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Anon's escape plan | /r/Greentext


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Anon has social anxiety | /r/Greentext

File: cursed.png (552 KB, 840x743) Anonymous 05/31/20(Sun)09:14:01 No.58423748 [Reply] oh god I just remembered something >be me in 8th grade >going for a walk in the neighbourhood >meet someone I know from school >"hey anon what are you doing?" >for some reason I think it would be weird to tell him that Im just going for a walk >"Im on my way to the store to buy eh milk" >he leaves but now Im scared of meeting him again and him finding out that I lied to him about the milk >now actually go to the store and buy milk >cant bring the milk home because then my parents will ask questions and I cant tell them >also dont want to throw the milk away >sit outside and drink 1L of milk >feel sick >go home >cry Did something like this happen to anybody else?
File: cursed.png (552 KB, 840x743) Anonymous 05/31/20(Sun)09:14:01 No.58423748 [Reply] oh god I just remembered something >be me in 8th grade >going for a walk in the neighbourhood >meet someone I know from school >"hey anon what are you doing?" >for some reason I think it would be weird to tell him that Im just going for a walk >"Im on my way to the store to buy eh milk" >he leaves but now Im scared of meeting him again and him finding out that I lied to him about the milk >now actually go to the store and buy milk >cant bring the milk home because then my parents will ask questions and I cant tell them >also dont want to throw the milk away >sit outside and drink 1L of milk >feel sick >go home >cry Did something like this happen to anybody else?

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anon wants to be a wizard | /r/Greentext

onymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:16:23 No.54692176 >be very young anon >"Anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" >"I want to be a wizard!" >"You mean like a stage magician or..." >"NO! I WANT TO BE A REAL WIZARD WITH REAL MAGIC!" 70 KB PNG >"Anon, magic isn't real. You have to pick something real." >later >"Hey anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" (other person) >"W... Nothing." >"Really?" >"Yes. I don't want to be anything when I grow up." >fast forward to present day >l have amounted to nothing over the course of my life >pretty much just a friendless loser living in basement >still want to be a wizard
onymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:16:23 No.54692176 >be very young anon >"Anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" >"I want to be a wizard!" >"You mean like a stage magician or..." >"NO! I WANT TO BE A REAL WIZARD WITH REAL MAGIC!" 70 KB PNG >"Anon, magic isn't real. You have to pick something real." >later >"Hey anon, what do you want to be when you grow up?" (other person) >"W... Nothing." >"Really?" >"Yes. I don't want to be anything when I grow up." >fast forward to present day >l have amounted to nothing over the course of my life >pretty much just a friendless loser living in basement >still want to be a wizard

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Anon eats a spicy chicken sandwich | /r/Greentext

>be me, obsessed with spicy foods and extreme heat >order the hottest sauces, not good enough >try the one chip challenge; it's amazing >discussing one chip challenge with co- worker, she tells me of this restraunt with a spicy chicken sandwich that is so spicy that you have to 196 KB JPG sign a paper before you eat it >drive 2 f------ hours to get there (i can't explain how much i love spicy stuff) >turns out the paper thing was just a joke, but they warn you that it's extreme and serve it with 2 tums >take a bite >within seconds my mouth is on fire. >as i swallow i can feel the second it gets to my stomach >immediately walk very quickly to the register and order some ice cream >conceal the pain in my mouth and abdomen while they get it >slowly take bites, just holding it in my mouth to hold off the pain for a bit >eventually get back in my truck and start the drive home (2 hours) >about an hour in my stomach is hurting so much i pull over >straight up s--- my pants, it's all watery and my ass is on fire so much >take off underwear and pants, wipe with socks, throw all of that into a plastic bag and into the bed of my truck >drive the rest of the way home >wait 35 minutes for it to get dark so i can walk inside not seen (i'm not wearing pants) since then it's been 2 days and i constantly feel like i'm gonna s--- but i can't. i can't believe i drove 2 hours for this. what a silly yet traumatizing experience.
>be me, obsessed with spicy foods and extreme heat >order the hottest sauces, not good enough >try the one chip challenge; it's amazing >discussing one chip challenge with co- worker, she tells me of this restraunt with a spicy chicken sandwich that is so spicy that you have to 196 KB JPG sign a paper before you eat it >drive 2 f------ hours to get there (i can't explain how much i love spicy stuff) >turns out the paper thing was just a joke, but they warn you that it's extreme and serve it with 2 tums >take a bite >within seconds my mouth is on fire. >as i swallow i can feel the second it gets to my stomach >immediately walk very quickly to the register and order some ice cream >conceal the pain in my mouth and abdomen while they get it >slowly take bites, just holding it in my mouth to hold off the pain for a bit >eventually get back in my truck and start the drive home (2 hours) >about an hour in my stomach is hurting so much i pull over >straight up s--- my pants, it's all watery and my ass is on fire so much >take off underwear and pants, wipe with socks, throw all of that into a plastic bag and into the bed of my truck >drive the rest of the way home >wait 35 minutes for it to get dark so i can walk inside not seen (i'm not wearing pants) since then it's been 2 days and i constantly feel like i'm gonna s--- but i can't. i can't believe i drove 2 hours for this. what a silly yet traumatizing experience.

