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Anon Plays a Game With Balloons... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ateH+IMA Confession Thread 02/08/22(Tue)18:40:04 No.360262889 When I was 9, my neighbor had a birthday party in her backyard complete with hired clown and tons of helium balloons. I gathered about 15 balloons and tied the strings together to make one rope. Then I tied that to the collar of her kitten and, with her and her parents screaming NO! and rushing towards me, I set it aloft. The balloons carried the cat straight up in the air and soon was just a dot in the sky. The father actually assaulted me; he punched me in the head and threw me on the floor. His wife had to hold him back. The girl was screaming and crying hysterically and I ran home. My own parents wanted to kill me and until the day they moved they never spoke to me or my family again. The cat was never recovered. I feel a great deal of shame for that one impulsive act that forever changed me and my parents. I'm sorry. 87 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: JQUUmmcj )L 02/08/22(Tue)18:41:31 No.360263063 : Anonymous (ID: hGwloc0z) E3 02/08/22(Tue)18:42:19 No.360263156 >>360262889 (OP) # based
: Anonymous (ID: ateH+IMA Confession Thread 02/08/22(Tue)18:40:04 No.360262889 When I was 9, my neighbor had a birthday party in her backyard complete with hired clown and tons of helium balloons. I gathered about 15 balloons and tied the strings together to make one rope. Then I tied that to the collar of her kitten and, with her and her parents screaming NO! and rushing towards me, I set it aloft. The balloons carried the cat straight up in the air and soon was just a dot in the sky. The father actually assaulted me; he punched me in the head and threw me on the floor. His wife had to hold him back. The girl was screaming and crying hysterically and I ran home. My own parents wanted to kill me and until the day they moved they never spoke to me or my family again. The cat was never recovered. I feel a great deal of shame for that one impulsive act that forever changed me and my parents. I'm sorry. 87 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: JQUUmmcj )L 02/08/22(Tue)18:41:31 No.360263063 : Anonymous (ID: hGwloc0z) E3 02/08/22(Tue)18:42:19 No.360263156 >>360262889 (OP) # based

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American Moment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/ 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTO 2XN5 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #
: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/ 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTO 2XN5 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #

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Anon questions cyclists. | /r/Greentext

File: D125D74C-C66D-4C36-AF8A-9(...).jpg (19 KB, 403x448) Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:32:43 No.65552351 >mum used to own a cafe in a small town in Australia >when I was in high school I used to help her out on weekends >had a bunch of cyclist f--- come in at 0600 every Saturday and Sunday morning after(?) or during(?) their ride >regular loud, annoying, pretentious f--- >one day one of them was taking to my mum about his new bike >spent thousands of dollars on it >talking about how it weighs next to nothing and he can do 100+ kilometres every morning with ease >great for fitness etc... >mum just says "I don't get it" >"what don't you get?" >"if you're doing it for fitness then why don't you get the heaviest, cheapest, p------------ bike that you have to slave away at to move rather than something that requires zero effort?" >"uhhh.... I guess so you can travel further" My mum isn't the smartest person but l've still never met a spandex lover who can answer that question. Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:37:30 No.65552385
File: D125D74C-C66D-4C36-AF8A-9(...).jpg (19 KB, 403x448) Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:32:43 No.65552351 >mum used to own a cafe in a small town in Australia >when I was in high school I used to help her out on weekends >had a bunch of cyclist f--- come in at 0600 every Saturday and Sunday morning after(?) or during(?) their ride >regular loud, annoying, pretentious f--- >one day one of them was taking to my mum about his new bike >spent thousands of dollars on it >talking about how it weighs next to nothing and he can do 100+ kilometres every morning with ease >great for fitness etc... >mum just says "I don't get it" >"what don't you get?" >"if you're doing it for fitness then why don't you get the heaviest, cheapest, p------------ bike that you have to slave away at to move rather than something that requires zero effort?" >"uhhh.... I guess so you can travel further" My mum isn't the smartest person but l've still never met a spandex lover who can answer that question. Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:37:30 No.65552385

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Anon has a hard life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 717(Wed)T6:21:28 No.383720374 pxpu7r9p5w7z.jpg 45 KB JPG > Bought a new PS4 > Last ones fan was super loud > New super small slim one > Zero noise > mfw I can hear my parents fight now
Anonymous 717(Wed)T6:21:28 No.383720374 pxpu7r9p5w7z.jpg 45 KB JPG > Bought a new PS4 > Last ones fan was super loud > New super small slim one > Zero noise > mfw I can hear my parents fight now

