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Anon shits on the floor and thinks it's funny | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)16:59:38 No.871180171 >871180261 The most autistic thing I've ever done >be five year old me >think pooping and anything related to poop is the funniest thing ever >mom tells me that dad had a bad day at work >decide to cheer him up. he's in the living room watching TV >i stand in front of the TV. "Daddy, i hope this makes you laugh like me!" >pull my pants down and s--- on the carpet >i start laughing hysterically >mom and dad beat the hell out of me afterward >mfw I just wanted to cheer up my dad >> O Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:01:50 No.871180261 >>871180171 (OP)
O Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)16:59:38 No.871180171 >871180261 The most autistic thing I've ever done >be five year old me >think pooping and anything related to poop is the funniest thing ever >mom tells me that dad had a bad day at work >decide to cheer him up. he's in the living room watching TV >i stand in front of the TV. "Daddy, i hope this makes you laugh like me!" >pull my pants down and s--- on the carpet >i start laughing hysterically >mom and dad beat the hell out of me afterward >mfw I just wanted to cheer up my dad >> O Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:01:50 No.871180261 >>871180171 (OP)

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Anon gets drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)20:22:52 No.66467571 >got drunk and accidentally texted a picture of my penis e---------- to my work WhatsApp group It's f------ over, I haven't even looked at the replies and people have been calling my phone 85 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)20:22:52 No.66467571 >got drunk and accidentally texted a picture of my penis e---------- to my work WhatsApp group It's f------ over, I haven't even looked at the replies and people have been calling my phone 85 KB JPG

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Anon Tries to Get a Better Look | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)10:49:47 No.64579795 >get new mirror on inside of door >Checking myself out all nakey in new mirror > Look at a------ >A------ is all red >Spread cheeks and bend over to get 373 KB PNG better look at red a------ >Mom opens door suddenly >Sees me bent over spreading and flexing my a------ >"Sorry" closes door What do I do now
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)10:49:47 No.64579795 >get new mirror on inside of door >Checking myself out all nakey in new mirror > Look at a------ >A------ is all red >Spread cheeks and bend over to get 373 KB PNG better look at red a------ >Mom opens door suddenly >Sees me bent over spreading and flexing my a------ >"Sorry" closes door What do I do now

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Anon's 14 year old Brother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/22(Sun)04:59:53 No.871226058 Be me. Accidentally catch my 14 year old brother on Nhentai. Was never gonna bring it up again but the little f--- started acting weird. Apparently he's been browsing the shotacon, i-----, milf tags cuz he's recently taken an interest in our aunt. mf isn't even subtle about it. Thinks the world runs on hentai logic. One night when we're sleeping over at her place he wakes up at like 12:00pm and gets out of bed. I'm still awake and follow him. lil bro goes to aunt reading on the couch. He has a massive f------ boner. Pulls the generic hentai "It suddenly got big" "help me". Whips out his c--- and gets closer expecting a f---. Instead gets screamed at by the aunt and essentially every member of the family the next day, + no internet, TV or videogames for the next year. Serves you right you f------ dumbass >>871226224 #
: Anonymous 01/23/22(Sun)04:59:53 No.871226058 Be me. Accidentally catch my 14 year old brother on Nhentai. Was never gonna bring it up again but the little f--- started acting weird. Apparently he's been browsing the shotacon, i-----, milf tags cuz he's recently taken an interest in our aunt. mf isn't even subtle about it. Thinks the world runs on hentai logic. One night when we're sleeping over at her place he wakes up at like 12:00pm and gets out of bed. I'm still awake and follow him. lil bro goes to aunt reading on the couch. He has a massive f------ boner. Pulls the generic hentai "It suddenly got big" "help me". Whips out his c--- and gets closer expecting a f---. Instead gets screamed at by the aunt and essentially every member of the family the next day, + no internet, TV or videogames for the next year. Serves you right you f------ dumbass >>871226224 #

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Anon pranks femanon | /r/Greentext


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Anon confirms he is human | /r/Greentext

File: 515E65A3-A8D3-4148-97A7-5().jpg (56 KB, 655x527) O Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)21:59:19 No.47735907 [Reply] >need to reset hentaihaven premium password >Captcha >remember really hard what a street sign looks like (3years into neetdom) >Člick all four of them successfully >Verified I'm human See ya later robots
File: 515E65A3-A8D3-4148-97A7-5().jpg (56 KB, 655x527) O Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)21:59:19 No.47735907 [Reply] >need to reset hentaihaven premium password >Captcha >remember really hard what a street sign looks like (3years into neetdom) >Člick all four of them successfully >Verified I'm human See ya later robots

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Anon ate too much | /r/Greentext

2h (1/22 14:00) · 67105339 10 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 64KB · (633 × 758) 8 Replies >ate 7000 calories today >it's not even 5 pm yet help me 1h (1/22 14:03) · 67105374 >>67105339 (OP) How do you eat 7000 calories a day? Like My record was an entire 400g Nutella Jar and Even then I felt horrible afterwards. Thats like 2000 Kcal at max.
2h (1/22 14:00) · 67105339 10 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 64KB · (633 × 758) 8 Replies >ate 7000 calories today >it's not even 5 pm yet help me 1h (1/22 14:03) · 67105374 >>67105339 (OP) How do you eat 7000 calories a day? Like My record was an entire 400g Nutella Jar and Even then I felt horrible afterwards. Thats like 2000 Kcal at max.

