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the cloning process | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out 7 KB JPG >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later
: Anonymous 10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out 7 KB JPG >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later

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Anon doesn't have much time left | /r/Greentext

* Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)00:06:28 No.578282198 → >*audio log starts* >"I-i don't have much time left" >*intense banging on a door and hungry moans can be heard* >"Please. If someone finds this. Please tell my wife and daughter that i love the-" >*door bursts open, sound of zombies pouring in* >"АAAAAAAAAАAAAAAAAAAAАAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGНННННННН-" *audio log cuts* B Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)00:13:56 No.578282739 1635968336769.jpg (55 KB, 640x640) google yandex iqdb wait >"I don't have much time. Oh no. I hear them coming. THEY'RE HERE!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" >It's a written journal
* Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)00:06:28 No.578282198 → >*audio log starts* >"I-i don't have much time left" >*intense banging on a door and hungry moans can be heard* >"Please. If someone finds this. Please tell my wife and daughter that i love the-" >*door bursts open, sound of zombies pouring in* >"АAAAAAAAAАAAAAAAAAAAАAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGНННННННН-" *audio log cuts* B Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)00:13:56 No.578282739 1635968336769.jpg (55 KB, 640x640) google yandex iqdb wait >"I don't have much time. Oh no. I hear them coming. THEY'RE HERE!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" >It's a written journal

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Anon has doubts about his relationship. | /r/Greentext

File: wojak2.png (6 KB, 214x236) O starting to get worried guys. Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)01:03:45 No.66192654 ► >be me >hanging out with girlfriend after work >she is acting pretty flirtatious >wearing a short skirt I haven't seen her wear before >we start watching Squid Game >my donger is in her mouth three minutes later >feels good tho man >she looks at me and says "You want some bussy daddy?" >she bends over and presents the hole >d--- is rock hard when suddenly it clicks >"ah, honey, why did you call it bussy? I thought you were a girl?" >she looks worried but I can see her girldick is throbbing >"ah yeah daddy it's a girl bussy just for you" >have sex with her and blow a giant load right in her girl bussy >she's not a gay guy is she anons?
File: wojak2.png (6 KB, 214x236) O starting to get worried guys. Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)01:03:45 No.66192654 ► >be me >hanging out with girlfriend after work >she is acting pretty flirtatious >wearing a short skirt I haven't seen her wear before >we start watching Squid Game >my donger is in her mouth three minutes later >feels good tho man >she looks at me and says "You want some bussy daddy?" >she bends over and presents the hole >d--- is rock hard when suddenly it clicks >"ah, honey, why did you call it bussy? I thought you were a girl?" >she looks worried but I can see her girldick is throbbing >"ah yeah daddy it's a girl bussy just for you" >have sex with her and blow a giant load right in her girl bussy >she's not a gay guy is she anons?

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Anon feels good | /r/Greentext

ARD >be filling up gas in my car >watching the money counter get close to $30.00 >slow down >$29.84 >$29.95 >$29.98 >do i risk it? >go for it >$30.00 BOOM >go in to pay and the cashier is a cute girl >she smiles at me and says that'll be $30 please >i give her the money >she hands me a receipt with her phone number on it >call me, she says, i like a guy who is good with his fingers >me turn around 360 degrees and walk away i am too scared to call her, but man do i feel good for hitting those 000 trips
ARD >be filling up gas in my car >watching the money counter get close to $30.00 >slow down >$29.84 >$29.95 >$29.98 >do i risk it? >go for it >$30.00 BOOM >go in to pay and the cashier is a cute girl >she smiles at me and says that'll be $30 please >i give her the money >she hands me a receipt with her phone number on it >call me, she says, i like a guy who is good with his fingers >me turn around 360 degrees and walk away i am too scared to call her, but man do i feel good for hitting those 000 trips

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Anon paradox | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)15:38:34 No.66194886 >called Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous >first thing participants do is tell everyone their name Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)16:14:45 No.66195241 File: 1635468715682.jpg (54 KB, 524x541) I never thought about that :0
Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)15:38:34 No.66194886 >called Alcoholics/Narcotics Anonymous >first thing participants do is tell everyone their name Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)16:14:45 No.66195241 File: 1635468715682.jpg (54 KB, 524x541) I never thought about that :0

