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Anon screams in his sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)06:36:51 No.62168279 >be me 2 years ago >still live with my parents >im sleeping in my room >suddenly wake up at like 4 am >get bored cuz i cant sleep >get an idea >randomly scream as loud as i can 106 KB PNG for no reason >mom storms upstairs in my room >pretend to sleep >next day she asks me why i did that >say idk what shes talking about >later tell dad and my brother not to talk about this and pretent they didnt hear anything >next night the same thing, i scream until my mom wakes up >After a few days mom stars believing shes crazy because she seems to be the only person to have heard it >2 years later shes now in a mental facility : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)06:48:25 No.62168395 >>62168279 (OP) # you f------ got her ass OP Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)06:49:46 No.62168412 >>62168279 (OP)# Basedboys. Glad you helped troll her, OP.
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)06:36:51 No.62168279 >be me 2 years ago >still live with my parents >im sleeping in my room >suddenly wake up at like 4 am >get bored cuz i cant sleep >get an idea >randomly scream as loud as i can 106 KB PNG for no reason >mom storms upstairs in my room >pretend to sleep >next day she asks me why i did that >say idk what shes talking about >later tell dad and my brother not to talk about this and pretent they didnt hear anything >next night the same thing, i scream until my mom wakes up >After a few days mom stars believing shes crazy because she seems to be the only person to have heard it >2 years later shes now in a mental facility : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)06:48:25 No.62168395 >>62168279 (OP) # you f------ got her ass OP Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)06:49:46 No.62168412 >>62168279 (OP)# Basedboys. Glad you helped troll her, OP.

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Anon gets bottomed | /r/Greentext

>be me >back in 11th grade >had been friends with this guy since 3rd grade >we stole some whiskey from his 48 KB JPG dad >got super wasted and somehow hot around to "we should f---" >so we decided he would be the bottom >now >l had no f------ idea what I was doing >we didn't have any lube because >11th grade and not expecting to do gay s--- at that moment >so I just put some lotion on my d--- aaaaand >yeah that's where it gets bad >I spread his cheeks and just BAM balls deep in .003 seconds >he did NOT appreciate that >he screams like he's being murdered and his legs start spasming >his dad runs in the room cause he heard a scream >sees me with my d--- in his son and his son freaking out >so he throws up on the floor and slams the door shut >it's been 10 years >haven't spoken to my friend since. >moral of the story is Don't b-------- your friends
>be me >back in 11th grade >had been friends with this guy since 3rd grade >we stole some whiskey from his 48 KB JPG dad >got super wasted and somehow hot around to "we should f---" >so we decided he would be the bottom >now >l had no f------ idea what I was doing >we didn't have any lube because >11th grade and not expecting to do gay s--- at that moment >so I just put some lotion on my d--- aaaaand >yeah that's where it gets bad >I spread his cheeks and just BAM balls deep in .003 seconds >he did NOT appreciate that >he screams like he's being murdered and his legs start spasming >his dad runs in the room cause he heard a scream >sees me with my d--- in his son and his son freaking out >so he throws up on the floor and slams the door shut >it's been 10 years >haven't spoken to my friend since. >moral of the story is Don't b-------- your friends

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It’s simple, we kill the Batman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)20:28:00 No.849400058 > be me > family starving > decide to commit crime > batman shows up > breaks my leg, both arms and spine > says he doesn't kill and leaves me with the pain 14 KB JPG > hospital bill I can't pay > mfw I have to commit crime to pay hospital bill now
: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)20:28:00 No.849400058 > be me > family starving > decide to commit crime > batman shows up > breaks my leg, both arms and spine > says he doesn't kill and leaves me with the pain 14 KB JPG > hospital bill I can't pay > mfw I have to commit crime to pay hospital bill now

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Anon got dropped as a child | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/21 (Fri)12:36:47 No.866986078 FACKCINE >Hurrdurr you're a negationist Yeah, Galileo was a negationist with the heliocentric theory, remember that? 48 KB JPG >Just take it. Why should I take the vaccine? >to protect yourself I'm quite happy with my chances. Being in the 25- 35 year old bracket the probability of dying from covid is less than 1.5% >to protect others, dont you think of them? How would my taking the vaccine protect others? >because you dont infect them False. The vaccine allegedly prevents you from getting ill, it does not mitigate infection. >it lowers the risk though If you're afraid of getting it, protect yourself. >hurr durr so selfish You're the one who wants me to inject an substance with unproven long-term side effects into my body for YOUR protection, but I'm the selfish one? If you're having sex with a stranger, you put the condom on to protect yourself. Why is this any different? F------ sheep dont have to brain cells to rub together, I swear.
: Anonymous 11/19/21 (Fri)12:36:47 No.866986078 FACKCINE >Hurrdurr you're a negationist Yeah, Galileo was a negationist with the heliocentric theory, remember that? 48 KB JPG >Just take it. Why should I take the vaccine? >to protect yourself I'm quite happy with my chances. Being in the 25- 35 year old bracket the probability of dying from covid is less than 1.5% >to protect others, dont you think of them? How would my taking the vaccine protect others? >because you dont infect them False. The vaccine allegedly prevents you from getting ill, it does not mitigate infection. >it lowers the risk though If you're afraid of getting it, protect yourself. >hurr durr so selfish You're the one who wants me to inject an substance with unproven long-term side effects into my body for YOUR protection, but I'm the selfish one? If you're having sex with a stranger, you put the condom on to protect yourself. Why is this any different? F------ sheep dont have to brain cells to rub together, I swear.

