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Anon contemplates reviews | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/31/21(Fri)01:45:27 No.66781548 >be reading reviews on amazon >8" dildo being suggested >decide to read reviews >"its so small" >"go-to size for a beginner" >"just found out that 8 is just too 1.91 MB GIF small for me" >"better save some money and get the 12" one it also comes in black" It was decided before it even started
: Anonymous 12/31/21(Fri)01:45:27 No.66781548 >be reading reviews on amazon >8" dildo being suggested >decide to read reviews >"its so small" >"go-to size for a beginner" >"just found out that 8 is just too 1.91 MB GIF small for me" >"better save some money and get the 12" one it also comes in black" It was decided before it even started

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Anon mom got TOPPED | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous heard my parents having sex 12/30/21(Thu)22:34:01 No.66782721 Heard my parents having sex on Christmas Eve >Christmas Eve >sisters went out with their boyfriend >parents thought I went out too >thought they have the house to themselves 86 KB JPG >I'm actually in my room because socially retarded >they start f------ all over the house >can hear them coming upstairs then going back downstairs >in the kitchen, living room etc >can hear my mom moaning and screaming >get the weirdest f------ boner >put on headphones and force myself to sleep That was 5 days ago and I still can't look my parents in the eye nor interact with them at all Worst yet, I would occasionally get boners when thinking of my mom and how she sounded even though it felt weird as f--- at the time | Don't want advice, just felt like ranting Can't believe parents in their 50s still do this s---, I am f------ creeped out man 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous heard my parents having sex 12/30/21(Thu)22:34:01 No.66782721 Heard my parents having sex on Christmas Eve >Christmas Eve >sisters went out with their boyfriend >parents thought I went out too >thought they have the house to themselves 86 KB JPG >I'm actually in my room because socially retarded >they start f------ all over the house >can hear them coming upstairs then going back downstairs >in the kitchen, living room etc >can hear my mom moaning and screaming >get the weirdest f------ boner >put on headphones and force myself to sleep That was 5 days ago and I still can't look my parents in the eye nor interact with them at all Worst yet, I would occasionally get boners when thinking of my mom and how she sounded even though it felt weird as f--- at the time | Don't want advice, just felt like ranting Can't believe parents in their 50s still do this s---, I am f------ creeped out man 4 Replies View Thread

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Anon is fed up | /r/Greentext

1h (12/30 13:53) · 66780110 2 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 32KB · (500 × 381) >fed up with my s----- life >decide things need to change immediately >start cleaning things up >get tired about an hour in >take a break >feeling cozy >dont wanna continue >decide to finish tomorrow >tomorrow arrives >"you know what, i can do this later" >go back to how things were before >another year passes >fed up with my s----- life >cycle repeats its all so tiring
1h (12/30 13:53) · 66780110 2 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 32KB · (500 × 381) >fed up with my s----- life >decide things need to change immediately >start cleaning things up >get tired about an hour in >take a break >feeling cozy >dont wanna continue >decide to finish tomorrow >tomorrow arrives >"you know what, i can do this later" >go back to how things were before >another year passes >fed up with my s----- life >cycle repeats its all so tiring

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Anon getting head | /r/Greentext

File: 1497797722439s.jpg (7 KB, 250x205) O Anonymous 03/19/19(Tue)07:02:40 No.51528857 [Reply] >>51529270 >>51529793 >told my psychologist I'm off my meds and feeling much better and even made a friend recently >she starts beaming, says I made her week, and seems genuinely happy for me 3 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. >> O Anonymous 03/19/19(Tue)07:53:42 No.51529270 >>51528857 (OP) She wants your d--- anon. Go f--- her right now
File: 1497797722439s.jpg (7 KB, 250x205) O Anonymous 03/19/19(Tue)07:02:40 No.51528857 [Reply] >>51529270 >>51529793 >told my psychologist I'm off my meds and feeling much better and even made a friend recently >she starts beaming, says I made her week, and seems genuinely happy for me 3 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. >> O Anonymous 03/19/19(Tue)07:53:42 No.51529270 >>51528857 (OP) She wants your d--- anon. Go f--- her right now

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Anon loves his dad | /r/Greentext

