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Meal on wheels | /r/Greentext


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Anon is cursed | /r/Greentext

>Be me >5 years ago >start my puberty >had previous collections of weird things, like nails in water and s--- >starts cooming 11 KB JPG >decide i should have a c-- collection in a jar, let's call it cumjar >it gets bigger, almost fill the entire jar because it was a small jar >had to hide it so my parents wouldn't find it >hide it in my wardrobe because my mother stopped cleaning my room cuz i was doing it myself >one time my father was searching in my room for a soccer ball >gets a look in the wardrobe and sees it >he already knew it was a cumjar and started screaming my name >fortunately nobody was at home except me and him >we kept this as a secret >mfw my dad found my cumjar
>Be me >5 years ago >start my puberty >had previous collections of weird things, like nails in water and s--- >starts cooming 11 KB JPG >decide i should have a c-- collection in a jar, let's call it cumjar >it gets bigger, almost fill the entire jar because it was a small jar >had to hide it so my parents wouldn't find it >hide it in my wardrobe because my mother stopped cleaning my room cuz i was doing it myself >one time my father was searching in my room for a soccer ball >gets a look in the wardrobe and sees it >he already knew it was a cumjar and started screaming my name >fortunately nobody was at home except me and him >we kept this as a secret >mfw my dad found my cumjar

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Hopes are doordashed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)20:22:33 No.65119204 >tfw addicted to ordering fast food delivery >$3k in debt from constantly ordering over the past year >still ordered food 4 days in a row just last week >am currently craving another round right now 157 KB JPG god help me i am the embodiment of self destruction
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)20:22:33 No.65119204 >tfw addicted to ordering fast food delivery >$3k in debt from constantly ordering over the past year >still ordered food 4 days in a row just last week >am currently craving another round right now 157 KB JPG god help me i am the embodiment of self destruction

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Killer Queen | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)16:14:20 No.65116280 >person at the Dairy Queen drive- thru asks me if l'd like to round up to the nearest dollar for a donation to St. Jude's Children's Hospital >"No, thank you." 144 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)16:14:20 No.65116280 >person at the Dairy Queen drive- thru asks me if l'd like to round up to the nearest dollar for a donation to St. Jude's Children's Hospital >"No, thank you." 144 KB JPG

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Anon wants that bussy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)22:59:22 No.861738691 >be me 10 minutes ago >go to sandwich shop >order the same thing i always do from the same guy thats always there >see someome new come out from the back room and go behind the counter >cute ass slim mexican femboy >notice he keeps eyeing me every few 8 KB JPG seconds while my sandwich is being made >make eye contact and he smiles >asks if I need anything else in the softest little voice >"yeah some chips" >grabs a bag for me and moves to the register >im looking him in the eyes and he's blushing like crazy >asks if i want a receipt, say ya >he hands it to me and i give his hand a little rub as i take it >"C-come again anon" Oh i f-----' will.
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)22:59:22 No.861738691 >be me 10 minutes ago >go to sandwich shop >order the same thing i always do from the same guy thats always there >see someome new come out from the back room and go behind the counter >cute ass slim mexican femboy >notice he keeps eyeing me every few 8 KB JPG seconds while my sandwich is being made >make eye contact and he smiles >asks if I need anything else in the softest little voice >"yeah some chips" >grabs a bag for me and moves to the register >im looking him in the eyes and he's blushing like crazy >asks if i want a receipt, say ya >he hands it to me and i give his hand a little rub as i take it >"C-come again anon" Oh i f-----' will.

