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Anon sits on a bench | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/18(Fri)14:39:13 No.44822902 >out with my friend >sitting on a bench >be talking >people throwing us weird glances >think it's because of the obscene 283 KB PNG topics >dont care >keep talking >suddenly one old dude comes up to me >"Excuse me, Sir, but who are you talking to" I wish I was kidding. I've already made an appointment with a psychiatrist. 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/20/18(Fri)14:39:13 No.44822902 >out with my friend >sitting on a bench >be talking >people throwing us weird glances >think it's because of the obscene 283 KB PNG topics >dont care >keep talking >suddenly one old dude comes up to me >"Excuse me, Sir, but who are you talking to" I wish I was kidding. I've already made an appointment with a psychiatrist. 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is the most not normal person of them all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/21(Sun)22:50:51 No.868944635 >be me, 18 male, tall, big >be not me, 7/10 qt fwb i have been on and off with for about 4 months >she has always joked about me killing her and her liking it if i did >get done with movie date and driving 12 KB JPG her home >ask if she were to be killed by someone how would she want to die > her "have the best day of my life with the murderer then have him stab me" >me "what about strangling?" >her "yeah that would work to" >i pull over the car and ask her if she had a good time with me >her "anon stop you're not funny" >i unbuckle my seat belt and turn towards her with a straight face > she starts crying hysterically >her "please dont kill me i dont want to die" >mfw her begging to not be killed gave me the hardest boner of my life Is this normal?
: Anonymous 12/19/21(Sun)22:50:51 No.868944635 >be me, 18 male, tall, big >be not me, 7/10 qt fwb i have been on and off with for about 4 months >she has always joked about me killing her and her liking it if i did >get done with movie date and driving 12 KB JPG her home >ask if she were to be killed by someone how would she want to die > her "have the best day of my life with the murderer then have him stab me" >me "what about strangling?" >her "yeah that would work to" >i pull over the car and ask her if she had a good time with me >her "anon stop you're not funny" >i unbuckle my seat belt and turn towards her with a straight face > she starts crying hysterically >her "please dont kill me i dont want to die" >mfw her begging to not be killed gave me the hardest boner of my life Is this normal?

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Anon grew it himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)18:52:37 No.872322777 >be me, autistic virgin >gradually learn to hide my autism and fit into society, get a normal job etc... >finally meet a cute girl, go on a couple dates >keep up the facade, pretend to be 21 KB JPG suave even though I have no idea what I'm doing >she's buying it >last night we're texting and she wants to exchange nudes >holyshit.jpg >I send her a picture of my willy >"wow anon I love your c---“ >"Thanks, I grew it myself!" >she hasn't responded mfw
: Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)18:52:37 No.872322777 >be me, autistic virgin >gradually learn to hide my autism and fit into society, get a normal job etc... >finally meet a cute girl, go on a couple dates >keep up the facade, pretend to be 21 KB JPG suave even though I have no idea what I'm doing >she's buying it >last night we're texting and she wants to exchange nudes >holyshit.jpg >I send her a picture of my willy >"wow anon I love your c---“ >"Thanks, I grew it myself!" >she hasn't responded mfw

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Anon gets ahead of himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: SGZZFTDa) 02/05/22(Sat)18:34:43 No.359862122 Whynopreps.jpg 968 KB JPG >>359861825 (OP) # SHOW ME YOUR CIVIL WAR FACE >>359862671 # >>359862835 # >>359865483 # >>359865864 # >>359867447 # >>359869745 Anonymous (ID: W/71FDGP = 02/05/22(Sat)18:40:24 No.359862835 >>359875521 # >>359862122 # >half the height of the door # >>359885998 >>359887516 # : Anonymou Oh no no no
: Anonymous (ID: SGZZFTDa) 02/05/22(Sat)18:34:43 No.359862122 Whynopreps.jpg 968 KB JPG >>359861825 (OP) # SHOW ME YOUR CIVIL WAR FACE >>359862671 # >>359862835 # >>359865483 # >>359865864 # >>359867447 # >>359869745 Anonymous (ID: W/71FDGP = 02/05/22(Sat)18:40:24 No.359862835 >>359875521 # >>359862122 # >half the height of the door # >>359885998 >>359887516 # : Anonymou Oh no no no

