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Anon has a big brain moment | /r/Greentext

NEAT 1. #103618555 10/17/18, 5:00 PM >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc.... seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah yes, the greatest of the natural predators, the goblin.
NEAT 1. #103618555 10/17/18, 5:00 PM >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc.... seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah yes, the greatest of the natural predators, the goblin.

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Anon has a good boss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous feels good man 04/28/19(Sun)01:11:46 No.52153310 >be me >been working at bbq joint for 3 years >boss is like a dad but cooler, we drink/smoke together >song from his favorite 91 KB JPG band is playing "oooh do you know who this is anon?" >answer instantly with correct answer "aaayyyyyee thats my boy" >mfw it feels good to have someone proud of me thanks boss 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous feels good man 04/28/19(Sun)01:11:46 No.52153310 >be me >been working at bbq joint for 3 years >boss is like a dad but cooler, we drink/smoke together >song from his favorite 91 KB JPG band is playing "oooh do you know who this is anon?" >answer instantly with correct answer "aaayyyyyee thats my boy" >mfw it feels good to have someone proud of me thanks boss 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon gets drunk with his gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)06:44:33 No.62231753 >>62230411 # >manage to get a gf at 23 >move in together >things are really looking good for me >two years go by >seriously think of marrying this girl in the near future sreaming begina agnin 57 KB JPG >one day get drunk at home with her >she says she's been fi ing her coworker who she introduced me to and who i thought of as a decent enough guy >figure she's just drunk and making stuff up >go through her phone just in case >mfw she's been sexting and exchanging nudes with him for about 10 months >leave the apartment while she's ranting about how good at bed her coworker is >she's moves in with him a month after Anyway, that's how i came back here, i don't think i'll be leaving again soon...
: Anonymous 02/08/21 (Mon)06:44:33 No.62231753 >>62230411 # >manage to get a gf at 23 >move in together >things are really looking good for me >two years go by >seriously think of marrying this girl in the near future sreaming begina agnin 57 KB JPG >one day get drunk at home with her >she says she's been fi ing her coworker who she introduced me to and who i thought of as a decent enough guy >figure she's just drunk and making stuff up >go through her phone just in case >mfw she's been sexting and exchanging nudes with him for about 10 months >leave the apartment while she's ranting about how good at bed her coworker is >she's moves in with him a month after Anyway, that's how i came back here, i don't think i'll be leaving again soon...

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Anon goes to college | /r/Greentext

>be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs 48 KB JPG >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand
>be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs 48 KB JPG >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand

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Anon has a cool dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:51:30 No.842311163 >be me >about 12 or 13 >my dad bought me a ps2 >my dad would take me every other week to buy a new game >played a lot of cool games >we played this game called 46 KB JPG Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance >it had a co-op mode so we'd play it together a lot >l'd always pick the human and he'd be the dwarf >we almost 100% it and even unlocked the secret 4th character Thanks dad
: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:51:30 No.842311163 >be me >about 12 or 13 >my dad bought me a ps2 >my dad would take me every other week to buy a new game >played a lot of cool games >we played this game called 46 KB JPG Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance >it had a co-op mode so we'd play it together a lot >l'd always pick the human and he'd be the dwarf >we almost 100% it and even unlocked the secret 4th character Thanks dad

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Anon is a gamer. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/19(Mon)02:44:22 No.804134604 >be me >30 something anon who's never gotten laid unless you count my loli body pillow >decide to go downtown for an anime convention >on subway >see a girl with bright pink hair 9 KB JPG >immediately get a raging hard on >waddle over >pull out a tendie from my pocket >"care for a tendie, milady?" >she looks weirded out so i go in for the kiss real smooth like >she f------ kicks my balls >sprints out of the train, screaming "help" >why do people treat us gamers like this?
: Anonymous 07/08/19(Mon)02:44:22 No.804134604 >be me >30 something anon who's never gotten laid unless you count my loli body pillow >decide to go downtown for an anime convention >on subway >see a girl with bright pink hair 9 KB JPG >immediately get a raging hard on >waddle over >pull out a tendie from my pocket >"care for a tendie, milady?" >she looks weirded out so i go in for the kiss real smooth like >she f------ kicks my balls >sprints out of the train, screaming "help" >why do people treat us gamers like this?

