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Anon smokes a weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)00:55:55 No.787456165 >be me >live next door to chad family >make friends with their 15 y/o son >watch him sometimes when parents are out of town >one night when chads parents weren't> home they asked me to 9 KB JPG watch him for the night since they were coming back tomorrow >stay up till 12 playing vidya gaem with little chad >chad asks me if i smoke the devils lettuce >mfw >mfw when we stay up till 3am smoking weed and talking about random s--- thanks little chad, i will never forget you
: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)00:55:55 No.787456165 >be me >live next door to chad family >make friends with their 15 y/o son >watch him sometimes when parents are out of town >one night when chads parents weren't> home they asked me to 9 KB JPG watch him for the night since they were coming back tomorrow >stay up till 12 playing vidya gaem with little chad >chad asks me if i smoke the devils lettuce >mfw >mfw when we stay up till 3am smoking weed and talking about random s--- thanks little chad, i will never forget you

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Anon has a realisation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Thailand holidays 12/30/18(Sun)22:20:05 No.50143390 >be me >holidays in thailand >in a club >high and drunk af >dance and drink with an 8/10 asian qt >she says she wants to go somewhere private 48 KB JPG >Im gonna g-----------.exe >keep drinking and smoking >in a hotel room >last thing i remember is waking up alone >she is not here >my ass hurts a lot >3 used condoms on the floor >ass still hurts lots >Lots of lipstick marks on my body >condoms big sized >thats not my size.exe >realization.jpg >oh no Did i got r---- by a ladyboy?
: Anonymous Thailand holidays 12/30/18(Sun)22:20:05 No.50143390 >be me >holidays in thailand >in a club >high and drunk af >dance and drink with an 8/10 asian qt >she says she wants to go somewhere private 48 KB JPG >Im gonna g-----------.exe >keep drinking and smoking >in a hotel room >last thing i remember is waking up alone >she is not here >my ass hurts a lot >3 used condoms on the floor >ass still hurts lots >Lots of lipstick marks on my body >condoms big sized >thats not my size.exe >realization.jpg >oh no Did i got r---- by a ladyboy?

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Anon will get a GF | /r/Greentext

>don't be me >2021 >classes at school are finally back >decided that I WILL get a girlfriend this time >met this girl >dark skin, short curly hair and THICC JUICY THIGHS 92.2 kB JPG >become friends with her >things go pretty good actually >but whenever I am flirty she kinda gives me a weird stare or a embarrassed giggle >thought it could because I am a ugly bastard >got her number >decided to see her stories >discovered she like asians >discovers she likes feminine men >discovers she like feminine asian men >turns out l'm actually too much of a white man for her >l guess I will ask my big t---- English teacher out
>don't be me >2021 >classes at school are finally back >decided that I WILL get a girlfriend this time >met this girl >dark skin, short curly hair and THICC JUICY THIGHS 92.2 kB JPG >become friends with her >things go pretty good actually >but whenever I am flirty she kinda gives me a weird stare or a embarrassed giggle >thought it could because I am a ugly bastard >got her number >decided to see her stories >discovered she like asians >discovers she likes feminine men >discovers she like feminine asian men >turns out l'm actually too much of a white man for her >l guess I will ask my big t---- English teacher out

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Anon converses with a fence | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot 2016-07-08 at png (127 KB, 313x261) Anonymous 07/08/16(Fri)14:44:54 No.693664407 >>693665199 "M HIGH. 22E83665299 2693665793 2>693665851 War 22693665922 226936659652-693656000 22693666195 >2693656258>693666354 >be me >late at night, parents sleeping >decide to take mushrooms for the first time ior awhile, everything goes ok >start imagining there are a ton of bugs in my room >treak out >they follow me everywhere i go >decide to go outside since thats where bugs belong >they follow me there too which is what i wanted >i start rolling around outside in the grass >feels good man >sit up against the fence and stare at the stars >im so f------ out of it >suddenly i hear someone talking to me >not sure where its coming from >voice keeps telling me to respond >i don't because im scared >it says it i don't respond its going to kill my parents >i freak out more >turn around >its the f------ fence post >it keeps talking to me >"respond to this post or your mother dies in her sieep tonight
File: Screenshot 2016-07-08 at png (127 KB, 313x261) Anonymous 07/08/16(Fri)14:44:54 No.693664407 >>693665199 "M HIGH. 22E83665299 2693665793 2>693665851 War 22693665922 226936659652-693656000 22693666195 >2693656258>693666354 >be me >late at night, parents sleeping >decide to take mushrooms for the first time ior awhile, everything goes ok >start imagining there are a ton of bugs in my room >treak out >they follow me everywhere i go >decide to go outside since thats where bugs belong >they follow me there too which is what i wanted >i start rolling around outside in the grass >feels good man >sit up against the fence and stare at the stars >im so f------ out of it >suddenly i hear someone talking to me >not sure where its coming from >voice keeps telling me to respond >i don't because im scared >it says it i don't respond its going to kill my parents >i freak out more >turn around >its the f------ fence post >it keeps talking to me >"respond to this post or your mother dies in her sieep tonight