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femAnon is an evil she-devil | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/09/22(Wed)01:50:37 No.163608646 >be me >17 yo femanon >5'2" and D cups >older brother is 24 yo turbovirgin >l walk around him in a tank top with no bra and panties when the parents are away >he always tries to hide his boner then leaves the room like if he was having a panic attack >he can't talk about this to anyone because he would be the one coming off as some closeted pervert for saying this s--- drives him crazy I just love tormenting his ass
Anonymous 02/09/22(Wed)01:50:37 No.163608646 >be me >17 yo femanon >5'2" and D cups >older brother is 24 yo turbovirgin >l walk around him in a tank top with no bra and panties when the parents are away >he always tries to hide his boner then leaves the room like if he was having a panic attack >he can't talk about this to anyone because he would be the one coming off as some closeted pervert for saying this s--- drives him crazy I just love tormenting his ass

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anon has a great friend | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)23:57:24 No.872316240 >be me >13 >first sleep over at a friend's house >super anxious and awkward about eating with his family >dinner time >everyone jakes together >no fights >nobody screams >nobody storms off >his parents don't hate each other >generally just a good time >wait, is this how it's supposed to be? >next morning >dread going home >tell my friend about it >ffw a month >now have weekly sleepover at his house >everybody is super chill with me staying there over the weekends Thanks Toby. Thanks Toby's family. You made me feel at home.
O Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)23:57:24 No.872316240 >be me >13 >first sleep over at a friend's house >super anxious and awkward about eating with his family >dinner time >everyone jakes together >no fights >nobody screams >nobody storms off >his parents don't hate each other >generally just a good time >wait, is this how it's supposed to be? >next morning >dread going home >tell my friend about it >ffw a month >now have weekly sleepover at his house >everybody is super chill with me staying there over the weekends Thanks Toby. Thanks Toby's family. You made me feel at home.

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Anon is a dicklet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)15:55:58 No.67346584 >parents circumcised me at 11 because I OO was getting really horny and my head was popping out for the first time ever, I never even seen that purple s--- before >"so.. you got scared? must be phimosis" >forcibly circumcise me >doctor only left literally 2cm of natural 242 KB GIF penis skin on my shaft, they f------ took it all >tfw d--- now is only 3.5 inches, filled with ballskin and hair when erect Thanks mom and dad, you're truly the best. Now I'll never get to have sex but I guess it's ok because you knew better like you always do 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)15:55:58 No.67346584 >parents circumcised me at 11 because I OO was getting really horny and my head was popping out for the first time ever, I never even seen that purple s--- before >"so.. you got scared? must be phimosis" >forcibly circumcise me >doctor only left literally 2cm of natural 242 KB GIF penis skin on my shaft, they f------ took it all >tfw d--- now is only 3.5 inches, filled with ballskin and hair when erect Thanks mom and dad, you're truly the best. Now I'll never get to have sex but I guess it's ok because you knew better like you always do 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is royalty | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Há 47 minutos 63038692 >be king >my people invent something and present it to me >it's a "camera" >it takes "pictures" out of a tube >a tube >takes square pictures >w-- >hang country for witchcraft 2 REPLIES
Anonymous Há 47 minutos 63038692 >be king >my people invent something and present it to me >it's a "camera" >it takes "pictures" out of a tube >a tube >takes square pictures >w-- >hang country for witchcraft 2 REPLIES

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Anon is a superpower | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 754091586 35 min. geleden >be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are f------ racists >"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020" >people laugh at me >call me a streetshitter 721,1 kB JPG >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident >years later >l ruined their internet >l did it >sweet revenge 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 754091586 35 min. geleden >be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are f------ racists >"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020" >people laugh at me >call me a streetshitter 721,1 kB JPG >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident >years later >l ruined their internet >l did it >sweet revenge 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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anon tried to connect to his students | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)22:28:22 No.872311261 >>872311460 >>872311654 >be me >around 17 >suck at every subject in school except english >be a tutor for younger students >talk to them about things we like >Dark Souls, Zelda, One Piece, etc. >one guy says he doesn't like anime >he tried one piece once but found it extremely iritating >fair >I tell him to give Attack on Titan a try >two weeks later he tells me he binged it >starts really getting into anime >we talk about fma, berserk, jojo, etc. >stop tutoring once I graduate to focus on college and s--- >ffw 3 years >scroll through instagram bc bored >find account of the dude >cringe anime motivation pics, edgy weeb quotes, photoshopped selfies with him and Rem from RE:zero >calls her "waifu" >pictures of Rem merch >bodypillows, figurines, posters >mfw i started this death spiral when I recommended AoT to him >mfw I turned a perfectly normal kid into a cringe weeb maybe it's good thing I didn't become a teacher.
O Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)22:28:22 No.872311261 >>872311460 >>872311654 >be me >around 17 >suck at every subject in school except english >be a tutor for younger students >talk to them about things we like >Dark Souls, Zelda, One Piece, etc. >one guy says he doesn't like anime >he tried one piece once but found it extremely iritating >fair >I tell him to give Attack on Titan a try >two weeks later he tells me he binged it >starts really getting into anime >we talk about fma, berserk, jojo, etc. >stop tutoring once I graduate to focus on college and s--- >ffw 3 years >scroll through instagram bc bored >find account of the dude >cringe anime motivation pics, edgy weeb quotes, photoshopped selfies with him and Rem from RE:zero >calls her "waifu" >pictures of Rem merch >bodypillows, figurines, posters >mfw i started this death spiral when I recommended AoT to him >mfw I turned a perfectly normal kid into a cringe weeb maybe it's good thing I didn't become a teacher.

