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Anon hates reddit | /r/Greentext

File: Unknown.jpg (13 KB, 194x259) U Anonymous 03/11/19(Mon)15:31:56 No.794699644 [Reply] >be you >pathetic redditfag >can't make original memes >steal greentexts from 4chan f--- you 100
File: Unknown.jpg (13 KB, 194x259) U Anonymous 03/11/19(Mon)15:31:56 No.794699644 [Reply] >be you >pathetic redditfag >can't make original memes >steal greentexts from 4chan f--- you 100

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anon goes on a walk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)15:58:31 No.869635233 > be me > out for a walk > just breathing in the fresh air > get to a cross walk and see an old lady with some grocery bags and see she's on a walker 6 KB JPG > immediately think i'm on the truman show as this is so like movie-esque > help her cross the street > "thank you young man, here have this." > hands me an apple >i thank her and continue on my walk while eating the apple > smile so big while eating the apple thank you ma'am
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)15:58:31 No.869635233 > be me > out for a walk > just breathing in the fresh air > get to a cross walk and see an old lady with some grocery bags and see she's on a walker 6 KB JPG > immediately think i'm on the truman show as this is so like movie-esque > help her cross the street > "thank you young man, here have this." > hands me an apple >i thank her and continue on my walk while eating the apple > smile so big while eating the apple thank you ma'am

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Anon uses Vaseline | /r/Greentext


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Anon believes in karma | /r/Greentext

>be me >4 yrs ago,i was 16 >valentines day, all the girls were super excited > so i had this really big crush on a girl from my class, 9/10 > i finally man up, after months of 24 KB PNG mentaly preparing for this >come to her and ask to be my valentine, gift her a chocolate >"who? You? Dude you re ugly af, nobody likes you". >after this i sweared to never make first step again > and today, after 4 yrs, a cute girl asked me out >also found out that the thot from highschool is a single mother of 2 kids Now i really believe that karma exists
>be me >4 yrs ago,i was 16 >valentines day, all the girls were super excited > so i had this really big crush on a girl from my class, 9/10 > i finally man up, after months of 24 KB PNG mentaly preparing for this >come to her and ask to be my valentine, gift her a chocolate >"who? You? Dude you re ugly af, nobody likes you". >after this i sweared to never make first step again > and today, after 4 yrs, a cute girl asked me out >also found out that the thot from highschool is a single mother of 2 kids Now i really believe that karma exists

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Anon got further than expected | /r/Greentext

>be me >living a comfy life playing vidya, watching anime and tinkering with linux >like this girl from my class >my chances are probably 0 but whatevs i'll try regardless >try messaging her on whatsapp 10 KB JPG >we become kinda frens >try talking on call with her and she's pretty nice >tell her that she should make a discord account cuz then we could do more stuff on call together >she says ok >we begin talking more than on whatsapp (apparently she doesn't check her whatsapp often) >I stream vidya to her on discord and she says she likes watching >i decided to try my chances. >tell her thati like her, ask her if she likes me back, says "Maybe." >ffw a few weeks later and now we're just sending hearts to each other and she calls me "love". School's starting a few days after New Year's, what do I do anons?
>be me >living a comfy life playing vidya, watching anime and tinkering with linux >like this girl from my class >my chances are probably 0 but whatevs i'll try regardless >try messaging her on whatsapp 10 KB JPG >we become kinda frens >try talking on call with her and she's pretty nice >tell her that she should make a discord account cuz then we could do more stuff on call together >she says ok >we begin talking more than on whatsapp (apparently she doesn't check her whatsapp often) >I stream vidya to her on discord and she says she likes watching >i decided to try my chances. >tell her thati like her, ask her if she likes me back, says "Maybe." >ffw a few weeks later and now we're just sending hearts to each other and she calls me "love". School's starting a few days after New Year's, what do I do anons?

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Anon is Aussie | /r/Greentext

>be me, mate >aussie >say "c---" after every sentence >one day, was walking my kangaroo through the god awful hellscape I call my 215 KB PNG country >see koala sitting in a tree >take out my didgeridoo >gonna have fried koala tonight >play didgeridoo >koala's head implodes >go to retrieve the carcass >fry it up for the wife >Don't even need a barbie, just place it on the ground >as it's cooking, some wanker tries to shoot me >he says he mistook me for a wild dingo >"aw no worries,mate. happens all the time, god save the queen" >invite him to eat with me >suddenly, c--- snake bites me >I die >just another day here in australia
>be me, mate >aussie >say "c---" after every sentence >one day, was walking my kangaroo through the god awful hellscape I call my 215 KB PNG country >see koala sitting in a tree >take out my didgeridoo >gonna have fried koala tonight >play didgeridoo >koala's head implodes >go to retrieve the carcass >fry it up for the wife >Don't even need a barbie, just place it on the ground >as it's cooking, some wanker tries to shoot me >he says he mistook me for a wild dingo >"aw no worries,mate. happens all the time, god save the queen" >invite him to eat with me >suddenly, c--- snake bites me >I die >just another day here in australia

