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Anon went to the zoo Anon went to the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread

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anon finds a cute girl | /r/Greentext


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Wagie wagie back in cagie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:09:51 No.158152556 >158152778 >>158153215 >>158153368 >>158153473 >>158153842 >>158153928 >158154064 >be McCuck wagie >work 8 hr shift to pay tuition >have no car >walk 5 miles home in blistering cold >feet practically bleeding >open up Instagram >see w---- making 6 figures showing her ass Man f--- this s---. It's either I kill my self or become the next Lenin Anonymous I01/14/22(Fri)22:12:55 No.158152622 >>158154085 >>158154205 use a bike??
Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:09:51 No.158152556 >158152778 >>158153215 >>158153368 >>158153473 >>158153842 >>158153928 >158154064 >be McCuck wagie >work 8 hr shift to pay tuition >have no car >walk 5 miles home in blistering cold >feet practically bleeding >open up Instagram >see w---- making 6 figures showing her ass Man f--- this s---. It's either I kill my self or become the next Lenin Anonymous I01/14/22(Fri)22:12:55 No.158152622 >>158154085 >>158154205 use a bike??

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Anon cannot be fooled | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle
| Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle

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Anon had enough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)02:10:34 No.66993940 >terrible hookup culture that encourages short term flings over full relationships >every increasing rise in living costs with decreasing number of well paying jobs >feminism pushing for laws that 32 KB JPG make hitting on women increasingly more dangerous for men >no legal repercussions for adultery >womens standards for men getting higher and higher every year so only the most attractive men can even get a girlfriend >"Dude why aren't men pursuing women to make families??? Must be le m----------- and p---" Do nofappers really?
: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)02:10:34 No.66993940 >terrible hookup culture that encourages short term flings over full relationships >every increasing rise in living costs with decreasing number of well paying jobs >feminism pushing for laws that 32 KB JPG make hitting on women increasingly more dangerous for men >no legal repercussions for adultery >womens standards for men getting higher and higher every year so only the most attractive men can even get a girlfriend >"Dude why aren't men pursuing women to make families??? Must be le m----------- and p---" Do nofappers really?

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Anon pulls a prank | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank
: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank

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Simulation Theory | /r/Greentext

FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- 103 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/29/21 (Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable
FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- 103 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/29/21 (Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable

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Anon is a top tier student | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:59:40 No.870672372 >be me >get into top tier American college pre covid as an international student >pay thousands of dollars your proud family earned through the last years 278 KB JPG COVID hits >watch funny computer lifestream 6 days a week, eat Doritos 24/7 Worth it
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)22:59:40 No.870672372 >be me >get into top tier American college pre covid as an international student >pay thousands of dollars your proud family earned through the last years 278 KB JPG COVID hits >watch funny computer lifestream 6 days a week, eat Doritos 24/7 Worth it

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anon can't make a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta 17 KB JPG >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta 17 KB JPG >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread

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Anon plows someone’s house | /r/Greentext

11:54 PM C @ 1 * 99% boards.4chan.org oo0o Verizon In 2005 I drove my old Tacoma through a guy's house. THAVE NO SIDES AND I MUST KEK Not into, THROUGH. 63 KB JPG I fell asleep driving home from San Antonio, Houstonfag here, went off the road, cleared someone's yard and blasted right the f--- through his porch and into his living room. Woke up, panicked, floored it through the sliding glass doors in the back, hopped on the semi-circle driveway and hauled ass for a good 2 miles on 3 flat tires. Thankfully there were no cars in the driveway so i assume no one was home. Can't remember the extent of the damage or how much it cost to repair it, but shortly after that i just bought a new car and put the truck out to pasture. I'l tell ya this much though, a few miles and 3 new tires later I got to thinking about this family coming home to a f------ truck sized hole in their house and started laughing so frantically i had to pull over.
11:54 PM C @ 1 * 99% boards.4chan.org oo0o Verizon In 2005 I drove my old Tacoma through a guy's house. THAVE NO SIDES AND I MUST KEK Not into, THROUGH. 63 KB JPG I fell asleep driving home from San Antonio, Houstonfag here, went off the road, cleared someone's yard and blasted right the f--- through his porch and into his living room. Woke up, panicked, floored it through the sliding glass doors in the back, hopped on the semi-circle driveway and hauled ass for a good 2 miles on 3 flat tires. Thankfully there were no cars in the driveway so i assume no one was home. Can't remember the extent of the damage or how much it cost to repair it, but shortly after that i just bought a new car and put the truck out to pasture. I'l tell ya this much though, a few miles and 3 new tires later I got to thinking about this family coming home to a f------ truck sized hole in their house and started laughing so frantically i had to pull over.

