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Anon exposes the truth. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/22(Sun)17:44:29 No.871724980 >*shines red light on a bunch of nonsense lines* >*boop* do you seriously still believe in this? 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/30/22(Sun)17:44:29 No.871724980 >*shines red light on a bunch of nonsense lines* >*boop* do you seriously still believe in this? 26 KB JPG

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Anon pulls a funny prank | /r/Greentext

>Call my local bowling alley >"Do you have 30 lb balls? I can't really lift/throw anything heavier." >"Yes we do have 30 lb balls." >"THEN HOW DO YOU WALK!?!" >Hang up the phone НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА
>Call my local bowling alley >"Do you have 30 lb balls? I can't really lift/throw anything heavier." >"Yes we do have 30 lb balls." >"THEN HOW DO YOU WALK!?!" >Hang up the phone НАНАНАНАНАНАНАНА

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On the wings of an angel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Times women were interested in(...) 01/30/22(Sun)18:03:16 No.67217509 In College a chinese girl had a huge crush on me; I never even bothered to learn her name because one of the first things she tried to do was get me to set up her IDE in a programming class. I'm so deoresses, I cateven bink 261 KB PNG >That's not my f------ job you lazy c---, google it. Anyway, she sat next to me, tried to talk to me, tried being friendly with me, etc. >This chick even knew I would get up way before everyone else (like 5AM) and do my morning pace around the dorms (autism), so she walked out in the halls in nothing but her panties upon hearing me slam my door open. >One day she made wings for me; I don't like wings but decided to be polite. I took one bite and couldn't resist the urge to spit it in the trash. >l could not chew, nor swallow. >The taste of vinegar and sesame overpowered my senses. It was one of the most disgusting f------ things I've ever had in my mouth, worse than 3 month old piss.
: Anonymous Times women were interested in(...) 01/30/22(Sun)18:03:16 No.67217509 In College a chinese girl had a huge crush on me; I never even bothered to learn her name because one of the first things she tried to do was get me to set up her IDE in a programming class. I'm so deoresses, I cateven bink 261 KB PNG >That's not my f------ job you lazy c---, google it. Anyway, she sat next to me, tried to talk to me, tried being friendly with me, etc. >This chick even knew I would get up way before everyone else (like 5AM) and do my morning pace around the dorms (autism), so she walked out in the halls in nothing but her panties upon hearing me slam my door open. >One day she made wings for me; I don't like wings but decided to be polite. I took one bite and couldn't resist the urge to spit it in the trash. >l could not chew, nor swallow. >The taste of vinegar and sesame overpowered my senses. It was one of the most disgusting f------ things I've ever had in my mouth, worse than 3 month old piss.

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Anon educates his parents | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49052285 15 min. ago >normie sister is watching tv with parents asks who my waifu is >easy way out = dont have one >parents ask her what a waifu is >her knowlege of waifuism comes from some normiecore reddit top post jewtube channel >"oh you see its where a guy loves and thinks hes genuinely married to an anime girl" icantholditback.avi 78.3 kB JPG >explain waifuism to parents Why does brain do this...
Anonymous | 49052285 15 min. ago >normie sister is watching tv with parents asks who my waifu is >easy way out = dont have one >parents ask her what a waifu is >her knowlege of waifuism comes from some normiecore reddit top post jewtube channel >"oh you see its where a guy loves and thinks hes genuinely married to an anime girl" icantholditback.avi 78.3 kB JPG >explain waifuism to parents Why does brain do this...

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Anon is the class clown | /r/Greentext

Greatest accomplishment thread >be me >be 11 years old >in French class with an 67 KB PNG angry black man for a teacher >he always gives people detention >somebody says the word "imitate" in french >class autist asks what that word means >in my class, nobody was allowed to speak English for any reason >teacher asks somebody to imitate him as a demonstration >raise my hand >l've been waiting for this moment my whole life >he picks me >frickyeah.jpg >stand up at the front of class >point at people and shout "detention!" for like 15 seconds straight >whole class keks >mfw he couldn't even give me a detention because that would prove my point
Greatest accomplishment thread >be me >be 11 years old >in French class with an 67 KB PNG angry black man for a teacher >he always gives people detention >somebody says the word "imitate" in french >class autist asks what that word means >in my class, nobody was allowed to speak English for any reason >teacher asks somebody to imitate him as a demonstration >raise my hand >l've been waiting for this moment my whole life >he picks me >frickyeah.jpg >stand up at the front of class >point at people and shout "detention!" for like 15 seconds straight >whole class keks >mfw he couldn't even give me a detention because that would prove my point

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femanon finds true love | /r/Greentext

