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Anon fell for a meme | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ...what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.
: Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:31:43 No.51572664 >fell for the throw your s--- in the attic meme >tfw parents are p-----, the damage costs a fortune to fix, and the smell isn't going away 71 KB JPG My parents are thinking of kicking me out. I'm seriously scared. : Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:33:08 No.51572686 >>51572664 (OP) # ...what are you talking about? what meme? >>51572723 # Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)22:35:37 No.51572723 >>51572686 # So you don't have to leave your room to s---, and so you don'thave to go in jugs, you can throw it in the attic. I have a little trap door to the attic in my closet. I threw my s--- up in there and you said squirrels will carry it away but they haven't it just builds up and damages the house.

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Anon repairs a computer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.46107197 1 hour ago >fixing notebook for a ~70 years old lady >comes, pays, asks about gaming tier GPUS for her desktop >little took back I inquire about the price range and what games, solitaire, sudoku, puzzle games... >nope, I play the Assasin >Assassin's creed? >yes, on my grandsons console, I just love Venice >she pauses >and killing people 3 replies
Anonymous No.46107197 1 hour ago >fixing notebook for a ~70 years old lady >comes, pays, asks about gaming tier GPUS for her desktop >little took back I inquire about the price range and what games, solitaire, sudoku, puzzle games... >nope, I play the Assasin >Assassin's creed? >yes, on my grandsons console, I just love Venice >she pauses >and killing people 3 replies

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Hep finds a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/19(Tue)08:46:58 No.52633633 >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig 9 KB PNG >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?
: Anonymous 05/28/19(Tue)08:46:58 No.52633633 >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig 9 KB PNG >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?

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Anon has a set of skills | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/19(Wed)14:17:06 No.52095217 >unclasp girls bra behind her back >she assumes i have a lot of experience with women >its actually because i used to cross dress 22 KB PNG who /devilish/ here View Thread
: Anonymous 04/24/19(Wed)14:17:06 No.52095217 >unclasp girls bra behind her back >she assumes i have a lot of experience with women >its actually because i used to cross dress 22 KB PNG who /devilish/ here View Thread

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He is right | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYu08L. _SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f----- reddit
Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:00 No.53878455 >>53878466 >>53878475 >>53878439 >she if it has a penis it isnt a "she" Anonymous 08/13/19(Tue)01:30:54 No.53878466 File: 410gxVYu08L. _SX425_jpg (21 KB, 425x408) >>53878515 >>53878455 I'm straight so whatever makes my d--- hard is a woman f----- reddit

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they in the fuckin woods | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/04/14(Sat)17:46 UTC-5 No.40237147 0 Replies: >>40237326 >>40237371 >Go see some horror movie years ago with a friend at midnight. >Theater is empty except some black woman up front. >she starts yelling. >"NAW DONT GO IN THERE" >"WHY YOU DO THAT" >l yell back "TELL HER" >"YEAH SEE THIS BOI GETS IT" >"YEAH I GET IT" >later, a person dies from being decapitated, the woman screams. >"0000H DAYUM" >l yell back. >"DO YOU THINK SHE'S DEAD" >"HOW THE F--- YOU GON LIVE WITH NO HEAD" >"I DONT KNOW MAYBE AN AMBULANCE WILL COME" >"THEY IN THE F----- WOODS"
Anonymous 01/04/14(Sat)17:46 UTC-5 No.40237147 0 Replies: >>40237326 >>40237371 >Go see some horror movie years ago with a friend at midnight. >Theater is empty except some black woman up front. >she starts yelling. >"NAW DONT GO IN THERE" >"WHY YOU DO THAT" >l yell back "TELL HER" >"YEAH SEE THIS BOI GETS IT" >"YEAH I GET IT" >later, a person dies from being decapitated, the woman screams. >"0000H DAYUM" >l yell back. >"DO YOU THINK SHE'S DEAD" >"HOW THE F--- YOU GON LIVE WITH NO HEAD" >"I DONT KNOW MAYBE AN AMBULANCE WILL COME" >"THEY IN THE F----- WOODS"

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Anon is fucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:29:31 No.50580097 Femanon here. If you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth. Honestly if a guy who was at least 5'11 approached me and asked me out and he didn't seem like a r-----/ murderer and was somewhat good looking, l'd go on a 74 KB JPG date with him. Get some confidence, god. : Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:35:28 No.50580197 >>50580097 (OP) # >lf you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself okay good so far >and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth f--- >at least 5'11 F--- >didn't seem like a r----- / murderer and was somewhat good looking F------ ROASTIE WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:29:31 No.50580097 Femanon here. If you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth. Honestly if a guy who was at least 5'11 approached me and asked me out and he didn't seem like a r-----/ murderer and was somewhat good looking, l'd go on a 74 KB JPG date with him. Get some confidence, god. : Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)13:35:28 No.50580197 >>50580097 (OP) # >lf you guys wanted a gf all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself okay good so far >and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth f--- >at least 5'11 F--- >didn't seem like a r----- / murderer and was somewhat good looking F------ ROASTIE WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE