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Anon isn’t telling the full story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:05:58 No.62874652 Stuck in between >be me >not rowdy enough for a bad girl >not pure enough for a wholesome girl 13 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:12:36 No.62874710 you dont leave your house enough for a real girl
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:05:58 No.62874652 Stuck in between >be me >not rowdy enough for a bad girl >not pure enough for a wholesome girl 13 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:12:36 No.62874710 you dont leave your house enough for a real girl

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Anon remembers a repressed memory from their childhood | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 11/21/18(Wedy21:54:34 No.785488472 This is a repressed memory from my childhood that I recently remembered and need to share. >be me >around 10 years old >go over to my neighbors house to 256 KB JPG hang out we will just call him jay >neighbor is a little older than me >his little brother tracked mud all over the porch we will cail him nick >jay was tasked with hosing down all the mud from the porch >nick runs across the porch again right after jay finishes >jay gets p----- off >meanwhile I'm standing nearby waiting for jay to finish again so we can play >nick runs across porch again, clearly on purpose >jay gets extremely p----- >yells and threatens nick >1 barely heard the threat but I guess nick thought it was an empty threat >nick rubs shoe on porch >before I can even see what happened jay had nick on the ground >nicks pants were around his ankles Fuckingwhat.jpg >jay shoved the water hose up nicks ass >I'm standing with my mouth open unable to comprehend the situation >a geyser of water is shooting up from the pressure >nick is screaming and flailing on the ground but he's no match for jays strength >eventually jay stops >nick runs around the side of the house with his pants around his ankles >I can only see a little bit of him as he screams in pain and s---- on the side of the house Pic related >Nick paints the side of the house brown as a result of the forced enema >I run home and try to forget what I saw >hung out with my neighbor a week later like nothing ever happened >have mangaged to suppress this memory until now
| Anonymous 11/21/18(Wedy21:54:34 No.785488472 This is a repressed memory from my childhood that I recently remembered and need to share. >be me >around 10 years old >go over to my neighbors house to 256 KB JPG hang out we will just call him jay >neighbor is a little older than me >his little brother tracked mud all over the porch we will cail him nick >jay was tasked with hosing down all the mud from the porch >nick runs across the porch again right after jay finishes >jay gets p----- off >meanwhile I'm standing nearby waiting for jay to finish again so we can play >nick runs across porch again, clearly on purpose >jay gets extremely p----- >yells and threatens nick >1 barely heard the threat but I guess nick thought it was an empty threat >nick rubs shoe on porch >before I can even see what happened jay had nick on the ground >nicks pants were around his ankles Fuckingwhat.jpg >jay shoved the water hose up nicks ass >I'm standing with my mouth open unable to comprehend the situation >a geyser of water is shooting up from the pressure >nick is screaming and flailing on the ground but he's no match for jays strength >eventually jay stops >nick runs around the side of the house with his pants around his ankles >I can only see a little bit of him as he screams in pain and s---- on the side of the house Pic related >Nick paints the side of the house brown as a result of the forced enema >I run home and try to forget what I saw >hung out with my neighbor a week later like nothing ever happened >have mangaged to suppress this memory until now

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Anon thinks he's smart | /r/Greentext

Here is why all conspiracies are retarded. If the government couldn't cover up the president getting a b------, do you really think they could cover up anything else? 102 KB JPG The one conspiracy I believe in is Flat Earth. But I don't really consider that a conspiracy. It's another example of how retarded the government and people in general are. If the earth was a sphere, Australia would have fallen into space. I realized this when I was f------ eight years old, and people still debate it today. There would be no reason for them to hide that, and so they aren't hiding it. I have a simpler explanation: they're (gasp) stupid! I f------ swear, if I ever have kids I will pull them out of school and just put South Park on loop.
Here is why all conspiracies are retarded. If the government couldn't cover up the president getting a b------, do you really think they could cover up anything else? 102 KB JPG The one conspiracy I believe in is Flat Earth. But I don't really consider that a conspiracy. It's another example of how retarded the government and people in general are. If the earth was a sphere, Australia would have fallen into space. I realized this when I was f------ eight years old, and people still debate it today. There would be no reason for them to hide that, and so they aren't hiding it. I have a simpler explanation: they're (gasp) stupid! I f------ swear, if I ever have kids I will pull them out of school and just put South Park on loop.

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Anon is a fascist painter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:19:05 No.66775106 can you make art than is Truly apolitical 102 KB JPG 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:34:19 No.66775222 1630811575742.png 24 KB PNG >>66775106 (OP) # Yeah watch this >>66775318 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:49:21 No.66775318 >>66775222 # What are you a Fascist or something? >>66775325 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:50:11 No.66775325 >>66775318 # No I just have kindergarten drawing ability and I drew a house on a cliff >>66775940 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:04:25 No.66775940 >>66775325 # Just like Hitler
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:19:05 No.66775106 can you make art than is Truly apolitical 102 KB JPG 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:34:19 No.66775222 1630811575742.png 24 KB PNG >>66775106 (OP) # Yeah watch this >>66775318 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:49:21 No.66775318 >>66775222 # What are you a Fascist or something? >>66775325 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:50:11 No.66775325 >>66775318 # No I just have kindergarten drawing ability and I drew a house on a cliff >>66775940 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:04:25 No.66775940 >>66775325 # Just like Hitler

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Anon wasted his life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:10:54 No.66776022 >19 >never had a friend >never been in a relationship >never kissed a girl >never had sex >cant drive 77 KB JPG >never had a real job Its too late for me. I cant fix myself
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:10:54 No.66776022 >19 >never had a friend >never been in a relationship >never kissed a girl >never had sex >cant drive 77 KB JPG >never had a real job Its too late for me. I cant fix myself

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E = McD² proof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.

