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Anon sleeps with his friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:46 No.10063353 >Be 16 >Girl I've known since we were like 4 is having a party >Had been taking these pills post-operation >They cause me to be constipated >F--- it >Go to this party >Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm >Sorta brush it off as sloppiness >Party winding down >Nowhere to sleep >"Oh, just come with me" >Ugh, fine >F--- the t--- right off her >Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways.. no worries >Start to worry >Fall asleep back to back, completely naked >Wake up to RANCID smell >Oh god no >Take out cell phone >Look over, I had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens >Whatthefuckdoldo.avi >Take s--- in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks >Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so I left". dont know why >Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home >Dont hear from her >2 weeks later she killed herself. Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:49 No.10063371 >>10063353 ahahahahahahahahahahsfbgbomgimdying
Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:46 No.10063353 >Be 16 >Girl I've known since we were like 4 is having a party >Had been taking these pills post-operation >They cause me to be constipated >F--- it >Go to this party >Friend forfuckingever is flirting up a storm >Sorta brush it off as sloppiness >Party winding down >Nowhere to sleep >"Oh, just come with me" >Ugh, fine >F--- the t--- right off her >Be farting every hump, she's half-passed out anyways.. no worries >Start to worry >Fall asleep back to back, completely naked >Wake up to RANCID smell >Oh god no >Take out cell phone >Look over, I had the green-apple splatters all over her back and fine linens >Whatthefuckdoldo.avi >Take s--- in hands, smear between her ass-cheeks >Leave note saying "You shat yourself, so I left". dont know why >Put clothes on, RUN out door and walk home >Dont hear from her >2 weeks later she killed herself. Anonymous 11/23/11(Wed)03:49 No.10063371 >>10063353 ahahahahahahahahahahsfbgbomgimdying

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Anon is breedable and submissive | /r/Greentext

/r9k/65099760/ 2h (8/23 16:33) · 65099760 23 Re · 3 Img - PNG · 566KB · (1280 × 720) 6 Replies >be me >get asked by a girl i just met online if she can peg me WHAT THE F--- DO I DO AM I GONNA GET THROWN UNDER A BRIDGE
/r9k/65099760/ 2h (8/23 16:33) · 65099760 23 Re · 3 Img - PNG · 566KB · (1280 × 720) 6 Replies >be me >get asked by a girl i just met online if she can peg me WHAT THE F--- DO I DO AM I GONNA GET THROWN UNDER A BRIDGE

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Anon’s pizza is here | /r/Greentext

File: depositphotos_68800121-st(.Ljpg (58 KB, 682x1023) O Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:02:27 No.53022194 >>53022207 >> I swear the guy at the pizza place near my house is f------ with me >call to place an order for pick up >before i even say my name he says "ok is ready :)" >im just like, "haha, alright yeah pepperoni please" >get there, he sees me and says it again "is ready!" >grab my pizza >see him as I'm leaving staring at me >"is ready :)" The f--- man O Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:03:53 No.53022207 >>53022194 (OP) Hi anon pizza is ready ;) Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:04:24 No.53022210 >>53022194 (OP) is ready, anon, how many times does he gotta tell you? O Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:06:11 No.53022229 >>53022240 >>53022194 (OP) >drive by pizza place on the way home from work >get a call from unknown number >"is ready :)" >ask what's ready >"ok is ready :)" >hot pizza comes flying through my sunroof
File: depositphotos_68800121-st(.Ljpg (58 KB, 682x1023) O Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:02:27 No.53022194 >>53022207 >> I swear the guy at the pizza place near my house is f------ with me >call to place an order for pick up >before i even say my name he says "ok is ready :)" >im just like, "haha, alright yeah pepperoni please" >get there, he sees me and says it again "is ready!" >grab my pizza >see him as I'm leaving staring at me >"is ready :)" The f--- man O Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:03:53 No.53022207 >>53022194 (OP) Hi anon pizza is ready ;) Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:04:24 No.53022210 >>53022194 (OP) is ready, anon, how many times does he gotta tell you? O Anonymous 06/21/19(Fri)23:06:11 No.53022229 >>53022240 >>53022194 (OP) >drive by pizza place on the way home from work >get a call from unknown number >"is ready :)" >ask what's ready >"ok is ready :)" >hot pizza comes flying through my sunroof