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Anon gets a reward for working out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)15:29:18 No.783890867 >be me >overweight >want to hit the gym to end this curse >start working out >eating veggies and fruits for the 36 KB JPG first time in forever >body is satisfied >shave off neckbeard >getting more toned >muscles become more obvious >fuckyeah.wav >after 8 weeks, I am now a Chad >go to KFC for reward >acquire K1 combo >about to leave when I hear a wolf whistle >metalgearsolidexclamation.mp3 >see neckbeard staring at my ass >niggawut.wav >get home, run to my washroom >my f------ mother passed her round booty genes to my DNA Now I have to live with a bouncy butt that is worthy for others to grind on. Curse you, Mom.
: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)15:29:18 No.783890867 >be me >overweight >want to hit the gym to end this curse >start working out >eating veggies and fruits for the 36 KB JPG first time in forever >body is satisfied >shave off neckbeard >getting more toned >muscles become more obvious >fuckyeah.wav >after 8 weeks, I am now a Chad >go to KFC for reward >acquire K1 combo >about to leave when I hear a wolf whistle >metalgearsolidexclamation.mp3 >see neckbeard staring at my ass >niggawut.wav >get home, run to my washroom >my f------ mother passed her round booty genes to my DNA Now I have to live with a bouncy butt that is worthy for others to grind on. Curse you, Mom.

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Anon causes 9/11 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/12/21(Sun)16:02:57 No.862950381 >Be me >9 years old >Going to cub scouts >Scout leader says "Today we're gonna learn how to fold the American flag" >Stresses that “Letting the flag 229 KB JPG touch the ground is a bad omen and we'll have to burn it" >Am handed the flag >slips out of my hand, and falls flat on the floor. >Scout leader assures me it's okay and we can try with another flag >We burn the flag I dropped at the end of the meeting >The next day I'm in school and the teacher is told to turn the tv on to the news. >We watch as the second plane hits the World Trade Center >I think back to my scout leader saying "Letting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen". And that's the story of how for the next 6 months I thought I caused 9/11
: Anonymous 09/12/21(Sun)16:02:57 No.862950381 >Be me >9 years old >Going to cub scouts >Scout leader says "Today we're gonna learn how to fold the American flag" >Stresses that “Letting the flag 229 KB JPG touch the ground is a bad omen and we'll have to burn it" >Am handed the flag >slips out of my hand, and falls flat on the floor. >Scout leader assures me it's okay and we can try with another flag >We burn the flag I dropped at the end of the meeting >The next day I'm in school and the teacher is told to turn the tv on to the news. >We watch as the second plane hits the World Trade Center >I think back to my scout leader saying "Letting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen". And that's the story of how for the next 6 months I thought I caused 9/11

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anon gets facked | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: y2WkrRZf) 05/14/13(Tue)15:06:56 No.480078695 >be working on a cold morndas morning >town is all on edge about some "return of the dovahkiin" b------- 49 KB JPG >see a guy i've never seen 'round Whiterun before >decide to be friendly and introduce myself >"I work for belethor at the general goods store" >says nothing >crouches and rummages through my pockets >goes into store >puts bucket on Belethor's head >steals everything >drops 36 cheese wheels from his bag to make room >runs outside and teleports away >mfw
Anonymous (ID: y2WkrRZf) 05/14/13(Tue)15:06:56 No.480078695 >be working on a cold morndas morning >town is all on edge about some "return of the dovahkiin" b------- 49 KB JPG >see a guy i've never seen 'round Whiterun before >decide to be friendly and introduce myself >"I work for belethor at the general goods store" >says nothing >crouches and rummages through my pockets >goes into store >puts bucket on Belethor's head >steals everything >drops 36 cheese wheels from his bag to make room >runs outside and teleports away >mfw