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Anon ain't no simp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/08/21(Mon)15:40:33 No.158877665 OO >there are people who give money to Twitch streamers unironically creeps me out. 6 KB JPG >>158878000 #
: Anonymous 11/08/21(Mon)15:40:33 No.158877665 OO >there are people who give money to Twitch streamers unironically creeps me out. 6 KB JPG >>158878000 #

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Anon is living my dreams | /r/Greentext

>>40022990 >On the range >See a man on the bench, expensive rifle, occasionally sending a round downrange >Some boutique cartridge, he only fires once every 15 minutes >Curious, so I look at his target >Every single round is in the same hole at 100 yards >H-------- >Go over to congratulate him on his shooting and maybe see the rifle >Ask him how he does it >He laughs and turns to me >It's Todd F------ Howard >"It's simple, just do the same thing every time." >Suddenly clubbed on the back of the head >The last thing I hear is "It just works." > Wake up. >It's snowing >My hands are tied >There's some blonde jackass with stringy hair across from me. >Oh no. >The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim 1 REPLY
>>40022990 >On the range >See a man on the bench, expensive rifle, occasionally sending a round downrange >Some boutique cartridge, he only fires once every 15 minutes >Curious, so I look at his target >Every single round is in the same hole at 100 yards >H-------- >Go over to congratulate him on his shooting and maybe see the rifle >Ask him how he does it >He laughs and turns to me >It's Todd F------ Howard >"It's simple, just do the same thing every time." >Suddenly clubbed on the back of the head >The last thing I hear is "It just works." > Wake up. >It's snowing >My hands are tied >There's some blonde jackass with stringy hair across from me. >Oh no. >The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim 1 REPLY

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anon does an unhealthy amount of trolling | /r/Greentext

File: 39121e4db703793d2f1f888d3(...).jpg (39 KB, 470x500) U Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)16:39:21 No.834128987 [Reply] D >be me >eating breakfast with my 16 blue-haured year old daughter >starts talking about cultural appropriation and other b------- to me >whatever.jpg >she starts going off about trannies and pronouns >can't help it, i start to laugh >she asks why >tell her trans people don't get to dictate my language >daughter literally starts crying >tries to argue, but can only stutter >waddles over to her room >wife just shakes her head >daughter locks herself in her room for 3 f------ hours >she comes back, her eyes are still bloodshot from crying >has a s--- eating grin on her face >starts referring to me with she/her pronouns >whatever2bigigloo.jpg >follows me around all day going out of her way to misgender me >right before I lose my patience, i get an idea >i start to just roll with it >tell her to not just refer to me as dad, but mom >she looks confused >tell my wife to start calling me Davina instead of David >daughter is visibly uncomfortable >start talking in an obnoxious effeminate voice >daughter waddles back into her room in tears again >wife is still unamused >stop off at party city on the way back home from work the next day >buy a cheap ass blonde wig >start wearing it around the house >daughter can't take it anymore Stop it dad, this isn't funny! > tell her that she is being transphobic, that this is the new me now >tell her that she was right all along, she woke up something deep from within >she can't tell if I'm joking or not >she is trapped, doesn't know what to do or say >wife tries to keep a straight face >that night, i f--- her in the ass, still wearing the cheap wig >might have my wife teach me how to put on makeup >this is not over yet
File: 39121e4db703793d2f1f888d3(...).jpg (39 KB, 470x500) U Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)16:39:21 No.834128987 [Reply] D >be me >eating breakfast with my 16 blue-haured year old daughter >starts talking about cultural appropriation and other b------- to me >whatever.jpg >she starts going off about trannies and pronouns >can't help it, i start to laugh >she asks why >tell her trans people don't get to dictate my language >daughter literally starts crying >tries to argue, but can only stutter >waddles over to her room >wife just shakes her head >daughter locks herself in her room for 3 f------ hours >she comes back, her eyes are still bloodshot from crying >has a s--- eating grin on her face >starts referring to me with she/her pronouns >whatever2bigigloo.jpg >follows me around all day going out of her way to misgender me >right before I lose my patience, i get an idea >i start to just roll with it >tell her to not just refer to me as dad, but mom >she looks confused >tell my wife to start calling me Davina instead of David >daughter is visibly uncomfortable >start talking in an obnoxious effeminate voice >daughter waddles back into her room in tears again >wife is still unamused >stop off at party city on the way back home from work the next day >buy a cheap ass blonde wig >start wearing it around the house >daughter can't take it anymore Stop it dad, this isn't funny! > tell her that she is being transphobic, that this is the new me now >tell her that she was right all along, she woke up something deep from within >she can't tell if I'm joking or not >she is trapped, doesn't know what to do or say >wife tries to keep a straight face >that night, i f--- her in the ass, still wearing the cheap wig >might have my wife teach me how to put on makeup >this is not over yet