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Goblin deez nuts | /r/Greentext


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Anon eats spicy food | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)18:25:52 No.866879415 >me be >love spicy food >get decently high >munchies extreme >decide to go all out >humongous chipotle burrito extra hot sauce, with a bag of flamin hot cheetos limon to compliment 508 KB PNG >scarf that s--- down in 0.6 femtoseconds >mild mouth burn but thats all >fast forward to today >wake up early to get good start on day >have meeting later that I'm supposed to look nice for >have 3-4 shots of espresso and get ready for work >sudden immense urge to s--- >IFuckedUp.png >run to toilet, barely getting my pants down in time >a 4 foot log of red hot lava crusted s--- barrels through my ass cheeks at mach 2 >burning pain so bad that it makes me jump up, encrusting the s--- particles around my anus >buttcheeks fused together via molten poop >physically cannot wipe or do anything due to pain >feeling the urge to s--- again I'm naked crying on the toilet as I'm making this post, please somebody help me, what the f--- do I even do? Get a milk enema?
: Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)18:25:52 No.866879415 >me be >love spicy food >get decently high >munchies extreme >decide to go all out >humongous chipotle burrito extra hot sauce, with a bag of flamin hot cheetos limon to compliment 508 KB PNG >scarf that s--- down in 0.6 femtoseconds >mild mouth burn but thats all >fast forward to today >wake up early to get good start on day >have meeting later that I'm supposed to look nice for >have 3-4 shots of espresso and get ready for work >sudden immense urge to s--- >IFuckedUp.png >run to toilet, barely getting my pants down in time >a 4 foot log of red hot lava crusted s--- barrels through my ass cheeks at mach 2 >burning pain so bad that it makes me jump up, encrusting the s--- particles around my anus >buttcheeks fused together via molten poop >physically cannot wipe or do anything due to pain >feeling the urge to s--- again I'm naked crying on the toilet as I'm making this post, please somebody help me, what the f--- do I even do? Get a milk enema?

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Anon uses the N-word | /r/Greentext

>be me >be black >be at super bowl party last night >telling someone a story about a story from work about some crazy guy calling me n----- 23 KB JPG >some white girl I'm not even talking to flinches and has a disgusted look on her face and says "please don't use that word" >l say "what word? N-----?" >she then says "you're making everyone here really uncomfortable by using that word" >l tell her l'm the only black person here and l'm telling a story >she say "IDC I don't like when people use that word around me" >her three beta orbiters then walk over
>be me >be black >be at super bowl party last night >telling someone a story about a story from work about some crazy guy calling me n----- 23 KB JPG >some white girl I'm not even talking to flinches and has a disgusted look on her face and says "please don't use that word" >l say "what word? N-----?" >she then says "you're making everyone here really uncomfortable by using that word" >l tell her l'm the only black person here and l'm telling a story >she say "IDC I don't like when people use that word around me" >her three beta orbiters then walk over

