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Anon is on YouTube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)22:55:16 No.868379208 >reacts to cringe stand up comedian >feels the need to add unfunnier and more cringe commentary without any self awareness Is this what kids find entertaining nowadays? https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=IADdd_qX0IY [Open] 1.73 MB PNG 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)22:55:16 No.868379208 >reacts to cringe stand up comedian >feels the need to add unfunnier and more cringe commentary without any self awareness Is this what kids find entertaining nowadays? https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=IADdd_qX0IY [Open] 1.73 MB PNG 3 Replies View Thread

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thank you snake | /r/Greentext

>be me >have a pet snake >take a girl over to my house >we are about to get in bed, when she sees my snake >she says she finds snakes creepy 62 KB JPG and leaves >find out 4 days later she had HIV >mfw my pet snake saved my life
>be me >have a pet snake >take a girl over to my house >we are about to get in bed, when she sees my snake >she says she finds snakes creepy 62 KB JPG and leaves >find out 4 days later she had HIV >mfw my pet snake saved my life

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Anon kills his girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I may have just fed my girlfri(...) 12/11/21(Sat)00:58:02 No.66510476 >have always liked fat chicks, like extremely fat chicks >back in 2015 during senior year of college, meet somewhat chubby freshman girl >she's a virgin, into anime, dresses 98 KB JPG cute >get into a relationship with her >fall in love, plan to be with her forever >sometime during our first year together, she realizes she's into feederism when I describe it to her >she wants to become bigger with no end goal in mind, but doesn't want to get sick from it >we decide that if any comorbidities arise, she'll go on a diet >and we go HARD into the lifestyle >she goes up from 5'2, around 150 lbs in 2015 to 427 Ibs as of last month >we were hoping for her to reach 500 lbs next year, were planning on making a big push it >of course, she had a few problems like poor mobility and higher blood pressure, but nothing that felt immediately urgent >could still go to the store, didn't even need a scooter >come Monday, she's walking around the house when she suddenly collapses >she had a heart attack >she's currently in the hospital, where she's on life support >in the next 24 hours, I'll know if she'll live or die
: Anonymous I may have just fed my girlfri(...) 12/11/21(Sat)00:58:02 No.66510476 >have always liked fat chicks, like extremely fat chicks >back in 2015 during senior year of college, meet somewhat chubby freshman girl >she's a virgin, into anime, dresses 98 KB JPG cute >get into a relationship with her >fall in love, plan to be with her forever >sometime during our first year together, she realizes she's into feederism when I describe it to her >she wants to become bigger with no end goal in mind, but doesn't want to get sick from it >we decide that if any comorbidities arise, she'll go on a diet >and we go HARD into the lifestyle >she goes up from 5'2, around 150 lbs in 2015 to 427 Ibs as of last month >we were hoping for her to reach 500 lbs next year, were planning on making a big push it >of course, she had a few problems like poor mobility and higher blood pressure, but nothing that felt immediately urgent >could still go to the store, didn't even need a scooter >come Monday, she's walking around the house when she suddenly collapses >she had a heart attack >she's currently in the hospital, where she's on life support >in the next 24 hours, I'll know if she'll live or die

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Wrong board Anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: hecye3XL 06/26/18(Tue)21:54:19 No.176576592 >remembering how fun vidya used to be when i was 15 >now all my old favorite titles bore me and i have to be high to enjoy playing anything 908 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: vq/8Us41 ) II 06/26/18(Tue)21:55:55 No.176576743 : Anonymous (ID: hecye3XL 06/26/18(Tue)21:56:56 No.176576843 I meant to post this on /v/ f------ damnit >176582478 # >>176583416 # Anonymous (ID: q8NOjljx ) 06/26/18(Tue)22:51:19 No.176582478 >>176576843 # Now that you're here, would you like to talk about the jews? 59 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: hecye3XL 06/26/18(Tue)21:54:19 No.176576592 >remembering how fun vidya used to be when i was 15 >now all my old favorite titles bore me and i have to be high to enjoy playing anything 908 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: vq/8Us41 ) II 06/26/18(Tue)21:55:55 No.176576743 : Anonymous (ID: hecye3XL 06/26/18(Tue)21:56:56 No.176576843 I meant to post this on /v/ f------ damnit >176582478 # >>176583416 # Anonymous (ID: q8NOjljx ) 06/26/18(Tue)22:51:19 No.176582478 >>176576843 # Now that you're here, would you like to talk about the jews? 59 KB JPG

