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Anon analyses James Bond | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)08:24:14 No.51022884 >on date with qt boy >we get indian food >he orders chicken korma with rice >"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots" >"oh really, anon? that's... interesting" >"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums" 10 KB JPG >"i've never seen that" >show him the video >he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him >"there's no one in the bathroom, miss" >mfw why do i always sabotage myself like this? why can't i just be normal?
: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)08:24:14 No.51022884 >on date with qt boy >we get indian food >he orders chicken korma with rice >"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots" >"oh really, anon? that's... interesting" >"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums" 10 KB JPG >"i've never seen that" >show him the video >he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him >"there's no one in the bathroom, miss" >mfw why do i always sabotage myself like this? why can't i just be normal?

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Anon wants to weaponize bees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/19(Fri)04:09:37 No.42077873 Hey /k/, I'm afraid of being targeted by the junkies and bangers that I have to ride the bus with; I want to start a micro-hive so I can defensive carry bees or wasps (pic related). Hear me out: 35 KB JPG >The longer I'ma bee keeper the more l'll get stung, and the greater resistance l'll develop to the sting's effects. I can probably find a pheromone spray to keep the bees on my side, too. >l'm a scrawny femme with no defensive training and a lot of neck injuries, so I can easily be overpowered, disarmed, or incapacitated. If any of that happens with conventional carry-choices I'm screwed. As long as I release the bees they'll continue to do God's work even if l'm unconscious or constrained. >Some people are thug lyfe enough to not be intimidated by being shot or stabbed. Nobody is thug lyfe enough to not be intimated by bees. Bees are mortally terrifying. >lf I pull a knife or gun then the crowd will instantly turn on me and yell at me to stop, because I can still be reasoned with. >lf I pull a jar of bees the crowd will turn on my aggressor because I can release the bees at any moment, and a swarm of angry bees cannot be reasoned with. >lf I pull a knife or gun then I have to deal with the legalities of doing so, and witness reports from the crowd could condemn me. >lf I pull a jar of bees the cops will disregard the call because it's too outlandish. What're your thoughts, /k/?
: Anonymous 07/19/19(Fri)04:09:37 No.42077873 Hey /k/, I'm afraid of being targeted by the junkies and bangers that I have to ride the bus with; I want to start a micro-hive so I can defensive carry bees or wasps (pic related). Hear me out: 35 KB JPG >The longer I'ma bee keeper the more l'll get stung, and the greater resistance l'll develop to the sting's effects. I can probably find a pheromone spray to keep the bees on my side, too. >l'm a scrawny femme with no defensive training and a lot of neck injuries, so I can easily be overpowered, disarmed, or incapacitated. If any of that happens with conventional carry-choices I'm screwed. As long as I release the bees they'll continue to do God's work even if l'm unconscious or constrained. >Some people are thug lyfe enough to not be intimidated by being shot or stabbed. Nobody is thug lyfe enough to not be intimated by bees. Bees are mortally terrifying. >lf I pull a knife or gun then the crowd will instantly turn on me and yell at me to stop, because I can still be reasoned with. >lf I pull a jar of bees the crowd will turn on my aggressor because I can release the bees at any moment, and a swarm of angry bees cannot be reasoned with. >lf I pull a knife or gun then I have to deal with the legalities of doing so, and witness reports from the crowd could condemn me. >lf I pull a jar of bees the cops will disregard the call because it's too outlandish. What're your thoughts, /k/?

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The Reich stuff | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:11:31 No.64733766 dskjflwje49riudspofiksdf.jpg 183 KB JPG >max average face >autistic hairstyle >autistic mustache >manlet >ruler of one of the most powerful nation in history and countless women adored him What is your excuse incels?
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:11:31 No.64733766 dskjflwje49riudspofiksdf.jpg 183 KB JPG >max average face >autistic hairstyle >autistic mustache >manlet >ruler of one of the most powerful nation in history and countless women adored him What is your excuse incels?

