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Anon gets a gf | /r/Greentext

>be me >new gf >have a threesome with 2 hookers the night after we have sex the first time >now if she cheats on me I can say I've been f------ other women 19 KB JPG since day one I don't know if I like her enough that 'll really hate myself for this later in life, but if only I could have said that to my last gf Already regret it, should I an hero /b/? 24 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)18:39:49 No.866919674 >>866916146 (OP) # It's easy OP. Just make your recalling of these events fluid. If she's garbage, you've been f------ other women since day 1. If she's great, you had a one night stand a few days before you became official. Just don't consider the first few days official.
>be me >new gf >have a threesome with 2 hookers the night after we have sex the first time >now if she cheats on me I can say I've been f------ other women 19 KB JPG since day one I don't know if I like her enough that 'll really hate myself for this later in life, but if only I could have said that to my last gf Already regret it, should I an hero /b/? 24 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)18:39:49 No.866919674 >>866916146 (OP) # It's easy OP. Just make your recalling of these events fluid. If she's garbage, you've been f------ other women since day 1. If she's great, you had a one night stand a few days before you became official. Just don't consider the first few days official.

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Anon NO HOMO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)17:23:56 No.843809623 >at dairy queen >order just a plain foot long hot dog >eating at table and looking at phone >really into what im reading on phone 76 KB JPG >notice i have 6 of the 12 inches of the hot dog in my mouth >didnt gag >quickly take a nervous bite >mfw the guy at the table across from me is looking at me intensely while there is a fast and loud thud coming from under his table >mfw the guys behind the counter and in the kitchen give me their numbers Look im not gay, i guess i was so focused on reading the s--- on my phone my gag reflex didnt kick in.
: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)17:23:56 No.843809623 >at dairy queen >order just a plain foot long hot dog >eating at table and looking at phone >really into what im reading on phone 76 KB JPG >notice i have 6 of the 12 inches of the hot dog in my mouth >didnt gag >quickly take a nervous bite >mfw the guy at the table across from me is looking at me intensely while there is a fast and loud thud coming from under his table >mfw the guys behind the counter and in the kitchen give me their numbers Look im not gay, i guess i was so focused on reading the s--- on my phone my gag reflex didnt kick in.

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E = McD² proof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.

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Anon gets.. pranked? | /r/Greentext

Board /fit/ - Fitness Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)03:07:03 No.64368601 I have funny story that happened to me a week ago. My friend pranked me so hard I'm considering suicide >I meet some chick at uni and we immediately hit off. Same taste in music, 364 KB PNG humor etc >We became friends and eventually I even convinced her to go to the gym with me >fast forward we started f------ but after some time we went back into just friends mode because she wasn't into relationship at that time ( aka I was a good friend but not bf material, whatever) >times goes on and this time I get a proper gf for me >and now things go south with my friend >Alicia(friend) didn't approve at all but after I got mad at her few times he suddenly switched side >She went from hating her to befriending just like that and this lasted for about 6 months >A week ago I went to visit my parents and while I was there I received message from Alicia >lt was a pic of my naked gf in a bed with Alicia with caption "I knew she was a slut. You can do better Anon" Honestly I still I have no idea how this happened. She literally destroyed my relationship and friendship just to uhh idk prove me wrong? S64368903 H 64368937 # 6136900g # 64369033 # 64369239 #
Board /fit/ - Fitness Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)03:07:03 No.64368601 I have funny story that happened to me a week ago. My friend pranked me so hard I'm considering suicide >I meet some chick at uni and we immediately hit off. Same taste in music, 364 KB PNG humor etc >We became friends and eventually I even convinced her to go to the gym with me >fast forward we started f------ but after some time we went back into just friends mode because she wasn't into relationship at that time ( aka I was a good friend but not bf material, whatever) >times goes on and this time I get a proper gf for me >and now things go south with my friend >Alicia(friend) didn't approve at all but after I got mad at her few times he suddenly switched side >She went from hating her to befriending just like that and this lasted for about 6 months >A week ago I went to visit my parents and while I was there I received message from Alicia >lt was a pic of my naked gf in a bed with Alicia with caption "I knew she was a slut. You can do better Anon" Honestly I still I have no idea how this happened. She literally destroyed my relationship and friendship just to uhh idk prove me wrong? S64368903 H 64368937 # 6136900g # 64369033 # 64369239 #

