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Anon thinks everything is about him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)02:16:16 No.66405964 >tfw name is Brandon >Everyone has been cheering lately me on 67 KB PNG
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)02:16:16 No.66405964 >tfw name is Brandon >Everyone has been cheering lately me on 67 KB PNG

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Anon gets what we all deserve | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/15(Tue)12:18:37 No.657625227 >be me >be autistic fun lover >live on farm in the middle of nowhere Downy >one day working out in the fields >tummy starts to hurt >toomuchtendies.jpeg >feel the largest s--- of my life approaching my 88 KB JPG rectum >drop my pants and lean on an old fence for support >push out a massive turd with the strength of a thousand young suns >feelsgood.meme >be a month later >doctor finds a tumor near my tailbone >fence I shat on had lots of carcinogenic paint on it >mfw I literally got ass cancer from s--- posting
: Anonymous 12/15/15(Tue)12:18:37 No.657625227 >be me >be autistic fun lover >live on farm in the middle of nowhere Downy >one day working out in the fields >tummy starts to hurt >toomuchtendies.jpeg >feel the largest s--- of my life approaching my 88 KB JPG rectum >drop my pants and lean on an old fence for support >push out a massive turd with the strength of a thousand young suns >feelsgood.meme >be a month later >doctor finds a tumor near my tailbone >fence I shat on had lots of carcinogenic paint on it >mfw I literally got ass cancer from s--- posting

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Anon goes to space | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Wkjdyg9l File: chimp.png (198 KB, 233x375) 02/26/17(Sun)12:53:04 No.114410325 LE NAS >be me.a f------ monkey >live around African negroes for 20,000 years >climbing trees and s--- >meet some white guys >Become astronaut, fly in space ships and s---, orbit the planet many times.
Anonymous (ID: Wkjdyg9l File: chimp.png (198 KB, 233x375) 02/26/17(Sun)12:53:04 No.114410325 LE NAS >be me.a f------ monkey >live around African negroes for 20,000 years >climbing trees and s--- >meet some white guys >Become astronaut, fly in space ships and s---, orbit the planet many times.

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Anon's wife didn't feel good | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 785707303 3 min. ago ••• >be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years we're still together >l propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes >about 5 months pass and it's our wedding day >do out vowels and everything >"You may now kiss the bride" >leans in to kiss her 53.3 kB JPG >she suddenly turns into dust >w--.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well F--- you Thanos REPLY
Anonymous | 785707303 3 min. ago ••• >be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years we're still together >l propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes >about 5 months pass and it's our wedding day >do out vowels and everything >"You may now kiss the bride" >leans in to kiss her 53.3 kB JPG >she suddenly turns into dust >w--.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well F--- you Thanos REPLY

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So that's where the milk goes, kids! | /r/Greentext


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Anon says when | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)10:38:59 No.46535165 ITT: Childhood autism >go to italian restaurant >order pasta >waiter asks me if i want cheese on my pasta 53 KB JPG >say yes >waiter says "ok say when" >i say "when" >"so you don't want any cheese?" >i am confused >"of course i want cheese" >"ok then, say when" >"when" >waiter is p-----, leaves and gives me no cheese >it dawns on me How was I this stupid?
: Anonymous 07/03/18(Tue)10:38:59 No.46535165 ITT: Childhood autism >go to italian restaurant >order pasta >waiter asks me if i want cheese on my pasta 53 KB JPG >say yes >waiter says "ok say when" >i say "when" >"so you don't want any cheese?" >i am confused >"of course i want cheese" >"ok then, say when" >"when" >waiter is p-----, leaves and gives me no cheese >it dawns on me How was I this stupid?

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Anon pulls a prank | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank
: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank

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Anon gets caught by his teacher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)17:10:37 No.867916346 Parents ignored school shooter's depression >teacher caught him searching gun ammunition in school and contacted 188 KB JPG his parents >mom later sent him a text with "lol" and told him not to get caught next time >few days later teacher catches him drawing pictures of a gun and bullet with "my life is s---" and "kill classmates" quotes >contacted his parents again >they downplayed it and wanted him to go back to class >later on that day his dad sent him a text "please don't do it" after discovering his gun was missing 51 Replies / 4 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)17:10:37 No.867916346 Parents ignored school shooter's depression >teacher caught him searching gun ammunition in school and contacted 188 KB JPG his parents >mom later sent him a text with "lol" and told him not to get caught next time >few days later teacher catches him drawing pictures of a gun and bullet with "my life is s---" and "kill classmates" quotes >contacted his parents again >they downplayed it and wanted him to go back to class >later on that day his dad sent him a text "please don't do it" after discovering his gun was missing 51 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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i mean, he has a point... | /r/Greentext

