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Anon had a weird dream | /r/Greentext

>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while 599 KB PNG >one of them looks at my window >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??
>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while 599 KB PNG >one of them looks at my window >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??

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Anon is beta simp | /r/Greentext

>>66664342 >>66664400 >>66664440 >>66664450 Lads what's the simplest thing you've ever done? I'll go first >9th grade >Hanging out with oneitis >She has been dating some cholo thug who is like 22 when we're 13 >He comes over to her house and f---- her whenever her parents aren't home >One day we're chilling like usual >She asks if she can confide in me >Sure I guess >She tells me that her boyfriend doesn't give her head because he thinks it's gay to eat p---- >She's getting tired of having sex with him because of it >Wants to break up with him over it >This is my shot to finally date her >Instead she asks me if I can eat her out before he gets here so she'll be wet when he f---- her >Agree like a beta simp >Eat her out for 45 minutes >She tells me she'll let me make love to her for the favor >Start taking my pants off >Finally about to have sex with the girl I've been simping over since 3rd grade >About to put it in >Front door opens >It's her drug dealer bf >She makes me get in the closet since he's coming upstairs, tells me I can f--- her later >he comes upstairs >Doesn't even say anything, just pulls up her skirt and goes to town on her >He's like 8 inches too p---- >He pounds her for like 45 minutes >I watch the whole thing, try to j------- but l'm too sad >C--- balls deep in her >Leaves >Come out of her closet >"Anon I know I said l'd let you f--- me earlier but my p---- is really sore, can we just cuddle instead?" >Agree because I'm beta af After that I ended up driving to the pharmacy and getting a plan b for her. The saddest thing is that I have so many simp moments related to this girl and a few others. I'm like the least sexually threatening person on the planet so women don't even register me when they have their w---- talks. God I hate myself
>>66664342 >>66664400 >>66664440 >>66664450 Lads what's the simplest thing you've ever done? I'll go first >9th grade >Hanging out with oneitis >She has been dating some cholo thug who is like 22 when we're 13 >He comes over to her house and f---- her whenever her parents aren't home >One day we're chilling like usual >She asks if she can confide in me >Sure I guess >She tells me that her boyfriend doesn't give her head because he thinks it's gay to eat p---- >She's getting tired of having sex with him because of it >Wants to break up with him over it >This is my shot to finally date her >Instead she asks me if I can eat her out before he gets here so she'll be wet when he f---- her >Agree like a beta simp >Eat her out for 45 minutes >She tells me she'll let me make love to her for the favor >Start taking my pants off >Finally about to have sex with the girl I've been simping over since 3rd grade >About to put it in >Front door opens >It's her drug dealer bf >She makes me get in the closet since he's coming upstairs, tells me I can f--- her later >he comes upstairs >Doesn't even say anything, just pulls up her skirt and goes to town on her >He's like 8 inches too p---- >He pounds her for like 45 minutes >I watch the whole thing, try to j------- but l'm too sad >C--- balls deep in her >Leaves >Come out of her closet >"Anon I know I said l'd let you f--- me earlier but my p---- is really sore, can we just cuddle instead?" >Agree because I'm beta af After that I ended up driving to the pharmacy and getting a plan b for her. The saddest thing is that I have so many simp moments related to this girl and a few others. I'm like the least sexually threatening person on the planet so women don't even register me when they have their w---- talks. God I hate myself

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Anon lives in detroit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)18:57:08 No.64177130 Cant have s--- >be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff 231 KB PNG >moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)18:57:08 No.64177130 Cant have s--- >be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff 231 KB PNG >moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit

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Anon sends a dick pick | /r/Greentext

png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me
png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me

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Anon tries to flirt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:41:38 No.64377723 >walking to convenience store to buy snacks >see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on >me: "hey whats your favorite nirvana song?" 8 KB JPG >her: "i dont know" >me: "but youre wearing the shirt" >her: "please stop" >me: "what?" >her: "youre being creepy" >me: "define creepy" >her: "no... just leave me alone please"
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:41:38 No.64377723 >walking to convenience store to buy snacks >see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on >me: "hey whats your favorite nirvana song?" 8 KB JPG >her: "i dont know" >me: "but youre wearing the shirt" >her: "please stop" >me: "what?" >her: "youre being creepy" >me: "define creepy" >her: "no... just leave me alone please"

