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Anon plows someone’s house | /r/Greentext

11:54 PM C @ 1 * 99% boards.4chan.org oo0o Verizon In 2005 I drove my old Tacoma through a guy's house. THAVE NO SIDES AND I MUST KEK Not into, THROUGH. 63 KB JPG I fell asleep driving home from San Antonio, Houstonfag here, went off the road, cleared someone's yard and blasted right the f--- through his porch and into his living room. Woke up, panicked, floored it through the sliding glass doors in the back, hopped on the semi-circle driveway and hauled ass for a good 2 miles on 3 flat tires. Thankfully there were no cars in the driveway so i assume no one was home. Can't remember the extent of the damage or how much it cost to repair it, but shortly after that i just bought a new car and put the truck out to pasture. I'l tell ya this much though, a few miles and 3 new tires later I got to thinking about this family coming home to a f------ truck sized hole in their house and started laughing so frantically i had to pull over.
11:54 PM C @ 1 * 99% boards.4chan.org oo0o Verizon In 2005 I drove my old Tacoma through a guy's house. THAVE NO SIDES AND I MUST KEK Not into, THROUGH. 63 KB JPG I fell asleep driving home from San Antonio, Houstonfag here, went off the road, cleared someone's yard and blasted right the f--- through his porch and into his living room. Woke up, panicked, floored it through the sliding glass doors in the back, hopped on the semi-circle driveway and hauled ass for a good 2 miles on 3 flat tires. Thankfully there were no cars in the driveway so i assume no one was home. Can't remember the extent of the damage or how much it cost to repair it, but shortly after that i just bought a new car and put the truck out to pasture. I'l tell ya this much though, a few miles and 3 new tires later I got to thinking about this family coming home to a f------ truck sized hole in their house and started laughing so frantically i had to pull over.

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Anon has a professor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG
Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG

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Anon wants to go... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 52 minutes ago 56403233 >Wanna say "Let's go" and "okay" >Said "Let's gay" >Got weird looks
Anonymous 52 minutes ago 56403233 >Wanna say "Let's go" and "okay" >Said "Let's gay" >Got weird looks

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We are all gonna make it | /r/Greentext

>be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug 24 KB JPG >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys
>be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug 24 KB JPG >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys

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non is a retard savant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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Anon has a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)17:32:17 No.870677316 >be me >have restaurant job >job sucks >quit job >call another restaurant >schedule interview for the next day >shower, put on a nice shirt go in >offered job on the spot 101 KB JPG how do poorfags stay poor? it's not that hard. literally just get a job. i know food industry isn't that well paid, but if you're poor, who tf cares? retards gotta retard, i guess.
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)17:32:17 No.870677316 >be me >have restaurant job >job sucks >quit job >call another restaurant >schedule interview for the next day >shower, put on a nice shirt go in >offered job on the spot 101 KB JPG how do poorfags stay poor? it's not that hard. literally just get a job. i know food industry isn't that well paid, but if you're poor, who tf cares? retards gotta retard, i guess.

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Anon and the old Kenyan lady | /r/Greentext

1640215545806.jpg & (135 KB, 1080x969) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)16:19:42 No.66991412 v >>66991444 >waiting for the bus >sitting next to an old Kenyan lady (we've talked before) >there are two dyed hair, doc martens-wearing non-binary girls there as well >girls were talking very loudly about how they struggled buying feminine cosmetic products because of their dysphoria >they sounded really distraught and all >their bus arrived and they hopped in, leaving just me and the old Kenyan lady >the old Kenyan lady sighed and told me "you don't starve enough in this country".
1640215545806.jpg & (135 KB, 1080x969) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)16:19:42 No.66991412 v >>66991444 >waiting for the bus >sitting next to an old Kenyan lady (we've talked before) >there are two dyed hair, doc martens-wearing non-binary girls there as well >girls were talking very loudly about how they struggled buying feminine cosmetic products because of their dysphoria >they sounded really distraught and all >their bus arrived and they hopped in, leaving just me and the old Kenyan lady >the old Kenyan lady sighed and told me "you don't starve enough in this country".

