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Anon gets a promotion | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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Anon wants to talk about politics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)00:53:13 No.849071227 >be me >I wanna talk about some politics >go to /pol/ >"Jewish people and minorities are the cause of 126 KB PNG the worlds issues." >w--.jpg >go to twitter >"all white people are inherently racist and homophobic." >w-- that's not true >go to reddit >"communism has never failed" >have you people taken a single history class?? >go to facebook >"if I see another sheep wearing a mask I'm going to gun them down" >huh??? What happened to normal political views?
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)00:53:13 No.849071227 >be me >I wanna talk about some politics >go to /pol/ >"Jewish people and minorities are the cause of 126 KB PNG the worlds issues." >w--.jpg >go to twitter >"all white people are inherently racist and homophobic." >w-- that's not true >go to reddit >"communism has never failed" >have you people taken a single history class?? >go to facebook >"if I see another sheep wearing a mask I'm going to gun them down" >huh??? What happened to normal political views?

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10 Seconds to be as millennial as possible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #
: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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Anon meets a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!

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anon is hydrated | /r/Greentext

File: 807. jpg (61 KB, 588x391) Anonymous 11/23/18(Fri)18:10:47 No.785627996 [Reply] >785633003 >>785628405 >>785628581 >>785629666 SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP
File: 807. jpg (61 KB, 588x391) Anonymous 11/23/18(Fri)18:10:47 No.785627996 [Reply] >785633003 >>785628405 >>785628581 >>785629666 SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP SCHLOP

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Anon is Gordon Ramsay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)11:09:58 No.159056288 Gordon-Ramsay-e1628094451895.jpg| 1.07 MB JPG >arrives >deletes half of your menu >refuses to elaborate further >leaves
: Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)11:09:58 No.159056288 Gordon-Ramsay-e1628094451895.jpg| 1.07 MB JPG >arrives >deletes half of your menu >refuses to elaborate further >leaves

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Anon gives 1 star | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)11:53:58 No.851359630 >Be me >order food from DoorDash >says it will take 20 minutes >hard af >it's been 2 hours w-- >look outside to see trail of blood and a 597 KB JPG collapsed body >look down street and see horrific car crash >driver crashed and in his final moments brought me my food >rate him 1 star for being late and leaving his trash body in my driveway
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)11:53:58 No.851359630 >Be me >order food from DoorDash >says it will take 20 minutes >hard af >it's been 2 hours w-- >look outside to see trail of blood and a 597 KB JPG collapsed body >look down street and see horrific car crash >driver crashed and in his final moments brought me my food >rate him 1 star for being late and leaving his trash body in my driveway

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how do u do

: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)12:09:43 No.863206200 I am a wage cuck >Be me wage cuck >Wake up 6am >Eat breakfast >Drink coffee >Take a s--- 890 KB GIF >Leave by 7am >Wage f kin start time 7:30am >Don't wanna be late >Wage slave until 5pm >Get home around 6pm >Eat my dinner >Take a shower >Play some Vidya or other hobby >Bed by 9pm >Repeat 5 days a week >Friday nights usually get drunk >Saturday is free of wage cuckery >This is a good day >Sunday I am free until about 4pm >After 4pm I begin cooking my dinner for the week >Make my breakfasts >Gotta save time anywhere I can >Do my chores >Bed by 9pm >Make just enough to pay bills and save a little >Repeat until dead I guess This is my life I get one day a week to myself not influenced by my wage slave job. I guess it's better than being homeless, s' s depressing.
: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)12:09:43 No.863206200 I am a wage cuck >Be me wage cuck >Wake up 6am >Eat breakfast >Drink coffee >Take a s--- 890 KB GIF >Leave by 7am >Wage f kin start time 7:30am >Don't wanna be late >Wage slave until 5pm >Get home around 6pm >Eat my dinner >Take a shower >Play some Vidya or other hobby >Bed by 9pm >Repeat 5 days a week >Friday nights usually get drunk >Saturday is free of wage cuckery >This is a good day >Sunday I am free until about 4pm >After 4pm I begin cooking my dinner for the week >Make my breakfasts >Gotta save time anywhere I can >Do my chores >Bed by 9pm >Make just enough to pay bills and save a little >Repeat until dead I guess This is my life I get one day a week to myself not influenced by my wage slave job. I guess it's better than being homeless, s' s depressing.