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Anon games the system | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.5262517 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.5262517 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male

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Anon overcomes his fear | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)18:49:52 No.3841535 >>3841290 # >be kid like 10 years ago >gets jump scared by a moth face close up in a nature book >scared of moth/butterfly >years later see hot anime moth gf and memes >desire to fug overrides fear >no longer scared of moths >>3841548 # : Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)19:19:08 No.3841548 >>3841535 # Incredibly based
: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)18:49:52 No.3841535 >>3841290 # >be kid like 10 years ago >gets jump scared by a moth face close up in a nature book >scared of moth/butterfly >years later see hot anime moth gf and memes >desire to fug overrides fear >no longer scared of moths >>3841548 # : Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)19:19:08 No.3841548 >>3841535 # Incredibly based

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I'm pickle reek | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.747624916 >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked >underpaid >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh l'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"
: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.747624916 >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked >underpaid >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh l'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"

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Anon is a PC gamer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/22/21(Wed)12:27:43 No.582381853 >game runs like s--- >lower the resolution >it runs perfectly 102 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/22/21(Wed)12:27:43 No.582381853 >game runs like s--- >lower the resolution >it runs perfectly 102 KB JPG

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Anon puts it together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)16:17:55 No.867392430 PEOPLE CAN SMELL C-- 49 KB PNG
: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)16:17:55 No.867392430 PEOPLE CAN SMELL C-- 49 KB PNG

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Anon commits a war crime | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 04/15/18(Sun)19:41:20 No.44709361 >yesterday >it's my little sister's birthday >she's a literal 13 year old Stacy >f------ spoiled as s--- as well >always tells me to leave the house already as I am 26 years old >hate her guts >be lactose intolerant >she and her classmates were out bowling >eat a s--- ton of varying dairy products >2 different kinds of yogurt, 3 different kinds of cheese and 2 tall glasses of milk >a deadlier version of mustard gas starts building up inside of me >spend the next 15 minutes farting inside my sister's bedroom >farted in every single sleeping bag and corner >10 minutes later sister comes back >they all run upstairs to watch some gay dancing movie >sister opens door >a wall of sulfuric gas hits her and her friends in the face >one of the quiet kids almost fainted >sister yells at parents >parents suspect it's a gas leak because they thought no man could produce such stench >got off scot-free Anyone else ldevilish/?
I Anonymous 04/15/18(Sun)19:41:20 No.44709361 >yesterday >it's my little sister's birthday >she's a literal 13 year old Stacy >f------ spoiled as s--- as well >always tells me to leave the house already as I am 26 years old >hate her guts >be lactose intolerant >she and her classmates were out bowling >eat a s--- ton of varying dairy products >2 different kinds of yogurt, 3 different kinds of cheese and 2 tall glasses of milk >a deadlier version of mustard gas starts building up inside of me >spend the next 15 minutes farting inside my sister's bedroom >farted in every single sleeping bag and corner >10 minutes later sister comes back >they all run upstairs to watch some gay dancing movie >sister opens door >a wall of sulfuric gas hits her and her friends in the face >one of the quiet kids almost fainted >sister yells at parents >parents suspect it's a gas leak because they thought no man could produce such stench >got off scot-free Anyone else ldevilish/?

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Anon gets trolled by his professor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/21 (Mon)18:37:56 No.13958065 >Don't worry about x for now, we'll go into more depth on it later >never gets back to it 26 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)19:30:53 No.13958189 >it comes up in the test >"hey, i don't think we went over this" >"yes we did" *walks away* 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/13/21 (Mon)18:37:56 No.13958065 >Don't worry about x for now, we'll go into more depth on it later >never gets back to it 26 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)19:30:53 No.13958189 >it comes up in the test >"hey, i don't think we went over this" >"yes we did" *walks away* 52 KB JPG

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Anon explains how taxes work | /r/Greentext


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Chest dimorphism | /r/Greentext