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Anon makes me lose hope for humans | /r/Greentext

Full Expand Images d 1325100697943 ipg (81 KB. 359x391) igdb google 88I Anonymous 11/15/12(Thu)21:37 No.162690541 [") ITT. Disturbing stuff you've done once during gaming >Playing TF2 >The server is filled with little bratty kids >Get really horny >Decide to lube up my small mic and stick it up my ass while i turn the volume all the way up >The vibrations of their loud voices penetrate me greatly istart to moan loudly as I begin to masturbate like crazy >The kids begin a shouting match over something stupid >The shouts begin to massage my prostate >l begin to fap harder as their loud voices make me readch climax Suddenly a littie boy playing as a scout approaches me and asks why Im moaning l say nothing as I continue to pieasure myself like a dirty w---- >He goes up to me and whispers loudly "stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it >His mere words begin tapping my prostate l yell "SAY IT LOUDER, MAKE ME C-- >He does it louder and louder until I bust the biggest load that hits my c-- rag decide to gift the kid a strange holy mackerel >He thanks me greatly i say "No no, THANK you-" and justleave you guys should reallytythough 1-1 Anonymous 11/15/12(Thu)21:38 No. 162690702 (*)>162690967 >162691036 Sweetlord ing (43 KB, 404x483) inde noole
Full Expand Images d 1325100697943 ipg (81 KB. 359x391) igdb google 88I Anonymous 11/15/12(Thu)21:37 No.162690541 [") ITT. Disturbing stuff you've done once during gaming >Playing TF2 >The server is filled with little bratty kids >Get really horny >Decide to lube up my small mic and stick it up my ass while i turn the volume all the way up >The vibrations of their loud voices penetrate me greatly istart to moan loudly as I begin to masturbate like crazy >The kids begin a shouting match over something stupid >The shouts begin to massage my prostate >l begin to fap harder as their loud voices make me readch climax Suddenly a littie boy playing as a scout approaches me and asks why Im moaning l say nothing as I continue to pieasure myself like a dirty w---- >He goes up to me and whispers loudly "stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it >His mere words begin tapping my prostate l yell "SAY IT LOUDER, MAKE ME C-- >He does it louder and louder until I bust the biggest load that hits my c-- rag decide to gift the kid a strange holy mackerel >He thanks me greatly i say "No no, THANK you-" and justleave you guys should reallytythough 1-1 Anonymous 11/15/12(Thu)21:38 No. 162690702 (*)>162690967 >162691036 Sweetlord ing (43 KB, 404x483) inde noole

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Anon's friend is trap | /r/Greentext

>be me >be in university >me and best friend there always joke about traps because of the meme >browse trap threads from time to 8 KB JPG time >curious about it but not a big deal >one day friend from university says we need to talk >"oh ok" >he doesn't wait and tell me by text >"anon I need to tell you that I actually want to become a trap and I'm getting huge feelings towards you" >get massive boner and don't know how to respond F--- you guys now I'm a total f----- and want to f--- my best friend in a dress because of you
>be me >be in university >me and best friend there always joke about traps because of the meme >browse trap threads from time to 8 KB JPG time >curious about it but not a big deal >one day friend from university says we need to talk >"oh ok" >he doesn't wait and tell me by text >"anon I need to tell you that I actually want to become a trap and I'm getting huge feelings towards you" >get massive boner and don't know how to respond F--- you guys now I'm a total f----- and want to f--- my best friend in a dress because of you

