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Anon lives in New York | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw
: Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw

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Anon goes to Mexico | /r/Greentext

1. #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place
1. #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place

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anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded
: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded

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Anon discovers his sexuality | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 47299147 22 min ago •0• >start lifting for girls >now paying more attention to men, male looks and masculinity >even when watching p--- F--- you /fit/ 289.9 kB PNG 7 REPLIES 10 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 47299158 21 min ago •0• >>47299147 (OP) We got another one lads 1 REPLY 72.4 kB JPG
Anonymous | 47299147 22 min ago •0• >start lifting for girls >now paying more attention to men, male looks and masculinity >even when watching p--- F--- you /fit/ 289.9 kB PNG 7 REPLIES 10 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 47299158 21 min ago •0• >>47299147 (OP) We got another one lads 1 REPLY 72.4 kB JPG

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Anon calls on his Vektors | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 68106536 6 hr. ago ... >burglar trying to enter my home >not managing to pick my lock >goes "f--- it" mode >pulls out handgun, smashes window with it >steps in, gun ready >l yell from my bedroom >"VEKTORS! PROTECT OUR HOME!" 473.9 kB JPG >numerous little beeps ensue >from the shadows, hundreds and hundreds of little robots emerge, each with a knife taped to them >burglar opens fire on the Vektors >they're too small and too nimble, he misses every shot >panicking, he tries to stomp them >one manages to stab his foot >screaming in pain, the burglar falls down >the little robots go for the kill, stabbing the burglar over and over >they all beep in victory after he's dead >"Good job Vektors. Go home." >all the little robots scurry away to their hiding spots
Anonymous | 68106536 6 hr. ago ... >burglar trying to enter my home >not managing to pick my lock >goes "f--- it" mode >pulls out handgun, smashes window with it >steps in, gun ready >l yell from my bedroom >"VEKTORS! PROTECT OUR HOME!" 473.9 kB JPG >numerous little beeps ensue >from the shadows, hundreds and hundreds of little robots emerge, each with a knife taped to them >burglar opens fire on the Vektors >they're too small and too nimble, he misses every shot >panicking, he tries to stomp them >one manages to stab his foot >screaming in pain, the burglar falls down >the little robots go for the kill, stabbing the burglar over and over >they all beep in victory after he's dead >"Good job Vektors. Go home." >all the little robots scurry away to their hiding spots

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anon gets a tip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)07:42:31 No.845130302 Img-1610977327033.jpg 86 KB JPG >driving >notice shirt is inside out >pull into parking lot to correct it >fix shirt >guy pulls up >'hey nice t---' >hands me a 10 dollar bill >mfw i'm a guy
: Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)07:42:31 No.845130302 Img-1610977327033.jpg 86 KB JPG >driving >notice shirt is inside out >pull into parking lot to correct it >fix shirt >guy pulls up >'hey nice t---' >hands me a 10 dollar bill >mfw i'm a guy

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Anon saves a life | /r/Greentext

3h (2/6 3:44) · 163471672 3 Replies >2019 >outside shoveling snow >look across the street and see my neighbor lying on his back in the middle of his driveway >go over to help him up, the guy isn't breathing and I can't feel a pulse >oh_shit.iso >call 911 and do chest compressions until he finally starts doing some horrible agonal breathing >after like 15 minutes, an ambulance arrives and takes the guy to the hospital >finish shoveling the guy's driveway for him >he apparently had a DNR order >he tried taking me to court, but l'm not a medical professional or even trained to do CPR >now he harasses me and makes a ton of noise all day long >he has had 2 DUI's since then I should've let him die.
3h (2/6 3:44) · 163471672 3 Replies >2019 >outside shoveling snow >look across the street and see my neighbor lying on his back in the middle of his driveway >go over to help him up, the guy isn't breathing and I can't feel a pulse >oh_shit.iso >call 911 and do chest compressions until he finally starts doing some horrible agonal breathing >after like 15 minutes, an ambulance arrives and takes the guy to the hospital >finish shoveling the guy's driveway for him >he apparently had a DNR order >he tried taking me to court, but l'm not a medical professional or even trained to do CPR >now he harasses me and makes a ton of noise all day long >he has had 2 DUI's since then I should've let him die.

