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Anon gets an education. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/19(Thu)19:20:01 No.13146883 >be me >in college class >sitting near back listening to professor. |>chubby chick sat near me >shes fidgeting as I try to concentrate. >distracting 33 KB JPG >see her in peripheral vision,legs crossed, bouncing her f------ foot up and down on the floor rapidly. >Annoying as s---. >Starts bouncing her top leg faster >look over at her. >just at that moment leg bouncing stops, she exhales forcefully, her eyes roll back in her head, lids flicker like crazy. >dopey smile on her face. >Straightens herself up. Starts listening to professor. >Hold up...did this bitch just c--!? >in class!? can girls do that?
: Anonymous 10/31/19(Thu)19:20:01 No.13146883 >be me >in college class >sitting near back listening to professor. |>chubby chick sat near me >shes fidgeting as I try to concentrate. >distracting 33 KB JPG >see her in peripheral vision,legs crossed, bouncing her f------ foot up and down on the floor rapidly. >Annoying as s---. >Starts bouncing her top leg faster >look over at her. >just at that moment leg bouncing stops, she exhales forcefully, her eyes roll back in her head, lids flicker like crazy. >dopey smile on her face. >Straightens herself up. Starts listening to professor. >Hold up...did this bitch just c--!? >in class!? can girls do that?

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anon does...anal? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri) 18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, V, +V, m + m, (m + m,)RT P, RT, m, RT, (m, +m,)RT, P, m, RT (m, + m,, TBsat Tisat Gm, Gm 2sat RT, m 1 sat 2sat 、些) * - 20sỷ – ox u.(x + r2) + dy r; - V(x - 1601638899698.jpg 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw
: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri) 18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, V, +V, m + m, (m + m,)RT P, RT, m, RT, (m, +m,)RT, P, m, RT (m, + m,, TBsat Tisat Gm, Gm 2sat RT, m 1 sat 2sat 、些) * - 20sỷ – ox u.(x + r2) + dy r; - V(x - 1601638899698.jpg 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw

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Anon is famous. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/18(Sat)07:54:17 No.784502064 >Be me. >Be black. >Have autism. >Support Trump. >Meet him. >Use him for views. 137 KB PNG >Have a 10/10 wife. >Make trash music. >Prefer to be known by 2 letters. My name is Kanye.
: Anonymous 11/10/18(Sat)07:54:17 No.784502064 >Be me. >Be black. >Have autism. >Support Trump. >Meet him. >Use him for views. 137 KB PNG >Have a 10/10 wife. >Make trash music. >Prefer to be known by 2 letters. My name is Kanye.

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

Physics Question If the universe is expanding faster and faster forever, whats giving it the energy to do this? Also what is it expanding into?? 6 KB JPG
Physics Question If the universe is expanding faster and faster forever, whats giving it the energy to do this? Also what is it expanding into?? 6 KB JPG

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Anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49198672 1 hr. ago >be me >in college >quad >two bunk beds >one room >roommate directly above me has his gf over every night >she has a room at the school too, with one less person and no bunk beds >uncomfortable about her being in my personal space but suck it up cus i don't want to be a f----- >tonight >she sleeps over ok 1.6 MB GIF >winding down for bed >bed shakes >hear moans and groans >they're f------ >keeps me up really late, can't sleep because the bed keeps rocking >decide to type greentext so they can hear my typing to let them know that i'm awake >it works, they stop f------ i won! i won!
Anonymous | 49198672 1 hr. ago >be me >in college >quad >two bunk beds >one room >roommate directly above me has his gf over every night >she has a room at the school too, with one less person and no bunk beds >uncomfortable about her being in my personal space but suck it up cus i don't want to be a f----- >tonight >she sleeps over ok 1.6 MB GIF >winding down for bed >bed shakes >hear moans and groans >they're f------ >keeps me up really late, can't sleep because the bed keeps rocking >decide to type greentext so they can hear my typing to let them know that i'm awake >it works, they stop f------ i won! i won!

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Anon protects nephew from killer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/16/18(Wed)22:25:34 No.768814065 ITT: spooky stories >be me >serial killer kills my brother in law >tries to kill his son but he failed somehow >his son is given to me >years later, the serial killer finds 124 KB JPG my house >sends threats in the mail, s--- about how he's gonna take him away >I move houses so he won't know my address >he f------ finds my house again >more mail >l move to an island >he still f------ knows >he comes to the door >he's f------ huge >l take out my shorty, but he breaks it in one hand >ohshit.bat >he walks up to my nephew >the twisted f--- gives him a cake >"you're a wizard harry" Turns out this wasn't the serial killer after all
: Anonymous 05/16/18(Wed)22:25:34 No.768814065 ITT: spooky stories >be me >serial killer kills my brother in law >tries to kill his son but he failed somehow >his son is given to me >years later, the serial killer finds 124 KB JPG my house >sends threats in the mail, s--- about how he's gonna take him away >I move houses so he won't know my address >he f------ finds my house again >more mail >l move to an island >he still f------ knows >he comes to the door >he's f------ huge >l take out my shorty, but he breaks it in one hand >ohshit.bat >he walks up to my nephew >the twisted f--- gives him a cake >"you're a wizard harry" Turns out this wasn't the serial killer after all