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anon games the system | /r/Greentext


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Anon revisits Facebook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/18(Fri)05:17:04 No.48785626 >go on facebook after literally 5 years >see all the old high school friends living normie lives and having kids >suddenly get messaged by a girl i used to have a class with >she was a sub-stacy that used to sit in front of me and copied my homework all 85 KB PNG the time >"omg anon i thought you were honestly dead h--------!!" >we catch up >shes been working wagecuck jobs since graduating and hasnt really gotten anywhere with her life >still, its nice to talk to someone from high school even if it is this roastie >she tells me she is unemployed nowadays >ask her what she does for money >she dodges the question at first but basically confesses that she is an escort sometimes >"and before you ask, no i wont do anything with you, its too awkward with old friends haha" God f------ dammit every time I think things will get good for me I get s--- on
: Anonymous 10/19/18(Fri)05:17:04 No.48785626 >go on facebook after literally 5 years >see all the old high school friends living normie lives and having kids >suddenly get messaged by a girl i used to have a class with >she was a sub-stacy that used to sit in front of me and copied my homework all 85 KB PNG the time >"omg anon i thought you were honestly dead h--------!!" >we catch up >shes been working wagecuck jobs since graduating and hasnt really gotten anywhere with her life >still, its nice to talk to someone from high school even if it is this roastie >she tells me she is unemployed nowadays >ask her what she does for money >she dodges the question at first but basically confesses that she is an escort sometimes >"and before you ask, no i wont do anything with you, its too awkward with old friends haha" God f------ dammit every time I think things will get good for me I get s--- on

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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

1 hr. ago •●• Anonymous | 438947949 ESPRCT >Work 60h-80h a week, have all the money I could to buy vidya.. no time to play vidya... 228.2 kB PNG
1 hr. ago •●• Anonymous | 438947949 ESPRCT >Work 60h-80h a week, have all the money I could to buy vidya.. no time to play vidya... 228.2 kB PNG

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Anon hates his country | /r/Greentext

>Be me 100% JESUS >Born Brazilian >F------ hate it, but at least I'm 1% and white >Spend my entire life being disgusted by local culture and trying to get away from it >Learn english so I can 100 KB JPG communicate with foreigns >Feel superior to the rest of the scum here >When I'm abroad and people ask me where I'm from I just say Portugal, this way they don't look at me like l'm a dirty South American >When I'm abroad I also cringe when I hear people speaking brazilian portuguese >Outta nowhere though I realize that everyone I love, like family, friends and my girl, as well as many people I respect professionally are Brazilian after all >Take a deep look inside and realize something >l don't hate people because they are Brazilian, I just hate poor people, and it just happens that there are a lot of them here >Feels better
>Be me 100% JESUS >Born Brazilian >F------ hate it, but at least I'm 1% and white >Spend my entire life being disgusted by local culture and trying to get away from it >Learn english so I can 100 KB JPG communicate with foreigns >Feel superior to the rest of the scum here >When I'm abroad and people ask me where I'm from I just say Portugal, this way they don't look at me like l'm a dirty South American >When I'm abroad I also cringe when I hear people speaking brazilian portuguese >Outta nowhere though I realize that everyone I love, like family, friends and my girl, as well as many people I respect professionally are Brazilian after all >Take a deep look inside and realize something >l don't hate people because they are Brazilian, I just hate poor people, and it just happens that there are a lot of them here >Feels better