That Guy No.54766295 Yesterday PNG 376.5 KiB 900x702 >Playing DnD >Wizard gets into a fight with an important NPC >When the wizard realizes who the NPC is, he apologizes and asks "As a token of my goodwill, would you like me to make you a magical sword?" >NPC agrees >Wizard casts polymorph and turns them into a sword. >Argues that the NPC shouldn't have a will save because they agreed to it. 10 replies
That Guy No.54766295 Yesterday PNG 376.5 KiB 900x702 >Playing DnD >Wizard gets into a fight with an important NPC >When the wizard realizes who the NPC is, he apologizes and asks "As a token of my goodwill, would you like me to make you a magical sword?" >NPC agrees >Wizard casts polymorph and turns them into a sword. >Argues that the NPC shouldn't have a will save because they agreed to it. 10 replies

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On the backburner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)07:33:11 No.66408053 > be me > 3th world muslim s------- > my elementary school finest student always at the top of my class > there is this girl who was my only competitor > she got better grades than me 19 KB JPG leaving me in the second place > dad hears about it abd beats the s--- out of me > my back still has burn marks since he used hot glowing skewers and put them on my back > managed to get better grades than her for the rest of Elementary > still remember what she did to me > fast forward to high school > see her talking to a dude > took photos of it and sent it to hwr super conservative muslim dad > he forced her out of school and she never finished her studies Guess who had the last laughs bitch
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)07:33:11 No.66408053 > be me > 3th world muslim s------- > my elementary school finest student always at the top of my class > there is this girl who was my only competitor > she got better grades than me 19 KB JPG leaving me in the second place > dad hears about it abd beats the s--- out of me > my back still has burn marks since he used hot glowing skewers and put them on my back > managed to get better grades than her for the rest of Elementary > still remember what she did to me > fast forward to high school > see her talking to a dude > took photos of it and sent it to hwr super conservative muslim dad > he forced her out of school and she never finished her studies Guess who had the last laughs bitch

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Anon Reveals The Truth | /r/Greentext

File: Helium.jpg (43 KB, 576x768) Helium shortage Anonymous (ID: VYHZRH00 12/03/21(Fri)14:01:48 No.350604709 ► You f------ retards You keep arguing about fossil fuels No one should be worried about that since once we run out we'll atleast have alternative energy sources You know what I'm worried about? When we eventually run out of Helium You know what Helium is used for? It's not just balloons >It's used for respiratory treatment >MRI magnets >The fiber optic cables we use for the internet >computer chips and hard drives >shielding and welding >Microscopes >lt cleans rockets and fuel tanks to make sure they don't f------ combust We only have 117 years worth of Helium, and that's assuming our population doesn't increase and that we continue to use it at our current rate. Get voidpilled, absolutely f------ blackholepilled
File: Helium.jpg (43 KB, 576x768) Helium shortage Anonymous (ID: VYHZRH00 12/03/21(Fri)14:01:48 No.350604709 ► You f------ retards You keep arguing about fossil fuels No one should be worried about that since once we run out we'll atleast have alternative energy sources You know what I'm worried about? When we eventually run out of Helium You know what Helium is used for? It's not just balloons >It's used for respiratory treatment >MRI magnets >The fiber optic cables we use for the internet >computer chips and hard drives >shielding and welding >Microscopes >lt cleans rockets and fuel tanks to make sure they don't f------ combust We only have 117 years worth of Helium, and that's assuming our population doesn't increase and that we continue to use it at our current rate. Get voidpilled, absolutely f------ blackholepilled