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>Short but to the point | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF View Thread
: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF View Thread

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It would be pretty funny tho | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT:We design Saw traps 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you 14 KB JPG free >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb
: Anonymous ITT:We design Saw traps 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you 14 KB JPG free >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb

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Most Based Person on the Planet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)10:31:28 No.51555156 >working at Igs/range >old British guy walks in >probably in his 90s >wearing one of those old triangle hats >no earpro >huge case slung over his shoulder >silently pays, walks into the range >opens the case >has a f------ musket >everyone on the line stops to watch >loads that thing in like 15 seconds >target at 50 yards, our longest setting >pulls the trigger >windows shake, cloud of smoke fills the range >few people stagger out coughing >smoke clears >a perfect headshot >repeats this maybe 20 times >headshot every single time >range so full of smoke I can barely see the target >reaches into his coat pocket >pulls out a flintlock pistol >fires it one handed >another perfect headshot >at 50 yards >with a smooth bore flintlock pistol >packs up >walks out >didn't say a word the entire time I think I was in the presence of the most based human being on earth
: Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)10:31:28 No.51555156 >working at Igs/range >old British guy walks in >probably in his 90s >wearing one of those old triangle hats >no earpro >huge case slung over his shoulder >silently pays, walks into the range >opens the case >has a f------ musket >everyone on the line stops to watch >loads that thing in like 15 seconds >target at 50 yards, our longest setting >pulls the trigger >windows shake, cloud of smoke fills the range >few people stagger out coughing >smoke clears >a perfect headshot >repeats this maybe 20 times >headshot every single time >range so full of smoke I can barely see the target >reaches into his coat pocket >pulls out a flintlock pistol >fires it one handed >another perfect headshot >at 50 yards >with a smooth bore flintlock pistol >packs up >walks out >didn't say a word the entire time I think I was in the presence of the most based human being on earth

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Anon has a kink | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)08:58:53 No.814325564 Alright kids let me tell you a story. >be me >out with my girlfriend >both in high school >she goes to restroom, single stall >family restroom so both are allowed >she gets out and I go in 22 KB JPG >piss in the toilet >I had a piss kink >I slurp some >get out and ask her why she didn't flush >"oh I didn't pee I just did my hair" >run outside and vomit >mfw It's been 10 years since then and we have a kid and she still doesn't know
: Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)08:58:53 No.814325564 Alright kids let me tell you a story. >be me >out with my girlfriend >both in high school >she goes to restroom, single stall >family restroom so both are allowed >she gets out and I go in 22 KB JPG >piss in the toilet >I had a piss kink >I slurp some >get out and ask her why she didn't flush >"oh I didn't pee I just did my hair" >run outside and vomit >mfw It's been 10 years since then and we have a kid and she still doesn't know

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Anon is a stoic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and 71 KB JPG realise l've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459 #3
: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and 71 KB JPG realise l've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459 #3

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

>sitting on living room couch, snapchatting gril >watching shrek at the same time >snap her a pic of the tv with shrek on it 13 KB JPG >she stops replying am i clinically retarded?
>sitting on living room couch, snapchatting gril >watching shrek at the same time >snap her a pic of the tv with shrek on it 13 KB JPG >she stops replying am i clinically retarded?

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Anon is in pure agony | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/18/19(Mon)21:50:28 No.792989476 >be me >talented guitarist and pianist >won numerous talent shows >also a big fan of the youtube channel Vsauce >one day get into an accident >lose my fingers as a result >I have to type with my nose 120 KB JPG >can no longer play instruments >my life passions are gone >feeling really depressed >see a new Vsauce video in my subscriptions box >"Is Anything Real?" uploaded June 3rd 2013 >so excited to watch a new Vsauce video >video starts >"Hey, Vsauce! Michael here! Where are your fingers?" >immediately start crying
: Anonymous 02/18/19(Mon)21:50:28 No.792989476 >be me >talented guitarist and pianist >won numerous talent shows >also a big fan of the youtube channel Vsauce >one day get into an accident >lose my fingers as a result >I have to type with my nose 120 KB JPG >can no longer play instruments >my life passions are gone >feeling really depressed >see a new Vsauce video in my subscriptions box >"Is Anything Real?" uploaded June 3rd 2013 >so excited to watch a new Vsauce video >video starts >"Hey, Vsauce! Michael here! Where are your fingers?" >immediately start crying