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Anon isn't in America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ZE+omJEM 12/04/21 (Sat)06:18:41 No.13972360 >Go to Britain >Visit a pub >Order some French fries with my beer >Weird and toothy looking bartender (pubtender?) goes 86 KB JPG ballistic >OI THEY IS CALLED CHIPS THEY IS! MADE FROM THE FINEST POTATOES IN ALL THE QUEEN'S LAND THEY IS SHOW THEM THE PROPER RESPECT >Sorry bro I meant chips >bartender turns to a portrait of the queen hanging above the bar >OI YOUR MAJESTY HE'S SORRY HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING The fries weren't very good and I have a feeling they were not actually made from the finest potatoes in the commonwealth 5 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: ZE+omJEM 12/04/21 (Sat)06:18:41 No.13972360 >Go to Britain >Visit a pub >Order some French fries with my beer >Weird and toothy looking bartender (pubtender?) goes 86 KB JPG ballistic >OI THEY IS CALLED CHIPS THEY IS! MADE FROM THE FINEST POTATOES IN ALL THE QUEEN'S LAND THEY IS SHOW THEM THE PROPER RESPECT >Sorry bro I meant chips >bartender turns to a portrait of the queen hanging above the bar >OI YOUR MAJESTY HE'S SORRY HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING The fries weren't very good and I have a feeling they were not actually made from the finest potatoes in the commonwealth 5 Replies View Thread

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Anons going to jail | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)20:47:23 No.847933501 >bought cyanide from deep web years ago when I was depressed >eventually got therapy and became happy >ffwd to right now, throwing a secret house party (parents away) >everyone is drunk as f--- >my mind is so numb tht I couldn't think 8 KB JPG straight >decide to whip out cyanide and empty it in multiple shots >play shot roulette >tell everyone some of them will taste vile >one thing led to another >2 people "passed out" on couch >sobered up rn and it just dawned on me >there's gonna be a f--- ton of bodies tomorrow morning >panicking in bathroom don't know what to do HELP IM SO F-----. IT DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT IM BASICALLY KILLING BY DOING THIS
: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)20:47:23 No.847933501 >bought cyanide from deep web years ago when I was depressed >eventually got therapy and became happy >ffwd to right now, throwing a secret house party (parents away) >everyone is drunk as f--- >my mind is so numb tht I couldn't think 8 KB JPG straight >decide to whip out cyanide and empty it in multiple shots >play shot roulette >tell everyone some of them will taste vile >one thing led to another >2 people "passed out" on couch >sobered up rn and it just dawned on me >there's gonna be a f--- ton of bodies tomorrow morning >panicking in bathroom don't know what to do HELP IM SO F-----. IT DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT IM BASICALLY KILLING BY DOING THIS

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Anon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/12/19(Mon)21:51:20 No.806983152 Your earliest sexual secrets WE ALL HA VE SECRETS! 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/12/19(Mon)21:54:55 No.806983444 : Anonymous 08/12/19(Mon)21:55:22 No.806983493 When I was 34 a cashier smiled and said hi to me >>806988029 # >>806995475 # >>806999357 # >>807005004 # >>807007116 # >>807010089 # >>807011981 #
: Anonymous 08/12/19(Mon)21:51:20 No.806983152 Your earliest sexual secrets WE ALL HA VE SECRETS! 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/12/19(Mon)21:54:55 No.806983444 : Anonymous 08/12/19(Mon)21:55:22 No.806983493 When I was 34 a cashier smiled and said hi to me >>806988029 # >>806995475 # >>806999357 # >>807005004 # >>807007116 # >>807010089 # >>807011981 #

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Can someone make anon feel less sad? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/09/18(Mon)10:38:54 No.44540287 > be middle school loner with no friends > close to summer holidays > all students were told to read the book > having nothing better to do, read 45 KB JPG it > because school is inviting the obscure author of the book > he was the guest speaker during assembly > principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it > quiet, awkward silence > people were muttering nobody read it > felt bad for the author > told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions > one question after another, only I answered > author was happy that I knew about the details > school staff felt less embarassed > after assembly classmates started to make fun of me > called kiss ass and book worm etc. > got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school mfw made an obscure author proud of his work in exchange of my dignity in middle school
Anonymous 04/09/18(Mon)10:38:54 No.44540287 > be middle school loner with no friends > close to summer holidays > all students were told to read the book > having nothing better to do, read 45 KB JPG it > because school is inviting the obscure author of the book > he was the guest speaker during assembly > principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it > quiet, awkward silence > people were muttering nobody read it > felt bad for the author > told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions > one question after another, only I answered > author was happy that I knew about the details > school staff felt less embarassed > after assembly classmates started to make fun of me > called kiss ass and book worm etc. > got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school mfw made an obscure author proud of his work in exchange of my dignity in middle school