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Anon gives a good relationship advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)13:45:38 No.866865650 I lost my hair, how f----- i am in the context of girls? 333 KB PNG 19 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)14:57:28 No.866867900 >>866867386 # Alright here's what I can suggest. >lay off the women for a while >figure out what you're doing with your life >start working out. I highly recommend fighting sports, grappling or judo. It teaches you to be relaxed in stressful situations, and boosts confidence >if you need affection, get it from friends, family, or even a pet. Don't date for affection, not yet anyways >once you're a bit more fit/stable, you need to find a way to feel at ease with yourself. There's no point chasing women if you're not already relatively happy. Philosophy, religion, joy in your work/working out, whatever makes you feel complete >now you can start socializing. Talk to people in general, just to get a feel of what it's like to be in social situations. You need to be calm, relaxed, all around pleasant, all the while retaining a sense of pride. Being nice doesn't mean being a bitch. >start hitting up girls. The main trick is that the conversation needs to be more interesting than what she's currently doing. Make her do the talking - people love to talk about themselves. >be upfront about your intentions, don't pretend to be her friend, don't be a cuck. Own up your attraction to her. Move on if rejected, I assure you women are mostly all the same. >if you get somthing going on with a girl, remember: it's not a game of chess. If it isn't fun, if you're thinking too hard, it's already over. >for the love of f--- do not spend more attention/money than is spent on you. Women receive a LOT of attention, your extra good night message just tells her you're just another cuck she can use for free attention and feel better about herself >have sex. Seriously. Once you can handle a girl or two, have casual sex. Will help you shape your feelings, will protect you for the novelty of meeting a hot girl and thinking she's the woman of your dreams, when in fact she's just a random pretty face. If you do get here, the rest you can handle. (1/2) >>866867951 # : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)14:58:57 No.866867951 >>866867900 # (2/2) If you do get there, you'll have enough experience to handle serious relationships. Then, you can think about if and who you want to marry. Do you want kids? Someone to die with? Whatever, you have a few years to think about it. Best of luck f--
: Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)13:45:38 No.866865650 I lost my hair, how f----- i am in the context of girls? 333 KB PNG 19 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)14:57:28 No.866867900 >>866867386 # Alright here's what I can suggest. >lay off the women for a while >figure out what you're doing with your life >start working out. I highly recommend fighting sports, grappling or judo. It teaches you to be relaxed in stressful situations, and boosts confidence >if you need affection, get it from friends, family, or even a pet. Don't date for affection, not yet anyways >once you're a bit more fit/stable, you need to find a way to feel at ease with yourself. There's no point chasing women if you're not already relatively happy. Philosophy, religion, joy in your work/working out, whatever makes you feel complete >now you can start socializing. Talk to people in general, just to get a feel of what it's like to be in social situations. You need to be calm, relaxed, all around pleasant, all the while retaining a sense of pride. Being nice doesn't mean being a bitch. >start hitting up girls. The main trick is that the conversation needs to be more interesting than what she's currently doing. Make her do the talking - people love to talk about themselves. >be upfront about your intentions, don't pretend to be her friend, don't be a cuck. Own up your attraction to her. Move on if rejected, I assure you women are mostly all the same. >if you get somthing going on with a girl, remember: it's not a game of chess. If it isn't fun, if you're thinking too hard, it's already over. >for the love of f--- do not spend more attention/money than is spent on you. Women receive a LOT of attention, your extra good night message just tells her you're just another cuck she can use for free attention and feel better about herself >have sex. Seriously. Once you can handle a girl or two, have casual sex. Will help you shape your feelings, will protect you for the novelty of meeting a hot girl and thinking she's the woman of your dreams, when in fact she's just a random pretty face. If you do get here, the rest you can handle. (1/2) >>866867951 # : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)14:58:57 No.866867951 >>866867900 # (2/2) If you do get there, you'll have enough experience to handle serious relationships. Then, you can think about if and who you want to marry. Do you want kids? Someone to die with? Whatever, you have a few years to think about it. Best of luck f--

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Anon is a clown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)22:13:51 No.546296190 Times where you acted like the Joker >start game >press any button >press my belly button 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)22:13:51 No.546296190 Times where you acted like the Joker >start game >press any button >press my belly button 52 KB JPG

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Anon is grateful | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous never thought I will be happy (...) 04/21/21(Wed)15:35:59 No.63316554 >Be me yesterday >its morning >late to work, so rushing through my morning routine >show up 15 minutes late, boss is angry but idc 865 KB JPG >leave office hours later >drive up to my driveway >s--- I left the garage door open >not really bothered bc I live in a nice neighborhood, and nothing was unusual at first >go inside and get dirty clothes for a quick wash, before I eat dinner >get back to the garage >mfw can't find my washing machine >mfw they took my 10 year old grimy shitwasher instead of the 200$ toolbox Thank you unknown thief, had to get rid of that washer years ago, now I can finally get a new one
: Anonymous never thought I will be happy (...) 04/21/21(Wed)15:35:59 No.63316554 >Be me yesterday >its morning >late to work, so rushing through my morning routine >show up 15 minutes late, boss is angry but idc 865 KB JPG >leave office hours later >drive up to my driveway >s--- I left the garage door open >not really bothered bc I live in a nice neighborhood, and nothing was unusual at first >go inside and get dirty clothes for a quick wash, before I eat dinner >get back to the garage >mfw can't find my washing machine >mfw they took my 10 year old grimy shitwasher instead of the 200$ toolbox Thank you unknown thief, had to get rid of that washer years ago, now I can finally get a new one

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Anon ponders evolution | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)21:15:19 No.13427435 Autism is the next step in evolution. >high intelligence >either emotionless or highly empathetic >many hobbies/skills 63 KB JPG Fish are learning to walk, humans are evolving too.
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)21:15:19 No.13427435 Autism is the next step in evolution. >high intelligence >either emotionless or highly empathetic >many hobbies/skills 63 KB JPG Fish are learning to walk, humans are evolving too.