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Losing wizard powers | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:35:42 No.25288168 >>25288212 >>25288227 File: Screenshot_2015-07-24-02-12-05.png (343 KB, 1440x2560) 46% 2:12 AM Verified by: DigiCert Inc >drunk texting prostatutes Good. Yourself 1:53 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:38:15 No.25288212 ► File: Hank.jpg (31 KB, 231x281) I have many American dollars I would like to exchange for >>25288168 >Imma cop a feel of dem t------ intercourse 2:02 AM You're not a cop are you U Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:39:15 No.25288227 File: 1448044005532.jpg (30 KB, 400x395) 2:07 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel dem t------ Are you the police 2:07 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:58:08 No.25288494 File: 1373908590515 jpg (57 KB, 393x391) I'm a cop a feel of dem t------ 2:09 AM >>25288168 >Imma cop a feal of dem t------ Ok how much time are you looking to spend with me * O Fagoo !jizzF8h3Ek 12/27/15(Sun).. File: saitamore.png (749 KB, 861x990) 2:11 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel of dem tittoes Send Enter message 160 /1
O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:35:42 No.25288168 >>25288212 >>25288227 File: Screenshot_2015-07-24-02-12-05.png (343 KB, 1440x2560) 46% 2:12 AM Verified by: DigiCert Inc >drunk texting prostatutes Good. Yourself 1:53 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:38:15 No.25288212 ► File: Hank.jpg (31 KB, 231x281) I have many American dollars I would like to exchange for >>25288168 >Imma cop a feel of dem t------ intercourse 2:02 AM You're not a cop are you U Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:39:15 No.25288227 File: 1448044005532.jpg (30 KB, 400x395) 2:07 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel dem t------ Are you the police 2:07 AM O Anonymous 12/27/15(Sun)16:58:08 No.25288494 File: 1373908590515 jpg (57 KB, 393x391) I'm a cop a feel of dem t------ 2:09 AM >>25288168 >Imma cop a feal of dem t------ Ok how much time are you looking to spend with me * O Fagoo !jizzF8h3Ek 12/27/15(Sun).. File: saitamore.png (749 KB, 861x990) 2:11 AM >>25288168 >l'm a cop a feel of dem tittoes Send Enter message 160 /1

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Anon gets fired | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49068017 1 h. fa •.. a minecraft kid got me fired >be me 23 >work as a manager at a office in okc >decide to go on mine plex >meet some kids and exchange teamspeak >kid gives me his own server and ask me to help >i dos his minecraft server >he tells his parrents >one day i go to work and i get laid off becuase i was reported for child abuse 1,1 kB PNG REPLY Anonymous | 49068176 1 h. fa •.• >23 >plays minecraft with children Well you see there's your problem.
Anonymous | 49068017 1 h. fa •.. a minecraft kid got me fired >be me 23 >work as a manager at a office in okc >decide to go on mine plex >meet some kids and exchange teamspeak >kid gives me his own server and ask me to help >i dos his minecraft server >he tells his parrents >one day i go to work and i get laid off becuase i was reported for child abuse 1,1 kB PNG REPLY Anonymous | 49068176 1 h. fa •.• >23 >plays minecraft with children Well you see there's your problem.

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Mission failed. We’ll get ‘em next time | /r/Greentext

Max was caught on surveillance video at the library, where he is no longer welcome. 018CCF9B-4CBC-4BFC-8E28-6DE20483533D.jpg 117 KB JPG >>587299278 (OP) # >enemies can spot you on security camera
Max was caught on surveillance video at the library, where he is no longer welcome. 018CCF9B-4CBC-4BFC-8E28-6DE20483533D.jpg 117 KB JPG >>587299278 (OP) # >enemies can spot you on security camera

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Anon finds love. | /r/Greentext