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Anon self diagnoses. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)18:34:09 No.66196139 >Вe me >Just laying on bed scrolling 4chan while simultaneously scratching my ass cheeks > Suddenly feel a piece of skin peeling off. >scared.jpg >reminded me of my dead gramps who was bedridden and had bed soles because of lying in the same position for 30 KB JPG years >Think to myself that I am also sitting in the same wooden chair for hours because of work from home >Google tells me that I might have ass cancer >mfw >Rush to the bathroom with my phone and record my ass cheeks. >Watch the video and I see a white piece of paper sticking out. >w-- > peel it off and it's a f----- Jockey label > Remembers that I took out a fresh pair of undies today >Relived >Mfw why did they put a sticker inside of an undies? View Thread
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)18:34:09 No.66196139 >Вe me >Just laying on bed scrolling 4chan while simultaneously scratching my ass cheeks > Suddenly feel a piece of skin peeling off. >scared.jpg >reminded me of my dead gramps who was bedridden and had bed soles because of lying in the same position for 30 KB JPG years >Think to myself that I am also sitting in the same wooden chair for hours because of work from home >Google tells me that I might have ass cancer >mfw >Rush to the bathroom with my phone and record my ass cheeks. >Watch the video and I see a white piece of paper sticking out. >w-- > peel it off and it's a f----- Jockey label > Remembers that I took out a fresh pair of undies today >Relived >Mfw why did they put a sticker inside of an undies? View Thread

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anon didn't study for his test | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)04:40:28 No.66203040 >be me >have a test tommorow >stay up all night to study >browse 4chin and j------- 4 times instead >morning.mp4 >didn't study at all 15 KB JPG >tired af oh boy it's gonna be a s----- day
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)04:40:28 No.66203040 >be me >have a test tommorow >stay up all night to study >browse 4chin and j------- 4 times instead >morning.mp4 >didn't study at all 15 KB JPG >tired af oh boy it's gonna be a s----- day

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Anon is a chocolate bar | /r/Greentext

7h 46598724 · 53 Replies · 12 Images PNG · 99KB · (917 × 871) 15 Replies >tfw can't date whites because I'm black >tfw can't date blacks because i'm not tyrone and confident enough just shoot me, call me a n----- if you want
7h 46598724 · 53 Replies · 12 Images PNG · 99KB · (917 × 871) 15 Replies >tfw can't date whites because I'm black >tfw can't date blacks because i'm not tyrone and confident enough just shoot me, call me a n----- if you want

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Anon wants to end it all | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)06:01:24 No.5740762 File: EYbtcgVWoAU9qaR.jpg (31 KB, 633x758) >>5740885 >be drawfag >attempting suicide >tank and gas mask assembly complete >put on mask >turn on tank >lay down head up on bed >mom opens door >"ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING" >prepare the most dramatic speech that will make her cry for sure >forgot helium is still in my lungs >deep breath >the words "you will never understand my pain" come out in the squeakiest, queerest f------ chipmunk voice >mfw she died laughing and left
O Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)06:01:24 No.5740762 File: EYbtcgVWoAU9qaR.jpg (31 KB, 633x758) >>5740885 >be drawfag >attempting suicide >tank and gas mask assembly complete >put on mask >turn on tank >lay down head up on bed >mom opens door >"ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING" >prepare the most dramatic speech that will make her cry for sure >forgot helium is still in my lungs >deep breath >the words "you will never understand my pain" come out in the squeakiest, queerest f------ chipmunk voice >mfw she died laughing and left

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Anon spoils Spider-Man: No Way Home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)01:11:53 No.159322274 IMG_20210824_193635.jpg 147 KB JPG > Wait, Peter! I'm white!
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)01:11:53 No.159322274 IMG_20210824_193635.jpg 147 KB JPG > Wait, Peter! I'm white!