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Anon is an intellectual titan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)05:07:52 No.143484786 >>143484761 # >Fat with skinny legs is not a good look. It's usually an early sign of liver failure >>14348487% # >>143484786 # >It's usually an early sign of liver failure I've literally never seen anyone refer to someone who is alive as a "liver." Are you f------ retarded? >>143484960 # >>143488400 # >>143491421 # >>143494974 # >>143495866 # >>143497754 # >>143497848 # >>143497937 #
: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)05:07:52 No.143484786 >>143484761 # >Fat with skinny legs is not a good look. It's usually an early sign of liver failure >>14348487% # >>143484786 # >It's usually an early sign of liver failure I've literally never seen anyone refer to someone who is alive as a "liver." Are you f------ retarded? >>143484960 # >>143488400 # >>143491421 # >>143494974 # >>143495866 # >>143497754 # >>143497848 # >>143497937 #

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To horny or not to horny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)16:51:01 No.66173978 >be me >have woman in my DMs who's waiting for my response >too horny to talk, need to be level headed so I coom >post nut clarity kicks in >why would I want to talk to a 22 KB JPG woman?? >mfw either too horny or not horny enough 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)16:51:01 No.66173978 >be me >have woman in my DMs who's waiting for my response >too horny to talk, need to be level headed so I coom >post nut clarity kicks in >why would I want to talk to a 22 KB JPG woman?? >mfw either too horny or not horny enough 4 Replies View Thread

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It do be like that | /r/Greentext

>be me, 11 >italian >my father teaches me how to make pizza >he says than the yeast makes pizza's mass double in size >distract him >pick some yeast >go to bathroom >slap the yeast on my spaghetti >wait 2 hours 39 KB JPG >didn't worked >mfw
>be me, 11 >italian >my father teaches me how to make pizza >he says than the yeast makes pizza's mass double in size >distract him >pick some yeast >go to bathroom >slap the yeast on my spaghetti >wait 2 hours 39 KB JPG >didn't worked >mfw

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Dear Penthouse, I never thought I’d be writing one of these letters, but… | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)10:02:33 No.866870353 >Be me >A------ roommate moved his GF in >Against lease terms but I allow it at start >Big mistake >She doesn't pay a cent towards bills 55 KB JPG or rent >We both work from home but she always interrupting my meetings and calls >Told roommate its time for her to go or pay her share >He says he'll have a word with her >That was 6 months ago >She still here and not paying her share >Last night I confronted her >Told her to pack her things >She said if I let her stay she will make it worth my while >She still here and extra flirty with me when roommate is out What do I do? : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)10:10:18 No.866870699 Don't do it dude. Nothing good can come from her actions coming to fruition. She's a w---- and deserves the door, get rid of her lad. >>866870811 # >>866870888 #
: Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)10:02:33 No.866870353 >Be me >A------ roommate moved his GF in >Against lease terms but I allow it at start >Big mistake >She doesn't pay a cent towards bills 55 KB JPG or rent >We both work from home but she always interrupting my meetings and calls >Told roommate its time for her to go or pay her share >He says he'll have a word with her >That was 6 months ago >She still here and not paying her share >Last night I confronted her >Told her to pack her things >She said if I let her stay she will make it worth my while >She still here and extra flirty with me when roommate is out What do I do? : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)10:10:18 No.866870699 Don't do it dude. Nothing good can come from her actions coming to fruition. She's a w---- and deserves the door, get rid of her lad. >>866870811 # >>866870888 #

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Anon is the n word | /r/Greentext


