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Anon is autistic still | /r/Greentext

Retarded stories thread. >Be me >17at the time >really into tf2 trading >unboxed first unusual >retard sends low ball offer >refuse to sell it to him for 28 keys pure >"-rep probably autistic" >the quote above is spammed on my steam account >w-- >get banned from Vatican unusual trade because all the negative rep. >I still have the hat though >worth 300 keys now. >still autistic though
Retarded stories thread. >Be me >17at the time >really into tf2 trading >unboxed first unusual >retard sends low ball offer >refuse to sell it to him for 28 keys pure >"-rep probably autistic" >the quote above is spammed on my steam account >w-- >get banned from Vatican unusual trade because all the negative rep. >I still have the hat though >worth 300 keys now. >still autistic though

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Anon is a retard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)18:33:57 No.866759290 Jesus: You see that man over there? He's a >Will be found innocent on all p---. That guy over there, he beats his girl. This other kid is not a medic he's a burglar. >The one charge he is unequivocally guilty of (illegal possession of a deadly weapon) thrown out by the judge because he is obviously biased JESUS SAVES >Prosecution is too retarded or doesn't 151 KB JPG care >Kangaroo court >Kyle will make millions on having a book ghostwritten, commissioned appearances fees at hog events, and other ventures shilling to conservations. So I guess the moral here is that if you travel to a BLM protest deliberately armed to score legal kills in a purple or red states you get rewarded. With the way things are playing out this was the best thing Kyle could've done for his future. Very cool. 72 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)18:33:57 No.866759290 Jesus: You see that man over there? He's a >Will be found innocent on all p---. That guy over there, he beats his girl. This other kid is not a medic he's a burglar. >The one charge he is unequivocally guilty of (illegal possession of a deadly weapon) thrown out by the judge because he is obviously biased JESUS SAVES >Prosecution is too retarded or doesn't 151 KB JPG care >Kangaroo court >Kyle will make millions on having a book ghostwritten, commissioned appearances fees at hog events, and other ventures shilling to conservations. So I guess the moral here is that if you travel to a BLM protest deliberately armed to score legal kills in a purple or red states you get rewarded. With the way things are playing out this was the best thing Kyle could've done for his future. Very cool. 72 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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Anon got mugged by girls | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies
Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies

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Anon played himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)22:42:53 No.66172394 >go to sex shop >approach attendant (female) >clears throath >Could you give me some sex, please? >l'm in the sex offender registry 771 KB GIF now >Mfw
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)22:42:53 No.66172394 >go to sex shop >approach attendant (female) >clears throath >Could you give me some sex, please? >l'm in the sex offender registry 771 KB GIF now >Mfw

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)12:12:46 No.866742109 >cuddling with gf >she is half sleep >suddently release a fat >IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY ANON!!!! IM SO ASHAMED >the smell is the most delicious 29 KB JPG scent ive ever sniffed >feign like i don't care to reassure her that she is still sexy for me >secretly get addicted to her farts >lve always thought that cooking is for women and f------ but learn to do it anyway because i wsnted to cook things that will make her have delicious farts for me to sniff >she doesn't suspect a thing when i often press her tummy while cuddling to force her to fart keikaku.exe Anons i'm in love, i don't think i could ever belong to any other woman, her farts are amazing, my favorites are the ones that smell like Lasagna, i get super aroused when i think that such wonderful smell came from her pink anus, i love her pale ass so much.
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)12:12:46 No.866742109 >cuddling with gf >she is half sleep >suddently release a fat >IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY ANON!!!! IM SO ASHAMED >the smell is the most delicious 29 KB JPG scent ive ever sniffed >feign like i don't care to reassure her that she is still sexy for me >secretly get addicted to her farts >lve always thought that cooking is for women and f------ but learn to do it anyway because i wsnted to cook things that will make her have delicious farts for me to sniff >she doesn't suspect a thing when i often press her tummy while cuddling to force her to fart keikaku.exe Anons i'm in love, i don't think i could ever belong to any other woman, her farts are amazing, my favorites are the ones that smell like Lasagna, i get super aroused when i think that such wonderful smell came from her pink anus, i love her pale ass so much.

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Don't dream it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)05:33:14 No.866742632 >be me >baked >invent a new social media >it is a media unlike no other >РеpеBook >Instead of "friending" you draw a 32 KB JPG pepe on each other's "wall" >PepeBook m------------
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)05:33:14 No.866742632 >be me >baked >invent a new social media >it is a media unlike no other >РеpеBook >Instead of "friending" you draw a 32 KB JPG pepe on each other's "wall" >PepeBook m------------

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We’re falling apart to half time | /r/Greentext


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Anon blackmails his mom | /r/Greentext


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Anon is the hero we deserved | /r/Greentext


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Anon fucks up no | /r/Greentext