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Anon just wants to sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)12:14:15 No.872614047 >1am >can't sleep because of retarded truckers down the street >wake up at 7am, sleep deprived >go to hardware store, buy some Jerry cans 181 KB JPG >fill them up with gas >go home and crack a couple eggs into each one >head to the front lines >give them to 4 separate truckers >sleep like a baby the following night with my earplugs It costs like $20 a pop to destroy the engine of a truck, I'm doing it again tomorrow
: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)12:14:15 No.872614047 >1am >can't sleep because of retarded truckers down the street >wake up at 7am, sleep deprived >go to hardware store, buy some Jerry cans 181 KB JPG >fill them up with gas >go home and crack a couple eggs into each one >head to the front lines >give them to 4 separate truckers >sleep like a baby the following night with my earplugs It costs like $20 a pop to destroy the engine of a truck, I'm doing it again tomorrow

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anon lives in a society | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)01:10:24 No.583083516 > >583083806 File: 1629068484632.png (206 KB, 392x489) >see stupid post >come up with the perfect rebuttal >type the reply out >click post and see that I'm banned for racism
Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)01:10:24 No.583083516 > >583083806 File: 1629068484632.png (206 KB, 392x489) >see stupid post >come up with the perfect rebuttal >type the reply out >click post and see that I'm banned for racism

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Average gnu/linux user | /r/Greentext

>at resturant >over hear some guy say linux and not 'GNU/Linux' >enough is enough >go over to the poor lost soul >give him the 'its actually GNU/Linux' speech with such passion, it would bring stallman to tears 53 KB JPG >he leaves with his head down in shame >a waitress pulls down her pants and demands my seed right there on the spot >i deny her because i could never cheat on my waifu pillow I hate to do that to the poor lad. But we cant allow these hoolagins to get away with it anymore.
>at resturant >over hear some guy say linux and not 'GNU/Linux' >enough is enough >go over to the poor lost soul >give him the 'its actually GNU/Linux' speech with such passion, it would bring stallman to tears 53 KB JPG >he leaves with his head down in shame >a waitress pulls down her pants and demands my seed right there on the spot >i deny her because i could never cheat on my waifu pillow I hate to do that to the poor lad. But we cant allow these hoolagins to get away with it anymore.

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Idk if this has been posted before but its good | /r/Greentext


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Hydrophilia | /r/Greentext


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The glory days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)13:38:48 No.849753225 >Be me >Rory John Gates >Bill Gates is my father, literally runs Microsoft >Born in 1999 so grew up playing Xbox >Love playing Halo with my friends online >One day some guy on Xbox Live won't 5 KB JPG stop talking s--- to me >Tell him that my dad runs Microsoft and he will ban him >Guy doesn't believe me, tells me he had sex with my mom and my dad is gay >Tell my dad his username >Dad calls uncle Donny (Don Mattrick, ran Xbox division) on his iPhone >mfw he actually gets banned
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)13:38:48 No.849753225 >Be me >Rory John Gates >Bill Gates is my father, literally runs Microsoft >Born in 1999 so grew up playing Xbox >Love playing Halo with my friends online >One day some guy on Xbox Live won't 5 KB JPG stop talking s--- to me >Tell him that my dad runs Microsoft and he will ban him >Guy doesn't believe me, tells me he had sex with my mom and my dad is gay >Tell my dad his username >Dad calls uncle Donny (Don Mattrick, ran Xbox division) on his iPhone >mfw he actually gets banned

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Anon joins the space force | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/05/19(Mon)07:34:34 No.806369057 >Be me >Always wanted to be an astronaut >Think "if I train real hard l'll be one someday" >Train real hard >Learn physics and s--- >Eventually work my way up to the 1.02 MB PNG space program >Tfw finally accepted into the space force with highest honors >Onwards, where no man has gone before! >All of a sudden the program is cancelled >Demand to know why >"Sorry anon, we decided to hire a gang of amphibious creatures to fight for us on other planets instead" >mfw I read the first letter of each sentence
: Anonymous 08/05/19(Mon)07:34:34 No.806369057 >Be me >Always wanted to be an astronaut >Think "if I train real hard l'll be one someday" >Train real hard >Learn physics and s--- >Eventually work my way up to the 1.02 MB PNG space program >Tfw finally accepted into the space force with highest honors >Onwards, where no man has gone before! >All of a sudden the program is cancelled >Demand to know why >"Sorry anon, we decided to hire a gang of amphibious creatures to fight for us on other planets instead" >mfw I read the first letter of each sentence

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Anon is incapable of thinking | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)09:04:38 No.872591386 > be 5 > want to smash stone > take bigger rock and smash it > stone rolls away > idea.jpg > if I hold stone it wont roll away > put my hand on the stone > smash my hand with the big rock > mfw
Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)09:04:38 No.872591386 > be 5 > want to smash stone > take bigger rock and smash it > stone rolls away > idea.jpg > if I hold stone it wont roll away > put my hand on the stone > smash my hand with the big rock > mfw

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Anon's wife didn't feel good | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 785707303 3 min. ago .. >be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years we're still together >l propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes >about 5 months pass and it's our wedding day >do out vowels and everything >"You may now kiss the bride" >leans in to kiss her 53.3 kB JPG >she suddenly turns into dust >w--.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well F--- you Thanos REPLY
Anonymous 785707303 3 min. ago .. >be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years we're still together >l propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes >about 5 months pass and it's our wedding day >do out vowels and everything >"You may now kiss the bride" >leans in to kiss her 53.3 kB JPG >she suddenly turns into dust >w--.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well F--- you Thanos REPLY