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext


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Motivational speaker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)11:56:22 No.65100485 >tfw no gf to hold and give gentle kisses to when I wake up >tfw no gf to cuddle back to sleep so I can sneak over to the kitchen and start working on breakfast in bed to surprise her with 321 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)12:03:20 No.65100526 >>65100485 (OP) # then stop posting on crimean snake milking forum and work to better yourself so you can get one. 145 KB JPG >pic rel
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)11:56:22 No.65100485 >tfw no gf to hold and give gentle kisses to when I wake up >tfw no gf to cuddle back to sleep so I can sneak over to the kitchen and start working on breakfast in bed to surprise her with 321 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)12:03:20 No.65100526 >>65100485 (OP) # then stop posting on crimean snake milking forum and work to better yourself so you can get one. 145 KB JPG >pic rel

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Anon is a pedo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)08:28:34 No.48825774 >be 15 >be really quiet and scared of just about f------ everything >these f------ 12yo pick up on this >start harassing me and calling me a p--- for no reason >teacher over hears, asks me to come to their office >all the little 12 years olds there said i touched them up, i never f------ laid a hand on them >police involved and get a risk assesment, 0 risk >school excludes me anyway >had to be homeschooled for the next 3 years >cant get a job cuz its says i touched kids on the record >f------ hate my life
: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)08:28:34 No.48825774 >be 15 >be really quiet and scared of just about f------ everything >these f------ 12yo pick up on this >start harassing me and calling me a p--- for no reason >teacher over hears, asks me to come to their office >all the little 12 years olds there said i touched them up, i never f------ laid a hand on them >police involved and get a risk assesment, 0 risk >school excludes me anyway >had to be homeschooled for the next 3 years >cant get a job cuz its says i touched kids on the record >f------ hate my life

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Anon's a detective | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: VjFR5MXL 08/23/21(Mon)21:23:23 No.335741170 >onlyfans announces they won't allow p--- anymore >female friend suddenly starts crying about financial problems 94 KB GIF
: Anonymous (ID: VjFR5MXL 08/23/21(Mon)21:23:23 No.335741170 >onlyfans announces they won't allow p--- anymore >female friend suddenly starts crying about financial problems 94 KB GIF

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Anon is a bug | /r/Greentext

No.65090436 1 hour ago gigachad.jpg JPG 65.1 KiB 1068x601 >be bug >chilling on a tree >get hungry >wonder what im going to eat >leaves 1 reply No.65091322 35 minutes ago >>65090436 (OP) yea im thinkin based No.65091346 33 minutes ago this is pretty BASED with a capital BASED ...
No.65090436 1 hour ago gigachad.jpg JPG 65.1 KiB 1068x601 >be bug >chilling on a tree >get hungry >wonder what im going to eat >leaves 1 reply No.65091322 35 minutes ago >>65090436 (OP) yea im thinkin based No.65091346 33 minutes ago this is pretty BASED with a capital BASED ...

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Training grounds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)09:28:22 No.65099193 >Got my first job at some hipster coffee shop >insanely comfy >only problem is the smell and the fact i hate coffee >lifes pretty good 2 KB JPG >thanks for reading
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)09:28:22 No.65099193 >Got my first job at some hipster coffee shop >insanely comfy >only problem is the smell and the fact i hate coffee >lifes pretty good 2 KB JPG >thanks for reading

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Anon makes a mistake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: amdEMrT3 )E 08/22/21(Sun)19:52:04 No.335645669 >lost virginity a month ago to some tinder sloot >she was super cute but obviously a total w---- >didn't wear a condom because you guys told me that was a Jewish psyop and straight people can't get aids 750 KB PNG >haven't kept in contact with her since >be me just now >she texts me she's pregnant with a positive pregnancy test I haven't responded yet, wat do?
: Anonymous (ID: amdEMrT3 )E 08/22/21(Sun)19:52:04 No.335645669 >lost virginity a month ago to some tinder sloot >she was super cute but obviously a total w---- >didn't wear a condom because you guys told me that was a Jewish psyop and straight people can't get aids 750 KB PNG >haven't kept in contact with her since >be me just now >she texts me she's pregnant with a positive pregnancy test I haven't responded yet, wat do?