9 min. ago .. Anonymous 1 804906840 positive dad stories thread >be me, 9 >own a toy firetruck >godifuckinglovemyfiretruck.jpg >bring to show and tell >kids make fun of firetruck 158.5 kB PNG >go home tell dad >dad tells me not to worry about it >next day >dad wakes me up for drive to school >pass school >"dad where are we going?" >"my friends want to meet you anon" >pull up to firehouse >dad told his firefighter friends what happened >get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen >get to honk real firetruck horn mfw my dad took off work just to make me feel better over some stupid toy truck
9 min. ago .. Anonymous 1 804906840 positive dad stories thread >be me, 9 >own a toy firetruck >godifuckinglovemyfiretruck.jpg >bring to show and tell >kids make fun of firetruck 158.5 kB PNG >go home tell dad >dad tells me not to worry about it >next day >dad wakes me up for drive to school >pass school >"dad where are we going?" >"my friends want to meet you anon" >pull up to firehouse >dad told his firefighter friends what happened >get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen >get to honk real firetruck horn mfw my dad took off work just to make me feel better over some stupid toy truck

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Yes you are, OP. Yes you are. | /r/Greentext

File: nerdface.jpg (70 KB, 800x612) O Anonymous 11/22/18(Thu)19:54:23 No.785521455 >be me >at school >break time >listening to meme songs on cheap mp3 player because beta f-- >spot nerd sitting alone >fatass, always tops class,no friends >feel pity >talk to him for some time >find out he played halo >he hasn't played in more than a year, only studies now >idea.tiff >has halo on mp3 player >give it to him >he listens for 10 seconds >hfw 't-t-tthanks bro, it's been a long time' >H-------- Am I a good or bad person?
File: nerdface.jpg (70 KB, 800x612) O Anonymous 11/22/18(Thu)19:54:23 No.785521455 >be me >at school >break time >listening to meme songs on cheap mp3 player because beta f-- >spot nerd sitting alone >fatass, always tops class,no friends >feel pity >talk to him for some time >find out he played halo >he hasn't played in more than a year, only studies now >idea.tiff >has halo on mp3 player >give it to him >he listens for 10 seconds >hfw 't-t-tthanks bro, it's been a long time' >H-------- Am I a good or bad person?

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Anon hates reddit | /r/Greentext

File: Unknown.jpg (13 KB, 194x259) U Anonymous 03/11/19(Mon)15:31:56 No.794699644 [Reply] >be you >pathetic redditfag >can't make original memes >steal greentexts from 4chan f--- you 100
File: Unknown.jpg (13 KB, 194x259) U Anonymous 03/11/19(Mon)15:31:56 No.794699644 [Reply] >be you >pathetic redditfag >can't make original memes >steal greentexts from 4chan f--- you 100

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anon goes on a walk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)15:58:31 No.869635233 > be me > out for a walk > just breathing in the fresh air > get to a cross walk and see an old lady with some grocery bags and see she's on a walker 6 KB JPG > immediately think i'm on the truman show as this is so like movie-esque > help her cross the street > "thank you young man, here have this." > hands me an apple >i thank her and continue on my walk while eating the apple > smile so big while eating the apple thank you ma'am
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)15:58:31 No.869635233 > be me > out for a walk > just breathing in the fresh air > get to a cross walk and see an old lady with some grocery bags and see she's on a walker 6 KB JPG > immediately think i'm on the truman show as this is so like movie-esque > help her cross the street > "thank you young man, here have this." > hands me an apple >i thank her and continue on my walk while eating the apple > smile so big while eating the apple thank you ma'am

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Anon uses Vaseline | /r/Greentext


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Anon believes in karma | /r/Greentext

>be me >4 yrs ago,i was 16 >valentines day, all the girls were super excited > so i had this really big crush on a girl from my class, 9/10 > i finally man up, after months of 24 KB PNG mentaly preparing for this >come to her and ask to be my valentine, gift her a chocolate >"who? You? Dude you re ugly af, nobody likes you". >after this i sweared to never make first step again > and today, after 4 yrs, a cute girl asked me out >also found out that the thot from highschool is a single mother of 2 kids Now i really believe that karma exists
>be me >4 yrs ago,i was 16 >valentines day, all the girls were super excited > so i had this really big crush on a girl from my class, 9/10 > i finally man up, after months of 24 KB PNG mentaly preparing for this >come to her and ask to be my valentine, gift her a chocolate >"who? You? Dude you re ugly af, nobody likes you". >after this i sweared to never make first step again > and today, after 4 yrs, a cute girl asked me out >also found out that the thot from highschool is a single mother of 2 kids Now i really believe that karma exists

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Anon got further than expected | /r/Greentext