>be me >24 yo femanon >go on tinder date >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >we hit it off >he actually gets my sense of humour and likes pepes and anime and vidya >i mention 4chan >he posts /r9k/ and /v/ all the time >toogoodtobetrue.peg? >he's super sweet and comments how pretty and feminine i look 341.5 kB PNG >go back to his place >he grabs my crotch >"oh... i thought you'd have a.." he says disappointed >he thought i was a trap >mfw
>be me >24 yo femanon >go on tinder date >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >we hit it off >he actually gets my sense of humour and likes pepes and anime and vidya >i mention 4chan >he posts /r9k/ and /v/ all the time >toogoodtobetrue.peg? >he's super sweet and comments how pretty and feminine i look 341.5 kB PNG >go back to his place >he grabs my crotch >"oh... i thought you'd have a.." he says disappointed >he thought i was a trap >mfw

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Dumb Cousin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)11:40:06 No.868542241 Whose the dumbass of your family /b/? I've got a cousin who to this day is still somehow breathing, here's all the stupid s--- he's done. 175 KB JPG >stuck his whole arm inside of a ball return at a bowling alley and got his hand jammed in the machine so bad the fire department had to come break it. >smoked meth and overdosed the first time he ever smoked it >drank bleach to pass a pre employment drug test and ended up needing to have surgery done to remove a section of his intestines. >broke his femur while running in a field and stepping into a hole >ditched school to have sex with a girl when we were in highschool, her dad came home to them having sex and beat the s--- out of him. >broke his wrist by jumping out of a tree with a shopping bag for a parachute >covered his face in axe body spray and lit it on fire burning off his eyebrows >got third degree burn in 112 degree heat because "sunscreen is for p------" >got robbed at gunpoint trying to meet a girl from Craigslist for sex >choked himself with a belt while jerking off and my aunt whose a RN found him passed out with the belt around his neck This m------------ has kids now and still walks this green f------ earth. HOW!?!?!
: Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)11:40:06 No.868542241 Whose the dumbass of your family /b/? I've got a cousin who to this day is still somehow breathing, here's all the stupid s--- he's done. 175 KB JPG >stuck his whole arm inside of a ball return at a bowling alley and got his hand jammed in the machine so bad the fire department had to come break it. >smoked meth and overdosed the first time he ever smoked it >drank bleach to pass a pre employment drug test and ended up needing to have surgery done to remove a section of his intestines. >broke his femur while running in a field and stepping into a hole >ditched school to have sex with a girl when we were in highschool, her dad came home to them having sex and beat the s--- out of him. >broke his wrist by jumping out of a tree with a shopping bag for a parachute >covered his face in axe body spray and lit it on fire burning off his eyebrows >got third degree burn in 112 degree heat because "sunscreen is for p------" >got robbed at gunpoint trying to meet a girl from Craigslist for sex >choked himself with a belt while jerking off and my aunt whose a RN found him passed out with the belt around his neck This m------------ has kids now and still walks this green f------ earth. HOW!?!?!

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Anon leaves | /r/Greentext

>grow green >turn brown >refuse to elaborate further >leaves
>grow green >turn brown >refuse to elaborate further >leaves

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Anon is a shepherd | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets inspired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/18(Sat)09:38:35 No.43275078, Good morning! :D You are good and lovely. :3 You have the ability. ^w^ 34 KB JPG I love you. x3 *huggles tightly* *wuggles* (wuv + huggles) *boops your cheek, nose, and tummy tum tum* 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/17/18(Sat)09:43:06 No.43275154 Thank you, you've inspired me to finally commit suicide
: Anonymous 02/17/18(Sat)09:38:35 No.43275078, Good morning! :D You are good and lovely. :3 You have the ability. ^w^ 34 KB JPG I love you. x3 *huggles tightly* *wuggles* (wuv + huggles) *boops your cheek, nose, and tummy tum tum* 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/17/18(Sat)09:43:06 No.43275154 Thank you, you've inspired me to finally commit suicide

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Anon is a fascist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 784195819 2 min. ago >Be Me, Redditfag >See post on front page >"all republicans should die" >mind you this sub is 'bipartisan' >l post comment saying that you shouldn't judge people based on their party >Get downvotes 88.4 kB JPG >Someone replies >"maybe you should die too" >Gets 50 upvotes >Someone replies to that >r/murderedbywords >what.jpg what do?
Anonymous | 784195819 2 min. ago >Be Me, Redditfag >See post on front page >"all republicans should die" >mind you this sub is 'bipartisan' >l post comment saying that you shouldn't judge people based on their party >Get downvotes 88.4 kB JPG >Someone replies >"maybe you should die too" >Gets 50 upvotes >Someone replies to that >r/murderedbywords >what.jpg what do?