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Anon collects Pokemon cards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)23:50:39 No.861611277 >be 1999 >be d------- kid >autistically force my parents to spend thousands of dollars to buy silver packet random Pokémon card packets after school everyday. >fill several binders full and 36 KB JPG Tupperware buckets full of these cards because I wanted shiny cards. >2001 rolls around >Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring comes out and I realize how retarded Pokémon was and fall into the depths of Middle Earth and forget about the collection. >be 2021 >friend talks about how a Pokémon card is half a mil and that Logan Paul wears it like a gay autistic chimp. >refuse to believe anyone would pay that much for something so retarded. >head back home and blow the dust off of the Pokémon collection that was all but forgotten about, curious to see what edition my cards were as apparently first edition cards with the gold bordering are the pricy ones. >low and behold they are all first edition and that my autistic collected many copies of all the shiny cards as one was never enough, including shiny spice lizard. >realize this collection is worth more than the house, all the years of tuition, and all the money I've ever earned. Share your d------- luck stories.
: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)23:50:39 No.861611277 >be 1999 >be d------- kid >autistically force my parents to spend thousands of dollars to buy silver packet random Pokémon card packets after school everyday. >fill several binders full and 36 KB JPG Tupperware buckets full of these cards because I wanted shiny cards. >2001 rolls around >Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring comes out and I realize how retarded Pokémon was and fall into the depths of Middle Earth and forget about the collection. >be 2021 >friend talks about how a Pokémon card is half a mil and that Logan Paul wears it like a gay autistic chimp. >refuse to believe anyone would pay that much for something so retarded. >head back home and blow the dust off of the Pokémon collection that was all but forgotten about, curious to see what edition my cards were as apparently first edition cards with the gold bordering are the pricy ones. >low and behold they are all first edition and that my autistic collected many copies of all the shiny cards as one was never enough, including shiny spice lizard. >realize this collection is worth more than the house, all the years of tuition, and all the money I've ever earned. Share your d------- luck stories.

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Anon fake gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)01:14:04 No.861615275 >be me >introvert and loser >no gf and still in high school >horny >riding on the bus >girl talks to me “hi anon!" >look at her in confusion “who are you?" 40 KB PNG >she speaks back "your gf!" >mfw Real?
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)01:14:04 No.861615275 >be me >introvert and loser >no gf and still in high school >horny >riding on the bus >girl talks to me “hi anon!" >look at her in confusion “who are you?" 40 KB PNG >she speaks back "your gf!" >mfw Real?

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Spiderbro got your back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous BUZZZZZzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzZZzZzzzzz(...) 08/17/21(Tue)15:42:42 No.3898993 HAS ONLY 1 DAY OF LIFE >enters house in immediately after door is opened >be loud as f--- and buzz around >land and stop flying as soon as guy gets up to kill you >start flying after guy sits down and gets comfortable again SPENDS IT ALL TROLLING YOU 106 KB PNG >BUUZZZZZZZZZzZzZzzzzzZZZzZzZzzzzzZZZzZ ZZZ : Anonymous 08/17/21(Tue)15:52:28 No.3898998 >>3898993 (OP) # >Wrong house 1.57 MB JPG >>3899035 #
: Anonymous BUZZZZZzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzZZzZzzzzz(...) 08/17/21(Tue)15:42:42 No.3898993 HAS ONLY 1 DAY OF LIFE >enters house in immediately after door is opened >be loud as f--- and buzz around >land and stop flying as soon as guy gets up to kill you >start flying after guy sits down and gets comfortable again SPENDS IT ALL TROLLING YOU 106 KB PNG >BUUZZZZZZZZZzZzZzzzzzZZZzZzZzzzzzZZZzZ ZZZ : Anonymous 08/17/21(Tue)15:52:28 No.3898998 >>3898993 (OP) # >Wrong house 1.57 MB JPG >>3899035 #