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Anon is a man of culture | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)18:12:37 No.784150030 >be me >jerking off >see overwatch p--- >the girls have d---- >instantly nut >think i might be gay >watch gay p--- 12 KB JPG >its terrible >the men are annoying and im flaccid the whole time >what am i? Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 4 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)18:15:19 No.784150214 >>784150030 (OP) # A bit of a f----- : Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)18:25:10 No.784150918 >>784150030 (OP) # A man of culture anon 42 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)18:12:37 No.784150030 >be me >jerking off >see overwatch p--- >the girls have d---- >instantly nut >think i might be gay >watch gay p--- 12 KB JPG >its terrible >the men are annoying and im flaccid the whole time >what am i? Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 4 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)18:15:19 No.784150214 >>784150030 (OP) # A bit of a f----- : Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)18:25:10 No.784150918 >>784150030 (OP) # A man of culture anon 42 KB JPG

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Anon is Red Pilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/27/18(Sat)13:06:54 No.783389771 How I discovered my litteral Autism >Be me, senior year of highschool > 'arts café' at my school, basically the arts program (music drama, etc) does a bunch of performances and there's free food 37 KB PNG >Free food, so I go with some of my friends >In between performances the MC's make s----- puns >one of them is about Obama >Goes along the lines of 'what does Barack say to Michele when he wakes up' >Autism kicks in >shout 'time to OBOMBA some middle eastern children! >ohshit.jpeg >There are litteraly a hundred people there including parents and little kids, all staring at me >Every single teacher I had has a 'discussion' with me including the principle >she says I won't get suspended because I have a 'mental illness'
: Anonymous 10/27/18(Sat)13:06:54 No.783389771 How I discovered my litteral Autism >Be me, senior year of highschool > 'arts café' at my school, basically the arts program (music drama, etc) does a bunch of performances and there's free food 37 KB PNG >Free food, so I go with some of my friends >In between performances the MC's make s----- puns >one of them is about Obama >Goes along the lines of 'what does Barack say to Michele when he wakes up' >Autism kicks in >shout 'time to OBOMBA some middle eastern children! >ohshit.jpeg >There are litteraly a hundred people there including parents and little kids, all staring at me >Every single teacher I had has a 'discussion' with me including the principle >she says I won't get suspended because I have a 'mental illness'

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Anon is a sad giraffe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)17:10:00 No.783660720 >be me >giraffe >eating leaves >watch the cheetahs race >go in for another bite of leaves >whole branch falls on me and I fall 45 KB JPG down covered in leaves >monkey who was on the tree saw me >he says "this n---- eatin leaves" >my whole herd laughs at me >mfw
: Anonymous 10/30/18(Tue)17:10:00 No.783660720 >be me >giraffe >eating leaves >watch the cheetahs race >go in for another bite of leaves >whole branch falls on me and I fall 45 KB JPG down covered in leaves >monkey who was on the tree saw me >he says "this n---- eatin leaves" >my whole herd laughs at me >mfw

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Anon gets an apartment | /r/Greentext