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Anon thinks of a solution | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/ 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTO 2XN5 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #
: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/ 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTO 2XN5 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #

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C ya defribillater | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)06:26:48 No.65375180 >28 >never even bothered to ask a girl out before >decide ill try it out >theres a girl ive been crushing on for months 53 KB JPG >get rejected >the feeling of overwhelmingly brutal depression comes over me >first time ive felt anything in years Honestly it was worth it
: Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)06:26:48 No.65375180 >28 >never even bothered to ask a girl out before >decide ill try it out >theres a girl ive been crushing on for months 53 KB JPG >get rejected >the feeling of overwhelmingly brutal depression comes over me >first time ive felt anything in years Honestly it was worth it

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Anon has sex | /r/Greentext

6:54 AM /b/784855737/ 11m 784855737 1 Reply 0 Image PNG 105KB (700 x 700) 1 Reply >be me >High school senior at really good school >Classes with awesome teachers >Have 11/10 goddess for a English >Ask her to f--- >Apparently she agrees >That same night, we do a--- and lots oral >C-- a lot, especially on her glorious tiddies >Then she confessed to me that she's transgender >Mfw I smashed a trans f----- Me and my homophobic self
6:54 AM /b/784855737/ 11m 784855737 1 Reply 0 Image PNG 105KB (700 x 700) 1 Reply >be me >High school senior at really good school >Classes with awesome teachers >Have 11/10 goddess for a English >Ask her to f--- >Apparently she agrees >That same night, we do a--- and lots oral >C-- a lot, especially on her glorious tiddies >Then she confessed to me that she's transgender >Mfw I smashed a trans f----- Me and my homophobic self

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Anon's kid will be in good hands. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/25/18(Thu)23:23:28 No.783245546 >be me, dad >son diagnosed with autism look after him when he joins you guys
Anonymous 10/25/18(Thu)23:23:28 No.783245546 >be me, dad >son diagnosed with autism look after him when he joins you guys

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anon buys a rap whistle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)13:48:41 No. 437054892 File: 1534184356224.jpg (46 KB, 225x216) >>437055002 >>437067086 >>437053446 >rap whistle >Have both a rap whistle and a r--- whistle. >go out >Oh no rapists! >Blow the whistle >0ops it was the rap whistle >bunch of black guys come in to drop some ? sick beats >mfw I'm getting r---- while 50 cents rhymes in the background.
Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)13:48:41 No. 437054892 File: 1534184356224.jpg (46 KB, 225x216) >>437055002 >>437067086 >>437053446 >rap whistle >Have both a rap whistle and a r--- whistle. >go out >Oh no rapists! >Blow the whistle >0ops it was the rap whistle >bunch of black guys come in to drop some ? sick beats >mfw I'm getting r---- while 50 cents rhymes in the background.

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Anon is left handed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)08:46:28 No.67338638 >one chance at life >left handed 290 KB PNG 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)08:47:29 No.67338644 AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA! >>67338638 (OP)_# Here are those scissors you asked for Anon. Oh wait! You can't use them! 592 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)08:46:28 No.67338638 >one chance at life >left handed 290 KB PNG 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/08/22(Tue)08:47:29 No.67338644 AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA! >>67338638 (OP)_# Here are those scissors you asked for Anon. Oh wait! You can't use them! 592 KB PNG

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Anon has a big pp | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 15 minutes ago 49332435 Compton >be me >have small pp >feel sad >post on 4chan >get called a reddit n----- >n------ have big pp >feel happy >thank you guys 1 REPLY Anonymous 13 minutes ago 49332465 : >>49332435 (OP) unexpectedly kekked
Anonymous 15 minutes ago 49332435 Compton >be me >have small pp >feel sad >post on 4chan >get called a reddit n----- >n------ have big pp >feel happy >thank you guys 1 REPLY Anonymous 13 minutes ago 49332465 : >>49332435 (OP) unexpectedly kekked

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