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Anon fantasies about his daughter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)02:01:13 No.786131855 When the age of consent is finally abolished in 30 years, what is the first thing you will do? 440 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)02:02:46 No.786131943 >>786131855 (OP) # protect my daughter from degenerates like you and then f--- her >>786131988 # >>786132853 #
: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)02:01:13 No.786131855 When the age of consent is finally abolished in 30 years, what is the first thing you will do? 440 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)02:02:46 No.786131943 >>786131855 (OP) # protect my daughter from degenerates like you and then f--- her >>786131988 # >>786132853 #

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Anon is part of the high class | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:45:09 No.13151086 >Welcome to Paris monsieur, we serve ze best cuisine in ze universe >May I take your ordeure ? 122 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:46:56 No.13151098 I'll have the chicken tenderloins. Lightly fried, with a honey sweetened Dijon mustard sauce. 57 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:45:09 No.13151086 >Welcome to Paris monsieur, we serve ze best cuisine in ze universe >May I take your ordeure ? 122 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:46:56 No.13151098 I'll have the chicken tenderloins. Lightly fried, with a honey sweetened Dijon mustard sauce. 57 KB JPG

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Anon gets a compliment from a stranger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/32/20(Fri)08:26:16 No.843691791 1607846755974.jpg 90 KB JPG >taking piss at public urinal >guy walks in and starts using the one next to me >he looks over at me >'nice c--- bro, i bet you c-- alot right? Yeah i bet you do' We all need a compliment from time to time to make us feel good.
: Anonymous 12/32/20(Fri)08:26:16 No.843691791 1607846755974.jpg 90 KB JPG >taking piss at public urinal >guy walks in and starts using the one next to me >he looks over at me >'nice c--- bro, i bet you c-- alot right? Yeah i bet you do' We all need a compliment from time to time to make us feel good.

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Anon gets a promotion | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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So fucking sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:57:48 No.542988776 >dad watching me play vidya >woah anon how did you know how to do (insert incredibly obvious thing here) >repeat x100 are boomers literally f------ retarded? 47 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)00:05:52 No.542989510 stop being a f-----, your dad is trying to connect with you >>542990391 # >>542990521 # >>542990724 # >>542990810 # >>542991437 # >>542991550 # >>542991956 # >>542992068 # >>542992151 # >>542992412 # >>542992605 # >>542993739 # >>542994051 # >>542996095 # >>542997281 # >>542998590 # >>543000324 # >>543000453 # >>543000617 # >>543000746 # >>543000841 # >>543001083 # >>543001335 # >>543001389 # >>543004779 # >>543005792 # >>543006553 # >>543007247 # >>543007582 # >>543008745 # >>543008851 # >>543008910 # >>543010419 # >>543010828 # >>543010934 # >>543010961 # >>543011220 # >>543011526 # >>543012078 # >>543014701 # >>543015032 # >>543015721 # >>543015803 # >>543015917 # >>543019926 # >>543020443 # >>543022048 #
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:57:48 No.542988776 >dad watching me play vidya >woah anon how did you know how to do (insert incredibly obvious thing here) >repeat x100 are boomers literally f------ retarded? 47 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)00:05:52 No.542989510 stop being a f-----, your dad is trying to connect with you >>542990391 # >>542990521 # >>542990724 # >>542990810 # >>542991437 # >>542991550 # >>542991956 # >>542992068 # >>542992151 # >>542992412 # >>542992605 # >>542993739 # >>542994051 # >>542996095 # >>542997281 # >>542998590 # >>543000324 # >>543000453 # >>543000617 # >>543000746 # >>543000841 # >>543001083 # >>543001335 # >>543001389 # >>543004779 # >>543005792 # >>543006553 # >>543007247 # >>543007582 # >>543008745 # >>543008851 # >>543008910 # >>543010419 # >>543010828 # >>543010934 # >>543010961 # >>543011220 # >>543011526 # >>543012078 # >>543014701 # >>543015032 # >>543015721 # >>543015803 # >>543015917 # >>543019926 # >>543020443 # >>543022048 #

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Anon is hurt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)10:37:36 No.160409292 1639129054101.jpg 273 KB JPG >watch friend simulator podcast >they start making fun of friendless guys like me
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)10:37:36 No.160409292 1639129054101.jpg 273 KB JPG >watch friend simulator podcast >they start making fun of friendless guys like me