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Anon had aspirations | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)11:33:16 No.861706335 >be me >little kid in the 2000's >grow up on animal planet >wanna be a dolphin trainer >mom emptily tells me i can do whatever i want >hit middle school 215 KB PNG >like 13 >come to the horrible realization that my "family" is dirt poor >end up dropping out of highschool >teen years full of drugs/legal/sex issues >22 now >only goal is to be a stay at home mom and stay sober. maybe work part time at mcdonalds or something What was your childhood dream? What did you want to do with your life? Did you come close or achieve your goals? or did you hit a brick wall like i did?
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)11:33:16 No.861706335 >be me >little kid in the 2000's >grow up on animal planet >wanna be a dolphin trainer >mom emptily tells me i can do whatever i want >hit middle school 215 KB PNG >like 13 >come to the horrible realization that my "family" is dirt poor >end up dropping out of highschool >teen years full of drugs/legal/sex issues >22 now >only goal is to be a stay at home mom and stay sober. maybe work part time at mcdonalds or something What was your childhood dream? What did you want to do with your life? Did you come close or achieve your goals? or did you hit a brick wall like i did?

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Stranger in a strange land | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)18:45:48 No.65118179 >try to read a science fiction book for escapism >Characters immediately start talking about sex 126 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)18:45:48 No.65118179 >try to read a science fiction book for escapism >Characters immediately start talking about sex 126 KB JPG

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The female gaze | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)16:18:10 No.65116327 Here's some actual experience I had that made my panties dissolve in my pants so that you guys know what comes off as sexy 1.32 MB GIF >when I was 16 >working at chickfila >in the drive through >talking to another worker got distracted >guy that's handing out food and stuff reaches across me, pins me against the counter, and does the transaction for me all while I'm waiting with my body pressed into his >looks at me like I'm an idiot >saw him as an absolute beast of a man from then on >same year >at church waiting to go >all the guys are running around setting up tables and chairs for a thing that night >just watching church boys be church boys you know >one guy rolls his truck to the door >has a bunch of stuff in the back >starts telling every guy what to do >walks around in his tiny ass shorts with his sunglasses pushing his hair up >major dad energy, please firmly raise my children >got a job at hobby lobby when I moved for college >car won't start don't have any idea what to do no dad to save me >go back inside helpless >word travels very fast >one of the guys in the back comes flying to me >figures out what's wrong >has me tow the truck to his house where he has every tool imaginable >takes me to the parts store >he fixes my car, which is still perfect four hears later >tried to pay him because my parents said they would send me money >"I just want you to make me some dinner" >god damn
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)16:18:10 No.65116327 Here's some actual experience I had that made my panties dissolve in my pants so that you guys know what comes off as sexy 1.32 MB GIF >when I was 16 >working at chickfila >in the drive through >talking to another worker got distracted >guy that's handing out food and stuff reaches across me, pins me against the counter, and does the transaction for me all while I'm waiting with my body pressed into his >looks at me like I'm an idiot >saw him as an absolute beast of a man from then on >same year >at church waiting to go >all the guys are running around setting up tables and chairs for a thing that night >just watching church boys be church boys you know >one guy rolls his truck to the door >has a bunch of stuff in the back >starts telling every guy what to do >walks around in his tiny ass shorts with his sunglasses pushing his hair up >major dad energy, please firmly raise my children >got a job at hobby lobby when I moved for college >car won't start don't have any idea what to do no dad to save me >go back inside helpless >word travels very fast >one of the guys in the back comes flying to me >figures out what's wrong >has me tow the truck to his house where he has every tool imaginable >takes me to the parts store >he fixes my car, which is still perfect four hears later >tried to pay him because my parents said they would send me money >"I just want you to make me some dinner" >god damn

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Anon Takes the Normiepill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)22:33:51 No.65108992 >entering senior year of college >figured it was my last chance to try out the normalfag tourist meme advice of "lose weight, get /fit/, pick out a good wardrobe, shave, practice skincare" etc >really make an effort to looksmaxx the 32 KB JPG entire summer >first week of class >start to notice girls smiling at me >people treat me 1000x better and take me seriously >other men want to talk to me and be bros with me >l've already made a couple friends and might be able to make a gf out of this one chick Damn. It really was this easy the entire f------ time.
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)22:33:51 No.65108992 >entering senior year of college >figured it was my last chance to try out the normalfag tourist meme advice of "lose weight, get /fit/, pick out a good wardrobe, shave, practice skincare" etc >really make an effort to looksmaxx the 32 KB JPG entire summer >first week of class >start to notice girls smiling at me >people treat me 1000x better and take me seriously >other men want to talk to me and be bros with me >l've already made a couple friends and might be able to make a gf out of this one chick Damn. It really was this easy the entire f------ time.