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Anon gets rejected | /r/Greentext

Melissa And yeah I do think you're real cute and real sweet too hahaa Aww bit taller it's just that, I prefer guys that are a But not meaning I won't want to hangout!! Meannn we're like the same height haha ik but yknow , you're 23 and I'm 12!I might be taller than U soon ahaha But it dont matter anyways okay? Aww I'm sorrry it's not bad or anything Youre still super sweet and you have a real nice body cause U workout ! thanks I guess don't be like thatttt I isten how about we hangout again and we JAnonymous 12/02/21(Thu)17:54:51 No.867825522 Why the f--- are all girls like this /b/?? I'm a super manlet, I'm only 5'2" and it's affected nearly everything on my life. Will I ever find someone that will like me for me and not care about height? Yes she is a bit younger than me but even older women have the same attitude. Any other manlet bros here that can give me advice? > Also inb4 b& or v& because she's just a friend but still she's a girl and they have similar mindsets O Anonymous 12/02/21(Thu)17:57:08 No.867825589 File: Pls (1).jpg (272 KB, 1057x1053) >shes 12 Anon, please kill yourself ...
Melissa And yeah I do think you're real cute and real sweet too hahaa Aww bit taller it's just that, I prefer guys that are a But not meaning I won't want to hangout!! Meannn we're like the same height haha ik but yknow , you're 23 and I'm 12!I might be taller than U soon ahaha But it dont matter anyways okay? Aww I'm sorrry it's not bad or anything Youre still super sweet and you have a real nice body cause U workout ! thanks I guess don't be like thatttt I isten how about we hangout again and we JAnonymous 12/02/21(Thu)17:54:51 No.867825522 Why the f--- are all girls like this /b/?? I'm a super manlet, I'm only 5'2" and it's affected nearly everything on my life. Will I ever find someone that will like me for me and not care about height? Yes she is a bit younger than me but even older women have the same attitude. Any other manlet bros here that can give me advice? > Also inb4 b& or v& because she's just a friend but still she's a girl and they have similar mindsets O Anonymous 12/02/21(Thu)17:57:08 No.867825589 File: Pls (1).jpg (272 KB, 1057x1053) >shes 12 Anon, please kill yourself ...

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Anon self-medicates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/20(Sun)21:47:13 No.838633423 >be me >have severe constipation >go to store >lick every surface people have been touching >get the flu >get diarrhea >constipation gone 175 KB PNG
: Anonymous 10/25/20(Sun)21:47:13 No.838633423 >be me >have severe constipation >go to store >lick every surface people have been touching >get the flu >get diarrhea >constipation gone 175 KB PNG

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Anon rigs the economy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: egPLaWtA 02/04/21(Thu)01:57:08 No.27695254 >be elon >Buy a s--- ton of dogecoin >Say that 100 dogecoin is now worth a Tesla >Dogecoin jump to at least 600 a share cuz it's now backed by a tesla >Elon sells off all dogecoin, still turns a 57 KB JPG massive profit despite giving away some cars Tell Me one reason why this wouldn't work?
: Anonymous (ID: egPLaWtA 02/04/21(Thu)01:57:08 No.27695254 >be elon >Buy a s--- ton of dogecoin >Say that 100 dogecoin is now worth a Tesla >Dogecoin jump to at least 600 a share cuz it's now backed by a tesla >Elon sells off all dogecoin, still turns a 57 KB JPG massive profit despite giving away some cars Tell Me one reason why this wouldn't work?

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Anon reminisces | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)16:23:22 No.62555204 >>62553781 (OP) # >late 90's >10 >would finish school on a friday >eat dinner and then turn on my 496 KB PNG N64 >play Mario Kart, Mario 64, Goldeneye etc >bed time at 11:00 >would get into bed >pretend to fall asleep >wait until my mother went to sleep >boot up my N64 again >play all night I'd love to go back to being that carefree. Just once.
: Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)16:23:22 No.62555204 >>62553781 (OP) # >late 90's >10 >would finish school on a friday >eat dinner and then turn on my 496 KB PNG N64 >play Mario Kart, Mario 64, Goldeneye etc >bed time at 11:00 >would get into bed >pretend to fall asleep >wait until my mother went to sleep >boot up my N64 again >play all night I'd love to go back to being that carefree. Just once.

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Mistakes were made | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)06:39:11 No.51238294 >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up 63 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)06:39:11 No.51238294 >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up 63 KB JPG

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Anon is from the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymouse (ID: PTHXrgTY ) 12/02/21(Thu)19:55:41 No.350509369 >>350507410 (OP) # >>be me 2027 >>decide to play the new battlefield 1944 >>no scoreboard >>all player characters are LGBT >>all player characters colored, gender non binary, trans furkins >>all chat is monitored by a team led by Anita Sarkeasian >>Only white men in the game are the axis NAZI's >>you can't play as the nazi's >>you can't pick up nazi weapons without first playing "combating white racism" hour long seminar, and buying the shitlord DLC for 29.99 This actually seems fairly plausible to me imho
: Anonymouse (ID: PTHXrgTY ) 12/02/21(Thu)19:55:41 No.350509369 >>350507410 (OP) # >>be me 2027 >>decide to play the new battlefield 1944 >>no scoreboard >>all player characters are LGBT >>all player characters colored, gender non binary, trans furkins >>all chat is monitored by a team led by Anita Sarkeasian >>Only white men in the game are the axis NAZI's >>you can't play as the nazi's >>you can't pick up nazi weapons without first playing "combating white racism" hour long seminar, and buying the shitlord DLC for 29.99 This actually seems fairly plausible to me imho