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Anon gets tinder | /r/Greentext

2d (11/17 2:17) · 66185520 4 Re · 2 Img · PNG · 243KB · (500 × 598) 4 Replies >finally get the courage to make a tinder account >i need to post 3 pictures of myself >don't even have 1 it was over before it even began 2d (11/17 3:40) · 66186506 >>66185520 (OP) imagine being so retarded you cant use the phone you made the account with to take 3 pics
2d (11/17 2:17) · 66185520 4 Re · 2 Img · PNG · 243KB · (500 × 598) 4 Replies >finally get the courage to make a tinder account >i need to post 3 pictures of myself >don't even have 1 it was over before it even began 2d (11/17 3:40) · 66186506 >>66185520 (OP) imagine being so retarded you cant use the phone you made the account with to take 3 pics

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Anon is short | /r/Greentext

40m (11/19 8:33) · 64415146 PNG · 237KB · (500 × 500) >>64415119 (OP) >be 5 foot 7 >already give up trying to get gf >tell everyone I'm 5 foot 4 so people that are 6 foot seem like they're 5 foot 9
40m (11/19 8:33) · 64415146 PNG · 237KB · (500 × 500) >>64415119 (OP) >be 5 foot 7 >already give up trying to get gf >tell everyone I'm 5 foot 4 so people that are 6 foot seem like they're 5 foot 9

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It's only teenage wasteland | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)20:56:45 No.66214283 >tell my mom about how I missed out on teenage love and how it's basically over >"you can still experience adult love!" >mfw 10 KB JPG Women really don't get it do they? : Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)21:00:31 No.66214322 Go outside you f------ retard and stop dwelling on the past
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)20:56:45 No.66214283 >tell my mom about how I missed out on teenage love and how it's basically over >"you can still experience adult love!" >mfw 10 KB JPG Women really don't get it do they? : Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)21:00:31 No.66214322 Go outside you f------ retard and stop dwelling on the past

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Anon is himself! | /r/Greentext


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Losing the V-card | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)19:53:11 No.66213706 >there are THOUSANDS of misguided men out there thinking lifting will make them more attractive to grils >when in fact they can just wear low cut v-necks and a beanie for 24 KB JPG an artsy, soulful vibe to pull chicks while still being their skinny selves
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)19:53:11 No.66213706 >there are THOUSANDS of misguided men out there thinking lifting will make them more attractive to grils >when in fact they can just wear low cut v-necks and a beanie for 24 KB JPG an artsy, soulful vibe to pull chicks while still being their skinny selves

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Anon goes to bed. | /r/Greentext

Bed · 32s (11/19 3:19) · 30301203 O Re · 0 Img · JPG · 4KB · (259 × 194) >1am, be tired >jump in bed >close eyes >??? >open eyes >8am, be rested how dou you retards fall for this s---
Bed · 32s (11/19 3:19) · 30301203 O Re · 0 Img · JPG · 4KB · (259 × 194) >1am, be tired >jump in bed >close eyes >??? >open eyes >8am, be rested how dou you retards fall for this s---

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anon checkmates the roastie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)20:01:19 No.64642652 eaf106cc072109caf3459de023d3616e.jpg 202 KB JPG >Anon, quick! Grab the antidote! If my breasts grow past a certain point, they won't be able to return to normal! How do you respond? 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)20:15:06 No.64642764 >>64642652 (OP) # Inject the shrinking antidote into my penis. Checkmate Veronica. 80 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)20:01:19 No.64642652 eaf106cc072109caf3459de023d3616e.jpg 202 KB JPG >Anon, quick! Grab the antidote! If my breasts grow past a certain point, they won't be able to return to normal! How do you respond? 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)20:15:06 No.64642764 >>64642652 (OP) # Inject the shrinking antidote into my penis. Checkmate Veronica. 80 KB JPG