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anon meets an old squadmate | /r/Greentext

File: 1415502294087.gif (500 KB, 500x300) O Anonymous 03/09/15(Mon)19:47:45 No.16952921 [Reply] >>16952962 >be me >was in corps for 4 years >now GI Biller >studying mechanical engineering at uni >get offered exchange with a french university in Paris >mother is french, so I know a good lot of the language >accept >while there, decide to get a little job to make extra money >get hired at Subway >working there one night, it's empty >one of my ex squadmates enter the restaurant >make eye contact "well h--------." >greet each other and start talking >turms out he's on a trip here with his wife >tell him my story >"Damn I never knew you were half-frenchie" >starts talking in this retarded fake-french accent >"Ho ho ho! I am ze french ! I eet ze baguette" >"F--- off. What sandwich do you want?" >"I eet ze one thirtee centimeeter with ze bread zat iz yellow" >"That's the flat bread" >"Oui, le flat bread" >Keeps talking like a retard >get to the veggies >"I eet ze little black circles" >"The olives?" >"Oui olives in ze yellow sub, marine!"
File: 1415502294087.gif (500 KB, 500x300) O Anonymous 03/09/15(Mon)19:47:45 No.16952921 [Reply] >>16952962 >be me >was in corps for 4 years >now GI Biller >studying mechanical engineering at uni >get offered exchange with a french university in Paris >mother is french, so I know a good lot of the language >accept >while there, decide to get a little job to make extra money >get hired at Subway >working there one night, it's empty >one of my ex squadmates enter the restaurant >make eye contact "well h--------." >greet each other and start talking >turms out he's on a trip here with his wife >tell him my story >"Damn I never knew you were half-frenchie" >starts talking in this retarded fake-french accent >"Ho ho ho! I am ze french ! I eet ze baguette" >"F--- off. What sandwich do you want?" >"I eet ze one thirtee centimeeter with ze bread zat iz yellow" >"That's the flat bread" >"Oui, le flat bread" >Keeps talking like a retard >get to the veggies >"I eet ze little black circles" >"The olives?" >"Oui olives in ze yellow sub, marine!"

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Anon is shy. | /r/Greentext

File: 1535861012426.png (15 KB, 111x79) Anonymous 10/07/18(Sun)15:57:12 No.48554276 [Reply] >>48556017 >too shy to make a thread Anonymous 10/07/18(Sun)16.00:24 No.48554307 its okay anon, u did great im proud of you
File: 1535861012426.png (15 KB, 111x79) Anonymous 10/07/18(Sun)15:57:12 No.48554276 [Reply] >>48556017 >too shy to make a thread Anonymous 10/07/18(Sun)16.00:24 No.48554307 its okay anon, u did great im proud of you

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Scouring of the Shire | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)12:59:52 No.65114223 >be me at friends house watching lord of the rings back in 2005 >we eat dinner >suddenly his mother >"does your friend not have his own home?" >mfw 748 KB PNG haunting
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)12:59:52 No.65114223 >be me at friends house watching lord of the rings back in 2005 >we eat dinner >suddenly his mother >"does your friend not have his own home?" >mfw 748 KB PNG haunting

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Anon's game was rigged from the start | /r/Greentext