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Anon has a professor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG
Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG

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Anon wants to go... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 52 minutes ago 56403233 >Wanna say "Let's go" and "okay" >Said "Let's gay" >Got weird looks
Anonymous 52 minutes ago 56403233 >Wanna say "Let's go" and "okay" >Said "Let's gay" >Got weird looks

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We are all gonna make it | /r/Greentext

>be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug 24 KB JPG >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys
>be me >27 >cook/everything else >closing up restaurant >me and one girl finishing up in kitchen >light flirting feeling it out >close up and walk her to her car >say bye and hug 24 KB JPG >she does the gril thing where she falls into the hug a little >catch her no problem >shes breathless >wow anon you're so strong now shes sending me naughty pics feels good boys

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non is a retard savant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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Anon has a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)17:32:17 No.870677316 >be me >have restaurant job >job sucks >quit job >call another restaurant >schedule interview for the next day >shower, put on a nice shirt go in >offered job on the spot 101 KB JPG how do poorfags stay poor? it's not that hard. literally just get a job. i know food industry isn't that well paid, but if you're poor, who tf cares? retards gotta retard, i guess.
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)17:32:17 No.870677316 >be me >have restaurant job >job sucks >quit job >call another restaurant >schedule interview for the next day >shower, put on a nice shirt go in >offered job on the spot 101 KB JPG how do poorfags stay poor? it's not that hard. literally just get a job. i know food industry isn't that well paid, but if you're poor, who tf cares? retards gotta retard, i guess.

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Anon and the old Kenyan lady | /r/Greentext

1640215545806.jpg & (135 KB, 1080x969) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)16:19:42 No.66991412 v >>66991444 >waiting for the bus >sitting next to an old Kenyan lady (we've talked before) >there are two dyed hair, doc martens-wearing non-binary girls there as well >girls were talking very loudly about how they struggled buying feminine cosmetic products because of their dysphoria >they sounded really distraught and all >their bus arrived and they hopped in, leaving just me and the old Kenyan lady >the old Kenyan lady sighed and told me "you don't starve enough in this country".
1640215545806.jpg & (135 KB, 1080x969) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)16:19:42 No.66991412 v >>66991444 >waiting for the bus >sitting next to an old Kenyan lady (we've talked before) >there are two dyed hair, doc martens-wearing non-binary girls there as well >girls were talking very loudly about how they struggled buying feminine cosmetic products because of their dysphoria >they sounded really distraught and all >their bus arrived and they hopped in, leaving just me and the old Kenyan lady >the old Kenyan lady sighed and told me "you don't starve enough in this country".

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Anon tries edibles | /r/Greentext

>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it
>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it

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Semxy amnon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)19:44:16 No.694109545 ► >Be me >Straight girl >6'4" but i don't mind (my whole family's like this) >Work in a bar >Replacing a keg for this 5'2" bartender >She calls me an Amazon, pats my stomach since that's all she can reach >Instantly soaking f------ wet Oh god oh f--- am I gay??
Anonymous 08/06/21(Fri)19:44:16 No.694109545 ► >Be me >Straight girl >6'4" but i don't mind (my whole family's like this) >Work in a bar >Replacing a keg for this 5'2" bartender >She calls me an Amazon, pats my stomach since that's all she can reach >Instantly soaking f------ wet Oh god oh f--- am I gay??

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anon is french | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 03/14/21(Sun)21:30:39 No.141215367 1575072241795.png 24 KB PNG >my name is [jac] but you must write it "Jacques", the four extra letters make me extra special! 88 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous E 03/14/21(Sun)21:30:39 No.141215367 1575072241795.png 24 KB PNG >my name is [jac] but you must write it "Jacques", the four extra letters make me extra special! 88 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon has a hot mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:19:43 No.845445166 >me >middle school >hard time making friends >walking out of school one day next to a classmate >my mom waves me down >"H-------- is that your mom dude? 9 KB PNG She's hot" >That's it, l'll be the kid with the hot mom! >Another day, walking out with different classmate >This is my chance, I'm the kid with the hot mom! >"Oh there's my mom, gotta go. She's hot huh? >He just stares back and says "what the f--- dude?" >mfw View Thread

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