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Anon gets disappointed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:07:05 No.66775971 >be me >autistic as f--- but doing fine >comfy side gig while in college >new coworker starts same shifts >cute latina with big tiddies >we have a click, start taking breaks together >asks for my snap and we start 213 KB JPG talking there too >mires my gym progress, squeezes my arm sometimes >sends me pics in skimpy gym outfits >once straight up put her hand under my shirt when she asked if i had abs >very touchy and playful in general >starting to collect the courage to ask her out >get off work yesterday, see her walking towards a car >guy gets out, they kiss and hug >never mentioned a boyfriend so thats just how some girls are huh
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:07:05 No.66775971 >be me >autistic as f--- but doing fine >comfy side gig while in college >new coworker starts same shifts >cute latina with big tiddies >we have a click, start taking breaks together >asks for my snap and we start 213 KB JPG talking there too >mires my gym progress, squeezes my arm sometimes >sends me pics in skimpy gym outfits >once straight up put her hand under my shirt when she asked if i had abs >very touchy and playful in general >starting to collect the courage to ask her out >get off work yesterday, see her walking towards a car >guy gets out, they kiss and hug >never mentioned a boyfriend so thats just how some girls are huh

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Anon gets rekt | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No.45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no
O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No.45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no

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Good times | /r/Greentext

Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov >I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before I'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.
Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov >I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before I'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.

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Anon watches VSauce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No. 795345985 (13 s) >be me >last night >can't sleep >browsing youtube >end up putting on old vsauce playlist >michaels soothing voice >bliss.jpeg >instantly fall asleep thanks Michael PNG 81.83 KB
Anonymous No. 795345985 (13 s) >be me >last night >can't sleep >browsing youtube >end up putting on old vsauce playlist >michaels soothing voice >bliss.jpeg >instantly fall asleep thanks Michael PNG 81.83 KB

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Anon eats a pickle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle
: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle

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Anon is pale white | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/17(Wed)15:44:55 No.748471098 >be me >into funk and rock music and stuff >decide I want to learn guitar >7-8 years later, in a funk band now 99 KB JPG >get a gig at an outdoor concert >have blisters on fingers from practicing >worried I'm gonna mess up because of pain >also put on too much sunscreen, >tfw I look like a pale white virgin >mom waiting backstage with me to cheer me on >tell her about being nervous >tells me something as I go onstage with band >"play that funky music white boy" >l played that funky music right
: Anonymous 10/18/17(Wed)15:44:55 No.748471098 >be me >into funk and rock music and stuff >decide I want to learn guitar >7-8 years later, in a funk band now 99 KB JPG >get a gig at an outdoor concert >have blisters on fingers from practicing >worried I'm gonna mess up because of pain >also put on too much sunscreen, >tfw I look like a pale white virgin >mom waiting backstage with me to cheer me on >tell her about being nervous >tells me something as I go onstage with band >"play that funky music white boy" >l played that funky music right

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Anon is rich and genius. | /r/Greentext

>Be Vice 560 286 0468 2.286 14563 156 Nstonks 0.12% >Hire a team of expert 0287 1204 programmers to design an app NIA 0.1902 which will turn any woman 506 KB PNG completely naked. >Start selling copies of the app for $50. >Make an article about this "horrifying new app" with a photo of naked Taylor Swift. >Gain crap tons of popularity >Take the app offline. >Start selling expensive copies on the deepweb and make $$$$$4
>Be Vice 560 286 0468 2.286 14563 156 Nstonks 0.12% >Hire a team of expert 0287 1204 programmers to design an app NIA 0.1902 which will turn any woman 506 KB PNG completely naked. >Start selling copies of the app for $50. >Make an article about this "horrifying new app" with a photo of naked Taylor Swift. >Gain crap tons of popularity >Take the app offline. >Start selling expensive copies on the deepweb and make $$$$$4

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Early settlement | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:40:06 No.66770723 >have female friend for years >never attracted to her, she's ugly and fat but nice >suddenly feel romantic attraction to her >want to marry and f--- her where the f--- did this come 58 KB JPG from? It was practically overnight. : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:42:10 No.66770748 >>66770723 (OP) # You got desperate
: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:40:06 No.66770723 >have female friend for years >never attracted to her, she's ugly and fat but nice >suddenly feel romantic attraction to her >want to marry and f--- her where the f--- did this come 58 KB JPG from? It was practically overnight. : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:42:10 No.66770748 >>66770723 (OP) # You got desperate

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