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Anon uses the bathroom | /r/Greentext

No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MİB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >lt's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw
No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MİB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >lt's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw

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Anon plays tenis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/19(Sat)19:16:10 No.796295617 >Be me >On long school bus trip >Stopped at Mcdonalds for food >Didn't use the bathroom >Be later >Bus ride is 6 hours and were not stopping >Really gotta fart >Can't because of the laws of public 58 KB JPG decency >Feel gas rush to my anus >Squeeze tight to keep it tamed >Gas goes back to intestines >Every time the gas returns l send it back >It's like fart tenis >Been playing fart tenis for nearly an hour >My colon decides to spike the serve >l don't return >Mfw I s--- my pants on the schoolbus
: Anonymous 03/30/19(Sat)19:16:10 No.796295617 >Be me >On long school bus trip >Stopped at Mcdonalds for food >Didn't use the bathroom >Be later >Bus ride is 6 hours and were not stopping >Really gotta fart >Can't because of the laws of public 58 KB JPG decency >Feel gas rush to my anus >Squeeze tight to keep it tamed >Gas goes back to intestines >Every time the gas returns l send it back >It's like fart tenis >Been playing fart tenis for nearly an hour >My colon decides to spike the serve >l don't return >Mfw I s--- my pants on the schoolbus

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Anon thinks he is worth smth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >I'm white >I'm young >l'm physically healthy >I'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >I have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >I have a strong sense of honor >I have a favourable personality >l've been told I am handsome >I can protect my wife and offspring from predators >I can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >l'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP) # >I have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.
: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >I'm white >I'm young >l'm physically healthy >I'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >I have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >I have a strong sense of honor >I have a favourable personality >l've been told I am handsome >I can protect my wife and offspring from predators >I can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >l'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP) # >I have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.

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Anon meets a rapist | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 04/13/17(Thu)14:18:13 No.729053743 >be me >lose 40 Ibs >start looking decent >get first girlfriend >get succ and s---, life's great >one day girlfriend is depressed 88 KB JPG >ask her why >turns out her brothers a r----- who r---- her little sister but only got 3 and 1/2 months and currently lives in the same household with her and the sister >going to her house Saturday >have to meet the r----- f----- and pretend I don't know what he did What do? : Anonymous 04/13/17(Thu)14:22:47 No.729054239 >>729053743 (OP) # R--- him first. Show him who's boss. Establish that YOU are the alpha male.
E Anonymous 04/13/17(Thu)14:18:13 No.729053743 >be me >lose 40 Ibs >start looking decent >get first girlfriend >get succ and s---, life's great >one day girlfriend is depressed 88 KB JPG >ask her why >turns out her brothers a r----- who r---- her little sister but only got 3 and 1/2 months and currently lives in the same household with her and the sister >going to her house Saturday >have to meet the r----- f----- and pretend I don't know what he did What do? : Anonymous 04/13/17(Thu)14:22:47 No.729054239 >>729053743 (OP) # R--- him first. Show him who's boss. Establish that YOU are the alpha male.

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Anon had no clue at all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)09:57:33 No.847675175 >be me >12 years ago >puberty just started >friend from school tells me that i can rub my d--- to feel good >w--.jpg >i dont believe him 28 KB JPG >"show me" >he begins to touch my d--- >feels kinda good am confused >"hey Anon can i put it in my mouth i saw a girl do it" >i have no idea whats going on >"um sure" >my d--- is in my friends mouth >pee in his mouth and start laughing hysterically >funniest thing ever >start telling everyone at school >be bullied until moving out of the country
: Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)09:57:33 No.847675175 >be me >12 years ago >puberty just started >friend from school tells me that i can rub my d--- to feel good >w--.jpg >i dont believe him 28 KB JPG >"show me" >he begins to touch my d--- >feels kinda good am confused >"hey Anon can i put it in my mouth i saw a girl do it" >i have no idea whats going on >"um sure" >my d--- is in my friends mouth >pee in his mouth and start laughing hysterically >funniest thing ever >start telling everyone at school >be bullied until moving out of the country