File: 1501145866636.jpg (16 KB, 500x565) Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)23:25:54 No.65109461 >be me, 5 years old or some s--- >mom comes home from grocery shopping absolutely p----- off because she can't find the garage door opener >thinks she lost it so has everyone in the house look for it >parents will give $5 to the kid who finds it >5 kids searching for an hour to no avail and parents give up on it but tell us to keep an eye out for it >being the lonely autist in training that I was, end up going to play in the car >see the garage door opener sitting on the driver's seat right where my mom's fat ass would have covered it >proudly take it to my parents saying I found it >parents accuse me of hiding it on purpose >no $5 >grounded for a week Man screaming for 2.5 hours it's been 20+ years and I'm still f------ furious thinking about it
File: 1501145866636.jpg (16 KB, 500x565) Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)23:25:54 No.65109461 >be me, 5 years old or some s--- >mom comes home from grocery shopping absolutely p----- off because she can't find the garage door opener >thinks she lost it so has everyone in the house look for it >parents will give $5 to the kid who finds it >5 kids searching for an hour to no avail and parents give up on it but tell us to keep an eye out for it >being the lonely autist in training that I was, end up going to play in the car >see the garage door opener sitting on the driver's seat right where my mom's fat ass would have covered it >proudly take it to my parents saying I found it >parents accuse me of hiding it on purpose >no $5 >grounded for a week Man screaming for 2.5 hours it's been 20+ years and I'm still f------ furious thinking about it

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Anon Likes His Safety On | /r/Greentext

: Government Worshipper (ID: 1lzcV6sW I need more safety 08/24/21(Tue)13:25:04 No.335919118 >be me, 30yo redditor >hate conservatives >spend my day bashing down conservative with facts and knowledge by calling them stupid >turn on TV 10 KB PNG >see mass shooting >mass shooting was carried out with a pistol, killed 3 people and maimed 10 >shooter was a white male and is now in custody >call my congressman asking for a ban on assault rifles >they are weapons of murder, the 2nd amendment is there for hunters, not protection >Joe Biden comes on TV >my king. >says he is putting out more gun regulations >go on Reddit to celebrate >Trump supporters arguing that it is a constitutional right, and how most mass shootings are carried out with pistols, that are not going to be affected by legislation >tell them there is no need for a weapon of murder such as an assault rifle >they say they are effective at killing wild boar in mass >'disgusting, killing gods animals in such a barbaric way' *takes bite of big mac* >they say that they destroy property and taste like s--- >no excuses for senseless killing with weapons of war >tell them they are idiots and don't understand the issue >take off my c--- cage and j------- to BBC p--- Another hard days work as a superior intellect Reddit MOD
: Government Worshipper (ID: 1lzcV6sW I need more safety 08/24/21(Tue)13:25:04 No.335919118 >be me, 30yo redditor >hate conservatives >spend my day bashing down conservative with facts and knowledge by calling them stupid >turn on TV 10 KB PNG >see mass shooting >mass shooting was carried out with a pistol, killed 3 people and maimed 10 >shooter was a white male and is now in custody >call my congressman asking for a ban on assault rifles >they are weapons of murder, the 2nd amendment is there for hunters, not protection >Joe Biden comes on TV >my king. >says he is putting out more gun regulations >go on Reddit to celebrate >Trump supporters arguing that it is a constitutional right, and how most mass shootings are carried out with pistols, that are not going to be affected by legislation >tell them there is no need for a weapon of murder such as an assault rifle >they say they are effective at killing wild boar in mass >'disgusting, killing gods animals in such a barbaric way' *takes bite of big mac* >they say that they destroy property and taste like s--- >no excuses for senseless killing with weapons of war >tell them they are idiots and don't understand the issue >take off my c--- cage and j------- to BBC p--- Another hard days work as a superior intellect Reddit MOD

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Top of the muffin, to you | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous at least they taste good 08/24/21(Tue)12:03:29 No.65113510 >be me >made yesterday muffins I can take to work because 1 year anniversary, took way too long >they look ugly but taste amazing (no frosting or s---) >other girl has birthday and brings cake 73 KB PNG >no one eats my muffins >took them home and eat them myself now >mfw I made 24 of them
: Anonymous at least they taste good 08/24/21(Tue)12:03:29 No.65113510 >be me >made yesterday muffins I can take to work because 1 year anniversary, took way too long >they look ugly but taste amazing (no frosting or s---) >other girl has birthday and brings cake 73 KB PNG >no one eats my muffins >took them home and eat them myself now >mfw I made 24 of them