>Be at the library >Chubby girl asks if she can sit next to me >Say yes and we start talking >She blushes often and is awkward so it's obvious she's never been laid or had a boyfriend >We end up exchanging numbers >Fast forward one month and we're texting all the time >One night she tells me shes starting to have feelings for me >Take her out the next night to a five star restaurant >Afterwards we see a movie >She asks if I would like to go back to her place >l say yes and we go >When we get there, she introduces me to her grandmother who she lives with >Frail, 80 year old woman >Poor eyesight, missing teeth and very little hair >After I'm finished being introduced, I turn and look in her eyes and tell her how beautiful she is >She blushes >Take her by the hand and lead her upstairs >Things get steamy fast >Soon we're both undressed going at each other like rabbits in summer >She's ends up sucking my d--- >Best head I've ever had >Eat her p---- to return the favor >We end up f------ each other for hours >69 >Cowgirl >Doggy style >Every position there is >Eventually, we both c-- >Have pillow talk >Smoke some cigarettes together >After a while, she heads to the door >"I have to check on my granddaughter. I think I can hear her crying downstairs." It's nice to be in love.
>Be at the library >Chubby girl asks if she can sit next to me >Say yes and we start talking >She blushes often and is awkward so it's obvious she's never been laid or had a boyfriend >We end up exchanging numbers >Fast forward one month and we're texting all the time >One night she tells me shes starting to have feelings for me >Take her out the next night to a five star restaurant >Afterwards we see a movie >She asks if I would like to go back to her place >l say yes and we go >When we get there, she introduces me to her grandmother who she lives with >Frail, 80 year old woman >Poor eyesight, missing teeth and very little hair >After I'm finished being introduced, I turn and look in her eyes and tell her how beautiful she is >She blushes >Take her by the hand and lead her upstairs >Things get steamy fast >Soon we're both undressed going at each other like rabbits in summer >She's ends up sucking my d--- >Best head I've ever had >Eat her p---- to return the favor >We end up f------ each other for hours >69 >Cowgirl >Doggy style >Every position there is >Eventually, we both c-- >Have pillow talk >Smoke some cigarettes together >After a while, she heads to the door >"I have to check on my granddaughter. I think I can hear her crying downstairs." It's nice to be in love.

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Why, zuck? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (hEtkkpl1 04/11/18(Wed)11:48:39 No.167676599 CAPITOL HILL 4:17 PM ET baseline_way_off.jpg 48 KB JPG >The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Mark?
: Anonymous (ID: (hEtkkpl1 04/11/18(Wed)11:48:39 No.167676599 CAPITOL HILL 4:17 PM ET baseline_way_off.jpg 48 KB JPG >The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Mark?

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Anon is hella gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)14:38:18 No.48967747 > be me > chilling in living room > Scratch the loving s--- out of my balls > sit there in post-scratch i'm gay 8 KB JPG orgasm > take a rip out of bong > friend and his grill come over > She takes a rip with the same bong > passes it back to me > they leave > 15 mins later beat my meat > Mfw when I realize my hand and her hand touched the same bong > her hands have at some point touched her p--- > My friend f---- her p--- > basically just touched my friends d--- See ya later f------
: Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)14:38:18 No.48967747 > be me > chilling in living room > Scratch the loving s--- out of my balls > sit there in post-scratch i'm gay 8 KB JPG orgasm > take a rip out of bong > friend and his grill come over > She takes a rip with the same bong > passes it back to me > they leave > 15 mins later beat my meat > Mfw when I realize my hand and her hand touched the same bong > her hands have at some point touched her p--- > My friend f---- her p--- > basically just touched my friends d--- See ya later f------

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:04:49 No.65524456 I exclusively date women taller than myself, which provides an insane test boost for improved lifting. You anons have to get in on this before everyone else figures it out 48 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:06:49 No.65524471 >>65524456 (OP) # >which provides an insane test boost Explain >>65524490 # : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:09:32 No.65524490 >>65524471 # Uh so you lift very heavy, which normally would leave you tired. But then you go home and have and your tall gf embrace you shove your head into her bosoms, which instantly dispels any fatigue, meaning you can lift heavy the next day without any rest days, meaning increased test 21 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:04:49 No.65524456 I exclusively date women taller than myself, which provides an insane test boost for improved lifting. You anons have to get in on this before everyone else figures it out 48 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:06:49 No.65524471 >>65524456 (OP) # >which provides an insane test boost Explain >>65524490 # : Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)12:09:32 No.65524490 >>65524471 # Uh so you lift very heavy, which normally would leave you tired. But then you go home and have and your tall gf embrace you shove your head into her bosoms, which instantly dispels any fatigue, meaning you can lift heavy the next day without any rest days, meaning increased test 21 KB JPG