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Anon works as a cashier | /r/Greentext

>>16829595 # >mom leaves kid in the checkout line because she forgot something >kid asks me to please scan slowly >scan everything as fast as I possibly can >give him the total and ask cash or credit >mom isnt back yet >he starts crying f--- kids >>16839862 # >>16842343 # >>16845427 # >>16846495 # >>16851890 # : Anonymous 10/18/21(Mon)07:50:08 No.16851890 >>16838576 # >also threaten to call police if he can't pay just to f--- with him a bit more
>>16829595 # >mom leaves kid in the checkout line because she forgot something >kid asks me to please scan slowly >scan everything as fast as I possibly can >give him the total and ask cash or credit >mom isnt back yet >he starts crying f--- kids >>16839862 # >>16842343 # >>16845427 # >>16846495 # >>16851890 # : Anonymous 10/18/21(Mon)07:50:08 No.16851890 >>16838576 # >also threaten to call police if he can't pay just to f--- with him a bit more

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Anon tries Tinder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)22:03:20 No.65257405 >on tinder >getting 0 replies from matches consistently >finally get reply from girl >continue conversation >rejects me on my second sentence because my answer wasn't 'cool 58 KB JPG enough' not hating women is getting really hard
: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)22:03:20 No.65257405 >on tinder >getting 0 replies from matches consistently >finally get reply from girl >continue conversation >rejects me on my second sentence because my answer wasn't 'cool 58 KB JPG enough' not hating women is getting really hard

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Anon hates market manipulation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)00:46:59 No.66199875 >tfw you can't buy all the old games you want because all the stupid normalfags jacked the prices up why did these m------------ have to ruin my favorite hobby? Go have sex and get an std you stupid 40 KB JPG normies.
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)00:46:59 No.66199875 >tfw you can't buy all the old games you want because all the stupid normalfags jacked the prices up why did these m------------ have to ruin my favorite hobby? Go have sex and get an std you stupid 40 KB JPG normies.

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Anon like Nietzsche | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: LIRI7TAZ) 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >f----- teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living
Anonymous (ID: LIRI7TAZ) 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >f----- teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living

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Anon detests Canadians | /r/Greentext

>>230022822 # >bark bark whimper unintelligible dog abuse noises >wipes face >guess l'll go be a f------ smooth-brained nuisance to the Love 29 KB PNG rest of the world I hate Canadians so goddamned much. I hope your beagle c--- in your lungs and you have to walk uphill to get help. Your country needs an enema and a leader whose eyesight isn't ruined from staring at the top of gloryholes. I don't know why they bother putting "mounted" before "police." It's redundant. Everyone in Canada has been mounted. F-----
>>230022822 # >bark bark whimper unintelligible dog abuse noises >wipes face >guess l'll go be a f------ smooth-brained nuisance to the Love 29 KB PNG rest of the world I hate Canadians so goddamned much. I hope your beagle c--- in your lungs and you have to walk uphill to get help. Your country needs an enema and a leader whose eyesight isn't ruined from staring at the top of gloryholes. I don't know why they bother putting "mounted" before "police." It's redundant. Everyone in Canada has been mounted. F-----

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anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

>coworkers tell me boss reviews the footage every night I work >best coworker tells me boss looking for reasons to fire me >next night I come in with around 3-4 lassos of thin fishing line >act as if Im just walking around but secretly leaving lines on doors 362 KB PNG and drawers >pull doors and drawers closed magically >2 days later coworkers tell me my boss has been non stop replaying footage where I close a door magically >get a little more daring >tie fishing line around head put on hat >tie end to c-------- >low gravity spin c-------- into my mouth >mfw next night coworkers tell me boss is schizophrenic and retired >me and co worker look at the footage of my nefarious acts >mfw they could all see the fishing line >mfw I wasnt subtle at all >mfw my boss is just a schizoid and everyone thinks Im autistic
>coworkers tell me boss reviews the footage every night I work >best coworker tells me boss looking for reasons to fire me >next night I come in with around 3-4 lassos of thin fishing line >act as if Im just walking around but secretly leaving lines on doors 362 KB PNG and drawers >pull doors and drawers closed magically >2 days later coworkers tell me my boss has been non stop replaying footage where I close a door magically >get a little more daring >tie fishing line around head put on hat >tie end to c-------- >low gravity spin c-------- into my mouth >mfw next night coworkers tell me boss is schizophrenic and retired >me and co worker look at the footage of my nefarious acts >mfw they could all see the fishing line >mfw I wasnt subtle at all >mfw my boss is just a schizoid and everyone thinks Im autistic