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Anon finds happiness within themself | /r/Greentext

File: b81.png (256 KB, 474x377) Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)07:40:54 No.859775897 >>859775963 be me, 21, 3 years ago >get diagnosed with severe depression >cry myself to sleep every night >social anxiety kicked in >become an incel /b/tard >parents stop talking to me and say i'm faking it >you know what, f--- you >start eating healthy >go to gym daily >lose weight >clean up my depression nest >social anxiety fading away, suddenly start striking up conversations with random people >find a job i love >one day, see 9/10 qt in gym >talk to her >gradually become really good friends >ask her out >she says yes >quit smoking for her >i love her, she loves me >ffw 3 years, today >parents look at me like a human being and not a degenerate incel >jacked af >gf still with me >find an apartment, propose to gf that she moves in with me >she says yes >really nice apartment >realize my friends are super toxic, bringing down any positivity coming from me >find another friend group >really nice people, same hobbies >slowly cut ties with all the people from the toxic group >girls look at me like the chad i am >feelsgoodman.jpeg it was hard, but i finally feel happy. thank you for the fun times, 4chan, i'm out. Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)07:43:16 No.859775963 File: 1626489610620.jpg (121 KB, 768x1024) >>859775897 (OP) Godspeed, retard.
File: b81.png (256 KB, 474x377) Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)07:40:54 No.859775897 >>859775963 be me, 21, 3 years ago >get diagnosed with severe depression >cry myself to sleep every night >social anxiety kicked in >become an incel /b/tard >parents stop talking to me and say i'm faking it >you know what, f--- you >start eating healthy >go to gym daily >lose weight >clean up my depression nest >social anxiety fading away, suddenly start striking up conversations with random people >find a job i love >one day, see 9/10 qt in gym >talk to her >gradually become really good friends >ask her out >she says yes >quit smoking for her >i love her, she loves me >ffw 3 years, today >parents look at me like a human being and not a degenerate incel >jacked af >gf still with me >find an apartment, propose to gf that she moves in with me >she says yes >really nice apartment >realize my friends are super toxic, bringing down any positivity coming from me >find another friend group >really nice people, same hobbies >slowly cut ties with all the people from the toxic group >girls look at me like the chad i am >feelsgoodman.jpeg it was hard, but i finally feel happy. thank you for the fun times, 4chan, i'm out. Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)07:43:16 No.859775963 File: 1626489610620.jpg (121 KB, 768x1024) >>859775897 (OP) Godspeed, retard.

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anon talks in the middle of a test | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/18(Sat)11:42:13 No.785674598 >be 12 >year 8 (Brit f--) >have extremely squeaky voice >in the middle of a test >class doing it with a new supply >talking to my friend >teacher hears and says if no one 104 KB JPG confesses everyone gets a detention >don't confess >only girls get detention because "she heard a girl talk" >mfw the room was silent except me >mfw wasn't sure how to feel about it
: Anonymous 11/24/18(Sat)11:42:13 No.785674598 >be 12 >year 8 (Brit f--) >have extremely squeaky voice >in the middle of a test >class doing it with a new supply >talking to my friend >teacher hears and says if no one 104 KB JPG confesses everyone gets a detention >don't confess >only girls get detention because "she heard a girl talk" >mfw the room was silent except me >mfw wasn't sure how to feel about it

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Anon gets trolled by a bird | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F------ birds 07/23/21(Fri)14:50:33 No.64679592 >Be me >Chilling on discord, messaging friends >Suddenly hear knocking on my window >Look to my right to see what's going on >Mfw a f------ bird has gotten 55 KB JPG into my room and is ramming itself into the window trying to get out >Panic like crazy and jump off from my seat and exit the room >Heart pumping hands shaking wondering w-- to do >Call mother to ask for help >Mother and grandfather arrive and go into my room >Nothing there. The f----- left on it's own >Tfw I got ridiculed by my family for nothing F--- you bird.
: Anonymous F------ birds 07/23/21(Fri)14:50:33 No.64679592 >Be me >Chilling on discord, messaging friends >Suddenly hear knocking on my window >Look to my right to see what's going on >Mfw a f------ bird has gotten 55 KB JPG into my room and is ramming itself into the window trying to get out >Panic like crazy and jump off from my seat and exit the room >Heart pumping hands shaking wondering w-- to do >Call mother to ask for help >Mother and grandfather arrive and go into my room >Nothing there. The f----- left on it's own >Tfw I got ridiculed by my family for nothing F--- you bird.