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Anon beats the game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)22:19:00 No.66508853 >be me >23 >never had a gf before >decide to put into plan a basic idea I had years ago 48 KB JPG >only go after fat girls >spend a lot of time looking at very good looking women online who used to be fat >can now tell easily whether a fat woman would be very attractive if she lost the weight >fat girls are easier to date, they're most of my tinder matches, they're the ones who react the most positively to cold approaching >find a literal 10/10 a---- goddess but she's tall and fat, looks like s--- but you can tell there's potential under all that fat >ask her out and she says yes, very enthusiastic about it, have very pleasant date >lose my virginity to her, she was also a virgin (something i found to be very common among fat girls compared to other girls) >talk her into starting to go to the gym with me, first phase >then talk her into changing her diet, second phase >in a few months she loses most of the weight >now i have an extremely loyal and loving 10/10 gf who I'm probably going to marry >mfw i beat the game Tbf my stats aren't that bad and l'm definitely not Chad material.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)22:19:00 No.66508853 >be me >23 >never had a gf before >decide to put into plan a basic idea I had years ago 48 KB JPG >only go after fat girls >spend a lot of time looking at very good looking women online who used to be fat >can now tell easily whether a fat woman would be very attractive if she lost the weight >fat girls are easier to date, they're most of my tinder matches, they're the ones who react the most positively to cold approaching >find a literal 10/10 a---- goddess but she's tall and fat, looks like s--- but you can tell there's potential under all that fat >ask her out and she says yes, very enthusiastic about it, have very pleasant date >lose my virginity to her, she was also a virgin (something i found to be very common among fat girls compared to other girls) >talk her into starting to go to the gym with me, first phase >then talk her into changing her diet, second phase >in a few months she loses most of the weight >now i have an extremely loyal and loving 10/10 gf who I'm probably going to marry >mfw i beat the game Tbf my stats aren't that bad and l'm definitely not Chad material.

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Here we go, the world is spinning. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:25:32 No.120221896 >Happy birthday son, here is your present, I hope you like it 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:26:39 No.120221944 >>120221896 (OP) # >WHAT THE F--- GIGACHAD? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE MOVIE? 513 KB PNG >>120222043 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:28:53 No.120222043 >>120221944 # >movie? Are you talking about this cool tape I found? 181 KB JPG >>120222100 # >>120222210 # : Anonymous| 03/25/20(Wed)12:30:01 No.120222100 >>120222043 # >woah check it out I think she wants to suck my d--- bro haha 63 KB JPG >>120222210 # >>120222229 #
: Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:25:32 No.120221896 >Happy birthday son, here is your present, I hope you like it 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:26:39 No.120221944 >>120221896 (OP) # >WHAT THE F--- GIGACHAD? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE MOVIE? 513 KB PNG >>120222043 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:28:53 No.120222043 >>120221944 # >movie? Are you talking about this cool tape I found? 181 KB JPG >>120222100 # >>120222210 # : Anonymous| 03/25/20(Wed)12:30:01 No.120222100 >>120222043 # >woah check it out I think she wants to suck my d--- bro haha 63 KB JPG >>120222210 # >>120222229 #

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Anon’s cat is the best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today

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Anon is a boomer | /r/Greentext

I tell ya' >opens a can of Bud Light kids these days >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't >begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV like they used to be >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the 52 KB PNG microwave Why back in my day >cheers as his favorite n---- catches the football we had some >asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no gosh darn >hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n' >blames Jose for all his problems pride >dies of a heart attack at age 58
I tell ya' >opens a can of Bud Light kids these days >gently massages protruding beer belly just ain't >begins daily ritual of zoning out to TV like they used to be >puts a triple bacon cheeseburger in the 52 KB PNG microwave Why back in my day >cheers as his favorite n---- catches the football we had some >asks permission to go to the local sports bar, wife says no gosh darn >hires Jose the illegal immigrant to mow his lawn work ethic n' >blames Jose for all his problems pride >dies of a heart attack at age 58