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Anon gets off work. | /r/Greentext


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Anon tried to see what he was made of | /r/Greentext

cavinglelno.jpg 44 KB JPG >MRI scan in old school narrow tube >'anon it's probably best to keep your eyes gently closed' >heh I wonder what it looks like in here >open eyes >instant full body panic attack starting with a rush from my feet to my brain nervous system is on fire >hyperventilating, reach for bail out button but don't hit it >sweat it out for twenty minutes with my eyes screwed shut >now have claustophobic anxiety attacks in anything smaller than a lift yeah f--- caving
cavinglelno.jpg 44 KB JPG >MRI scan in old school narrow tube >'anon it's probably best to keep your eyes gently closed' >heh I wonder what it looks like in here >open eyes >instant full body panic attack starting with a rush from my feet to my brain nervous system is on fire >hyperventilating, reach for bail out button but don't hit it >sweat it out for twenty minutes with my eyes screwed shut >now have claustophobic anxiety attacks in anything smaller than a lift yeah f--- caving

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Anon shows off his muscles | /r/Greentext

>on construction site working >hot as f--- aussie summer heat >dyel skinny owner of house is walking around shirtless. >Imao >go to my truck on the ladder rack, do some chinups, get a good 16 KB JPG pump >go back inside > say"man it sure is hot isnt it?" To the owner >take off my shirt. Lean and 2x as big as owner >spend rest of day shirtless : Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)23:25:30 No.53260980 >>53260968 (OP) # >slave has more muscle than its owner Cool
>on construction site working >hot as f--- aussie summer heat >dyel skinny owner of house is walking around shirtless. >Imao >go to my truck on the ladder rack, do some chinups, get a good 16 KB JPG pump >go back inside > say"man it sure is hot isnt it?" To the owner >take off my shirt. Lean and 2x as big as owner >spend rest of day shirtless : Anonymous 11/19/19(Tue)23:25:30 No.53260980 >>53260968 (OP) # >slave has more muscle than its owner Cool

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Anon is an eurotard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country 140 KB JPG >no universal healthcare >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.
: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country 140 KB JPG >no universal healthcare >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.

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Anon's life gets turned upside down Pt 2 | /r/Greentext

Following up because I heard from someone that one of you bastards took a screenshot of my wife leaving and trying to get full custody of our son. 37 KB JPG QRD - wife had cancer. I worked three jobs. She cheated on me and then filed for divorce and also filed to gain full custody of our kid. >I hired an attorney who immediately told me her infidelity doesn't matter in a no fault state. >l was ordered to unfreeze bank accounts because her name was also on them. She withdrew nearly $62,000 in two weeks. >She has our son and is staying with her mom but also with her new boyfriend. >Attorney is trying to prepare me for the worst. Female judge in our county and he said the chances of me getting anything better than seeing my son every other weekend is "around zero percent, Anon." >I cry a lot mostly because people ask me what happened. >My mother calls me daily only to tell me about pictures and videos my soon to be ex-wife posts on her social media "Story". I have asked my mom to please stop. >Back down to working my main job. >Attorneys want me to pay child support and to also provide alimony payments due to my wife and I being together for so long (15 total years of living together, 9 years of marriage). >Budget the best I can but will go broke by late this II year. I cannot miss my son's first day of school. His first t- ball game. Doctors appointments. What if he is crying for me? I need him to know I am going to fight with all I have. Life is pretty f----- up right now. I just keep going for my son.
Following up because I heard from someone that one of you bastards took a screenshot of my wife leaving and trying to get full custody of our son. 37 KB JPG QRD - wife had cancer. I worked three jobs. She cheated on me and then filed for divorce and also filed to gain full custody of our kid. >I hired an attorney who immediately told me her infidelity doesn't matter in a no fault state. >l was ordered to unfreeze bank accounts because her name was also on them. She withdrew nearly $62,000 in two weeks. >She has our son and is staying with her mom but also with her new boyfriend. >Attorney is trying to prepare me for the worst. Female judge in our county and he said the chances of me getting anything better than seeing my son every other weekend is "around zero percent, Anon." >I cry a lot mostly because people ask me what happened. >My mother calls me daily only to tell me about pictures and videos my soon to be ex-wife posts on her social media "Story". I have asked my mom to please stop. >Back down to working my main job. >Attorneys want me to pay child support and to also provide alimony payments due to my wife and I being together for so long (15 total years of living together, 9 years of marriage). >Budget the best I can but will go broke by late this II year. I cannot miss my son's first day of school. His first t- ball game. Doctors appointments. What if he is crying for me? I need him to know I am going to fight with all I have. Life is pretty f----- up right now. I just keep going for my son.