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Anon catches his girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/17(Sat)00:30:02 No.751321294 > driving south to visit friend during college > girl and buddies > get hotel room after we can't drive anymore > girl and i take a bed > one buddy ends up with us because 3rd guy sleeps like an ass > guys in boxers and shirts, gf in sleep shirt > woke up to gf stroking friend, him fingering her gf gets up, goes to use bathroom > i pretend to be asleep > friend moves over to other bed > gf comes out and gives me a glance, assumes i'm out > she strokes friend, kneels by bed and give him bj > other friend wakes up, shoots me a glance to see if i'm up, knees behind gf fingers and gropes her > assume 1st friend c---, they swapped > after a bit i assume other guy c---, she crawls back into bed V> > in AM, two guys up and get food early > gf wakes up with me fingering her (no panties on, must have taken them off over night) > f--- her in shower > as i'm dumping a load in her c--- i ask how the other guys tasted >>751322019 # >>751322716 #
: Anonymous 11/18/17(Sat)00:30:02 No.751321294 > driving south to visit friend during college > girl and buddies > get hotel room after we can't drive anymore > girl and i take a bed > one buddy ends up with us because 3rd guy sleeps like an ass > guys in boxers and shirts, gf in sleep shirt > woke up to gf stroking friend, him fingering her gf gets up, goes to use bathroom > i pretend to be asleep > friend moves over to other bed > gf comes out and gives me a glance, assumes i'm out > she strokes friend, kneels by bed and give him bj > other friend wakes up, shoots me a glance to see if i'm up, knees behind gf fingers and gropes her > assume 1st friend c---, they swapped > after a bit i assume other guy c---, she crawls back into bed V> > in AM, two guys up and get food early > gf wakes up with me fingering her (no panties on, must have taken them off over night) > f--- her in shower > as i'm dumping a load in her c--- i ask how the other guys tasted >>751322019 # >>751322716 #

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Anon finds a soulmate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)15:19:52 No.866736557 >be me >18 >Gf left a few months ago >putting myself back out there >meet girl on IFunny with low self esteem >enjoy talking to her, she seems nice 125 KB PNG >continue talking to her, showing obvious signs of interest >Genuinely interested in her, which doesnt usually happen >tell her she deserves to be happy >get her discord >discord linked to twitch >twitch linked to insta >fat.png >immediately lose all interest and feel disgust towards her Why am i like this /b/ : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)15:21:22 No.866736618 >>866736557 (OP) # If it makes you feel any better, she would have reacted the same way upon seeing you. : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)15:43:39 No.866737475 >>866736557 (OP) # Good s---, you broke off a potential soulmate and then wonder why you are dying alone. For real you f------ are hilarious
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)15:19:52 No.866736557 >be me >18 >Gf left a few months ago >putting myself back out there >meet girl on IFunny with low self esteem >enjoy talking to her, she seems nice 125 KB PNG >continue talking to her, showing obvious signs of interest >Genuinely interested in her, which doesnt usually happen >tell her she deserves to be happy >get her discord >discord linked to twitch >twitch linked to insta >fat.png >immediately lose all interest and feel disgust towards her Why am i like this /b/ : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)15:21:22 No.866736618 >>866736557 (OP) # If it makes you feel any better, she would have reacted the same way upon seeing you. : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)15:43:39 No.866737475 >>866736557 (OP) # Good s---, you broke off a potential soulmate and then wonder why you are dying alone. For real you f------ are hilarious

