bunch of posters of "Our Diversity is Our Strength" and "Disabilities are different Abilities" and I'm on the disability one, they photoshopped a puzzle ribbon by me, they're framed all around the office >suddenly coworkers start treating me like an actual retard and women talk to me like l'm some sort of retarded child >manager started calling me "big guy" and constantly asks if I need help despite being fine
>boss calls me into his office with HR >he tells me they got a customer complaint that I was very "stand-off" and "distant" and that I need to communicate better and be more cheerful >for some reason say "Sorry, I'm austistic." >I'm not even diagnosed as autistic >he apologizes and tells me to get back to work >fast forward 2 weeks to today >coworkers tell me to check the website, front page is "Diversity and Equal Opportunity" and a "Get to Know Our Team" >a slide show automatically starts and there's some of my black coworkers, someone in a wheel chair and then me from an office christmas party photo, with my name and blurb stating "Anon is autistic but we find his unique approach and creativity a huge attribute to >HR printed off a bunch of posters of "Our Diversity is Our Strength" and "Disabilities are different Abilities" and I'm on the disability one, they photoshopped a puzzle ribbon by me, they're framed all around the office >suddenly coworkers start treating me like an actual retard and women talk to me like l'm some sort of retarded child >manager started calling me "big guy" and constantly asks if I need help despite being fine

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seasonal shitpost by anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)03:37:35 No.4072081 >*bzz* *bzz* >builds nests on your eaves >*bzz bzz* *bzzt* >somehow teleports past the screens in all your windows and buzzes around indoors 7 KB JPG >*bzzzzt* *bzzz* *buzz* *bzz* >mmmm yummy drywall >*bzzzzz* >divebombs your head and wakes you up at 2:00am >*buzzz* *bzzzzzzt* Spring is just around the corner, Anon :-)
: Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)03:37:35 No.4072081 >*bzz* *bzz* >builds nests on your eaves >*bzz bzz* *bzzt* >somehow teleports past the screens in all your windows and buzzes around indoors 7 KB JPG >*bzzzzt* *bzzz* *buzz* *bzz* >mmmm yummy drywall >*bzzzzz* >divebombs your head and wakes you up at 2:00am >*buzzz* *bzzzzzzt* Spring is just around the corner, Anon :-)

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backroom anon | /r/Greentext

JAnonymous 03/29/21(Mon)13:08:35 No.549984012 2>54998412 e: 1607694157686.jpg (429 KB, 1082x928) >DUDE CHECK IT OUT >THERE'S NOTHING HERE, ISN'T THAT SCARY???
JAnonymous 03/29/21(Mon)13:08:35 No.549984012 2>54998412 e: 1607694157686.jpg (429 KB, 1082x928) >DUDE CHECK IT OUT >THERE'S NOTHING HERE, ISN'T THAT SCARY???

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Anon gets laid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: UqpH3t9K) 06/12/13(Wed)23:47:22 No.486662641 >be me, 14 >my sister is 16 >be at home one night, dad is out >sister is wearing bra and panties >boner.jpg >sitting on the couch watching tv >she says she's going to bed, goes to her room >dad gets home >dad and I f---
Anonymous (ID: UqpH3t9K) 06/12/13(Wed)23:47:22 No.486662641 >be me, 14 >my sister is 16 >be at home one night, dad is out >sister is wearing bra and panties >boner.jpg >sitting on the couch watching tv >she says she's going to bed, goes to her room >dad gets home >dad and I f---

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Anon on a family reunion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/16/18(Fri)23:37:42 No.785048331 itt: /b/'s best childhood autism stories I'll go first... > be me > 8 or 9 at the time > on airplane to family reunion > tumtum doing a rumbly > sudden urge to s--- 37 KB PNG > run down aisle towards bathroom > start aggressively farting > bump in to snack cart and fart more > get to bathroom > unleash s--- all over toilet seat > wat_do.jpg > think it's a good idea to try and clean it by swiveling my ass cheeks around the toilet seat repeatedly > justified it by some s--- I had read about friction or something > start doing it to a beat > start humming to the beat > door opens > mfw when I forgot to lock the door > mfw a random dude walked in on my spinning around in my own s--- and humming > he slowly closes the door > continue spinning
: Anonymous 11/16/18(Fri)23:37:42 No.785048331 itt: /b/'s best childhood autism stories I'll go first... > be me > 8 or 9 at the time > on airplane to family reunion > tumtum doing a rumbly > sudden urge to s--- 37 KB PNG > run down aisle towards bathroom > start aggressively farting > bump in to snack cart and fart more > get to bathroom > unleash s--- all over toilet seat > wat_do.jpg > think it's a good idea to try and clean it by swiveling my ass cheeks around the toilet seat repeatedly > justified it by some s--- I had read about friction or something > start doing it to a beat > start humming to the beat > door opens > mfw when I forgot to lock the door > mfw a random dude walked in on my spinning around in my own s--- and humming > he slowly closes the door > continue spinning