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Worth 1000 words | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)20:06:55 No.67093170 >First college essay >It's only 500 words >Just for the English teacher to get a grasp of your writing skills >lt's and essay about your life and all the "interesting" things about 105 KB JPG you I'm already f-----
: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)20:06:55 No.67093170 >First college essay >It's only 500 words >Just for the English teacher to get a grasp of your writing skills >lt's and essay about your life and all the "interesting" things about 105 KB JPG you I'm already f-----

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Anon downloads game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)00:38:40 No.784545625 >download [game] >go [out] >[commit crime] >go home >play [game] GAME 46 KB JPG >post it to reddit
: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)00:38:40 No.784545625 >download [game] >go [out] >[commit crime] >go home >play [game] GAME 46 KB JPG >post it to reddit

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Anon has a neighbor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)15:20:16 No.49347493 >be me >21 m >living in apartment complex >be good friends with hot milf neighbor >she asks for my help in basically everything because her husband is 14 KB JPG a tool >ok.wav >husband gets suspicious of me f------ his wife >mfw he tried to catch us red handed and failed miserably >mfw she humiliated him for thinking that >mfw i am actually f------ his wife 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)15:25:00 No.49347556 >>49347493 (OP) # If this is being posted on Reddit, KILL YOURSELF YOU STUPID N----- F------ C---- GO GET LIVES N----- F------ *ahem* STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ F--- off Reddit scum.
: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)15:20:16 No.49347493 >be me >21 m >living in apartment complex >be good friends with hot milf neighbor >she asks for my help in basically everything because her husband is 14 KB JPG a tool >ok.wav >husband gets suspicious of me f------ his wife >mfw he tried to catch us red handed and failed miserably >mfw she humiliated him for thinking that >mfw i am actually f------ his wife 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)15:25:00 No.49347556 >>49347493 (OP) # If this is being posted on Reddit, KILL YOURSELF YOU STUPID N----- F------ C---- GO GET LIVES N----- F------ *ahem* STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ STUPID N----- F------ F--- off Reddit scum.

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Anons discuss Americas aid to Ukraine | /r/Greentext

US delivered 200000 pounds of lethal aid to Ukraine last night. What's was the cargo? The first shipment of assistance recently directed by President Biden to Ukraine arrived in Ukraine tonight. This shipment includes close to 200.000 pounds of lethal aid, including ammunition for the front line defenders of Ukraine. (1/2) >inb4: pink dildos 394 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: JGQtw30+ )E 01/22/22(Sat)10:16:17 No.357607526 They sent them two Americans >>357607585 # >>357608273 # >>357608360 # >>357609117 # >>357609954 # >>357610440 # >>357610521 # : Anonymous (ID: B5pV32rZ) 01/22/22(Sat)10:17:15 No.357607585 >>357607526 # And a trebuchet >>357607743 #
US delivered 200000 pounds of lethal aid to Ukraine last night. What's was the cargo? The first shipment of assistance recently directed by President Biden to Ukraine arrived in Ukraine tonight. This shipment includes close to 200.000 pounds of lethal aid, including ammunition for the front line defenders of Ukraine. (1/2) >inb4: pink dildos 394 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: JGQtw30+ )E 01/22/22(Sat)10:16:17 No.357607526 They sent them two Americans >>357607585 # >>357608273 # >>357608360 # >>357609117 # >>357609954 # >>357610440 # >>357610521 # : Anonymous (ID: B5pV32rZ) 01/22/22(Sat)10:17:15 No.357607585 >>357607526 # And a trebuchet >>357607743 #