>be me >living a comfy life playing vidya, watching anime and tinkering with linux >like this girl from my class >my chances are probably 0 but whatevs i'll try regardless >try messaging her on whatsapp 10 KB JPG >we become kinda frens >try talking on call with her and she's pretty nice >tell her that she should make a discord account cuz then we could do more stuff on call together >she says ok >we begin talking more than on whatsapp (apparently she doesn't check her whatsapp often) >I stream vidya to her on discord and she says she likes watching >i decided to try my chances. >tell her thati like her, ask her if she likes me back, says "Maybe." >ffw a few weeks later and now we're just sending hearts to each other and she calls me "love". School's starting a few days after New Year's, what do I do anons?
>be me >living a comfy life playing vidya, watching anime and tinkering with linux >like this girl from my class >my chances are probably 0 but whatevs i'll try regardless >try messaging her on whatsapp 10 KB JPG >we become kinda frens >try talking on call with her and she's pretty nice >tell her that she should make a discord account cuz then we could do more stuff on call together >she says ok >we begin talking more than on whatsapp (apparently she doesn't check her whatsapp often) >I stream vidya to her on discord and she says she likes watching >i decided to try my chances. >tell her thati like her, ask her if she likes me back, says "Maybe." >ffw a few weeks later and now we're just sending hearts to each other and she calls me "love". School's starting a few days after New Year's, what do I do anons?

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Anon is Aussie | /r/Greentext

>be me, mate >aussie >say "c---" after every sentence >one day, was walking my kangaroo through the god awful hellscape I call my 215 KB PNG country >see koala sitting in a tree >take out my didgeridoo >gonna have fried koala tonight >play didgeridoo >koala's head implodes >go to retrieve the carcass >fry it up for the wife >Don't even need a barbie, just place it on the ground >as it's cooking, some wanker tries to shoot me >he says he mistook me for a wild dingo >"aw no worries,mate. happens all the time, god save the queen" >invite him to eat with me >suddenly, c--- snake bites me >I die >just another day here in australia
>be me, mate >aussie >say "c---" after every sentence >one day, was walking my kangaroo through the god awful hellscape I call my 215 KB PNG country >see koala sitting in a tree >take out my didgeridoo >gonna have fried koala tonight >play didgeridoo >koala's head implodes >go to retrieve the carcass >fry it up for the wife >Don't even need a barbie, just place it on the ground >as it's cooking, some wanker tries to shoot me >he says he mistook me for a wild dingo >"aw no worries,mate. happens all the time, god save the queen" >invite him to eat with me >suddenly, c--- snake bites me >I die >just another day here in australia

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Anon isn’t telling the full story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:05:58 No.62874652 Stuck in between >be me >not rowdy enough for a bad girl >not pure enough for a wholesome girl 13 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:12:36 No.62874710 you dont leave your house enough for a real girl
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:05:58 No.62874652 Stuck in between >be me >not rowdy enough for a bad girl >not pure enough for a wholesome girl 13 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)02:12:36 No.62874710 you dont leave your house enough for a real girl

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Anon remembers a repressed memory from their childhood | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 11/21/18(Wedy21:54:34 No.785488472 This is a repressed memory from my childhood that I recently remembered and need to share. >be me >around 10 years old >go over to my neighbors house to 256 KB JPG hang out we will just call him jay >neighbor is a little older than me >his little brother tracked mud all over the porch we will cail him nick >jay was tasked with hosing down all the mud from the porch >nick runs across the porch again right after jay finishes >jay gets p----- off >meanwhile I'm standing nearby waiting for jay to finish again so we can play >nick runs across porch again, clearly on purpose >jay gets extremely p----- >yells and threatens nick >1 barely heard the threat but I guess nick thought it was an empty threat >nick rubs shoe on porch >before I can even see what happened jay had nick on the ground >nicks pants were around his ankles Fuckingwhat.jpg >jay shoved the water hose up nicks ass >I'm standing with my mouth open unable to comprehend the situation >a geyser of water is shooting up from the pressure >nick is screaming and flailing on the ground but he's no match for jays strength >eventually jay stops >nick runs around the side of the house with his pants around his ankles >I can only see a little bit of him as he screams in pain and s---- on the side of the house Pic related >Nick paints the side of the house brown as a result of the forced enema >I run home and try to forget what I saw >hung out with my neighbor a week later like nothing ever happened >have mangaged to suppress this memory until now
| Anonymous 11/21/18(Wedy21:54:34 No.785488472 This is a repressed memory from my childhood that I recently remembered and need to share. >be me >around 10 years old >go over to my neighbors house to 256 KB JPG hang out we will just call him jay >neighbor is a little older than me >his little brother tracked mud all over the porch we will cail him nick >jay was tasked with hosing down all the mud from the porch >nick runs across the porch again right after jay finishes >jay gets p----- off >meanwhile I'm standing nearby waiting for jay to finish again so we can play >nick runs across porch again, clearly on purpose >jay gets extremely p----- >yells and threatens nick >1 barely heard the threat but I guess nick thought it was an empty threat >nick rubs shoe on porch >before I can even see what happened jay had nick on the ground >nicks pants were around his ankles Fuckingwhat.jpg >jay shoved the water hose up nicks ass >I'm standing with my mouth open unable to comprehend the situation >a geyser of water is shooting up from the pressure >nick is screaming and flailing on the ground but he's no match for jays strength >eventually jay stops >nick runs around the side of the house with his pants around his ankles >I can only see a little bit of him as he screams in pain and s---- on the side of the house Pic related >Nick paints the side of the house brown as a result of the forced enema >I run home and try to forget what I saw >hung out with my neighbor a week later like nothing ever happened >have mangaged to suppress this memory until now