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Nothing but a tease | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/22/21(Wed)10:01:04 No.66668993 >be me growing up >mom would constantly tease me about liking girls >making me blush was the funniest thing to her >be me today >adult virgin filled with internalized shame about my 46 KB JPG sexuality >can't express my interest in women without cringing internally thanks mom
: Anonymous 12/22/21(Wed)10:01:04 No.66668993 >be me growing up >mom would constantly tease me about liking girls >making me blush was the funniest thing to her >be me today >adult virgin filled with internalized shame about my 46 KB JPG sexuality >can't express my interest in women without cringing internally thanks mom

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Communism is when no food | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)08:05:05 No.65719328 .. .... .... .... .... 1COB62ED-BE9C-4EF8-A5D2-F1402C141A3F.jpg 621 KB JPG >tfw grocery store in Cuba has everything you need but there aren't different labels for the same products owned by the same company so it's not freedom
: Anonymous 10/11/21(Mon)08:05:05 No.65719328 .. .... .... .... .... 1COB62ED-BE9C-4EF8-A5D2-F1402C141A3F.jpg 621 KB JPG >tfw grocery store in Cuba has everything you need but there aren't different labels for the same products owned by the same company so it's not freedom

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Khan Rogan | /r/Greentext

: test 09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."
: test 09/27/20(Sun)08:35:11 No.139903097 Joe Rogan is like some barbarian Khan from the steppes that took an interest in intellectual things and his show is basically him bringing slightly nervous scholars and magicians to come before him to explain how the world works "glasses man, you explain to Joe why sky big, and how tree grow" but he will also believe almost anything you tell him, and only recently (in the past few years) does he clap back like "Tiny hat man say otherwise, do you lie to Joe? Tiny hat man say fat not bad for you, that sugar is enemy, so which is truth? Joe thinks you are wrong" and people just nervously go "oh-oh ok h-Haha yah I guess so" 83 KB JPG "Joe spend many moons on horseback and training with bow and sword, but joe also wonder why skyfire rise from mountains every morning, you will explain this to Joe."

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What do you think? | /r/Greentext

File :1144613769.jpg-(5 KB, 320x240, Picture 5.jpg) O 04/09/06(Sun)15:16:09 No.6578677 hay guys i just finished making this hat for a freind. what do you think? :D >> O 04/09/06(Sun)15:16:54 No.6578693 i think you don't have any friends. enjoy your hat
File :1144613769.jpg-(5 KB, 320x240, Picture 5.jpg) O 04/09/06(Sun)15:16:09 No.6578677 hay guys i just finished making this hat for a freind. what do you think? :D >> O 04/09/06(Sun)15:16:54 No.6578693 i think you don't have any friends. enjoy your hat

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No wheels, no deals | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)22:06:01 No.869069189 im so f------ annoyed right now >make a tinder account >girl swipes right, i quickly get her snap, we exchange nudes and be horny 92 KB PNG >i live in a hotel rn because of plumbing issues >neither of us have drivers licenses so we cant drive >multiple days go by, we have not f----- >i suggest she get an uber so she can come to my hotel room >"ok" >she is also a babysitter >another day goes by, we havent f----- yet >ask her if she can get an uber >"no" >ask her when she can get an uber >"idk" most likely we will not f--- tonight
: Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)22:06:01 No.869069189 im so f------ annoyed right now >make a tinder account >girl swipes right, i quickly get her snap, we exchange nudes and be horny 92 KB PNG >i live in a hotel rn because of plumbing issues >neither of us have drivers licenses so we cant drive >multiple days go by, we have not f----- >i suggest she get an uber so she can come to my hotel room >"ok" >she is also a babysitter >another day goes by, we havent f----- yet >ask her if she can get an uber >"no" >ask her when she can get an uber >"idk" most likely we will not f--- tonight

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Anon is frustrated with his parents decision | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)13:19:06 No.869048373 >one (1) (one) shot at life >circumcised FP-0 477 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)13:44:56 No.869049660
: Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)13:19:06 No.869048373 >one (1) (one) shot at life >circumcised FP-0 477 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)13:44:56 No.869049660

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