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Anon reaches enlightenment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/02/21(Thu)19:32:44 No.867868810 thumb_the-enlightened-one-34799927.png 27 KB PNG >be 21 >gf sucks d--- like a pro >can it get any better than this? >she goes down to the balls >amazing as usual >then something entirely new >she goes down to the a------ >a path she hadn't dared go down before >an aura forms around me >l hear God's voice for the fırst time >Gabriel's trumpet is playing >my eyes glow a bright white >we levitate together with her tounge in-between my ass cheeks >l send out vibrations of pure ecstacy the entire universe can feel >c-- >feel gay, but it was the most incredible orgasm of my entire life >haven't been able to achieve this enlightenment again >been searching for it ever since
: Anonymous 12/02/21(Thu)19:32:44 No.867868810 thumb_the-enlightened-one-34799927.png 27 KB PNG >be 21 >gf sucks d--- like a pro >can it get any better than this? >she goes down to the balls >amazing as usual >then something entirely new >she goes down to the a------ >a path she hadn't dared go down before >an aura forms around me >l hear God's voice for the fırst time >Gabriel's trumpet is playing >my eyes glow a bright white >we levitate together with her tounge in-between my ass cheeks >l send out vibrations of pure ecstacy the entire universe can feel >c-- >feel gay, but it was the most incredible orgasm of my entire life >haven't been able to achieve this enlightenment again >been searching for it ever since

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Anon is not attractive | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/20(Sat)20:36:38 No.826674449 >at university >accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers >kneel down to help her collect them >our eyes meet >l say something like "hey, its like in the movies" 228 KB PNG >"yeah except in movies the guys attractive" 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/02/20(Sat)20:36:38 No.826674449 >at university >accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers >kneel down to help her collect them >our eyes meet >l say something like "hey, its like in the movies" 228 KB PNG >"yeah except in movies the guys attractive" 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon hates the Minecraft community | /r/Greentext

I f------ hate the Minecraft community >ask game devs to add something >they add it >ew w-- why would they add something we didn't want 56 KB JPG
I f------ hate the Minecraft community >ask game devs to add something >they add it >ew w-- why would they add something we didn't want 56 KB JPG

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Earl of Sandwich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash

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Anon feels mischievous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)23:07:14 No.6467211C >Be me >Working at Burger King >l add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, as I did that deliberately 12 KB JPG My devilish nature cannot be contained
: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)23:07:14 No.6467211C >Be me >Working at Burger King >l add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, as I did that deliberately 12 KB JPG My devilish nature cannot be contained

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Anon secretly just wanted to fuck his sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)01:18:32 No.66405526 >be me >have a degenerate sister >stalk her twitter sometimes and found she has an onlyfans >want to show her the dangers of showing her body on the internet >ideajpg >subscribe to her onlyfans with a fake 13 KB PNG name >earn her thrust and also troll her by paying for specific videos like toe spreading, shoving her brother's (me) controller up her vag, sucking her t--- etc etc >troll her by asking her to record a video with her brother (know she would never do that) >unsurprisingly she rejects my request >tell her that I know where she lives and if she doesn't deliver she'll suffer the consequences >sis thinks it's just a bluff >write our adress to scare her >mom is sewing on the couch next to our big window >idea2.png >tell her her mom looks cute sewing >tell her to be careful while she sleeps >bitch blocks me >be dinner time >she looks really anxious and isnt talking much Hope she learns her f------ lesson
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)01:18:32 No.66405526 >be me >have a degenerate sister >stalk her twitter sometimes and found she has an onlyfans >want to show her the dangers of showing her body on the internet >ideajpg >subscribe to her onlyfans with a fake 13 KB PNG name >earn her thrust and also troll her by paying for specific videos like toe spreading, shoving her brother's (me) controller up her vag, sucking her t--- etc etc >troll her by asking her to record a video with her brother (know she would never do that) >unsurprisingly she rejects my request >tell her that I know where she lives and if she doesn't deliver she'll suffer the consequences >sis thinks it's just a bluff >write our adress to scare her >mom is sewing on the couch next to our big window >idea2.png >tell her her mom looks cute sewing >tell her to be careful while she sleeps >bitch blocks me >be dinner time >she looks really anxious and isnt talking much Hope she learns her f------ lesson

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