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Anon is fast as fuck boi | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/13/21(Sat)20:04:08 No.866661985 >Be Me NATSUME BCAT >Never speedran a day in my life >Watch a bunch of youtubes about SCIAL CYSERNETIC ATTAC popular speedruns >Say exactly what the speedrunners say about the glitches they use while recording Start Game 564 KB PNG into my mic >Get stock footage of game >Slam .mp3 and .mp4 together >Millions of subscribers >See you later masterbaiter
: Anonymous 11/13/21(Sat)20:04:08 No.866661985 >Be Me NATSUME BCAT >Never speedran a day in my life >Watch a bunch of youtubes about SCIAL CYSERNETIC ATTAC popular speedruns >Say exactly what the speedrunners say about the glitches they use while recording Start Game 564 KB PNG into my mic >Get stock footage of game >Slam .mp3 and .mp4 together >Millions of subscribers >See you later masterbaiter

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Anon tried to be funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)19:34:48 No.63132661 >Be me, 13 years old. >Be going through a "I'M SO RANDOM LOL XD" phase. >Have a 18-19 year old brother. >His friend is at our house and we are in the kitchen. 1.24 MB PNG >Notice fridge decoration (pic related). >Have bright idea. >Try to be funny and grab its head and pull it to its crotch area and say "guyse I'm going to suck my own d--- XDD SLURP SLURP SLURP!!" >They stare at me in awkward silence. >His friend asks my brother "Where did he learn this?" >My brother says "I don't know." He looks really disappointed. >l just stay in silence looking at them. >They walk away. >Never try to be funny ever again. This happened 8 years ago and I still think about it sometimes. Share some cringe moments you had so I can stop thinking about it.
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)19:34:48 No.63132661 >Be me, 13 years old. >Be going through a "I'M SO RANDOM LOL XD" phase. >Have a 18-19 year old brother. >His friend is at our house and we are in the kitchen. 1.24 MB PNG >Notice fridge decoration (pic related). >Have bright idea. >Try to be funny and grab its head and pull it to its crotch area and say "guyse I'm going to suck my own d--- XDD SLURP SLURP SLURP!!" >They stare at me in awkward silence. >His friend asks my brother "Where did he learn this?" >My brother says "I don't know." He looks really disappointed. >l just stay in silence looking at them. >They walk away. >Never try to be funny ever again. This happened 8 years ago and I still think about it sometimes. Share some cringe moments you had so I can stop thinking about it.

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Anon gets a gf | /r/Greentext

>be me >new gf >have a threesome with 2 hookers the night after we have sex the first time >now if she cheats on me I can say I've been f------ other women 19 KB JPG since day one I don't know if I like her enough that 'll really hate myself for this later in life, but if only I could have said that to my last gf Already regret it, should I an hero /b/? 24 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)18:39:49 No.866919674 >>866916146 (OP) # It's easy OP. Just make your recalling of these events fluid. If she's garbage, you've been f------ other women since day 1. If she's great, you had a one night stand a few days before you became official. Just don't consider the first few days official.
>be me >new gf >have a threesome with 2 hookers the night after we have sex the first time >now if she cheats on me I can say I've been f------ other women 19 KB JPG since day one I don't know if I like her enough that 'll really hate myself for this later in life, but if only I could have said that to my last gf Already regret it, should I an hero /b/? 24 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)18:39:49 No.866919674 >>866916146 (OP) # It's easy OP. Just make your recalling of these events fluid. If she's garbage, you've been f------ other women since day 1. If she's great, you had a one night stand a few days before you became official. Just don't consider the first few days official.

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Anon NO HOMO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)17:23:56 No.843809623 >at dairy queen >order just a plain foot long hot dog >eating at table and looking at phone >really into what im reading on phone 76 KB JPG >notice i have 6 of the 12 inches of the hot dog in my mouth >didnt gag >quickly take a nervous bite >mfw the guy at the table across from me is looking at me intensely while there is a fast and loud thud coming from under his table >mfw the guys behind the counter and in the kitchen give me their numbers Look im not gay, i guess i was so focused on reading the s--- on my phone my gag reflex didnt kick in.
: Anonymous 01/02/21 (Sat)17:23:56 No.843809623 >at dairy queen >order just a plain foot long hot dog >eating at table and looking at phone >really into what im reading on phone 76 KB JPG >notice i have 6 of the 12 inches of the hot dog in my mouth >didnt gag >quickly take a nervous bite >mfw the guy at the table across from me is looking at me intensely while there is a fast and loud thud coming from under his table >mfw the guys behind the counter and in the kitchen give me their numbers Look im not gay, i guess i was so focused on reading the s--- on my phone my gag reflex didnt kick in.