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >l'm gonna be a good boi 2day:) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >l'm gonna be a good boi 2day:) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG

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Anon is normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous autistic things you do 06/06/18(Wed)21:28:21 No.45943362 >open webcam >put little webcam window in corner of screen >pretend l'm streaming while l'm browsing the internet and watching 37 KB PNG videos >make comments on stuff >pretend l'm an eceleb and people like me : Anonymous 06/06/18(Wed)21:29:33 No.45943385 this is nothing to the f------ people on here who like store their s--- and c-- in a sock and refrigerate it to later use it on pizza. You are basically 1.94 MB GIF normal, anon >>45943650 # >>45944308 #
: Anonymous autistic things you do 06/06/18(Wed)21:28:21 No.45943362 >open webcam >put little webcam window in corner of screen >pretend l'm streaming while l'm browsing the internet and watching 37 KB PNG videos >make comments on stuff >pretend l'm an eceleb and people like me : Anonymous 06/06/18(Wed)21:29:33 No.45943385 this is nothing to the f------ people on here who like store their s--- and c-- in a sock and refrigerate it to later use it on pizza. You are basically 1.94 MB GIF normal, anon >>45943650 # >>45944308 #

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https://old.reddit.com/r/greentext/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends
: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Anon meets a kinky girl. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)09:29:25 No.775216986 >be me >recently broke up with gf >feel sad af >try online dating >meet this girl online 435 KB PNG >we instantly connect >ask her on a date >date a few times, kisses n stuff >one day after going out for dinner she asks me to come at her place for coffee >gonnahavesex.jpg >she tells me she's into bondage >accept, not really my thing but I guess I can try >tells me to close my eyes >i do >feel her tying my hands >places a blindfold on my head >bed begins to shake and creak >w--.jpg >feel a cold breeze hit my face >i can smell a strong scent of pinewoods >remove the blindfold from my eyes >mfw i'm about to be sentenced to death with other prisoners >mfw i turn around and see todd howard running away while removing his fake wig >mfw i'm now in skyrim
: Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)09:29:25 No.775216986 >be me >recently broke up with gf >feel sad af >try online dating >meet this girl online 435 KB PNG >we instantly connect >ask her on a date >date a few times, kisses n stuff >one day after going out for dinner she asks me to come at her place for coffee >gonnahavesex.jpg >she tells me she's into bondage >accept, not really my thing but I guess I can try >tells me to close my eyes >i do >feel her tying my hands >places a blindfold on my head >bed begins to shake and creak >w--.jpg >feel a cold breeze hit my face >i can smell a strong scent of pinewoods >remove the blindfold from my eyes >mfw i'm about to be sentenced to death with other prisoners >mfw i turn around and see todd howard running away while removing his fake wig >mfw i'm now in skyrim

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Anon takes a piss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/22(Sat)13:36:48 No.872553714 Kramer, what's going on in there? augh FACTON 20220208_180121.jpg 117 KB JPG >be me >make zero noise during sex >weird but okay common enough I guess >be me >at urinal >only take a piss like once a day, drink a lot of water >"AH GOD YES OH GOD YES AHHHH" people have asked me like 4 times if i'm beating my meat in the urinal, pic unrelated
: Anonymous 02/12/22(Sat)13:36:48 No.872553714 Kramer, what's going on in there? augh FACTON 20220208_180121.jpg 117 KB JPG >be me >make zero noise during sex >weird but okay common enough I guess >be me >at urinal >only take a piss like once a day, drink a lot of water >"AH GOD YES OH GOD YES AHHHH" people have asked me like 4 times if i'm beating my meat in the urinal, pic unrelated

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Anon is grilling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to ORISTA napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.
: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to ORISTA napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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Butterdogs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:28:05 No.7881736 >>7881780 >>7882025 >7882181 >>7883072 >7883234 File: 766a578cfb021a78ce3bf2c50(. ) ipg (51 KB, 217x395) I used to know a guy who developed legit autism because his mom left him home alone a lot when he was a kid and when left to his own devices, he apparently ate nothing but butterdogs OAnonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:43:19 No.7881780 >7881790 >>7881797 >>7883064 >>7881736 >Butterdogs I'm sorry, what ?
Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:28:05 No.7881736 >>7881780 >>7882025 >7882181 >>7883072 >7883234 File: 766a578cfb021a78ce3bf2c50(. ) ipg (51 KB, 217x395) I used to know a guy who developed legit autism because his mom left him home alone a lot when he was a kid and when left to his own devices, he apparently ate nothing but butterdogs OAnonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:43:19 No.7881780 >7881790 >>7881797 >>7883064 >>7881736 >Butterdogs I'm sorry, what ?

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