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Hey hey hey | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Agony 11/15/21 (Mon)09:43:15 No.66168889 >be me >live with parents >crossdress whenever parents are gone >nothing sexual, just wearing dresses around the house while doing s--- >parents leave for groceries 24 KB JPG >dress time >start dusting living room >autism kicks in, and begin doing s----- Fat Albert impression >start saying s--- like "hey hey hey, Im Fat Albert, I havent paid my taxes since 1974" >parents get home early >l dont notice >"anon, we re-" >sees me in dress, talking to myself about tax evasion as fat albert >slowly shuts the door >hear car starting, drive away They came back an hour later. We never spoke of it again
: Anonymous Agony 11/15/21 (Mon)09:43:15 No.66168889 >be me >live with parents >crossdress whenever parents are gone >nothing sexual, just wearing dresses around the house while doing s--- >parents leave for groceries 24 KB JPG >dress time >start dusting living room >autism kicks in, and begin doing s----- Fat Albert impression >start saying s--- like "hey hey hey, Im Fat Albert, I havent paid my taxes since 1974" >parents get home early >l dont notice >"anon, we re-" >sees me in dress, talking to myself about tax evasion as fat albert >slowly shuts the door >hear car starting, drive away They came back an hour later. We never spoke of it again

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Anon likes Rap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing FRAGIL 50 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing FRAGIL 50 KB JPG

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Death by snu snu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:22:19 No.866748419 >Be me >Have wife with giant t--- (were talking like 36K) and a dump truck ass. >Sex is amazing >Always want her to try being on top but she's too shy/timid 48 KB JPG >One night after 3 years of marriage she climbs on top of me while we're doing foreplay >Starts riding me and then lays forward smothering me with her huge t---. >It's even hotter than I ever imagined >l finish quickly but she keeps going >Getting harder to breathe >About to pass out but don't want her to be scared of getting on top again so I let her keep going >Just before I succumb to the abyss she moans and raises up before getting off of me >Says it was the best sex we ever had >mfw I want her to try sitting on my face next So l'm confounded on whether I should just accept possible death by snu snu or if I should tell my wife I almost passed out and potentially make her too afraid to try being on top again? Any thoughts /b/ros? : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:23:27 No.866748456 >>866748419 (OP) # Is there a better way to Die?
: Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:22:19 No.866748419 >Be me >Have wife with giant t--- (were talking like 36K) and a dump truck ass. >Sex is amazing >Always want her to try being on top but she's too shy/timid 48 KB JPG >One night after 3 years of marriage she climbs on top of me while we're doing foreplay >Starts riding me and then lays forward smothering me with her huge t---. >It's even hotter than I ever imagined >l finish quickly but she keeps going >Getting harder to breathe >About to pass out but don't want her to be scared of getting on top again so I let her keep going >Just before I succumb to the abyss she moans and raises up before getting off of me >Says it was the best sex we ever had >mfw I want her to try sitting on my face next So l'm confounded on whether I should just accept possible death by snu snu or if I should tell my wife I almost passed out and potentially make her too afraid to try being on top again? Any thoughts /b/ros? : Anonymous 11/15/21(Mon)09:23:27 No.866748456 >>866748419 (OP) # Is there a better way to Die?

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Anon is visited by a brat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/19(Mon)22:42:06 No.53278990 What is the brattiest thing you've seen a kid do? >be me >family friends are visiting >family friends have a kid >kid will be referred to as little s--- 44 KB JPG >little s--- has a habit of breaking things when he doesn't get his way >little s--- asks if he can play with a foam sword >l don't want to risk him breaking s--- so I say yes but to be careful >little s--- picks up sword >s--- you not little s--- goes up to my moms lamp and takes a full f------ swing at it >lamp shatters >OHFUCK.jpeg >little s--- puts down foam sword >little s---- mom comes downstairs >she asks "what happened" >little s--- points at me and says "Anon did it" >the mom doesn't buy it and takes him upstairs to scold him >mfw little s--- tried to set me up >mfw it didn't work This is why I hate kids
: Anonymous 07/08/19(Mon)22:42:06 No.53278990 What is the brattiest thing you've seen a kid do? >be me >family friends are visiting >family friends have a kid >kid will be referred to as little s--- 44 KB JPG >little s--- has a habit of breaking things when he doesn't get his way >little s--- asks if he can play with a foam sword >l don't want to risk him breaking s--- so I say yes but to be careful >little s--- picks up sword >s--- you not little s--- goes up to my moms lamp and takes a full f------ swing at it >lamp shatters >OHFUCK.jpeg >little s--- puts down foam sword >little s---- mom comes downstairs >she asks "what happened" >little s--- points at me and says "Anon did it" >the mom doesn't buy it and takes him upstairs to scold him >mfw little s--- tried to set me up >mfw it didn't work This is why I hate kids

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

>be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw
>be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw

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Anon is no longer a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/14/21(Sun) 19:38:14 No.866699448 My friend's mom gets plastered every night, like she goes through a handle of O vodka in a day and half. >Be me last night staying over >Friends asleep >Walk to fridge to get snacks >His mom is passed the f--- out on the floor beside the sofa, musta rolled 106 KB JPG off it >Try to wake her up, nothing >Try to under arm pull her onto sofa >Her t--- pops out and she still snoring loudly >Got to feel up some t------ for the first time Later virgins
: Anonymous 11/14/21(Sun) 19:38:14 No.866699448 My friend's mom gets plastered every night, like she goes through a handle of O vodka in a day and half. >Be me last night staying over >Friends asleep >Walk to fridge to get snacks >His mom is passed the f--- out on the floor beside the sofa, musta rolled 106 KB JPG off it >Try to wake her up, nothing >Try to under arm pull her onto sofa >Her t--- pops out and she still snoring loudly >Got to feel up some t------ for the first time Later virgins