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Anon can’t find diet ice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)12:16:03 No.867901951 >>867900400 (OP) # >be assistant manager at gas station >karen comes in for a cup of ice forty keks >straight face asks me where the diet 162 KB PNG ice is >brain just blue screened hearing that sentence >She said we had it a few months ago >I asked her if she meant crushed ice, and showed her which tab it was >She starts karen-raging about how I'm dumb for not knowing what diet ice >She leaves >tell my manager this funny story >manager tells me that a competitor gas station up the road put up a sign for diet ice for April fool's day this year >mfw this Karen fell for an April fools joke that hard
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)12:16:03 No.867901951 >>867900400 (OP) # >be assistant manager at gas station >karen comes in for a cup of ice forty keks >straight face asks me where the diet 162 KB PNG ice is >brain just blue screened hearing that sentence >She said we had it a few months ago >I asked her if she meant crushed ice, and showed her which tab it was >She starts karen-raging about how I'm dumb for not knowing what diet ice >She leaves >tell my manager this funny story >manager tells me that a competitor gas station up the road put up a sign for diet ice for April fool's day this year >mfw this Karen fell for an April fools joke that hard

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Anon talks with his dad | /r/Greentext

> be me > having breakfast with dad > he's looking at something on his phone > "hey anon, whats 'MFW'?" > tell him > ask him where he heard that feels good man 206 KB PNG > "oh, i'm just looking at this image on r/greentext" > bond with dad over greentexts >i love you dad
> be me > having breakfast with dad > he's looking at something on his phone > "hey anon, whats 'MFW'?" > tell him > ask him where he heard that feels good man 206 KB PNG > "oh, i'm just looking at this image on r/greentext" > bond with dad over greentexts >i love you dad

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Anon's hole survives for now. | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous I cant date 12/03/21(Fri)1 1:58:56 No.66405625 >21 and never had a gf before > girl at work gets along with me really well >asks about my past relationships >tell her I never had one >she laughs and tells me she dont believe it 134 KB JPG >l say that I oam serious >she stops laughing >"anon you are tall and handsome. Are you maybe a player?" >autismkicks.png >get mad at her >call her a c--- >she stops talking to me >avoids me at work now This is why I dont try to date anymore. My past or my lack of a past is the ultimate dealbreaker. When girls hear that you never been in a relationship. They think that you are either a player or a f------ psychopath
! Anonymous I cant date 12/03/21(Fri)1 1:58:56 No.66405625 >21 and never had a gf before > girl at work gets along with me really well >asks about my past relationships >tell her I never had one >she laughs and tells me she dont believe it 134 KB JPG >l say that I oam serious >she stops laughing >"anon you are tall and handsome. Are you maybe a player?" >autismkicks.png >get mad at her >call her a c--- >she stops talking to me >avoids me at work now This is why I dont try to date anymore. My past or my lack of a past is the ultimate dealbreaker. When girls hear that you never been in a relationship. They think that you are either a player or a f------ psychopath

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Anon gets a promotion | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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Anon wants to talk about politics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)00:53:13 No.849071227 >be me >I wanna talk about some politics >go to /pol/ >"Jewish people and minorities are the cause of 126 KB PNG the worlds issues." >w--.jpg >go to twitter >"all white people are inherently racist and homophobic." >w-- that's not true >go to reddit >"communism has never failed" >have you people taken a single history class?? >go to facebook >"if I see another sheep wearing a mask I'm going to gun them down" >huh??? What happened to normal political views?
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)00:53:13 No.849071227 >be me >I wanna talk about some politics >go to /pol/ >"Jewish people and minorities are the cause of 126 KB PNG the worlds issues." >w--.jpg >go to twitter >"all white people are inherently racist and homophobic." >w-- that's not true >go to reddit >"communism has never failed" >have you people taken a single history class?? >go to facebook >"if I see another sheep wearing a mask I'm going to gun them down" >huh??? What happened to normal political views?

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10 Seconds to be as millennial as possible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #
: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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Anon meets a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!

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anon is hydrated | /r/Greentext

File: 807. jpg (61 KB, 588x391) Anonymous 11/23/18(Fri)18:10:47 No.785627996 [Reply] >785633003 >>785628405 >>785628581 >>785629666 SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP
File: 807. jpg (61 KB, 588x391) Anonymous 11/23/18(Fri)18:10:47 No.785627996 [Reply] >785633003 >>785628405 >>785628581 >>785629666 SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP

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Anon is Gordon Ramsay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)11:09:58 No.159056288 Gordon-Ramsay-e1628094451895.jpg| 1.07 MB JPG >arrives >deletes half of your menu >refuses to elaborate further >leaves
: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)11:09:58 No.159056288 Gordon-Ramsay-e1628094451895.jpg| 1.07 MB JPG >arrives >deletes half of your menu >refuses to elaborate further >leaves

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