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E = McD² proof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.

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Anon gets.. pranked? | /r/Greentext

Board /fit/ - Fitness Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)03:07:03 No.64368601 I have funny story that happened to me a week ago. My friend pranked me so hard I'm considering suicide >I meet some chick at uni and we immediately hit off. Same taste in music, 364 KB PNG humor etc >We became friends and eventually I even convinced her to go to the gym with me >fast forward we started f------ but after some time we went back into just friends mode because she wasn't into relationship at that time ( aka I was a good friend but not bf material, whatever) >times goes on and this time I get a proper gf for me >and now things go south with my friend >Alicia(friend) didn't approve at all but after I got mad at her few times he suddenly switched side >She went from hating her to befriending just like that and this lasted for about 6 months >A week ago I went to visit my parents and while I was there I received message from Alicia >lt was a pic of my naked gf in a bed with Alicia with caption "I knew she was a slut. You can do better Anon" Honestly I still I have no idea how this happened. She literally destroyed my relationship and friendship just to uhh idk prove me wrong? S64368903 H 64368937 # 6136900g # 64369033 # 64369239 #
Board /fit/ - Fitness Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)03:07:03 No.64368601 I have funny story that happened to me a week ago. My friend pranked me so hard I'm considering suicide >I meet some chick at uni and we immediately hit off. Same taste in music, 364 KB PNG humor etc >We became friends and eventually I even convinced her to go to the gym with me >fast forward we started f------ but after some time we went back into just friends mode because she wasn't into relationship at that time ( aka I was a good friend but not bf material, whatever) >times goes on and this time I get a proper gf for me >and now things go south with my friend >Alicia(friend) didn't approve at all but after I got mad at her few times he suddenly switched side >She went from hating her to befriending just like that and this lasted for about 6 months >A week ago I went to visit my parents and while I was there I received message from Alicia >lt was a pic of my naked gf in a bed with Alicia with caption "I knew she was a slut. You can do better Anon" Honestly I still I have no idea how this happened. She literally destroyed my relationship and friendship just to uhh idk prove me wrong? S64368903 H 64368937 # 6136900g # 64369033 # 64369239 #

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Anon self diagnoses. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)18:34:09 No.66196139 >Вe me >Just laying on bed scrolling 4chan while simultaneously scratching my ass cheeks > Suddenly feel a piece of skin peeling off. >scared.jpg >reminded me of my dead gramps who was bedridden and had bed soles because of lying in the same position for 30 KB JPG years >Think to myself that I am also sitting in the same wooden chair for hours because of work from home >Google tells me that I might have ass cancer >mfw >Rush to the bathroom with my phone and record my ass cheeks. >Watch the video and I see a white piece of paper sticking out. >w-- > peel it off and it's a f----- Jockey label > Remembers that I took out a fresh pair of undies today >Relived >Mfw why did they put a sticker inside of an undies? View Thread
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Settings Mobile Home : Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)18:34:09 No.66196139 >Вe me >Just laying on bed scrolling 4chan while simultaneously scratching my ass cheeks > Suddenly feel a piece of skin peeling off. >scared.jpg >reminded me of my dead gramps who was bedridden and had bed soles because of lying in the same position for 30 KB JPG years >Think to myself that I am also sitting in the same wooden chair for hours because of work from home >Google tells me that I might have ass cancer >mfw >Rush to the bathroom with my phone and record my ass cheeks. >Watch the video and I see a white piece of paper sticking out. >w-- > peel it off and it's a f----- Jockey label > Remembers that I took out a fresh pair of undies today >Relived >Mfw why did they put a sticker inside of an undies? View Thread