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Anon keeps living to spite the world. | /r/Greentext

Because I'm not going to give the world or ex girlfriend's the satisfaction of seeing me die. My most recent ex was a bitch who couldn't properly communicate. >she begged me to take her to the gym one weekend >ask what she would like to work on "Cardio. Me and some girls from work are going to run a 10K next month." >tell her that sounds good and that I will be working core >go the aerobics room and start some yoga stretches Cobra stretching when I see her walk in >she tells me she's ready to go >say okay and go put on my Hoodia >she's waiting for me at the door with her arms folded >walk out to car and ask her what's wrong >she's quiet on the way home "Anon I'm going to my sister's house" >she texts me and says she is breaking up with me because I was stretching in front of other girls dafuq.png >tell her okay and then don't message her >she messages me three days later and says I'm an a------ for ignoring her >she tells me she hopes I die Together for two years. Walked away in a second because she couldn't keep the facade up any longer and let her crazy come out. Joke is on her. More time for me to do s--- I want to do.
Because I'm not going to give the world or ex girlfriend's the satisfaction of seeing me die. My most recent ex was a bitch who couldn't properly communicate. >she begged me to take her to the gym one weekend >ask what she would like to work on "Cardio. Me and some girls from work are going to run a 10K next month." >tell her that sounds good and that I will be working core >go the aerobics room and start some yoga stretches Cobra stretching when I see her walk in >she tells me she's ready to go >say okay and go put on my Hoodia >she's waiting for me at the door with her arms folded >walk out to car and ask her what's wrong >she's quiet on the way home "Anon I'm going to my sister's house" >she texts me and says she is breaking up with me because I was stretching in front of other girls dafuq.png >tell her okay and then don't message her >she messages me three days later and says I'm an a------ for ignoring her >she tells me she hopes I die Together for two years. Walked away in a second because she couldn't keep the facade up any longer and let her crazy come out. Joke is on her. More time for me to do s--- I want to do.

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Anon has a girlfriend. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/16/18(Wed)23:00:26 No.45437258 >>45437292 >>45437306 >get gf >among serious issues is mild insomnia >cant fall asleep, too many troubles >first night over, she gets panic attack >barely able to calm her down >tons of arbritary rules to fall asleep >get to know her better, build trust >leam to calm her down regularly >"you have such a calming presence, anon." >cuddle with her for hours >she finally learns to relax and let go >always comes over for cuddles, always falls asleep right away >gradually no rules needed anymore >just a bit of petting and she sleeps >people start commenting how she looks much healthier >the rings under her eyes slowly vanish >instead of sleep being stressful, its now relaxing, she looks foward to it >always make sure to tell her that i love before she falls asleep, so she doesnt worry about that >sometimes she comes over just to sleep >gradually she leams to sleep alone at home as well >"thanks for teaching me to sleep, anon." i still audibly tell her 'good night, i love you' every night. even though she now isnt there anymore to hear it. i hope she sleeps well.
Anonymous 05/16/18(Wed)23:00:26 No.45437258 >>45437292 >>45437306 >get gf >among serious issues is mild insomnia >cant fall asleep, too many troubles >first night over, she gets panic attack >barely able to calm her down >tons of arbritary rules to fall asleep >get to know her better, build trust >leam to calm her down regularly >"you have such a calming presence, anon." >cuddle with her for hours >she finally learns to relax and let go >always comes over for cuddles, always falls asleep right away >gradually no rules needed anymore >just a bit of petting and she sleeps >people start commenting how she looks much healthier >the rings under her eyes slowly vanish >instead of sleep being stressful, its now relaxing, she looks foward to it >always make sure to tell her that i love before she falls asleep, so she doesnt worry about that >sometimes she comes over just to sleep >gradually she leams to sleep alone at home as well >"thanks for teaching me to sleep, anon." i still audibly tell her 'good night, i love you' every night. even though she now isnt there anymore to hear it. i hope she sleeps well.

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Anon plays Hotline Miami | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/22(Sun)14:52:34 No.871697398 >Walk outside at night >Van pulls up next to me >Furries with baseball bats step out >What the f---? >They scream that im prey and run after me >Oh f--- 17 KB JPG >Out run them easily, their fat f---- >Look behind my back >Some dude with a shotgun steps out, not in fursuit >l'm gonna die >Sees me >"H-------- THATS A DEMON!" >Points gun >F------ run away like im usian bolt >Shoots but misses >Run back to my appartment >What the f--- just happend!? : Anonymous 01/30/22(Sun)14:59:12 No.871697638 I also enjoyed Hotline Miami 2
: Anonymous 01/30/22(Sun)14:52:34 No.871697398 >Walk outside at night >Van pulls up next to me >Furries with baseball bats step out >What the f---? >They scream that im prey and run after me >Oh f--- 17 KB JPG >Out run them easily, their fat f---- >Look behind my back >Some dude with a shotgun steps out, not in fursuit >l'm gonna die >Sees me >"H-------- THATS A DEMON!" >Points gun >F------ run away like im usian bolt >Shoots but misses >Run back to my appartment >What the f--- just happend!? : Anonymous 01/30/22(Sun)14:59:12 No.871697638 I also enjoyed Hotline Miami 2

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Anon has a bad time at self checkout | /r/Greentext


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