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Anon goes out | /r/Greentext

>friday night L'OREAL >shower YUTAL >shave beard >hair product >new jacket >new shoes 59 KB JPG >apply fragrance >say goodnight to parents >hide in the woods until 2am
>friday night L'OREAL >shower YUTAL >shave beard >hair product >new jacket >new shoes 59 KB JPG >apply fragrance >say goodnight to parents >hide in the woods until 2am

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/20(Fri)15:06:46 No.60397618 >have gf >shes an autistic medical student >be autistic econ degree who posts on 4chan >she loves science and examines bacterial samples for fun >buy her a microscope for her birthday >we have sex later >c-- on her stomach >"wow anon that was great but i need to get up" >think she didnt like the sex >she just wanted put my semen on a microscope slide >shes standing there naked examining my sperm under a microscope >we spend an hour examining my sperm and using stats to determine my fertility >she gets aroused by the sperm density >have sex again I love this woman but our children would be mega autists
: Anonymous 10/09/20(Fri)15:06:46 No.60397618 >have gf >shes an autistic medical student >be autistic econ degree who posts on 4chan >she loves science and examines bacterial samples for fun >buy her a microscope for her birthday >we have sex later >c-- on her stomach >"wow anon that was great but i need to get up" >think she didnt like the sex >she just wanted put my semen on a microscope slide >shes standing there naked examining my sperm under a microscope >we spend an hour examining my sperm and using stats to determine my fertility >she gets aroused by the sperm density >have sex again I love this woman but our children would be mega autists

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Anon has a dad | /r/Greentext

My dad never did anything to impress me in my entire life. 52 KB JPG 21 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/17/20(Fri)16:39:13 No.59136732 >>59134349 (OP) # >two guys start shooting at each other outside the house >hunker down in parent's room, away from windows >dad says "F--- this" and goes outside unarmed >w-- >dad begins screaming at the two men having a firefight >tells them his f------ wife and his f------ children are in the f------ house and if they're gonna kill each other they need to do it somewhere else >mom is terrified and says he's gonna get shot, I'm just in shock, this is unreal >the two dudes shooting actually stop and start apologizing sheepishly to my dad >dad continues chewing these guys out until they put the guns away and leave I know he got laid that night. I inherited the exact same reckless stupidity.
My dad never did anything to impress me in my entire life. 52 KB JPG 21 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/17/20(Fri)16:39:13 No.59136732 >>59134349 (OP) # >two guys start shooting at each other outside the house >hunker down in parent's room, away from windows >dad says "F--- this" and goes outside unarmed >w-- >dad begins screaming at the two men having a firefight >tells them his f------ wife and his f------ children are in the f------ house and if they're gonna kill each other they need to do it somewhere else >mom is terrified and says he's gonna get shot, I'm just in shock, this is unreal >the two dudes shooting actually stop and start apologizing sheepishly to my dad >dad continues chewing these guys out until they put the guns away and leave I know he got laid that night. I inherited the exact same reckless stupidity.

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Anon is desperate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)02:47:57 No.64907727 >call papa johns >order a large cheese pizza and a large mountain dew >say i love you by accident just before hanging up its over 683 KB PNG
: Anonymous 08/10/21(Tue)02:47:57 No.64907727 >call papa johns >order a large cheese pizza and a large mountain dew >say i love you by accident just before hanging up its over 683 KB PNG

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Anon is a sex researcher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/09/21(Mon)22:00:16 No.860684970 >be me >sex researcher for the past 9 years >I work for one of the biggest marketing firms on the planet >l basically study how to make women click on ads >go on redit r/askmeanything 77 KB PNG >a post catches my >What do women look for in a Man? >Type up a succinct and well crafted 2,999 word reply based on my years of study and and expertise in the field. >Come back an hour later >1reply.jpg >posted by a millennial roastie no doubt >Ur an idiot >reply has 7k up votes >mfw
: Anonymous 08/09/21(Mon)22:00:16 No.860684970 >be me >sex researcher for the past 9 years >I work for one of the biggest marketing firms on the planet >l basically study how to make women click on ads >go on redit r/askmeanything 77 KB PNG >a post catches my >What do women look for in a Man? >Type up a succinct and well crafted 2,999 word reply based on my years of study and and expertise in the field. >Come back an hour later >1reply.jpg >posted by a millennial roastie no doubt >Ur an idiot >reply has 7k up votes >mfw