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Anon's wife is away | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)13:23:04 No.66439080 >wife about to leave for holiday trip to Jamaica >almost finished downloading all my games l'll play when she's away >working from home due to the coof aka gaming all day 79 KB JPG Kino. I love her but sometimes a man needs some manly time alone. You guys should be thankful you dont have to deal with a womans s--- 24/7. : Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)13:24:19 No.66439093 >>66439080 (OP) # >holiday trip to jamaica hahahahAHAНАНАНАНАНАНАН 22 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)13:23:04 No.66439080 >wife about to leave for holiday trip to Jamaica >almost finished downloading all my games l'll play when she's away >working from home due to the coof aka gaming all day 79 KB JPG Kino. I love her but sometimes a man needs some manly time alone. You guys should be thankful you dont have to deal with a womans s--- 24/7. : Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)13:24:19 No.66439093 >>66439080 (OP) # >holiday trip to jamaica hahahahAHAНАНАНАНАНАНАН 22 KB JPG

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Anon sees cute girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/20(Thu)21:17:09 No.60383480 >drive to work looking at cute tired girls >work seeing cute girls all day drive home seeing cute girls out with friends smoking cigarettes and cool clothes > come into the house to fat 139 KB JPG nagging pig faced bitch who demands i make her dinner even though she does nothing but sit around and watch the masked singer never settle anons
: Anonymous 10/08/20(Thu)21:17:09 No.60383480 >drive to work looking at cute tired girls >work seeing cute girls all day drive home seeing cute girls out with friends smoking cigarettes and cool clothes > come into the house to fat 139 KB JPG nagging pig faced bitch who demands i make her dinner even though she does nothing but sit around and watch the masked singer never settle anons

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

JOE BIDEN'S INAUGURATION 1641494553188.jpg 119 KB JPG >>871183212 # most popular president in history: over 80 million votes >>871184075 # : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)21:19:10 No.871184075 Google national mall Q ll A Images O Maps O News O Videos I More Tools PA map washington de lincoln memorial inauguration smithsonian National Mall- Wikipedia en wikipedia.org Audioguide NATIONAL MALL-Präsentation Ein Spaziergang über die Natio, Na mywowo net klm.com nm.png 376 KB PNG >>871183828 # >Literally taking the second picture off google and putting text over it. swear republicans are the dumbest f------ people on this planet.
JOE BIDEN'S INAUGURATION 1641494553188.jpg 119 KB JPG >>871183212 # most popular president in history: over 80 million votes >>871184075 # : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)21:19:10 No.871184075 Google national mall Q ll A Images O Maps O News O Videos I More Tools PA map washington de lincoln memorial inauguration smithsonian National Mall- Wikipedia en wikipedia.org Audioguide NATIONAL MALL-Präsentation Ein Spaziergang über die Natio, Na mywowo net klm.com nm.png 376 KB PNG >>871183828 # >Literally taking the second picture off google and putting text over it. swear republicans are the dumbest f------ people on this planet.

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Anon likes ping pong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I bought my VR headset for por(...) 02/18/21(Thu)07:02:23 No.544813836 First time I tried it I thought it was crappy Then I downloaded a 8k video and it blew my f------ mind, just looking at this girls body just enjoying every part of her body. I usually just load up s--- and get it over with but f--- I spent 20 minutes+ just seeing her look into my eyes and smile and it f------ 400 KB JPG broke my heart. Now I look at vr roleplay videos where there's this tomboy girl just taking this camera with her to places and she looks into your eyes and just talks about her day while messing with he camera. And I just sit there and genuinely am happy just thinking man I wish I could take her there I wish I could kiss her at night next to fireplace. Then I take the headset off and realize I will never get that. It's a pure imitation, not the real thing. Don't get a VR headset. It will break you. : Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)07:07:48 No.544814267 I use my VR headset to play ping pong I love ping pong >>544814776 # >>544814779 # >>544814959 # >>544815105 # >>544815359 # >>544816523 # >>544818525 # >>544818815 #
: Anonymous I bought my VR headset for por(...) 02/18/21(Thu)07:02:23 No.544813836 First time I tried it I thought it was crappy Then I downloaded a 8k video and it blew my f------ mind, just looking at this girls body just enjoying every part of her body. I usually just load up s--- and get it over with but f--- I spent 20 minutes+ just seeing her look into my eyes and smile and it f------ 400 KB JPG broke my heart. Now I look at vr roleplay videos where there's this tomboy girl just taking this camera with her to places and she looks into your eyes and just talks about her day while messing with he camera. And I just sit there and genuinely am happy just thinking man I wish I could take her there I wish I could kiss her at night next to fireplace. Then I take the headset off and realize I will never get that. It's a pure imitation, not the real thing. Don't get a VR headset. It will break you. : Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)07:07:48 No.544814267 I use my VR headset to play ping pong I love ping pong >>544814776 # >>544814779 # >>544814959 # >>544815105 # >>544815359 # >>544816523 # >>544818525 # >>544818815 #