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Boy friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)13:52:18 No.63154308 >At work >They just hired some new girl around my age, works in a different department >We're doing fire training >Standing around outside after fire drill >Start talking to her, topic flows to local restaurants >Mention a local brewery with great beer, she says "Oh yeah, I was there a few weeks ago with my boy-" >Stops dead, looks me up and down >"... this guy I was seeing" Had a hearty internal kek at that. Girls are so thirsty sometimes
: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)13:52:18 No.63154308 >At work >They just hired some new girl around my age, works in a different department >We're doing fire training >Standing around outside after fire drill >Start talking to her, topic flows to local restaurants >Mention a local brewery with great beer, she says "Oh yeah, I was there a few weeks ago with my boy-" >Stops dead, looks me up and down >"... this guy I was seeing" Had a hearty internal kek at that. Girls are so thirsty sometimes

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My favorite green text of all time. | /r/Greentext


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Anon is an afghan soldier | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (leXUZOqC ) 08/23/21(Mon)10:47:29 No.335673674 >>335667832 (OP)# >be afghan soldier >s--- pay >retarded general who got his position through nepotism keeps stealing your pay >he even steals your f------ food and sells it at the market >the americans that trained you to be the watching eyes of their airforce pull out >taliban attacks >left with two choices >give up some of your freedom or die defending a comically corrupt government that doesnt give a s--- about you doesnt help that the generals being in charge of the troops are drooling retards, they simply don't have a single shred of trust in any of their leaders.
: Anonymous (ID: (leXUZOqC ) 08/23/21(Mon)10:47:29 No.335673674 >>335667832 (OP)# >be afghan soldier >s--- pay >retarded general who got his position through nepotism keeps stealing your pay >he even steals your f------ food and sells it at the market >the americans that trained you to be the watching eyes of their airforce pull out >taliban attacks >left with two choices >give up some of your freedom or die defending a comically corrupt government that doesnt give a s--- about you doesnt help that the generals being in charge of the troops are drooling retards, they simply don't have a single shred of trust in any of their leaders.

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Anon has a vagina | /r/Greentext

File: dtired.jpg (34 KB, 504x466) O Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)00:30:41 No.65092066 >>65092081 >>65092082 >>650 >online friend finds out you're a girl >conversations shift from normal games and escapism stuff >nonstop asking about what you look like, what you sound like, pictures >no longer treated as a person, just horny projections i guess i should just cut things off and learn my lesson O Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)00:31:15 No.65092074 Haha dumb p-----haver Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)00:31:49 No.65092081 >>65092066 (OP) No one cares about you or your problems. Post your t--- or GTFO
File: dtired.jpg (34 KB, 504x466) O Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)00:30:41 No.65092066 >>65092081 >>65092082 >>650 >online friend finds out you're a girl >conversations shift from normal games and escapism stuff >nonstop asking about what you look like, what you sound like, pictures >no longer treated as a person, just horny projections i guess i should just cut things off and learn my lesson O Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)00:31:15 No.65092074 Haha dumb p-----haver Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)00:31:49 No.65092081 >>65092066 (OP) No one cares about you or your problems. Post your t--- or GTFO

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I relay the tale of the shit-diddler | /r/Greentext


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ΣAnon meets Stacy | /r/Greentext

File: avatars-JinSVqyNLhx1tPzL-(..jpg (34 KB, 500x500) O Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)14:32:37 No.861622141 >be me >in a party >2am >drunk stacy hold my hand >takes me to a quiet room >FlashBooba >"Are you hard Daddy boy!" >*smirk* >No >Leave >Pic related
File: avatars-JinSVqyNLhx1tPzL-(..jpg (34 KB, 500x500) O Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)14:32:37 No.861622141 >be me >in a party >2am >drunk stacy hold my hand >takes me to a quiet room >FlashBooba >"Are you hard Daddy boy!" >*smirk* >No >Leave >Pic related

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Anon is bullied | /r/Greentext


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