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Anon goes to GameStop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Today at Gamestop 04/16/19(Tue)11:06:28 No.458697650 Please be patien I have autien >Getting checked out by qt3.14 cashier girl >easily an 8/10 >buying Sekiro today >cashier girl asks "Do you want to donate to autism speaks today?" >"Haha no actually i'd prefer they stop speaking all together" 43 KB JPG >Her f------ face >The absolute disgust What the f--- is wrong with me /v/? Why did I have to waste 6 years of my life on this godforsaken site?
: Anonymous Today at Gamestop 04/16/19(Tue)11:06:28 No.458697650 Please be patien I have autien >Getting checked out by qt3.14 cashier girl >easily an 8/10 >buying Sekiro today >cashier girl asks "Do you want to donate to autism speaks today?" >"Haha no actually i'd prefer they stop speaking all together" 43 KB JPG >Her f------ face >The absolute disgust What the f--- is wrong with me /v/? Why did I have to waste 6 years of my life on this godforsaken site?

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4chan is Always Based, Anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)07:17:04 No.793960993 > be 14 y/o me > find 4chan > everyone calls each other autistic and gay > "this is stupid" > leave 4chan > ffw 3 years 137 KB PNG > realize l'm gay > ffw another year > get diagnosed with autism > mfw > I'm home bois
: Anonymous 03/02/19(Sat)07:17:04 No.793960993 > be 14 y/o me > find 4chan > everyone calls each other autistic and gay > "this is stupid" > leave 4chan > ffw 3 years 137 KB PNG > realize l'm gay > ffw another year > get diagnosed with autism > mfw > I'm home bois

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Anon Has a Satisfying Moment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/18(Sat)18:17:01 No.49343343 >3rd grade >grew up with dad, had an absentee mom >Told me to hit people back if they hit me first, didn't tell me it doesn't here we go apply to girls >in class, a roastie talks s--- to me 34 KB JPG for no reason >politely told her to stop, kept talking s---. >she eventually shoves me >whothefuckisthisbitch >slam one on her face >flies across the room, knocked unconscious with her skull cracked and starting to bleed >class runs away in fear of me >principal comes down >screams at me and calls the cops >got fired later that day >f---
: Anonymous 11/17/18(Sat)18:17:01 No.49343343 >3rd grade >grew up with dad, had an absentee mom >Told me to hit people back if they hit me first, didn't tell me it doesn't here we go apply to girls >in class, a roastie talks s--- to me 34 KB JPG for no reason >politely told her to stop, kept talking s---. >she eventually shoves me >whothefuckisthisbitch >slam one on her face >flies across the room, knocked unconscious with her skull cracked and starting to bleed >class runs away in fear of me >principal comes down >screams at me and calls the cops >got fired later that day >f---

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Anon has an original answer | /r/Greentext

>be me >at a party a few days ago >truth or dare >I choose truth : what would be the first thing you'd do if you woke up in a female body >l say "change sex" >mfw they just expected me to say 'uhuhuhuh masturbate"
>be me >at a party a few days ago >truth or dare >I choose truth : what would be the first thing you'd do if you woke up in a female body >l say "change sex" >mfw they just expected me to say 'uhuhuhuh masturbate"

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Anon visits Gamestop | /r/Greentext