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A touch of evil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21 (Tue)17:39:23 No.64735262 >get super /fit/ this past year >random women start grabbing my biceps >tell HR >get laughed at 41 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/27/21 (Tue)17:39:23 No.64735262 >get super /fit/ this past year >random women start grabbing my biceps >tell HR >get laughed at 41 KB JPG

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Anon goes to the airport | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/18(Sat)19:04:54 No.785729826 >be me >Amerifag >traveling home from thanksgiving >go to airport >get in line to check bags >line takes 45 minutes 139 KB PNG >wondering why line is so slow >get to front of line >one person working the front desk >she looks like she wants to kill herself >kysfag.jpg >go to security line >takes even longer >go through security >bag scanner starts beeping >it's my bag >get tackled by 500 lb Black women >pulls me aside for search through bag >"sir, you're not supposed to bring this through security. These items are very dangerous." >mfw she is holding a water bottle and a tube of toothpaste >end up missing my flight >mfw the flight I missed ended up being bombed by some guy who got a bomb through security
: Anonymous 11/24/18(Sat)19:04:54 No.785729826 >be me >Amerifag >traveling home from thanksgiving >go to airport >get in line to check bags >line takes 45 minutes 139 KB PNG >wondering why line is so slow >get to front of line >one person working the front desk >she looks like she wants to kill herself >kysfag.jpg >go to security line >takes even longer >go through security >bag scanner starts beeping >it's my bag >get tackled by 500 lb Black women >pulls me aside for search through bag >"sir, you're not supposed to bring this through security. These items are very dangerous." >mfw she is holding a water bottle and a tube of toothpaste >end up missing my flight >mfw the flight I missed ended up being bombed by some guy who got a bomb through security

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Mother Cucker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)18:01:59 No.64725217 >mfw only 4 girls in my entire life have shown interest in me >mfw every single one of those girls had a boyfriend >mfw a girl at work has recently started flirting really hard with me >at one point she literally told me she 1.18 MB GIF thought her and I would be perfect together >mfw she has a boyfriend What the actual f--- is happening here? why the f--- do I only attract women in relationships? Is the universe f------ with me?
: Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)18:01:59 No.64725217 >mfw only 4 girls in my entire life have shown interest in me >mfw every single one of those girls had a boyfriend >mfw a girl at work has recently started flirting really hard with me >at one point she literally told me she 1.18 MB GIF thought her and I would be perfect together >mfw she has a boyfriend What the actual f--- is happening here? why the f--- do I only attract women in relationships? Is the universe f------ with me?

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Knife through the heart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)14:39:51 No.64733493 >be horny so I go to /b/ because its 90% p--- >first thing I see is a woman being stabbed to death in her own bed Should've gone to reddit or pornhub. I've seen some s--- but the look on her face man. 92 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)14:39:51 No.64733493 >be horny so I go to /b/ because its 90% p--- >first thing I see is a woman being stabbed to death in her own bed Should've gone to reddit or pornhub. I've seen some s--- but the look on her face man. 92 KB JPG

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Anon’s in a sticky situation, what would you do? hhhee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)20:17:27 No.845285789 >had sex on new year's night >condom broke >gf's ovulation day >her period is 5 days late >both still live with parents in college >gf says abortion is sin 39 KB JPG what do anons? 39 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)20:17:27 No.845285789 >had sex on new year's night >condom broke >gf's ovulation day >her period is 5 days late >both still live with parents in college >gf says abortion is sin 39 KB JPG what do anons? 39 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Accounting error | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)21:14:24 No.64725347 >doing some account activation thing >"Error: we have failed to activate your account. Please try again later." >waits an hour >tries again >"Error: your account has already 56 КВ PNG been activated." >mfw
: Anonymous 07/26/21(Mon)21:14:24 No.64725347 >doing some account activation thing >"Error: we have failed to activate your account. Please try again later." >waits an hour >tries again >"Error: your account has already 56 КВ PNG been activated." >mfw