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Anon is Nordic, I think? | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/20/19(Mon)20:59:11 No.52512643 ► File: 1547385849276.jpg (46 KB, 588x575) >>52512421 (OP) >BM M >PIPIEX >MPP N «HT RMFM THIS
O Anonymous 05/20/19(Mon)20:59:11 No.52512643 ► File: 1547385849276.jpg (46 KB, 588x575) >>52512421 (OP) >BM M >PIPIEX >MPP N «HT RMFM THIS

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Tranon consumes gummy vitamins | /r/Greentext

File: Mnghfhmfnh.png (39 KB, 370x320) Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)16:18:27 No.23218261 >parents want me to be healthy as a kid so they have gummy vitamins and lots of supplement >ask my mom one day if I can have one of her "women's multivitamins >"these are for girls anon, you can't take them or else you'd grow boobs or something" >l wake up in the middle night and eat all the remaining gummies >instead of becoming a girl l end up in the hospital and almost f------ die
File: Mnghfhmfnh.png (39 KB, 370x320) Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)16:18:27 No.23218261 >parents want me to be healthy as a kid so they have gummy vitamins and lots of supplement >ask my mom one day if I can have one of her "women's multivitamins >"these are for girls anon, you can't take them or else you'd grow boobs or something" >l wake up in the middle night and eat all the remaining gummies >instead of becoming a girl l end up in the hospital and almost f------ die

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Anon takes the plunge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)08:58:53 No.81432556- Alright kids let me tell you a story. >be me >out with my girlfriend >both in high school >she goes to restroom, single stall >family restroom so both are allowed >she gets out and I go in 22 KB JPG >piss in the toilet >I had a piss kink >l slurp some >get out and ask her why she didn't flush >"oh I didn't pee I just did my hair" >run outside and vomit >mfw It's been 10 years since then and we have a kid and she still doesn't know
: Anonymous 11/18/19(Mon)08:58:53 No.81432556- Alright kids let me tell you a story. >be me >out with my girlfriend >both in high school >she goes to restroom, single stall >family restroom so both are allowed >she gets out and I go in 22 KB JPG >piss in the toilet >I had a piss kink >l slurp some >get out and ask her why she didn't flush >"oh I didn't pee I just did my hair" >run outside and vomit >mfw It's been 10 years since then and we have a kid and she still doesn't know

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Anon gets a song stuck in his head | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 8eHHJ892 11/14/15(Sat)08:14:19 No.55704068 >Watch several ISIS videos because I love gore >The song that plays in them gets stuck in my head >Start humming it to myself 96 KB PNG at work >Muslim coworker puts his hands on my shoulder and says "soon, brother. soon"
: Anonymous (ID: 8eHHJ892 11/14/15(Sat)08:14:19 No.55704068 >Watch several ISIS videos because I love gore >The song that plays in them gets stuck in my head >Start humming it to myself 96 KB PNG at work >Muslim coworker puts his hands on my shoulder and says "soon, brother. soon"

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Next level fapping | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)15:50:37 No.65823522 >make a reddit account posing as a girl >repost nudes i got from /b/ >invite redditors to send me clips of them jerking off >send those clips to gay dudes and get them to buy me stuff 14 KB JPG >return that stuff for money >use that money to tip camgirls
: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)15:50:37 No.65823522 >make a reddit account posing as a girl >repost nudes i got from /b/ >invite redditors to send me clips of them jerking off >send those clips to gay dudes and get them to buy me stuff 14 KB JPG >return that stuff for money >use that money to tip camgirls

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Anon tasted the bee. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/19(Sat)13:04:45 No.804549615 >be me >on the bike >going downhill fast >talking with my friends >my mouth wide open >went through a swarm of flies >some fly entered my mouth >"well, if it's already in my mouth 300 KB JPG let's see what it tastes like" It was a terrible combination of extremely sour and extremely bitter taste. Would not recommend. Don't eat flies, anons. 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 07/13/19(Sat)13:26:18 No.804550750 >>804549615 (OP) # I cannot describe how disgusted this makes me feel
: Anonymous 07/13/19(Sat)13:04:45 No.804549615 >be me >on the bike >going downhill fast >talking with my friends >my mouth wide open >went through a swarm of flies >some fly entered my mouth >"well, if it's already in my mouth 300 KB JPG let's see what it tastes like" It was a terrible combination of extremely sour and extremely bitter taste. Would not recommend. Don't eat flies, anons. 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 07/13/19(Sat)13:26:18 No.804550750 >>804549615 (OP) # I cannot describe how disgusted this makes me feel

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