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Anon finds corn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)21:40:32 No.861668880 >be me >wake up, things don't feel right >look out my window and see nothing but fields of corn >360 all I can see is corn >amidead.jpg >I try to leave my house but the 32 KB JPG doornob is corn >try to turn on the tv, but the remote is corn >the tv is corn as well >f------ panicking at this point >try to call the police, but my phone is corn >try to dry my eyes from all the tears of anxiety >hands are corn >tears are corn >face is corn >l am corn >mfw corn 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)21:40:32 No.861668880 >be me >wake up, things don't feel right >look out my window and see nothing but fields of corn >360 all I can see is corn >amidead.jpg >I try to leave my house but the 32 KB JPG doornob is corn >try to turn on the tv, but the remote is corn >the tv is corn as well >f------ panicking at this point >try to call the police, but my phone is corn >try to dry my eyes from all the tears of anxiety >hands are corn >tears are corn >face is corn >l am corn >mfw corn 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon gets an apple | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/27/19(Fri)17:28:43 No.54597642 [Reply] Enjoying the little things stories? >be me, walking past local market >pass stand with many different apples >desire to eat apple intensifies >select good-looking apple, approach apple lady to pay >"Just the one? You can just have it." >nice early fall day >walk streets eating free apple >it's super juicy and crunchy to the max, 9.5/10 >Thanks, apple lady
Anonymous 09/27/19(Fri)17:28:43 No.54597642 [Reply] Enjoying the little things stories? >be me, walking past local market >pass stand with many different apples >desire to eat apple intensifies >select good-looking apple, approach apple lady to pay >"Just the one? You can just have it." >nice early fall day >walk streets eating free apple >it's super juicy and crunchy to the max, 9.5/10 >Thanks, apple lady

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Anon is a winner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)17:45:23 No.861702124 >l was a mischievous kid in School and College with bad grades >I was told that I would amount to nothing in life >Fast forward to now, I'm a wealthy entrepreneur >School and College reach out to me for 7 KB JPG donations >Told them to stick it up their ass >Mfw I won in life 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)17:48:12 No.861702207 >>861702124 (OP) Kek. Faggy MLM larp. : Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)18:22:11 No.861703515 Fake >>861702124 (OP) pic related &GA yy 32 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)17:45:23 No.861702124 >l was a mischievous kid in School and College with bad grades >I was told that I would amount to nothing in life >Fast forward to now, I'm a wealthy entrepreneur >School and College reach out to me for 7 KB JPG donations >Told them to stick it up their ass >Mfw I won in life 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)17:48:12 No.861702207 >>861702124 (OP) Kek. Faggy MLM larp. : Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)18:22:11 No.861703515 Fake >>861702124 (OP) pic related &GA yy 32 KB JPG

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Princess and the 'Pede | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)10:22:17 No.65112597 >chatting it up with cute tomboy for a few months, flirting here and there >she leans in close >wants to make it official >we kiss for what feels like hours >walk out of the building we were in with me princess carrying her 642 KВ PNG >wake up does anyone elses brains torture them like this : Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)10:24:45 No.65112614 I had a dream where I ate cooked centipedes 603 KВ ЈPG
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)10:22:17 No.65112597 >chatting it up with cute tomboy for a few months, flirting here and there >she leans in close >wants to make it official >we kiss for what feels like hours >walk out of the building we were in with me princess carrying her 642 KВ PNG >wake up does anyone elses brains torture them like this : Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)10:24:45 No.65112614 I had a dream where I ate cooked centipedes 603 KВ ЈPG

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Am I anon? | /r/Greentext

No.65106408 14 minutes ago Untitled.png PNG 106.9 KiB 2560x1440 >l spend 75% of my time on my computer >the rest I spend sleeping No.65106443 11 minutes ago Based. There's no reason to do anything else. ...
No.65106408 14 minutes ago Untitled.png PNG 106.9 KiB 2560x1440 >l spend 75% of my time on my computer >the rest I spend sleeping No.65106443 11 minutes ago Based. There's no reason to do anything else. ...

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