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anon didn't study for his test | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)04:40:28 No.66203040 >be me >have a test tommorow >stay up all night to study >browse 4chin and j------- 4 times instead >morning.mp4 >didn't study at all 15 KB JPG >tired af oh boy it's gonna be a s----- day
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)04:40:28 No.66203040 >be me >have a test tommorow >stay up all night to study >browse 4chin and j------- 4 times instead >morning.mp4 >didn't study at all 15 KB JPG >tired af oh boy it's gonna be a s----- day

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Anon is a chocolate bar | /r/Greentext

7h 46598724 · 53 Replies · 12 Images PNG · 99KB · (917 × 871) 15 Replies >tfw can't date whites because I'm black >tfw can't date blacks because i'm not tyrone and confident enough just shoot me, call me a n----- if you want
7h 46598724 · 53 Replies · 12 Images PNG · 99KB · (917 × 871) 15 Replies >tfw can't date whites because I'm black >tfw can't date blacks because i'm not tyrone and confident enough just shoot me, call me a n----- if you want

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Anon wants to end it all | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)06:01:24 No.5740762 File: EYbtcgVWoAU9qaR.jpg (31 KB, 633x758) >>5740885 >be drawfag >attempting suicide >tank and gas mask assembly complete >put on mask >turn on tank >lay down head up on bed >mom opens door >"ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING" >prepare the most dramatic speech that will make her cry for sure >forgot helium is still in my lungs >deep breath >the words "you will never understand my pain" come out in the squeakiest, queerest f------ chipmunk voice >mfw she died laughing and left
O Anonymous 11/17/21(Wed)06:01:24 No.5740762 File: EYbtcgVWoAU9qaR.jpg (31 KB, 633x758) >>5740885 >be drawfag >attempting suicide >tank and gas mask assembly complete >put on mask >turn on tank >lay down head up on bed >mom opens door >"ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING" >prepare the most dramatic speech that will make her cry for sure >forgot helium is still in my lungs >deep breath >the words "you will never understand my pain" come out in the squeakiest, queerest f------ chipmunk voice >mfw she died laughing and left

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Anon spoils Spider-Man: No Way Home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)01:11:53 No.159322274 IMG_20210824_193635.jpg 147 KB JPG > Wait, Peter! I'm white!
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)01:11:53 No.159322274 IMG_20210824_193635.jpg 147 KB JPG > Wait, Peter! I'm white!

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Anon works as a cashier | /r/Greentext

>>16829595 # >mom leaves kid in the checkout line because she forgot something >kid asks me to please scan slowly >scan everything as fast as I possibly can >give him the total and ask cash or credit >mom isnt back yet >he starts crying f--- kids >>16839862 # >>16842343 # >>16845427 # >>16846495 # >>16851890 # : Anonymous 10/18/21(Mon)07:50:08 No.16851890 >>16838576 # >also threaten to call police if he can't pay just to f--- with him a bit more
>>16829595 # >mom leaves kid in the checkout line because she forgot something >kid asks me to please scan slowly >scan everything as fast as I possibly can >give him the total and ask cash or credit >mom isnt back yet >he starts crying f--- kids >>16839862 # >>16842343 # >>16845427 # >>16846495 # >>16851890 # : Anonymous 10/18/21(Mon)07:50:08 No.16851890 >>16838576 # >also threaten to call police if he can't pay just to f--- with him a bit more

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Anon tries Tinder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)22:03:20 No.65257405 >on tinder >getting 0 replies from matches consistently >finally get reply from girl >continue conversation >rejects me on my second sentence because my answer wasn't 'cool 58 KB JPG enough' not hating women is getting really hard
: Anonymous 09/04/21(Sat)22:03:20 No.65257405 >on tinder >getting 0 replies from matches consistently >finally get reply from girl >continue conversation >rejects me on my second sentence because my answer wasn't 'cool 58 KB JPG enough' not hating women is getting really hard

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Anon hates market manipulation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)00:46:59 No.66199875 >tfw you can't buy all the old games you want because all the stupid normalfags jacked the prices up why did these m------------ have to ruin my favorite hobby? Go have sex and get an std you stupid 40 KB JPG normies.
: Anonymous 11/18/21(Thu)00:46:59 No.66199875 >tfw you can't buy all the old games you want because all the stupid normalfags jacked the prices up why did these m------------ have to ruin my favorite hobby? Go have sex and get an std you stupid 40 KB JPG normies.

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