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Anon gets an education. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/19(Thu)19:20:01 No.13146883 >be me >in college class >sitting near back listening to professor. |>chubby chick sat near me >shes fidgeting as I try to concentrate. >distracting 33 KB JPG >see her in peripheral vision,legs crossed, bouncing her f------ foot up and down on the floor rapidly. >Annoying as s---. >Starts bouncing her top leg faster >look over at her. >just at that moment leg bouncing stops, she exhales forcefully, her eyes roll back in her head, lids flicker like crazy. >dopey smile on her face. >Straightens herself up. Starts listening to professor. >Hold up...did this bitch just c--!? >in class!? can girls do that?
: Anonymous 10/31/19(Thu)19:20:01 No.13146883 >be me >in college class >sitting near back listening to professor. |>chubby chick sat near me >shes fidgeting as I try to concentrate. >distracting 33 KB JPG >see her in peripheral vision,legs crossed, bouncing her f------ foot up and down on the floor rapidly. >Annoying as s---. >Starts bouncing her top leg faster >look over at her. >just at that moment leg bouncing stops, she exhales forcefully, her eyes roll back in her head, lids flicker like crazy. >dopey smile on her face. >Straightens herself up. Starts listening to professor. >Hold up...did this bitch just c--!? >in class!? can girls do that?

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anon does...anal? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri) 18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, V, +V, m + m, (m + m,)RT P, RT, m, RT, (m, +m,)RT, P, m, RT (m, + m,, TBsat Tisat Gm, Gm 2sat RT, m 1 sat 2sat 、些) * - 20sỷ – ox u.(x + r2) + dy r; - V(x - 1601638899698.jpg 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw
: Anonymous 01/15/21 (Fri) 18:46:28 No.844936687 RT, V, +V, m + m, (m + m,)RT P, RT, m, RT, (m, +m,)RT, P, m, RT (m, + m,, TBsat Tisat Gm, Gm 2sat RT, m 1 sat 2sat 、些) * - 20sỷ – ox u.(x + r2) + dy r; - V(x - 1601638899698.jpg 180 KB JPG >hire escort >she tells me its $100 for a--- >agree >meet her at her hotel room >pull down pants and start to put on condom >she walks behind me >feel something enter my ass >chickdick.tmp >she c--- >tells me thanks and gives me $100 >mfw

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Anon is famous. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/18(Sat)07:54:17 No.784502064 >Be me. >Be black. >Have autism. >Support Trump. >Meet him. >Use him for views. 137 KB PNG >Have a 10/10 wife. >Make trash music. >Prefer to be known by 2 letters. My name is Kanye.
: Anonymous 11/10/18(Sat)07:54:17 No.784502064 >Be me. >Be black. >Have autism. >Support Trump. >Meet him. >Use him for views. 137 KB PNG >Have a 10/10 wife. >Make trash music. >Prefer to be known by 2 letters. My name is Kanye.

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

Physics Question If the universe is expanding faster and faster forever, whats giving it the energy to do this? Also what is it expanding into?? 6 KB JPG
Physics Question If the universe is expanding faster and faster forever, whats giving it the energy to do this? Also what is it expanding into?? 6 KB JPG

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Anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49198672 1 hr. ago >be me >in college >quad >two bunk beds >one room >roommate directly above me has his gf over every night >she has a room at the school too, with one less person and no bunk beds >uncomfortable about her being in my personal space but suck it up cus i don't want to be a f----- >tonight >she sleeps over ok 1.6 MB GIF >winding down for bed >bed shakes >hear moans and groans >they're f------ >keeps me up really late, can't sleep because the bed keeps rocking >decide to type greentext so they can hear my typing to let them know that i'm awake >it works, they stop f------ i won! i won!
Anonymous | 49198672 1 hr. ago >be me >in college >quad >two bunk beds >one room >roommate directly above me has his gf over every night >she has a room at the school too, with one less person and no bunk beds >uncomfortable about her being in my personal space but suck it up cus i don't want to be a f----- >tonight >she sleeps over ok 1.6 MB GIF >winding down for bed >bed shakes >hear moans and groans >they're f------ >keeps me up really late, can't sleep because the bed keeps rocking >decide to type greentext so they can hear my typing to let them know that i'm awake >it works, they stop f------ i won! i won!