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Anon beats the system | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: FemwP9CZ 07/27/21(Tue)20:42:45 No.39221563 >live in a modern NEET domicile (manufactured home) that I purchased and had installed on a foundation for less than 100k >all bills and living expenses are 10k a year because no vices, pets, degenerate 21 KB PNG habits or social life >easily paid for by casually trading, two hours of "work" max weekly >spend the rest of my time playing video games, browsing the internet and fapping >edge daily but only c-- once a month to preserve chi, so my mood and emotional health remain stable it feels like I beat the system >>39221974 # >>39222013 # >>39222090 # >>39222756 # >>39222923 #
: Anonymous (ID: FemwP9CZ 07/27/21(Tue)20:42:45 No.39221563 >live in a modern NEET domicile (manufactured home) that I purchased and had installed on a foundation for less than 100k >all bills and living expenses are 10k a year because no vices, pets, degenerate 21 KB PNG habits or social life >easily paid for by casually trading, two hours of "work" max weekly >spend the rest of my time playing video games, browsing the internet and fapping >edge daily but only c-- once a month to preserve chi, so my mood and emotional health remain stable it feels like I beat the system >>39221974 # >>39222013 # >>39222090 # >>39222756 # >>39222923 #

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Anon gonna die a virgin because of high standards and low awareness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a decent face. 84 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a decent face. 84 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw

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Vandelay Industries | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)13:26:07 No.64732800 >getting old >can't be a neet anymore >my resume looks like utter dogshit >add some fake b------- landscaping company as prior experience >apply to nearly every job I can 559 КВ PNG >Get 10 replies the next day >look like an complete retard during every interview >hired by the end of the week >now at a local hospital cleaning s--- as some sort of technician on the overnight shift >There's barely anything to do and I spend most of the night just playing runescape on my phone. >make 44% more than the local average. I'm still in shock at how easy it was to get a job with literally no prior job experience. I'm a complete f------ failure and l'm making more than 90% of jobs I skimmed through that required а ВА or AA.
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)13:26:07 No.64732800 >getting old >can't be a neet anymore >my resume looks like utter dogshit >add some fake b------- landscaping company as prior experience >apply to nearly every job I can 559 КВ PNG >Get 10 replies the next day >look like an complete retard during every interview >hired by the end of the week >now at a local hospital cleaning s--- as some sort of technician on the overnight shift >There's barely anything to do and I spend most of the night just playing runescape on my phone. >make 44% more than the local average. I'm still in shock at how easy it was to get a job with literally no prior job experience. I'm a complete f------ failure and l'm making more than 90% of jobs I skimmed through that required а ВА or AA.

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Anon gets jebaited | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)20:04:06 No.859773013 Fell for the women meme again >be on tinder date with 5-6/10 girl >date goes well, she invites me back to her place >sex happens, didn't finish as usual >while we're lying in bed she notices my 179 KB PNG barcode thighs >she asks about it >l keep it vague >she keeps prying >l keep denying >she keeps prying >after 10 minutes I eventually vent hard about a lot of raw s--- >s--- like how i dont even recognize myself in the mirror anymore >s--- like how i am not so slowly becoming an alcoholic >s--- like how i used to have plans for my life >blah blah pityposting b------- you get the gist >"wow... ok.." >sit in silence for 5 minutes >"Did it feel good to get all that out?" >"no." >"oh" >"Yeah. I'm gonna go home" >leave >text from her next day something along the lines of 'you seemed mad when you left' >text back "yeah, I was, maybe next time let sleeping dogs lie. haha. >get into an argument about how I am somehow to blame for that situation >get blocked God I'm so f------ sick this s--- I swear to god im legit thinking about getting grindr at this point so post traps I guess Imao
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)20:04:06 No.859773013 Fell for the women meme again >be on tinder date with 5-6/10 girl >date goes well, she invites me back to her place >sex happens, didn't finish as usual >while we're lying in bed she notices my 179 KB PNG barcode thighs >she asks about it >l keep it vague >she keeps prying >l keep denying >she keeps prying >after 10 minutes I eventually vent hard about a lot of raw s--- >s--- like how i dont even recognize myself in the mirror anymore >s--- like how i am not so slowly becoming an alcoholic >s--- like how i used to have plans for my life >blah blah pityposting b------- you get the gist >"wow... ok.." >sit in silence for 5 minutes >"Did it feel good to get all that out?" >"no." >"oh" >"Yeah. I'm gonna go home" >leave >text from her next day something along the lines of 'you seemed mad when you left' >text back "yeah, I was, maybe next time let sleeping dogs lie. haha. >get into an argument about how I am somehow to blame for that situation >get blocked God I'm so f------ sick this s--- I swear to god im legit thinking about getting grindr at this point so post traps I guess Imao