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Anon thinks he's smart | /r/Greentext

Here is why all conspiracies are retarded. If the government couldn't cover up the president getting a b------, do you really think they could cover up anything else? 102 KB JPG The one conspiracy I believe in is Flat Earth. But I don't really consider that a conspiracy. It's another example of how retarded the government and people in general are. If the earth was a sphere, Australia would have fallen into space. I realized this when I was f------ eight years old, and people still debate it today. There would be no reason for them to hide that, and so they aren't hiding it. I have a simpler explanation: they're (gasp) stupid! I f------ swear, if I ever have kids I will pull them out of school and just put South Park on loop.
Here is why all conspiracies are retarded. If the government couldn't cover up the president getting a b------, do you really think they could cover up anything else? 102 KB JPG The one conspiracy I believe in is Flat Earth. But I don't really consider that a conspiracy. It's another example of how retarded the government and people in general are. If the earth was a sphere, Australia would have fallen into space. I realized this when I was f------ eight years old, and people still debate it today. There would be no reason for them to hide that, and so they aren't hiding it. I have a simpler explanation: they're (gasp) stupid! I f------ swear, if I ever have kids I will pull them out of school and just put South Park on loop.

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Anon is a fascist painter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:19:05 No.66775106 can you make art than is Truly apolitical 102 KB JPG 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:34:19 No.66775222 1630811575742.png 24 KB PNG >>66775106 (OP) # Yeah watch this >>66775318 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:49:21 No.66775318 >>66775222 # What are you a Fascist or something? >>66775325 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:50:11 No.66775325 >>66775318 # No I just have kindergarten drawing ability and I drew a house on a cliff >>66775940 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:04:25 No.66775940 >>66775325 # Just like Hitler
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:19:05 No.66775106 can you make art than is Truly apolitical 102 KB JPG 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:34:19 No.66775222 1630811575742.png 24 KB PNG >>66775106 (OP) # Yeah watch this >>66775318 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:49:21 No.66775318 >>66775222 # What are you a Fascist or something? >>66775325 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)14:50:11 No.66775325 >>66775318 # No I just have kindergarten drawing ability and I drew a house on a cliff >>66775940 # : Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:04:25 No.66775940 >>66775325 # Just like Hitler

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Anon wasted his life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:10:54 No.66776022 >19 >never had a friend >never been in a relationship >never kissed a girl >never had sex >cant drive 77 KB JPG >never had a real job Its too late for me. I cant fix myself
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:10:54 No.66776022 >19 >never had a friend >never been in a relationship >never kissed a girl >never had sex >cant drive 77 KB JPG >never had a real job Its too late for me. I cant fix myself

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E = McD² proof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.

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Anon gets disappointed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:07:05 No.66775971 >be me >autistic as f--- but doing fine >comfy side gig while in college >new coworker starts same shifts >cute latina with big tiddies >we have a click, start taking breaks together >asks for my snap and we start 213 KB JPG talking there too >mires my gym progress, squeezes my arm sometimes >sends me pics in skimpy gym outfits >once straight up put her hand under my shirt when she asked if i had abs >very touchy and playful in general >starting to collect the courage to ask her out >get off work yesterday, see her walking towards a car >guy gets out, they kiss and hug >never mentioned a boyfriend so thats just how some girls are huh
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:07:05 No.66775971 >be me >autistic as f--- but doing fine >comfy side gig while in college >new coworker starts same shifts >cute latina with big tiddies >we have a click, start taking breaks together >asks for my snap and we start 213 KB JPG talking there too >mires my gym progress, squeezes my arm sometimes >sends me pics in skimpy gym outfits >once straight up put her hand under my shirt when she asked if i had abs >very touchy and playful in general >starting to collect the courage to ask her out >get off work yesterday, see her walking towards a car >guy gets out, they kiss and hug >never mentioned a boyfriend so thats just how some girls are huh

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Anon gets rekt | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No.45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no
O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No.45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no

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