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Anon is an idiot, even for a 4chin. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Never again 12/10/21(Fri)12:36:54 No.66502760 >have stuffing fetish, am underweight male >only look at girls doing it but fantasize about doing it to myself >decide that tonight's the night >plan on eating 12 McDonald's hamburgers and drinking 12 cans of soda 98 KB JPG >think it's going to feel orgasmically tight like in DeviantArt and Pixiv drawings >manage to eat 7 burgers and drink 5 cans of soda before I just feel really unwell in general >try for an 8th and 6th >manage to get them down but decide to call it quits for now, maybe resume in thirty minutes >decide to lie down on my bed >on my way there, I vomit in my trash can >just bad feelings all around Fetishes in real life suck compared to 2D depictions of them. In total I consumed 2900 calories and 2.89 kg before vomiting.
: Anonymous Never again 12/10/21(Fri)12:36:54 No.66502760 >have stuffing fetish, am underweight male >only look at girls doing it but fantasize about doing it to myself >decide that tonight's the night >plan on eating 12 McDonald's hamburgers and drinking 12 cans of soda 98 KB JPG >think it's going to feel orgasmically tight like in DeviantArt and Pixiv drawings >manage to eat 7 burgers and drink 5 cans of soda before I just feel really unwell in general >try for an 8th and 6th >manage to get them down but decide to call it quits for now, maybe resume in thirty minutes >decide to lie down on my bed >on my way there, I vomit in my trash can >just bad feelings all around Fetishes in real life suck compared to 2D depictions of them. In total I consumed 2900 calories and 2.89 kg before vomiting.

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Anon talks to a coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous FIRST TIME 12/10/21(Fri)10:21:49 No.66505696 >be me at work >talk with female coworker about sex life >she tells me she had her first time at 16 with her first boyfriend >I tell her I had my first time at 18 drunk with a prostitute >her eyes get all watery 248 KB JPG >"I am so sorry anon" Why do normies care so much about the first time? If you are a virgin you are a creep. But when you lose your virginity not in some crappy "teenage love" scenario its wrong too.
: Anonymous FIRST TIME 12/10/21(Fri)10:21:49 No.66505696 >be me at work >talk with female coworker about sex life >she tells me she had her first time at 16 with her first boyfriend >I tell her I had my first time at 18 drunk with a prostitute >her eyes get all watery 248 KB JPG >"I am so sorry anon" Why do normies care so much about the first time? If you are a virgin you are a creep. But when you lose your virginity not in some crappy "teenage love" scenario its wrong too.

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Anon is going to riot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/21/18(Tue)21:10:57 No.77782693 >guys its the funny hee hee color text >haah be sure to upvote my post on reddit please i need the internet points :))) 17 KB PNG if this gets posted on reddit im going to f------ riot
: Anonymous 08/21/18(Tue)21:10:57 No.77782693 >guys its the funny hee hee color text >haah be sure to upvote my post on reddit please i need the internet points :))) 17 KB PNG if this gets posted on reddit im going to f------ riot

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Anon has apple juice | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Settings Home File: 1397777446003.png (78 KB, 253x235) >working in a high end restaurant >chef is hard ass german >decide to f--- with him >bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it in the kitchen >snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500 >service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven >they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven >chef walks into the kitchen >"VAT IS ZAT HISSING" >try to contain my laughter as k---- chef opens the oven door to see melting cans of juice >k---- chef starts yelling "WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT OF ZE OVEN >entire dining room can hear him >k---- chef never found out that it was me
Board /b/ - Random Settings Home File: 1397777446003.png (78 KB, 253x235) >working in a high end restaurant >chef is hard ass german >decide to f--- with him >bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it in the kitchen >snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500 >service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven >they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven >chef walks into the kitchen >"VAT IS ZAT HISSING" >try to contain my laughter as k---- chef opens the oven door to see melting cans of juice >k---- chef starts yelling "WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT OF ZE OVEN >entire dining room can hear him >k---- chef never found out that it was me

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