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Based Park Boys | /r/Greentext

be me Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)19:12:42 No.162729336 WAIPm >get drunk and high every day >no job, steal whatever i want, no bills no taxes >2 hot trailer park thots i sometimes f--- in rotation >sometimes have to go to jail, you can't smoke but its not that bad >get to hang with my dad and kid and friends all day unironic best existence
be me Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)19:12:42 No.162729336 WAIPm >get drunk and high every day >no job, steal whatever i want, no bills no taxes >2 hot trailer park thots i sometimes f--- in rotation >sometimes have to go to jail, you can't smoke but its not that bad >get to hang with my dad and kid and friends all day unironic best existence

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Anon's life is ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: oaM30+zh 11/18/18(Sun)00:26:12 No.193822806 His ex accused him of an attack that could have meant life in prison. A selfie saved him >your ex-gf accuses you of breaking into her home, assaulting her, and carving an 'X' in her neck >police immediately arrest you and charge you with burglary and assault that can get you life in 213 KB JPG prison >your parents get $150,000 in debt trying to hire a lawyer and post your bail >people are convinced you did it and you have no alibi to say otherwise >your mom suddenly finds a selfie pic you sent her that was dated at the time of the assault >turns out that pic clears you of all charges since it placed you away from the scene of the crime >your ex-gf gets off scott-free with no charges for lying while you had your life ruined
: Anonymous (ID: oaM30+zh 11/18/18(Sun)00:26:12 No.193822806 His ex accused him of an attack that could have meant life in prison. A selfie saved him >your ex-gf accuses you of breaking into her home, assaulting her, and carving an 'X' in her neck >police immediately arrest you and charge you with burglary and assault that can get you life in 213 KB JPG prison >your parents get $150,000 in debt trying to hire a lawyer and post your bail >people are convinced you did it and you have no alibi to say otherwise >your mom suddenly finds a selfie pic you sent her that was dated at the time of the assault >turns out that pic clears you of all charges since it placed you away from the scene of the crime >your ex-gf gets off scott-free with no charges for lying while you had your life ruined

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Anon has a theory | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/22(Tue)07:07:43 No.67042845 1642357535036.png 279 KB PNG I think God made us not flexible enough on purpose so you can't suck your own d---. Can you imagine how much more degenerate this planet would be if every single male was blowing himself in his dark room curled up like a motorola ? I know you would f------ do it, you'd delicately slide your tongue on your c--- pretending to be an inexperienced teenage girl ; that's homosexual and disgusting. And it would still be called masturbating, but instead we would see threads like "day 2 without swallowing my c--"
: Anonymous 01/18/22(Tue)07:07:43 No.67042845 1642357535036.png 279 KB PNG I think God made us not flexible enough on purpose so you can't suck your own d---. Can you imagine how much more degenerate this planet would be if every single male was blowing himself in his dark room curled up like a motorola ? I know you would f------ do it, you'd delicately slide your tongue on your c--- pretending to be an inexperienced teenage girl ; that's homosexual and disgusting. And it would still be called masturbating, but instead we would see threads like "day 2 without swallowing my c--"

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Namelets 04/20/18(Fri)07:58:56 No.44813803 >tfw black >first and middle names are Conrad Victor >got nicknamed 'Convict' in school 71 KB PNG 24 Replies / 5 Images View Thread
: Anonymous Namelets 04/20/18(Fri)07:58:56 No.44813803 >tfw black >first and middle names are Conrad Victor >got nicknamed 'Convict' in school 71 KB PNG 24 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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anon has a weird family | /r/Greentext