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Anon has an existential crisis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(...) 11/17/21(Wed)02:14:42 No.66191596 >Why does something exist rather than nothing? >How do first-person conscious experiences arise from our physical brains? >How can I know that other people are having conscious experiences in 100 KB JPG the same way that I am? >How can I know that what I perceive about the universe is accurate? >Why am I me? >Why is the present moment the present moment? >How the the hell does time actually work? >Nothing makes sense. >You're going to die someday. >Everyone and everything you care about is temporary. >Eventually even the universe itself will die. >... It never stops. How do people just not think about these things?
: Anonymous aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(...) 11/17/21(Wed)02:14:42 No.66191596 >Why does something exist rather than nothing? >How do first-person conscious experiences arise from our physical brains? >How can I know that other people are having conscious experiences in 100 KB JPG the same way that I am? >How can I know that what I perceive about the universe is accurate? >Why am I me? >Why is the present moment the present moment? >How the the hell does time actually work? >Nothing makes sense. >You're going to die someday. >Everyone and everything you care about is temporary. >Eventually even the universe itself will die. >... It never stops. How do people just not think about these things?

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Anons releases his inner hitler on turkish people | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous DAE hate cockroaches? 09/29/18(Sat)20:49:37 No.48416601 >be me >Live in area with many cockroaches this time of year >The s---- are everywhere >walk on one accidentally yesterday and the f----- exploded >fuckthatsit.jpg >find a beer bottle and pour a mixture of vinegar 58 KB PNG and bleach in it This produces a toxic gas btw. >Take a spoonful of sugar and bait the s---- toward it >16 f------ crowd around it >Take my poison gas molotov and smash it on the lot of them >20 minutes later the room still smells of chlorine but the roaches are dead >MFW I'm a roach Hitler.
: Anonymous DAE hate cockroaches? 09/29/18(Sat)20:49:37 No.48416601 >be me >Live in area with many cockroaches this time of year >The s---- are everywhere >walk on one accidentally yesterday and the f----- exploded >fuckthatsit.jpg >find a beer bottle and pour a mixture of vinegar 58 KB PNG and bleach in it This produces a toxic gas btw. >Take a spoonful of sugar and bait the s---- toward it >16 f------ crowd around it >Take my poison gas molotov and smash it on the lot of them >20 minutes later the room still smells of chlorine but the roaches are dead >MFW I'm a roach Hitler.

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Anon goes to public toilet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: THi/WZTX 07/09/19(Tue)03:23:48 No.8352342 >Be me >Driving on interstate >REALLY have to s---, to the point where it feels like rats from hell are crawling around in my intestines >Pull over on an exit, go in gas station >Race into bathroom, go into stall| 113 KB JPG >Stall has no lock on it but whatever >Slam stall door shut and unleash molten fury >Goes on for about 10 minutes >Guy walks in >I try to make sure he doesnt open the stall door, so l push on it to keep it closed >l forgot this door closed by pulling >I shoved door open as dude walked up to it, simultaneously erupting my volcanic juices >We make eye contact as I do so >Dyinglnside.jpg >Think of something to say >Most casual voice ever, say: "This stall doesn't have a lock on it" >Dude walks out of the bathroom with a strange noise that might have been a strangled form of "mhm" >l continue s------- lava >Then notice the stall has a lock on it near the top >Mfw I got out and saw the dude worked there So how was your 4th of July weekend, Anons?
: Anonymous (ID: THi/WZTX 07/09/19(Tue)03:23:48 No.8352342 >Be me >Driving on interstate >REALLY have to s---, to the point where it feels like rats from hell are crawling around in my intestines >Pull over on an exit, go in gas station >Race into bathroom, go into stall| 113 KB JPG >Stall has no lock on it but whatever >Slam stall door shut and unleash molten fury >Goes on for about 10 minutes >Guy walks in >I try to make sure he doesnt open the stall door, so l push on it to keep it closed >l forgot this door closed by pulling >I shoved door open as dude walked up to it, simultaneously erupting my volcanic juices >We make eye contact as I do so >Dyinglnside.jpg >Think of something to say >Most casual voice ever, say: "This stall doesn't have a lock on it" >Dude walks out of the bathroom with a strange noise that might have been a strangled form of "mhm" >l continue s------- lava >Then notice the stall has a lock on it near the top >Mfw I got out and saw the dude worked there So how was your 4th of July weekend, Anons?

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