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Anon has real friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/19(Sat)23:11:44 No.807955305 >be me >drinking with a couple friends >in tha hood >we're going out >i bring a knife >get jumped by a guy 6 KB JPG >he was probably high >stab him in the stomach I now have to pay my "friends" 100$ every month for their silence >want to die >>807955505 # : Anonymous 08/24/19(Sat)23:15:50 No.807955505 >>807955305 # it costs 0$ to stab them too
: Anonymous 08/24/19(Sat)23:11:44 No.807955305 >be me >drinking with a couple friends >in tha hood >we're going out >i bring a knife >get jumped by a guy 6 KB JPG >he was probably high >stab him in the stomach I now have to pay my "friends" 100$ every month for their silence >want to die >>807955505 # : Anonymous 08/24/19(Sat)23:15:50 No.807955505 >>807955305 # it costs 0$ to stab them too

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Anon meets Great Philosopher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/16/20(Sat)14:33:32 No.115014871 >>115014616 # >Anon approaches the Great Philosopher and asks him "Great Philosopher, are large breasts or small breasts better?" >The Great Philospher sat in silence for a moment, and then commanded Anon to reach for his wallet. >"How much do you have in bills?" The Great Philospher asked. Anon told him he had $30 in bills. >"Suppose you were to have $30 in coins as well, which would have greater mass?" >Anon told the Great Philospher that it would be the coins, by a long way. >"But which," the Great Philsopher said, "would have the greater value?" >Anon was enlightened.
: Anonymous 05/16/20(Sat)14:33:32 No.115014871 >>115014616 # >Anon approaches the Great Philosopher and asks him "Great Philosopher, are large breasts or small breasts better?" >The Great Philospher sat in silence for a moment, and then commanded Anon to reach for his wallet. >"How much do you have in bills?" The Great Philospher asked. Anon told him he had $30 in bills. >"Suppose you were to have $30 in coins as well, which would have greater mass?" >Anon told the Great Philospher that it would be the coins, by a long way. >"But which," the Great Philsopher said, "would have the greater value?" >Anon was enlightened.

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anon churns their own butter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)21:23:06 No.51034759 I just shoved a whole stick of (salted) butter up my a------ and now it's currently melting inside me. Will report back with results when it's fully melted. 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)22:28:14 No.51035749 OK so I was able to get most of it in the bowl. Here's how l'll describe the experience. It feels great going in, then quickly becomes unpleasant. Once it fully melts, it becomes unmanageable as it will literally leak out of 1.3 MB JPG you. I wrote the OP laying on my back and as soon as I sat up I realized I was in trouble. Some of the butter got on my mattress. I tried to take it to the kitchen but that wasn't happening. The bathroom was closer. I got most of it into the bowl but it sort of exploded out of me so now there's butter everywhere in the bathroom. I wasn't expecting it to BURN LIKE HELL COMING OUT. MY A------ IS ON FIRE IT F------ HURTS. Probably because of the salt. I'm on the verge of crying, this could absolutely become a form of torture. Also I think the butter in its melted state tricks your body into thinking you have diarrhea because it sent me into horrible contractions and now l'm spewing diarrhea like crazy. I think I triggered something. The butter is really oily. Upside: the inside of my ass feels super soft. Downside: it's IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of the oily feeling. I'm going to have to take a shower. I can keep wiping and wiping and wiping and still see melted butter on the paper towels ifunny.co
: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)21:23:06 No.51034759 I just shoved a whole stick of (salted) butter up my a------ and now it's currently melting inside me. Will report back with results when it's fully melted. 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)22:28:14 No.51035749 OK so I was able to get most of it in the bowl. Here's how l'll describe the experience. It feels great going in, then quickly becomes unpleasant. Once it fully melts, it becomes unmanageable as it will literally leak out of 1.3 MB JPG you. I wrote the OP laying on my back and as soon as I sat up I realized I was in trouble. Some of the butter got on my mattress. I tried to take it to the kitchen but that wasn't happening. The bathroom was closer. I got most of it into the bowl but it sort of exploded out of me so now there's butter everywhere in the bathroom. I wasn't expecting it to BURN LIKE HELL COMING OUT. MY A------ IS ON FIRE IT F------ HURTS. Probably because of the salt. I'm on the verge of crying, this could absolutely become a form of torture. Also I think the butter in its melted state tricks your body into thinking you have diarrhea because it sent me into horrible contractions and now l'm spewing diarrhea like crazy. I think I triggered something. The butter is really oily. Upside: the inside of my ass feels super soft. Downside: it's IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of the oily feeling. I'm going to have to take a shower. I can keep wiping and wiping and wiping and still see melted butter on the paper towels ifunny.co

