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Anon has day to himself | /r/Greentext

File: R14kkDj.png (13 KB, 657x527) O Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)03:22:25 No.874457180 >Be me >Feel that old familiar shooting pain >Heart attack approcahes >White-knuckle the sides of my desk and begin to scream while waiting for the existential flames of Hell to violently rip me from my mortal coil >Wife staring at me from the couch mouth wide >Never sucks my d--- though >Misjudged the cause, loudly s--- my pants and coat the wall, chair, and floor >Kids run downstairs >2 vomit and pass out >Wife begins to weep and squeaks something about visiting her parents >Takes the kids and bolts out the door >Sit there in my excrement and howl FINALLY A SUNDAY TO MYSELF
File: R14kkDj.png (13 KB, 657x527) O Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)03:22:25 No.874457180 >Be me >Feel that old familiar shooting pain >Heart attack approcahes >White-knuckle the sides of my desk and begin to scream while waiting for the existential flames of Hell to violently rip me from my mortal coil >Wife staring at me from the couch mouth wide >Never sucks my d--- though >Misjudged the cause, loudly s--- my pants and coat the wall, chair, and floor >Kids run downstairs >2 vomit and pass out >Wife begins to weep and squeaks something about visiting her parents >Takes the kids and bolts out the door >Sit there in my excrement and howl FINALLY A SUNDAY TO MYSELF

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no uAnon calls out reddit. | /r/Greentext


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The door to peace is right there for him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous B 05/05/18(Sat)11:34:32 No.45161608 >be atheist raised protestant >go to catholic church every saturday for confession >mostly just as an excuse to talk to someone since my therapist told me i shouldn't call the suicide 806 KB PNG hotline for chit chat >confess to being a lazy NEET >priest tells me people change all the time >even a murderer can turn around and be good >mfw the random priest has faith in me
: Anonymous B 05/05/18(Sat)11:34:32 No.45161608 >be atheist raised protestant >go to catholic church every saturday for confession >mostly just as an excuse to talk to someone since my therapist told me i shouldn't call the suicide 806 KB PNG hotline for chit chat >confess to being a lazy NEET >priest tells me people change all the time >even a murderer can turn around and be good >mfw the random priest has faith in me

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Anon has a son | /r/Greentext


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Anon watches The Truman Show | /r/Greentext


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anon learns about US history | /r/Greentext

File: trollface.jpg (49 KB, 640x640) Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)16:30:59 > US in 1773 > get mad over having to pay tax > fight war > gain independence > make people pay tax problem?
File: trollface.jpg (49 KB, 640x640) Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)16:30:59 > US in 1773 > get mad over having to pay tax > fight war > gain independence > make people pay tax problem?

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Anon plays Minecraft | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/19(Wed)21:23:49 No.789583097 >be me >play minecraft >use hoe later, virgins 8 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/19(Wed)21:23:49 No.789583097 >be me >play minecraft >use hoe later, virgins 8 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Elden Ring gives anon reasons to live | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)04:29:19 No.67787521 SS27 ELDEN RING MATURE 17+ JEUMES ADULTES 1 M BANDAI NAMCO ESRB Entertainment 2B5A16AD-8E31-4F36-9F3C-7A2819E03EA1.jpg 191 KB JPG >Lost the height lottery >Lost the face lottery >Lost the gender lottery >Lost the time period lottery (impossible to date for many men and our lives are s---) >Lost the parents lottery (they sucked) >Lost the mental health lottery (probably sperg) >Won the vidya lottery Fromsoft helps keeps the rope away anons.
: Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)04:29:19 No.67787521 SS27 ELDEN RING MATURE 17+ JEUMES ADULTES 1 M BANDAI NAMCO ESRB Entertainment 2B5A16AD-8E31-4F36-9F3C-7A2819E03EA1.jpg 191 KB JPG >Lost the height lottery >Lost the face lottery >Lost the gender lottery >Lost the time period lottery (impossible to date for many men and our lives are s---) >Lost the parents lottery (they sucked) >Lost the mental health lottery (probably sperg) >Won the vidya lottery Fromsoft helps keeps the rope away anons.

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Anon gets it now | /r/Greentext

You and I will never know each other. Not what we look like, how we sound, or know each other's names. We're separated by the sea and live on separate continents, thousands of miles apart. Different countries and different cultures. You and I look above and see the same stars as we both frog post below. And in this moment, we share the same thoughts and understand each other better than the neighbors who live beside us in the same culture, on the same continent, and in the same country. You will always be a fren
You and I will never know each other. Not what we look like, how we sound, or know each other's names. We're separated by the sea and live on separate continents, thousands of miles apart. Different countries and different cultures. You and I look above and see the same stars as we both frog post below. And in this moment, we share the same thoughts and understand each other better than the neighbors who live beside us in the same culture, on the same continent, and in the same country. You will always be a fren

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Anon is a movie critic | /r/Greentext

1/6 · A6WVFWX (OP) · 49m (3/12 19:20) · 366873900 172 Re · 40 Img · PNG · 2MB · (1906 × 1019) 28 Replies da Girts! My panda, my choice, Mom. >13-year-old literally w----- her body out for money to go see a boy band >this is portrayed as a good thing here is your 2022 Pixar film •..
1/6 · A6WVFWX (OP) · 49m (3/12 19:20) · 366873900 172 Re · 40 Img · PNG · 2MB · (1906 × 1019) 28 Replies da Girts! My panda, my choice, Mom. >13-year-old literally w----- her body out for money to go see a boy band >this is portrayed as a good thing here is your 2022 Pixar film •..