Story time >bee me >born into a pretty weird family >what most people would call a cult >entire cult was based around 229 KB PNG vomit >as a child i was fed my sisters vomit >all males in the family would either be locked in mothers room or banished from the home >once i was old enough like all my sisters i was taught how to reconise edible plants >males in the family did not have to learn these skills > after eating plants my sisters and i would return home and make our selves vomit, this vomit would then be eaten by the rest of the fam >one day i notice i giant af insect in the house >look around and see these insects are all over the babies in the household >panic.jpg >run to my mothers room >i had never been allowed to meet my mother(something to do with the cult idk) >rush in >greeted by the hum of all my brothers simultaneously f------ my mother(who was double the size of every other female in the house >every few seconds one of my brothers would inseminate her and every few seconds she would give birth >how was this even possible? >mother spots me and gets jealous >takes knife out her arse hole and stabs me >bee me >me bee
Story time >bee me >born into a pretty weird family >what most people would call a cult >entire cult was based around 229 KB PNG vomit >as a child i was fed my sisters vomit >all males in the family would either be locked in mothers room or banished from the home >once i was old enough like all my sisters i was taught how to reconise edible plants >males in the family did not have to learn these skills > after eating plants my sisters and i would return home and make our selves vomit, this vomit would then be eaten by the rest of the fam >one day i notice i giant af insect in the house >look around and see these insects are all over the babies in the household >panic.jpg >run to my mothers room >i had never been allowed to meet my mother(something to do with the cult idk) >rush in >greeted by the hum of all my brothers simultaneously f------ my mother(who was double the size of every other female in the house >every few seconds one of my brothers would inseminate her and every few seconds she would give birth >how was this even possible? >mother spots me and gets jealous >takes knife out her arse hole and stabs me >bee me >me bee

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Anon used Reddit before me | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/19(Tue)11:43:19 No.795342086 > be me > first day as Redditfag > heard they're all smart > thought that I can learn something new from the comments > look at the top comment > 1.4k upvotes 23 KB JPG >it said “nice" >ldon'tgetit.jpeg >look at the second most upvoted comment > it said “nice" >look at the most downvoted comment >it said “nice" >mfw
: Anonymous 03/19/19(Tue)11:43:19 No.795342086 > be me > first day as Redditfag > heard they're all smart > thought that I can learn something new from the comments > look at the top comment > 1.4k upvotes 23 KB JPG >it said “nice" >ldon'tgetit.jpeg >look at the second most upvoted comment > it said “nice" >look at the most downvoted comment >it said “nice" >mfw

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Anon shit posts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/15(Tue)12:18:37 No.657625227 >be me >be autistic fun lover >live on farm in the middle of nowhere Downy >one day working out in the fields >tummy starts to hurt >toomuchtendies.jpeg >feel the largest s--- of my life approaching my 88 KB JPG rectum >drop my pants and lean on an old fence for support >push out a massive turd with the strength of a thousand young suns >feelsgood.meme >be a month later >doctor finds a tumor near my tailbone >fence I shat on had lots of carcinogenic paint on it >mfw I literally got ass cancer from s--- posting
: Anonymous 12/15/15(Tue)12:18:37 No.657625227 >be me >be autistic fun lover >live on farm in the middle of nowhere Downy >one day working out in the fields >tummy starts to hurt >toomuchtendies.jpeg >feel the largest s--- of my life approaching my 88 KB JPG rectum >drop my pants and lean on an old fence for support >push out a massive turd with the strength of a thousand young suns >feelsgood.meme >be a month later >doctor finds a tumor near my tailbone >fence I shat on had lots of carcinogenic paint on it >mfw I literally got ass cancer from s--- posting

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/irgin changes sides | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 543509053 2 sa. önce •.. >agree with the antagonist >die to him intentionally >uninstall game and tell everyone you finished it 102,8 kB JPG 9 REPLİES 6 İMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 543509053 2 sa. önce •.. >agree with the antagonist >die to him intentionally >uninstall game and tell everyone you finished it 102,8 kB JPG 9 REPLİES 6 İMAGES REPLY

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Anon is a coomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:24:51 No.67105628 >tfw 2.5TB of p--- collected over 20yrs 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:34:31 No.67105749 >>67105628 (OP) # leave it to the next generations when you die. it's a valuable historical artefact. : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:35:31 No.67105758 >>67105628 (OP) # You are a gentleman and a scholar. Remember to make octuplicate backups in case the hard drives crash : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:36:31 No.67105770 >>67105628 (OP) # I have close to ten times that amount
: Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:24:51 No.67105628 >tfw 2.5TB of p--- collected over 20yrs 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:34:31 No.67105749 >>67105628 (OP) # leave it to the next generations when you die. it's a valuable historical artefact. : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:35:31 No.67105758 >>67105628 (OP) # You are a gentleman and a scholar. Remember to make octuplicate backups in case the hard drives crash : Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)17:36:31 No.67105770 >>67105628 (OP) # I have close to ten times that amount

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