Story time robots >be me >27 year old nerd-virgin >Finally move out of my parent's house and into an apartment complex a month ago The stt even my frai lom 148 KB PNG >live next to roastie >Trying to go to sleep first night living here >Hear this bitch moaning and making loud sex sounds for a solid hour >Keeps me up past midnight >tired at work next morning >this happens EVERY F------ night >l try banging on the wall >F------ don't hear it or just ignore it >After a week, I go over and voice my dissatisfaction >Chad and bitch come out and say that they have the right to do what they want in their apartment >tell me to get f----- >That night, they're louder, more obnoxious, and go for longer than before >itson.wav >go to guitar center and buy the biggest, loudest, speakers they have >record audio of them f------ a few nights (gotta ensure I get the very best they have to offer) >begin observing their habits >notice they have friends over every friday night for drinking and s--- >intend to execute my plan the next Friday >Come home on a Wednesday and as I'm walking by, I see her walking into her apartment with her parents >ohshit.webm >Run into my apartment faster than a n----- with a TV >plug speakers into laptop >Crank it up to max setting >ExecuteOrder66.gif >audio file begins playing >sounds of "uhhh, UHHHHH UHHHHHHHH CHAD YES! YES! F--- MY ASS!!" can be heard throughout the building >feels like the windows might shatter from the sounds >when audio file ends, hear yelling from her apartment >hear sirens >Apparently, her father had a stroke from the embarrassment of hearing his daughter ask for Chad's hot c-- in her a------ >He recovers (kind of) >Never see Chad again >Roastie never has guys over again either >Last I heard, she was on antidepressants and doesn't go out anymore mfw I finally can get to sleep at a decent hour. mfw I ruin a roastie's life. mfw it was all well worth it
Story time robots >be me >27 year old nerd-virgin >Finally move out of my parent's house and into an apartment complex a month ago The stt even my frai lom 148 KB PNG >live next to roastie >Trying to go to sleep first night living here >Hear this bitch moaning and making loud sex sounds for a solid hour >Keeps me up past midnight >tired at work next morning >this happens EVERY F------ night >l try banging on the wall >F------ don't hear it or just ignore it >After a week, I go over and voice my dissatisfaction >Chad and bitch come out and say that they have the right to do what they want in their apartment >tell me to get f----- >That night, they're louder, more obnoxious, and go for longer than before >itson.wav >go to guitar center and buy the biggest, loudest, speakers they have >record audio of them f------ a few nights (gotta ensure I get the very best they have to offer) >begin observing their habits >notice they have friends over every friday night for drinking and s--- >intend to execute my plan the next Friday >Come home on a Wednesday and as I'm walking by, I see her walking into her apartment with her parents >ohshit.webm >Run into my apartment faster than a n----- with a TV >plug speakers into laptop >Crank it up to max setting >ExecuteOrder66.gif >audio file begins playing >sounds of "uhhh, UHHHHH UHHHHHHHH CHAD YES! YES! F--- MY ASS!!" can be heard throughout the building >feels like the windows might shatter from the sounds >when audio file ends, hear yelling from her apartment >hear sirens >Apparently, her father had a stroke from the embarrassment of hearing his daughter ask for Chad's hot c-- in her a------ >He recovers (kind of) >Never see Chad again >Roastie never has guys over again either >Last I heard, she was on antidepressants and doesn't go out anymore mfw I finally can get to sleep at a decent hour. mfw I ruin a roastie's life. mfw it was all well worth it

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Anon plays healer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)10:30:28 No.543918161 yuck_1600.jpg 189 KB JPG >sit down to watch my boyfriend play >he's a healer : Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)10:33:21 No.543918434 Healer is actually the most alpha class Without you the entire group would fail You are keeping everyone alive
: Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)10:30:28 No.543918161 yuck_1600.jpg 189 KB JPG >sit down to watch my boyfriend play >he's a healer : Anonymous 02/11/21(Thu)10:33:21 No.543918434 Healer is actually the most alpha class Without you the entire group would fail You are keeping everyone alive

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Anon is good at math | /r/Greentext

File: Suicide.jpg (12 KB, 237x250) O Anonymous 11/14/17(Tue)10:15:05 No.9295979 >>9295985 ITT: tell us about the most autistic /sci/ related thing you've ever done Here's mine >Be me >Be a useless sack of s--- till i'm 18 >Start teaching myself math >For once in my lifetime I have self confidence >Feel like l'm literally unstoppable >Go to a restaurant >As I am paying the tab this genius idea crosses my mind >I write the definite integral of a polynomial as the tip >My logic at the time was that only someone who is good in math should deserve the tip >I smugly smile to the waitress expecting her to be confused or to compliment me >Instead she whips out her phone, types wolframalpha (I presume) and finds the solution in less than 20 seconds >Turns out that my mental estimate of 16$ was wrong and the tip actually amounts to about 300$ >Too ashamed to protest
File: Suicide.jpg (12 KB, 237x250) O Anonymous 11/14/17(Tue)10:15:05 No.9295979 >>9295985 ITT: tell us about the most autistic /sci/ related thing you've ever done Here's mine >Be me >Be a useless sack of s--- till i'm 18 >Start teaching myself math >For once in my lifetime I have self confidence >Feel like l'm literally unstoppable >Go to a restaurant >As I am paying the tab this genius idea crosses my mind >I write the definite integral of a polynomial as the tip >My logic at the time was that only someone who is good in math should deserve the tip >I smugly smile to the waitress expecting her to be confused or to compliment me >Instead she whips out her phone, types wolframalpha (I presume) and finds the solution in less than 20 seconds >Turns out that my mental estimate of 16$ was wrong and the tip actually amounts to about 300$ >Too ashamed to protest

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Anon says no | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/02/21(Thu)00:24:05 No.66390963 >talk to female friend >she randomly says if she wanted me she could have me >I tell her no she couldn'tt >she gets really mad and says she could easily have me if she wanted to, practically has a fit of rage 6 KB JPG w-- happened here?
: Anonymous 12/02/21(Thu)00:24:05 No.66390963 >talk to female friend >she randomly says if she wanted me she could have me >I tell her no she couldn'tt >she gets really mad and says she could easily have me if she wanted to, practically has a fit of rage 6 KB JPG w-- happened here?

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