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Anon protects nephew from killer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/16/18(Wed)22:25:34 No.768814065 ITT: spooky stories >be me >serial killer kills my brother in law >tries to kill his son but he failed somehow >his son is given to me >years later, the serial killer finds 124 KB JPG my house >sends threats in the mail, s--- about how he's gonna take him away >I move houses so he won't know my address >he f------ finds my house again >more mail >l move to an island >he still f------ knows >he comes to the door >he's f------ huge >l take out my shorty, but he breaks it in one hand >ohshit.bat >he walks up to my nephew >the twisted f--- gives him a cake >"you're a wizard harry" Turns out this wasn't the serial killer after all
: Anonymous 05/16/18(Wed)22:25:34 No.768814065 ITT: spooky stories >be me >serial killer kills my brother in law >tries to kill his son but he failed somehow >his son is given to me >years later, the serial killer finds 124 KB JPG my house >sends threats in the mail, s--- about how he's gonna take him away >I move houses so he won't know my address >he f------ finds my house again >more mail >l move to an island >he still f------ knows >he comes to the door >he's f------ huge >l take out my shorty, but he breaks it in one hand >ohshit.bat >he walks up to my nephew >the twisted f--- gives him a cake >"you're a wizard harry" Turns out this wasn't the serial killer after all

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>Short but to the point | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF View Thread
: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF View Thread

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It would be pretty funny tho | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT:We design Saw traps 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you 14 KB JPG free >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb
: Anonymous ITT:We design Saw traps 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you 14 KB JPG free >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb

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Most Based Person on the Planet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)10:31:28 No.51555156 >working at Igs/range >old British guy walks in >probably in his 90s >wearing one of those old triangle hats >no earpro >huge case slung over his shoulder >silently pays, walks into the range >opens the case >has a f------ musket >everyone on the line stops to watch >loads that thing in like 15 seconds >target at 50 yards, our longest setting >pulls the trigger >windows shake, cloud of smoke fills the range >few people stagger out coughing >smoke clears >a perfect headshot >repeats this maybe 20 times >headshot every single time >range so full of smoke I can barely see the target >reaches into his coat pocket >pulls out a flintlock pistol >fires it one handed >another perfect headshot >at 50 yards >with a smooth bore flintlock pistol >packs up >walks out >didn't say a word the entire time I think I was in the presence of the most based human being on earth
: Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)10:31:28 No.51555156 >working at Igs/range >old British guy walks in >probably in his 90s >wearing one of those old triangle hats >no earpro >huge case slung over his shoulder >silently pays, walks into the range >opens the case >has a f------ musket >everyone on the line stops to watch >loads that thing in like 15 seconds >target at 50 yards, our longest setting >pulls the trigger >windows shake, cloud of smoke fills the range >few people stagger out coughing >smoke clears >a perfect headshot >repeats this maybe 20 times >headshot every single time >range so full of smoke I can barely see the target >reaches into his coat pocket >pulls out a flintlock pistol >fires it one handed >another perfect headshot >at 50 yards >with a smooth bore flintlock pistol >packs up >walks out >didn't say a word the entire time I think I was in the presence of the most based human being on earth

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Anon has a kink | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)08:58:53 No.814325564 Alright kids let me tell you a story. >be me >out with my girlfriend >both in high school >she goes to restroom, single stall >family restroom so both are allowed >she gets out and I go in 22 KB JPG >piss in the toilet >I had a piss kink >I slurp some >get out and ask her why she didn't flush >"oh I didn't pee I just did my hair" >run outside and vomit >mfw It's been 10 years since then and we have a kid and she still doesn't know
: Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)08:58:53 No.814325564 Alright kids let me tell you a story. >be me >out with my girlfriend >both in high school >she goes to restroom, single stall >family restroom so both are allowed >she gets out and I go in 22 KB JPG >piss in the toilet >I had a piss kink >I slurp some >get out and ask her why she didn't flush >"oh I didn't pee I just did my hair" >run outside and vomit >mfw It's been 10 years since then and we have a kid and she still doesn't know

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Anon is a stoic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and 71 KB JPG realise l've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459 #3
: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me I dropped my gay card >I look down for it and 71 KB JPG realise l've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459 #3

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