sad_dad.jpg) Anonymous 10/16/13(Wed)10:11 No.214090781 [Reply] >go to Gamestop >cute girl at counter >talk about video games for a while as i make my purchases >remember that she has poo inside her >feel disgusted and leave as quick as I can F------ Gamestop. 68 posts and 28 image replies omitted. Click here to view.
sad_dad.jpg) Anonymous 10/16/13(Wed)10:11 No.214090781 [Reply] >go to Gamestop >cute girl at counter >talk about video games for a while as i make my purchases >remember that she has poo inside her >feel disgusted and leave as quick as I can F------ Gamestop. 68 posts and 28 image replies omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/26/14(Sun)23:45:49 No.29298147 >ask girl out on a date >she says yes >ask her what time her dad can drive us to the movies >she just gives me a blank stare 153 KB JPG >ok well you guys should pick me up around 7 >give her fist bump and run home in excitement >her and her dad pick me up around 7 >no one says a word on the way there >he drops us off >as I'm getting out of the car I stop and ask him for the money for the movie >he just stares at me >politely inform him movies don't grow on trees >he gives me $30 >l clear my throat and keep my hand out >he gives me another $10 >I roll my eyes and "thanks, guy" really sarcastically >girl I asked out is looking super embarrassed >get to the ticket window >did your dad give you any money for the movie? >she looks like she's about to cry >well you should call him because he only gave me enough for myself and some food >we didn't go on a second date
Anonymous 10/26/14(Sun)23:45:49 No.29298147 >ask girl out on a date >she says yes >ask her what time her dad can drive us to the movies >she just gives me a blank stare 153 KB JPG >ok well you guys should pick me up around 7 >give her fist bump and run home in excitement >her and her dad pick me up around 7 >no one says a word on the way there >he drops us off >as I'm getting out of the car I stop and ask him for the money for the movie >he just stares at me >politely inform him movies don't grow on trees >he gives me $30 >l clear my throat and keep my hand out >he gives me another $10 >I roll my eyes and "thanks, guy" really sarcastically >girl I asked out is looking super embarrassed >get to the ticket window >did your dad give you any money for the movie? >she looks like she's about to cry >well you should call him because he only gave me enough for myself and some food >we didn't go on a second date

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Loop Zoop ..... | /r/Greentext

>>35574459 # reminds me >get wisdom teeth removed >go home high as s--- >get on the computer >go to youtube >really want to listen to Led Zeppelin (I don't even listen to them regularly) >keep typing in Led Zeppelin but nothing Led Zeppelin-related is coming up >get mad >go to bed >sleep for like 12 hours. >wake up >go to delete my browsing history like I usually do >"loop zoop" searched on youtube ~25 times >I thought I was typing in "Led Zeppelin"
>>35574459 # reminds me >get wisdom teeth removed >go home high as s--- >get on the computer >go to youtube >really want to listen to Led Zeppelin (I don't even listen to them regularly) >keep typing in Led Zeppelin but nothing Led Zeppelin-related is coming up >get mad >go to bed >sleep for like 12 hours. >wake up >go to delete my browsing history like I usually do >"loop zoop" searched on youtube ~25 times >I thought I was typing in "Led Zeppelin"

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My perfect cousin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/09/21(Mon)09:56:48 No.64900872 >Have cousin becoming a 7th grader this fal| >My favorite cousin, anytime I we visit we always have a grand old time >Visit him because they have some event going on >6 hours away btw 132 KB JPG >Turns out he has a gf now >Be happy for him >He asks me if I have a gf >Tell him no "Wait so you're still lonely?" "Who do you like?" >Tell him about someone I know at my work "That has to be one of the ugliest girlnames I have ever heard" >Oh well >Be playing basketball the next day >1v1 >Roasts me during the game, not even game banter, just straight roasting >About my networth n s--- >He starts using white as an insult Don't take the gf pill anons, it turned my cousin into a complete douchebag and I want him back
: Anonymous 08/09/21(Mon)09:56:48 No.64900872 >Have cousin becoming a 7th grader this fal| >My favorite cousin, anytime I we visit we always have a grand old time >Visit him because they have some event going on >6 hours away btw 132 KB JPG >Turns out he has a gf now >Be happy for him >He asks me if I have a gf >Tell him no "Wait so you're still lonely?" "Who do you like?" >Tell him about someone I know at my work "That has to be one of the ugliest girlnames I have ever heard" >Oh well >Be playing basketball the next day >1v1 >Roasts me during the game, not even game banter, just straight roasting >About my networth n s--- >He starts using white as an insult Don't take the gf pill anons, it turned my cousin into a complete douchebag and I want him back

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Anon uses the bathroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/25/18(Mon)15:35:10 No.772557085 Happened like 3 minutes ago >be me >wake up >take a pee >pee splits into two streams cuz d---'s retarded 49 KB JPG >piss all over my socks, the wall, and the floor >f---.jpg Bout to chop this f------ thing off swear to god l'm so mad.
: Anonymous 06/25/18(Mon)15:35:10 No.772557085 Happened like 3 minutes ago >be me >wake up >take a pee >pee splits into two streams cuz d---'s retarded 49 KB JPG >piss all over my socks, the wall, and the floor >f---.jpg Bout to chop this f------ thing off swear to god l'm so mad.

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