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Dave follows instructions | /r/Greentext

No.50060599 13 hours ago >>50041236 My dad told me a story from his driving class in high school (mid 80s) and a classmates we shall call Dave >Dave driving down anonsville road >there is a cat about to make a dash across >oncoming traffic won't allow for a swerve >traffic behind so can't stop on a dime. >instructor sees the cat >dad in back seat sees cat >Dave sees cat and doesn't know what to do >"hit the cat" sighs the instructor >cat burns out gets past Dave >Oh good >Dave swerves into the otherlane trying to hit the cat >W-- >DAVE YOU RETARD W-- ARE YOU DOING >YOU SAID HIT THE CAT >No one got hurt >Miraculously no accidents >Traffic is jammed >Dad's pants are passed >From laughing >Dave fails >Cat is fine 1 reply
No.50060599 13 hours ago >>50041236 My dad told me a story from his driving class in high school (mid 80s) and a classmates we shall call Dave >Dave driving down anonsville road >there is a cat about to make a dash across >oncoming traffic won't allow for a swerve >traffic behind so can't stop on a dime. >instructor sees the cat >dad in back seat sees cat >Dave sees cat and doesn't know what to do >"hit the cat" sighs the instructor >cat burns out gets past Dave >Oh good >Dave swerves into the otherlane trying to hit the cat >W-- >DAVE YOU RETARD W-- ARE YOU DOING >YOU SAID HIT THE CAT >No one got hurt >Miraculously no accidents >Traffic is jammed >Dad's pants are passed >From laughing >Dave fails >Cat is fine 1 reply

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Anon Watches Youtube | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)10:21:47 No.565259405 >>565254307 (OP) # >find playthrough with an interesting joyful and happy tuber >fresh out of college, gf, hopeful about the future 313 KB PNG >slowly see his life decline with every upload >unable to find work >gf leaves him >mental state deteriorates >every upload feels as if his life is falling apart >hissmileandoptimismgone.isO >all hope lost >mentally unstable >finds job in a factory about 3 years after first upload >never uploaded since I hope he's doing well, otherwise fun game.
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)10:21:47 No.565259405 >>565254307 (OP) # >find playthrough with an interesting joyful and happy tuber >fresh out of college, gf, hopeful about the future 313 KB PNG >slowly see his life decline with every upload >unable to find work >gf leaves him >mental state deteriorates >every upload feels as if his life is falling apart >hissmileandoptimismgone.isO >all hope lost >mentally unstable >finds job in a factory about 3 years after first upload >never uploaded since I hope he's doing well, otherwise fun game.

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Anon is disappointedcorndogman.jpg | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)07:24:28 No.859777303 shutterstck www.shitterstock.com 75249a94 82507F4C-F8BF-45E5-8EC0-CCOD18CD5ECA.jpg 7 KB JPG >writing enormous green text >accidentally rotates 4chan mobile because I'm laying down >whole thing disappears
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)07:24:28 No.859777303 shutterstck www.shitterstock.com 75249a94 82507F4C-F8BF-45E5-8EC0-CCOD18CD5ECA.jpg 7 KB JPG >writing enormous green text >accidentally rotates 4chan mobile because I'm laying down >whole thing disappears

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