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Anon watches "Predator" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:05:43 No.159020190 predatorcast.jpg 232 KB JPG >Rewatched Predator for the first time in maybe five years 2 days ago >Already feel like rewatching it again How is it so good? : Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:12:14 No.159020345 just say you're gay already op
: Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:05:43 No.159020190 predatorcast.jpg 232 KB JPG >Rewatched Predator for the first time in maybe five years 2 days ago >Already feel like rewatching it again How is it so good? : Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:12:14 No.159020345 just say you're gay already op

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Anon is Romanian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/09/19(Tue)16:37:40 No.53290925 >be romanian >wake up in your vardo >your three uncles still sleeping next to you >pickpocket your uncles >head outside to see your mom >ask her for some breakfast 74 KB JPG >mom hands you a garlic bulb >she tells you to go walk your dogs >pickpocket your dogs >realize you're actually about to do honest work >tell your mom to go f--- herself >she caves your face in with a crystal ball >pickpocket your mom before dying 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 07/09/19(Tue)16:37:40 No.53290925 >be romanian >wake up in your vardo >your three uncles still sleeping next to you >pickpocket your uncles >head outside to see your mom >ask her for some breakfast 74 KB JPG >mom hands you a garlic bulb >she tells you to go walk your dogs >pickpocket your dogs >realize you're actually about to do honest work >tell your mom to go f--- herself >she caves your face in with a crystal ball >pickpocket your mom before dying 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon's Nickname | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/16/17(Thu)22:19:21 No.41166713 >arguing with coworker >accidentally call a coworker a soyboy >he asks what it is but try to shrug it off >boss overhears and makes me 54 KB JPG explain to everyone >"well, soy has a lot of estrogen in it, so when you drink a lot of soy milk it makes you weak and effeminate and-" >soyboy: "WelL I see you must've been drinking a lot of soy!" >everyone laughs at me >try to explain I'm not a soyboy but no one listens >tfw my nickname at work is now "soyboy"
: Anonymous 11/16/17(Thu)22:19:21 No.41166713 >arguing with coworker >accidentally call a coworker a soyboy >he asks what it is but try to shrug it off >boss overhears and makes me 54 KB JPG explain to everyone >"well, soy has a lot of estrogen in it, so when you drink a lot of soy milk it makes you weak and effeminate and-" >soyboy: "WelL I see you must've been drinking a lot of soy!" >everyone laughs at me >try to explain I'm not a soyboy but no one listens >tfw my nickname at work is now "soyboy"

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Anon meets Chris Chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/13/21(Sat)00:14:33 No.66138413 >Be Shadman >Get addicted to black tar heroin >Roam the streets of LA, trying not to diddle kids and schizoposting on twatter shad man >Attack some hobo with a railroad 41 KB JPG spike because muh "survival of the fittest" >Get arrested >Apparently due to "crowding", get sent to virginia of all places to be kept in jail >F--- my life >Finally arrive to virgina >Being walked to my cell, inmates keep telling me to watch out for some gang called the "Sonicholos" >Whatever >Sit in my cell cursing Newgrounds under my breath >Shower time >Drop the soap >Drop the f------ soap >bendover.exe >Hear a deformed, country-ish voice behind me say "Well well, uhh.... you must be the uh, DAMN DIRTY TROLL I was told about." >Turn around >It's f------ Chris Chan, donning a bar of soap carved into a vaguely Sonichu Medallion-esque shape >Behind him are 3 scrawny thugs tatted to resemble Sonichu >He bellows "GO OUT AND ZAP TO THE EXTREME, SONICHOLOS!" >mfw l'm now Chris Chan's bottom bitch
: Anonymous 11/13/21(Sat)00:14:33 No.66138413 >Be Shadman >Get addicted to black tar heroin >Roam the streets of LA, trying not to diddle kids and schizoposting on twatter shad man >Attack some hobo with a railroad 41 KB JPG spike because muh "survival of the fittest" >Get arrested >Apparently due to "crowding", get sent to virginia of all places to be kept in jail >F--- my life >Finally arrive to virgina >Being walked to my cell, inmates keep telling me to watch out for some gang called the "Sonicholos" >Whatever >Sit in my cell cursing Newgrounds under my breath >Shower time >Drop the soap >Drop the f------ soap >bendover.exe >Hear a deformed, country-ish voice behind me say "Well well, uhh.... you must be the uh, DAMN DIRTY TROLL I was told about." >Turn around >It's f------ Chris Chan, donning a bar of soap carved into a vaguely Sonichu Medallion-esque shape >Behind him are 3 scrawny thugs tatted to resemble Sonichu >He bellows "GO OUT AND ZAP TO THE EXTREME, SONICHOLOS!" >mfw l'm now Chris Chan's bottom bitch

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