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Anon gets hard | /r/Greentext

File: 1359198371947.jpg-(3 KB, 114x125, 1234.jpg) C Anonymous (ID: U7vtMS3Z) 01/26/13(Sat) Stories from the past that you wont tell >be 16 >sitting on the bus >Get boner >It's really noticable >My GF is to my left >she starts touching boner >Feelsgoodman.jpg >Gives me h------ >Every one starts noticing >E-------- out of fear >Pants all covered in j--- >Bus driver shows tape to princible >Principal Invites parents to school >Get expelled >Dad laughs at me and never takes me serious >Mom takes me to the therapist >Hate my GF right now >My GF is my hand
File: 1359198371947.jpg-(3 KB, 114x125, 1234.jpg) C Anonymous (ID: U7vtMS3Z) 01/26/13(Sat) Stories from the past that you wont tell >be 16 >sitting on the bus >Get boner >It's really noticable >My GF is to my left >she starts touching boner >Feelsgoodman.jpg >Gives me h------ >Every one starts noticing >E-------- out of fear >Pants all covered in j--- >Bus driver shows tape to princible >Principal Invites parents to school >Get expelled >Dad laughs at me and never takes me serious >Mom takes me to the therapist >Hate my GF right now >My GF is my hand

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Anon served in Iraq. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/22(Thu)09:13:47 No.51972905 I went to kicking down doors in Iraq to jerking off to Harley Quinn p--- on rule 34. My brother is married with 2 kids, and I'm 38 and still live with my 142 KB JPG mom. : Anonymous 02/17/22(Thu)09:15:17 No.51972914 >>51972905 (OP) # Thank you for your service
: Anonymous 02/17/22(Thu)09:13:47 No.51972905 I went to kicking down doors in Iraq to jerking off to Harley Quinn p--- on rule 34. My brother is married with 2 kids, and I'm 38 and still live with my 142 KB JPG mom. : Anonymous 02/17/22(Thu)09:15:17 No.51972914 >>51972905 (OP) # Thank you for your service

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Anon has a dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)22:50:16 No.48900416 >dog keeps mauling the neighbourhood children >have to dye his fur a different colour every time, so he doesn't get put down >s--- still keeps happening, though >probably spent half my income on 1.68 MB GIF dyes >honestly don't plan on doing much else about it >mainly because I think the snot noises deserve it >but still >for each mauling, I panic >for fear of the police, parents, or mass hysteria, etc >been going on for nearly a year now >yet still somehow don't suspect me >and the worst part is, they legitimately believe there's a pack of neon-coloured malamutes hiding out nearby F------ kill me.
: Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)22:50:16 No.48900416 >dog keeps mauling the neighbourhood children >have to dye his fur a different colour every time, so he doesn't get put down >s--- still keeps happening, though >probably spent half my income on 1.68 MB GIF dyes >honestly don't plan on doing much else about it >mainly because I think the snot noises deserve it >but still >for each mauling, I panic >for fear of the police, parents, or mass hysteria, etc >been going on for nearly a year now >yet still somehow don't suspect me >and the worst part is, they legitimately believe there's a pack of neon-coloured malamutes hiding out nearby F------ kill me.

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Anon sings | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)17:06:15 No.49245722 >**Tap tap tap tap** >Excuse me everyone >Girls go to college to get more knowledge! >Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider! 34 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)17:07:51 No.49245751 >>49245722 (OP) # >Testing one two testing one two >**Sniff sniff** >N------ go to mars to get behind bars! 14 KB JPG >>49245763 # >>49248606 # >>49249276 # >>49249311 # : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)17:08:39 No.49245763 >>49245751 # >>49245722 (OP) # >Thank you everyone! >You have been a wonderful audience. 33 KB JPG >>49245875 # >>49248606 # >>49249311 #
: Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)17:06:15 No.49245722 >**Tap tap tap tap** >Excuse me everyone >Girls go to college to get more knowledge! >Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider! 34 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)17:07:51 No.49245751 >>49245722 (OP) # >Testing one two testing one two >**Sniff sniff** >N------ go to mars to get behind bars! 14 KB JPG >>49245763 # >>49248606 # >>49249276 # >>49249311 # : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)17:08:39 No.49245763 >>49245751 # >>49245722 (OP) # >Thank you everyone! >You have been a wonderful audience. 33 KB JPG >>49245875 # >>49248606 # >>49249311 #

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