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Anon thinks he’s seen it all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)22:46:24 No.774164138 Work stories thread? Work stories thread. >Be me. Aged/Disability care worker. >All sorts of old f------ in my care 6 KB JPG home, but I mostly deal with dementia patients. >God damned goofy bastard dementia patients >One little old bastard must've been a boy when the dinosaurs were still around >Literally old as dirt. >We learn from his family that he had a little black dog back in the 40's. >Dog's name was N-----. >F------ wish I was making this s--- up. >Old bastard still thinks he's living at home in the 40's with N-----. >Constantly walks around the facility asking all the staff if we've seen N-----. >Walks around yelling out N----- as loud as his old lungs can manage. >Find out this morning we've got a new staff member coming on board next week. >They're dark skinned (not sure actual heritage but still) Looking forward to how this plays out /b/ros. View Thread
: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)22:46:24 No.774164138 Work stories thread? Work stories thread. >Be me. Aged/Disability care worker. >All sorts of old f------ in my care 6 KB JPG home, but I mostly deal with dementia patients. >God damned goofy bastard dementia patients >One little old bastard must've been a boy when the dinosaurs were still around >Literally old as dirt. >We learn from his family that he had a little black dog back in the 40's. >Dog's name was N-----. >F------ wish I was making this s--- up. >Old bastard still thinks he's living at home in the 40's with N-----. >Constantly walks around the facility asking all the staff if we've seen N-----. >Walks around yelling out N----- as loud as his old lungs can manage. >Find out this morning we've got a new staff member coming on board next week. >They're dark skinned (not sure actual heritage but still) Looking forward to how this plays out /b/ros. View Thread

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Anon experiences the reality of big tech jobs | /r/Greentext

9h (11/18 0:07) ·84349473 36 Re · 6 Img · PNG 111KB · (240 × 264) 16 Replies SPORTS >finally land software engineer job at fortune 500 company >boss calls me the week before I start to order my computer >asks me if I want a Windows PC or a Mac >those are the only two choices >he tells me most engineers on the team choose the Мас B-but /g/ told me everybody uses GNU/Linux in the development world!
9h (11/18 0:07) ·84349473 36 Re · 6 Img · PNG 111KB · (240 × 264) 16 Replies SPORTS >finally land software engineer job at fortune 500 company >boss calls me the week before I start to order my computer >asks me if I want a Windows PC or a Mac >those are the only two choices >he tells me most engineers on the team choose the Мас B-but /g/ told me everybody uses GNU/Linux in the development world!

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Anon likes eggs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)03:22:49 No.3972367 >You will feed me grain >You will clean my nest box >You will NOT let predators into my coop 999 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)03:25:44 No.3972370 of course I will thanks for the eggs
: Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)03:22:49 No.3972367 >You will feed me grain >You will clean my nest box >You will NOT let predators into my coop 999 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)03:25:44 No.3972370 of course I will thanks for the eggs

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Anon doesn't like reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/07/19(Fri)02:21:22 No.801601156 >be me >go on 4chan >write post >find image on computer >fill in captcha >aw, those image s---- >no problem, just an inconvenience 7 KB JPG >thread insues >happy >also me >go on reddit >go on subreddit >add an image >whoops, this subreddit doesn't use images, instead it uses Imgurr, the absolute f------ worst image sharing site of them all >whatever, go write something on some rant sub >"your post has been removed for (artificial reason here)" >Christ >Guess I'm gonna look up for 4chan to remininse the site i could be using right now >r/greentext >literally just a collection of 4chan posts >i see my own text and it has 10k karma >someone used my text for internet points >try to call him a f-- >dark theme is disabled >reopen it >"reddit is under for maintenance" Why do people use that s--- again?
: Anonymous 06/07/19(Fri)02:21:22 No.801601156 >be me >go on 4chan >write post >find image on computer >fill in captcha >aw, those image s---- >no problem, just an inconvenience 7 KB JPG >thread insues >happy >also me >go on reddit >go on subreddit >add an image >whoops, this subreddit doesn't use images, instead it uses Imgurr, the absolute f------ worst image sharing site of them all >whatever, go write something on some rant sub >"your post has been removed for (artificial reason here)" >Christ >Guess I'm gonna look up for 4chan to remininse the site i could be using right now >r/greentext >literally just a collection of 4chan posts >i see my own text and it has 10k karma >someone used my text for internet points >try to call him a f-- >dark theme is disabled >reopen it >"reddit is under for maintenance" Why do people use that s--- again?

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Anon plays red dead redemption 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan 48 KB JPG >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan 48 KB JPG >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

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