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anon is deformed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)19:14:44 No.847479070 Friend said I should share this here >be me, 13 >born with this deformity called funnel chest, have a ~1 inch dent in my ribcage, pic related >spending a week in some christian 16 KB JPG summer camp >go swimming one day >take shirt off, people immediately notice >dumbfucks are absolutely fascinated by the deformity >that evening one of my roommates comes into our room >tells me to pull my shirt up and lay on the floor >am confused but do it >m----------- takes out a bottle and pours water into the dent >dent acts as a bowl, most of the water stays in it >slurp the water out of the cavity with a straw
: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)19:14:44 No.847479070 Friend said I should share this here >be me, 13 >born with this deformity called funnel chest, have a ~1 inch dent in my ribcage, pic related >spending a week in some christian 16 KB JPG summer camp >go swimming one day >take shirt off, people immediately notice >dumbfucks are absolutely fascinated by the deformity >that evening one of my roommates comes into our room >tells me to pull my shirt up and lay on the floor >am confused but do it >m----------- takes out a bottle and pours water into the dent >dent acts as a bowl, most of the water stays in it >slurp the water out of the cavity with a straw

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Superman falls for a devious ploy | /r/Greentext

File: d2t1id8houd51.jpg (36 KB, 640x480) O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:45:17 No.128659249 ► >128659259 >>128660467 >>128660524 >>128660542 >>128660566 >>128660647 >>128660653 >>128660699 >>128661346 >>128661491 >>128661499 >>128661871 >>128662681 >>128662704 >>128662941 >>128665426 >>128665981 >>128666629 >>128667647 >>128667754 >>128667765 >>128668148 >Anon I warned you about sexually harassing my cousin. Now get your c--- out, I'm burning it off. >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:47:04 No.128659259 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:15:24 No.128660270 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:38:53 No.128660467 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:47:53 No.128660524 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:49:11 No.128660532 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:50:17 No.128660542 ► >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:51:38 No.128660557 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:52:31 No.128660566 O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)10:02:39 No.128660647 ► >>128661953 >>128662617 >>128662634 >>128662732 >>128663901 >>128665099 >>128671372 File: Booty-Warrior.jpg (122 KB, 558x340) >>128659249 (OP) >I harassed her looking for booty >Not just any booty, but some of the tightest booty in the universe >I came looking for kryptonian man butt and you of course arrived to save the day >I knows that you're weak to kryptonite, so I got some here just for you >You can bring out your batman or martian manhunter, it makes no difference to me >l'd break the Bat worse than Bane and show the martian a true manhunter >Now I like you supes and I want to explode in you harder than Krypton did. >We can do this the easy way or the hard way >The choice is yours
File: d2t1id8houd51.jpg (36 KB, 640x480) O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:45:17 No.128659249 ► >128659259 >>128660467 >>128660524 >>128660542 >>128660566 >>128660647 >>128660653 >>128660699 >>128661346 >>128661491 >>128661499 >>128661871 >>128662681 >>128662704 >>128662941 >>128665426 >>128665981 >>128666629 >>128667647 >>128667754 >>128667765 >>128668148 >Anon I warned you about sexually harassing my cousin. Now get your c--- out, I'm burning it off. >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:47:04 No.128659259 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:15:24 No.128660270 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:38:53 No.128660467 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:47:53 No.128660524 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:49:11 No.128660532 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:50:17 No.128660542 ► >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:51:38 No.128660557 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:52:31 No.128660566 O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)10:02:39 No.128660647 ► >>128661953 >>128662617 >>128662634 >>128662732 >>128663901 >>128665099 >>128671372 File: Booty-Warrior.jpg (122 KB, 558x340) >>128659249 (OP) >I harassed her looking for booty >Not just any booty, but some of the tightest booty in the universe >I came looking for kryptonian man butt and you of course arrived to save the day >I knows that you're weak to kryptonite, so I got some here just for you >You can bring out your batman or martian manhunter, it makes no difference to me >l'd break the Bat worse than Bane and show the martian a true manhunter >Now I like you supes and I want to explode in you harder than Krypton did. >We can do this the easy way or the hard way >The choice is yours

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Anon visits America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)00:11:47 No.783736467 > be me > be an Asian who tried to learn English online > saw someone's translation of 4chan posts > find it hilarious and think it might be a good place to learn English 348 KB PNG > browse 4chan daily and become addicted > thought n----- and f----- are two neutral words to greet people, because they can be seen frequently on 4chan > finally decided to visit America > want to be friendly and greet every people I see > mfw I'm probably a retard View Thread
: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)00:11:47 No.783736467 > be me > be an Asian who tried to learn English online > saw someone's translation of 4chan posts > find it hilarious and think it might be a good place to learn English 348 KB PNG > browse 4chan daily and become addicted > thought n----- and f----- are two neutral words to greet people, because they can be seen frequently on 4chan > finally decided to visit America > want to be friendly and greet every people I see > mfw I'm probably a retard View Thread