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Anon is a degenerate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:06:19 No.748618493 I dip my oreos in water. 57 KB JPG >>748618552 # >>748618565 # >>748618603 # >>748618869 # >>748619818 # : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:13 No.748618552 >>748618493 # Actually reported : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:20 No.748618565 >>748618493 # f--- you
: Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:06:19 No.748618493 I dip my oreos in water. 57 KB JPG >>748618552 # >>748618565 # >>748618603 # >>748618869 # >>748619818 # : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:13 No.748618552 >>748618493 # Actually reported : Anonymous 10/20/17(Fri)09:07:20 No.748618565 >>748618493 # f--- you

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Anon goes to a black school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:13:37 No.49246813 > be asian in a primarily black ENOUGH school >get the occasional "hey ching chong" and the "buk lao" in the hallway >the weaboo tards calls me 7 KB JPG sensei and bows to me in the hallway how to end it all? : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:16:39 No.49246864 : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:17:26 No.49246886 : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:17:30 No.49246888 you wanna kill yourself because cringey white people are making dumb awkward comments? >>49246939 # : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:20:33 No.49246938 : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:20:33 No.49246939 >>49246888 # >primarily black school >white people That aint it chief
: Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:13:37 No.49246813 > be asian in a primarily black ENOUGH school >get the occasional "hey ching chong" and the "buk lao" in the hallway >the weaboo tards calls me 7 KB JPG sensei and bows to me in the hallway how to end it all? : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:16:39 No.49246864 : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:17:26 No.49246886 : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:17:30 No.49246888 you wanna kill yourself because cringey white people are making dumb awkward comments? >>49246939 # : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:20:33 No.49246938 : Anonymous 11/12/18(Mon)18:20:33 No.49246939 >>49246888 # >primarily black school >white people That aint it chief

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Anon watched Trump roast | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 2Z9|VCHI ) E 02/25/17(Sat)19:28:46 No.114311324 >the dinner starts >various celebrities give speeches roasting the absent Trump >everyone using the opportunity to virtue signal >someone tries to exit the room >find they can't >every exit is locked >suddenly a stern-faced Trump appears on a giant projector screen >"You're all fired." >gas starts being pumped through the vents >>114315914 # >>114317605 #
: Anonymous (ID: 2Z9|VCHI ) E 02/25/17(Sat)19:28:46 No.114311324 >the dinner starts >various celebrities give speeches roasting the absent Trump >everyone using the opportunity to virtue signal >someone tries to exit the room >find they can't >every exit is locked >suddenly a stern-faced Trump appears on a giant projector screen >"You're all fired." >gas starts being pumped through the vents >>114315914 # >>114317605 #

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Finally has a new gadget. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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Anon packs meat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/20(Sun)01:46:30 No.824506187 >Be me >19 >work packaging at a meat processing plant >thats right, im a meat packer >put meat in the pockets for sealing >every now and then machine spergs 311 KB PNG out and displays an error >"error #24" "error #11" for example >never see an "error #1" start making jokes like "error #1: d--- caught in machine" >machine has blades to cut packages >one day we are f------ around too much >one guy gets pushed >falls on one of the blades >his face goes white as he gets up >blood all over his stomach and crotch >the machine keeps rolling >before we get a chance to hit the emergency stop we see a bunch of meat chunks roll through >notice the tip of his d--- rolling by >goes through sealer >mfw machine automatically stops >mfw error displayed on screen >mfw "error #1: foreign object in machine"
: Anonymous 04/05/20(Sun)01:46:30 No.824506187 >Be me >19 >work packaging at a meat processing plant >thats right, im a meat packer >put meat in the pockets for sealing >every now and then machine spergs 311 KB PNG out and displays an error >"error #24" "error #11" for example >never see an "error #1" start making jokes like "error #1: d--- caught in machine" >machine has blades to cut packages >one day we are f------ around too much >one guy gets pushed >falls on one of the blades >his face goes white as he gets up >blood all over his stomach and crotch >the machine keeps rolling >before we get a chance to hit the emergency stop we see a bunch of meat chunks roll through >notice the tip of his d--- rolling by >goes through sealer >mfw machine automatically stops >mfw error displayed on screen >mfw "error #1: foreign object in machine"

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