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Anon tries edibles | /r/Greentext

>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it
>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it

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Semxy amnon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)19:44:16 No.694109545 ► >Be me >Straight girl >6'4" but i don't mind (my whole family's like this) >Work in a bar >Replacing a keg for this 5'2" bartender >She calls me an Amazon, pats my stomach since that's all she can reach >Instantly soaking f------ wet Oh god oh f--- am I gay??
Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)19:44:16 No.694109545 ► >Be me >Straight girl >6'4" but i don't mind (my whole family's like this) >Work in a bar >Replacing a keg for this 5'2" bartender >She calls me an Amazon, pats my stomach since that's all she can reach >Instantly soaking f------ wet Oh god oh f--- am I gay??

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anon is french | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 03/14/21(Sun)21:30:39 No.141215367 1575072241795.png 24 KB PNG >my name is [jac] but you must write it "Jacques", the four extra letters make me extra special! 88 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous E 03/14/21(Sun)21:30:39 No.141215367 1575072241795.png 24 KB PNG >my name is [jac] but you must write it "Jacques", the four extra letters make me extra special! 88 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon has a hot mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread

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kid's going places | /r/Greentext

File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) O Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------
File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) O Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------

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Anon discovered Skittles secrets | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSH FRuits Skittes During Pride only one mainbors matters S4 #onerainbons TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg| 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up
: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSH FRuits Skittes During Pride only one mainbors matters S4 #onerainbons TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg| 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump >pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence
>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump >pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence

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Anon gets called poor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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anon drives really fast | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:04 No.870642515 Be Me >driving really fast >Police pulls me over >Drive off hella quick because I have warranty >Cop chases me >He's a shirt driver so he crashes. 4 KB JPG >See him crawling barely alive >Shoot him out of pitty >turns out it was a sherif. >MFW get charged with the killing of a deputy. >MFW I shot the sherrif : Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:53 No.870642547 rope yourself frog n-----
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:04 No.870642515 Be Me >driving really fast >Police pulls me over >Drive off hella quick because I have warranty >Cop chases me >He's a shirt driver so he crashes. 4 KB JPG >See him crawling barely alive >Shoot him out of pitty >turns out it was a sherif. >MFW get charged with the killing of a deputy. >MFW I shot the sherrif : Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:53 No.870642547 rope yourself frog n-----

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Anon gets bullied | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'lI go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly 243 кВ JPG >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'lI go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly 243 кВ JPG >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0

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What the fuck is wrong with anon? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:25:14 No.780988252 > be me > 16/yo >be in school >in P.E, bored and horny as s--- > 9/10 thot infront of me >Staring at ass because l'm perv >Notice she seems to be flexing 22 KB JPG her ass >W--.png >l don't mind still nice ass >Hear her quietly say "Oh no" >I wonder what the f--- is going on >Her ass seems to get bigger >Then the smell hits me >MFW I realize she shat herself >MFW I almost c-- in my pants : Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:26:43 No.780988335 I really hate your story
: Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:25:14 No.780988252 > be me > 16/yo >be in school >in P.E, bored and horny as s--- > 9/10 thot infront of me >Staring at ass because l'm perv >Notice she seems to be flexing 22 KB JPG her ass >W--.png >l don't mind still nice ass >Hear her quietly say "Oh no" >I wonder what the f--- is going on >Her ass seems to get bigger >Then the smell hits me >MFW I realize she shat herself >MFW I almost c-- in my pants : Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:26:43 No.780988335 I really hate your story

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anons post makes the front page | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)17:38:56 No.844517011 >create post on r/medical >five minutes later get message from the repostsluethbot >'hey, your OC made the front page!" 29 KB JPG I sincerely doubt a picture of bumps on my a------ made the front page
: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)17:38:56 No.844517011 >create post on r/medical >five minutes later get message from the repostsluethbot >'hey, your OC made the front page!" 29 KB JPG I sincerely doubt a picture of bumps on my a------ made the front page

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Anon is going for it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:27:53 No.48824429 >500 word essay due tomorrow >only have 302 words Tonight's the night I end it b/r9k/s 11 KB JPG 9 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:35:11 No.48824506 >>48824429 (OP) # >200 words Isn't that like 5 minutes of work?
: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:27:53 No.48824429 >500 word essay due tomorrow >only have 302 words Tonight's the night I end it b/r9k/s 11 KB JPG 9 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:35:11 No.48824506 >>48824429 (OP) # >200 words Isn't that like 5 minutes of work?

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