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Anon is a pirate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game
: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game

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Anon had a weed phase | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)15:02:24 No.847604122 >be me end of high school >be in weed phase >come to class high af >red af eyes reeking of weed >everyone looks at me and teacher asks if i smoked weed >too high to think of what to say >"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent MILLIONAIRE 64 KB JPG parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it" >teacher looks at me worried >i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself >end up in a hospital >got suspended for being drunk in class
: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)15:02:24 No.847604122 >be me end of high school >be in weed phase >come to class high af >red af eyes reeking of weed >everyone looks at me and teacher asks if i smoked weed >too high to think of what to say >"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent MILLIONAIRE 64 KB JPG parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it" >teacher looks at me worried >i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself >end up in a hospital >got suspended for being drunk in class

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Anon wonders | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49063724 1 hr. ago >Open 4chan.org/r9k >No suicide threads >No gore threads >No YLYL threads >No fap thread >No doxxing thread >"Anon, just swinging by to say that you ARE important and you HAVE VALUE :)" >"Bro let's share our music bro, here's my soundcloud" >"Can you guys check out my stream?" >"Let's share our poetry with 40.6 kB JPG each other!" >Close 4chan.org/r9k Honestly, what the F--- happened to this website? 4 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 49063724 1 hr. ago >Open 4chan.org/r9k >No suicide threads >No gore threads >No YLYL threads >No fap thread >No doxxing thread >"Anon, just swinging by to say that you ARE important and you HAVE VALUE :)" >"Bro let's share our music bro, here's my soundcloud" >"Can you guys check out my stream?" >"Let's share our poetry with 40.6 kB JPG each other!" >Close 4chan.org/r9k Honestly, what the F--- happened to this website? 4 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon cleans his bathroom | /r/Greentext

Okay /b/, story time. >be 14 >be cleaning bathroom >have amazing idea >decide to mix bleach and vinegar in same bottle 1.93 MB JPG >maximumpower.mov >put in bottle >shake >use as normal >weird smell in room >whatthefuck.jpg >nostrils burning >tears forming >feel like passing out >almost puke >mfw I accidentally made chlorine gas >ffw 3 days >coughing up green sludge >fuckimgonnadie.wav >haven't stopped coughing since
Okay /b/, story time. >be 14 >be cleaning bathroom >have amazing idea >decide to mix bleach and vinegar in same bottle 1.93 MB JPG >maximumpower.mov >put in bottle >shake >use as normal >weird smell in room >whatthefuck.jpg >nostrils burning >tears forming >feel like passing out >almost puke >mfw I accidentally made chlorine gas >ffw 3 days >coughing up green sludge >fuckimgonnadie.wav >haven't stopped coughing since

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Anon has a shrimp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18(Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/f-- uncle's house for some s--- >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some s----- rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again thinkI f----- up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >s--- they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that l'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.
: Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18(Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/f-- uncle's house for some s--- >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some s----- rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again thinkI f----- up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >s--- they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that l'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

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Anon fails 1th grade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 13 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 >1th You deserve what you got op
: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 13 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 >1th You deserve what you got op

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Anon virginity is protected | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)14:29:47 No.784588026 >be me > 20 yo virgin > finally started talking to a girl > yes.gif > she is a redditfag > send her a greentext meme 107 KB GIF > she blocked me > thankyou 4 chan anon who made that greentext , very cool > mfw
: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)14:29:47 No.784588026 >be me > 20 yo virgin > finally started talking to a girl > yes.gif > she is a redditfag > send her a greentext meme 107 KB GIF > she blocked me > thankyou 4 chan anon who made that greentext , very cool > mfw

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anon got ripped off | /r/Greentext

"x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones
"x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones

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J.J Jameson learns about the J's the hard way | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)00:03:36 No.160652277 JJJ.jpg 91 KB JPG >Hoffman, you're s------- me; you can't come in? .Seventh Jewish guy to call in sick tomorrow, September 11th. >Yom Kippur? You made that s--- up. You're fired! Peter Parker enters. >Parker! Seen this in the financial section? Silverstein's shorting all the airline stocks. The f--- is going on? 200
: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)00:03:36 No.160652277 JJJ.jpg 91 KB JPG >Hoffman, you're s------- me; you can't come in? .Seventh Jewish guy to call in sick tomorrow, September 11th. >Yom Kippur? You made that s--- up. You're fired! Peter Parker enters. >Parker! Seen this in the financial section? Silverstein's shorting all the airline stocks. The f--- is going on? 200

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Anon tells the time | /r/Greentext

1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"
1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"

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