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Anon is Indonesian | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a rapist | /r/Greentext

> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model > I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----
> In college, walking down a pathway > see a table with what looks like model penises on it 15 KB JPG > Decide to investigate > They are model penises > girl at the table asks me if I know how to use a condom and I say yes > She asks me to prove it by putting one on a model > I do, and she says I did it wrong because I didn't ask the model for consent > I'm a r-----

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Anon wants to play Rock band | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:31:26 No.435670409 > be me > 17 when rock band came out > read about rock band online every day > watch rock band videos every day > too old for xmas but really want 39 KB JPG rock band > brother has a ps3 but it's in his room > no other consoles in the house > he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas > fast forward xmas eve > beg mom to let me open one gift early > it's rock band > for 360 > I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all > "I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more." it's my very own 360 was best xmas ever >>435670583 # >>435673117 # >>435673494 # >>435677913 # >>435681208 =
: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:31:26 No.435670409 > be me > 17 when rock band came out > read about rock band online every day > watch rock band videos every day > too old for xmas but really want 39 KB JPG rock band > brother has a ps3 but it's in his room > no other consoles in the house > he agrees to let me use his ps3 in his room if I were to get it for xmas > fast forward xmas eve > beg mom to let me open one gift early > it's rock band > for 360 > I'm so depressed because it means I won't be playing rock band on xmas after all > "I got it for the wrong system? Aww. I'm sorry anon. Here. You can open one more." it's my very own 360 was best xmas ever >>435670583 # >>435673117 # >>435673494 # >>435677913 # >>435681208 =

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Anon works at McDonald | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/23/17(Mon)23:27:58 No.40623659 Job Greentexts This happened last night. >Get job at McDonalds, need cash >Work in the back arranging the meals >qt 3.14 comes in with~8 yo daughter, asks for a chicken nugget Наррy Мeal 225 KB PNG >daughter is really polite to casier, says please and everything >throw in an extra nugget because of her kindness >few mins later, manager tells me to mop a spill >its right next to the mom and her daughter >evesdrop on them >"Mommy look, the people in the back gave me an extra nugget, why?" >mom replies, "Its because they're dumb enough to work here that they cant count" >mfw >mom and daughter laugh while I walk away Why are people so unappreciative? 13 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon goes to an amusement park | /r/Greentext

Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] ile: fetchimage.jpg (490 KB, 680x1073) U Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:13:25 No.591983662 What's the most inappropriate situation you've ever found yourself playing video games in? I went to a theme park and played my game boy while the park security spent 6+ hours looking for my missing brother. They never found him but I beat the Elite Four in his honor Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:13 No.591983863 >>591983662 (OP) # Well what else were you supposed to do? If you go help looking then you're at risk of missing yourself. >> Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:59 No.591983943 Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:16:29 No.591983992 File: benjamin-ratterman-isabel(...).jpg (475 KB, 1600x1200) >>591983863 # I was 19.
Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] ile: fetchimage.jpg (490 KB, 680x1073) U Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:13:25 No.591983662 What's the most inappropriate situation you've ever found yourself playing video games in? I went to a theme park and played my game boy while the park security spent 6+ hours looking for my missing brother. They never found him but I beat the Elite Four in his honor Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:13 No.591983863 >>591983662 (OP) # Well what else were you supposed to do? If you go help looking then you're at risk of missing yourself. >> Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:15:59 No.591983943 Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)18:16:29 No.591983992 File: benjamin-ratterman-isabel(...).jpg (475 KB, 1600x1200) >>591983863 # I was 19.

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Anon’s cat is the best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today
: Anonymous 02/12/19(Tue)20:46:04 No.792494021 >be me, 17f and in treatmen and recovery from r--- >walking through petco to pick up crickets for my friends pet lizard >lock eyes with this cat in the adoption area >she presses her paw up to the 570 KB JPG glass >cryinginpublic.jpg >l impulsively adopt her >two months later, sucidal thoughts almost nonexistent and able to talk to strangers again >cat is my best friend, she never leaves my side when I'm home and encourages me to get out of bed in the morning Don't forget to give your pet a hug today

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anon has tinnitus | /r/Greentext

>be me >have tinnitus > EEEEЕЕЕЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEEEEEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕЕЕ 15.9 kB JPG EEEEE ЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEE EEEEE EEEEER EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEB EEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEEEEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕ ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEEEEЕ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>be me >have tinnitus > EEEEЕЕЕЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEEEEEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕ ЕЕЕЕЕ 15.9 kB JPG EEEEE ЕЕEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEE EEEEE EEEEER EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEE EEEEB EEEB EEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕ EEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕ EEEEEEEEEEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEЕ ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕEEEEЕ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Anon isn't a rapist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class
: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class

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Anon plays with a hampster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon goes through airport security | /r/Greentext

File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe
File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe

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