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Anon's Happy time with his mom. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/18(Sat)03:07:57 No.764293421 >be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it 69 KB JPG >mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind >whatever.avi >"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted" >mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something Love you mom.
: Anonymous 03/31/18(Sat)03:07:57 No.764293421 >be me >neet loser >hate myself >not good at anything >it's pizza friday >my mom makes the pizza dough, and i make the rest of it 69 KB JPG >mom usually doesn't have pizza >eat my pizza upstairs in my room >tasty.png >go downstairs for more >my mom calls me into her room >"hey anon, i ate some of you pizza, hope you don't mind >whatever.avi >"you make really good pizzas anon. they're the best i've ever tasted" >mom makes my bro try some of the pizza >he loves it aswell >mfw i'm actually OK at something Love you mom.

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Anon is Gay | /r/Greentext

File: ab.jpg (190 KB, 1400x1050) Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)13:50:38 No.67240903 [Reply] >>67241829 My parents are convinced that l'm gay >they constantly ask me if I have a bf >they have sat me down to tell me that I can love whoever I want >they look at me weirdly whenever there is a gay guy in a movie we're watching >they more I deny it the more they think I'm gay >how do I convince them that l'm straight?(other than getting a gf)
File: ab.jpg (190 KB, 1400x1050) Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)13:50:38 No.67240903 [Reply] >>67241829 My parents are convinced that l'm gay >they constantly ask me if I have a bf >they have sat me down to tell me that I can love whoever I want >they look at me weirdly whenever there is a gay guy in a movie we're watching >they more I deny it the more they think I'm gay >how do I convince them that l'm straight?(other than getting a gf)

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I absolutely love this one | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. aç >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES
Anonymous | 47733285 1 hr. aç >l just lost an argument in my head against a person that doesn't even exist >l even stuttered 48.1 kB PNG 2 REPLIES O IMAGES

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Anon faces criminal charges | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)17:13:01 No.8549449C Normies are going to make internet trolling a crime, thanks Zucc, truly a bright future. 100 KB JPG >>85494744 # : Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)17:31:03 No.854947 >>85494490 # >The FBI will be investigating me noclipping into a board meeting as george floyd big chungus and micspamming gangnam style What a world...
: Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)17:13:01 No.8549449C Normies are going to make internet trolling a crime, thanks Zucc, truly a bright future. 100 KB JPG >>85494744 # : Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)17:31:03 No.854947 >>85494490 # >The FBI will be investigating me noclipping into a board meeting as george floyd big chungus and micspamming gangnam style What a world...

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Anon doesn’t know Whoopi Goldberg | /r/Greentext

02/02/22(Wed)10:50:37 No.359280212 ABC News has suspended 'The View' host Whoopi Goldberg Goldberg was suspended for two weeks on Tuesday night, one day after she drew significant criticism for falsely declaring that the Holocaust was "not about race." BREAKING NEWS CCF905C7-5C83-4D6D-864F-40517C2F162A.jpg 1.18 MB JPG Whoopi Goldberg just discovered that as a black person, you can talk smack about all kinds of people. Except jews. 33 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
02/02/22(Wed)10:50:37 No.359280212 ABC News has suspended 'The View' host Whoopi Goldberg Goldberg was suspended for two weeks on Tuesday night, one day after she drew significant criticism for falsely declaring that the Holocaust was "not about race." BREAKING NEWS CCF905C7-5C83-4D6D-864F-40517C2F162A.jpg 1.18 MB JPG Whoopi Goldberg just discovered that as a black person, you can talk smack about all kinds of people. Except jews. 33 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon thinks Rick is cool. | /r/Greentext

27m (2/1 21:51) · 871852016 7 Re · 0 Img · JPG 6KB · (150 × 195) 3 Replies >Be 15 yo me >2017 >Start watching Rick and Morty >Think Rick is a cool character >Start acting like him at school >Girl that I liked tells me she likes me, instantly reject her because I thought rejecting my possibly future wife made me look cool >Start shittalking people and burping because I think it makes me look cool >People stop talking to me >I end up with no friends >I don't care because I'm too cool for them >ff 2022 >Everytime I think of this I scream in agony
27m (2/1 21:51) · 871852016 7 Re · 0 Img · JPG 6KB · (150 × 195) 3 Replies >Be 15 yo me >2017 >Start watching Rick and Morty >Think Rick is a cool character >Start acting like him at school >Girl that I liked tells me she likes me, instantly reject her because I thought rejecting my possibly future wife made me look cool >Start shittalking people and burping because I think it makes me look cool >People stop talking to me >I end up with no friends >I don't care because I'm too cool for them >ff 2022 >Everytime I think of this I scream in agony

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