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Anon gets harrased | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)16:27:38 No.64646556 >go for a walk * >walk into a store >get a carton of milk >go outside and open milk >walk around while drinking it >enjoying life >everyone starts looking at me >few people start laughing 76 KB JPG >keep drinking milk what the f--- is wrong with people can i not drink milk?
: Anonymous 07/20/21(Tue)16:27:38 No.64646556 >go for a walk * >walk into a store >get a carton of milk >go outside and open milk >walk around while drinking it >enjoying life >everyone starts looking at me >few people start laughing 76 KB JPG >keep drinking milk what the f--- is wrong with people can i not drink milk?

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Anon works at a pizza place | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/18(Fri)22:57:34 No.782177232 >be me >work for a pizza place >alrightimadeliveryboy.mp3 >one day get a delivery that's about 8 miles away >fuckmylife.gif >on way to delivery >about 10 minutes in get tboned by a truck 17 KB JPG >everything f------ hurts >Lose conciousness >l wake up on a stretcher >l'm being rushed to the emergency >l'm on the emergency table >I'mStillConciousDamnit.thought >A light blinds me >I look to my side >I see a forest of pines >I look on my other side >I see a hairy in roughed clothes >my hands are tied up >there's 2 other guys with me >we're in a cart being pulled by horses >the title screen shows >"The Elder Scrolls V: Skryrim" >Todd Howard you f------ did it again
: Anonymous 10/12/18(Fri)22:57:34 No.782177232 >be me >work for a pizza place >alrightimadeliveryboy.mp3 >one day get a delivery that's about 8 miles away >fuckmylife.gif >on way to delivery >about 10 minutes in get tboned by a truck 17 KB JPG >everything f------ hurts >Lose conciousness >l wake up on a stretcher >l'm being rushed to the emergency >l'm on the emergency table >I'mStillConciousDamnit.thought >A light blinds me >I look to my side >I see a forest of pines >I look on my other side >I see a hairy in roughed clothes >my hands are tied up >there's 2 other guys with me >we're in a cart being pulled by horses >the title screen shows >"The Elder Scrolls V: Skryrim" >Todd Howard you f------ did it again

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anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)11:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats 210 KB PNG >Make an audible fart >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" I shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"..okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym
: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)11:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats 210 KB PNG >Make an audible fart >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" I shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"..okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym

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Saturday mourning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 25 Year old loser 08/02/21(Mon)22:30:17 No.64813213 >late at night last night >spread sleeping bag over the floor >connect computer to TV >make popcorn >pour a cup of Jameson >watch Girls last tour and Terror 182 KВ GIF in resonance >feeling like a happy child on a Saturday morning watching cartoons >look around the room >tfw the realization hit I'm a 25 year old man sitting in his room still living with his parents. No job or job experience. No drivers license. Poor social skills.Only $10 to my name. All of my other siblings have moved on with their lives while I sit doing the same things that I did when I was 16. I cried like a bitch last night and might do it again tonight bros. I'm not even sure what to do. I don't have any goals or interests. I'm not even smart enough to do high school algebra. I tried so hard to improve last year and failed miserably. I'm too afraid to try again. Should I buy a pistol?
: Anonymous 25 Year old loser 08/02/21(Mon)22:30:17 No.64813213 >late at night last night >spread sleeping bag over the floor >connect computer to TV >make popcorn >pour a cup of Jameson >watch Girls last tour and Terror 182 KВ GIF in resonance >feeling like a happy child on a Saturday morning watching cartoons >look around the room >tfw the realization hit I'm a 25 year old man sitting in his room still living with his parents. No job or job experience. No drivers license. Poor social skills.Only $10 to my name. All of my other siblings have moved on with their lives while I sit doing the same things that I did when I was 16. I cried like a bitch last night and might do it again tonight bros. I'm not even sure what to do. I don't have any goals or interests. I'm not even smart enough to do high school algebra. I tried so hard to improve last year and failed miserably. I'm too afraid to try again. Should I buy a pistol?

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Anon is Mexican | /r/Greentext

>be me >Member of Mexican Drug Cartel >trying to hop over border to sell Americans s--- to get those sweet pesos >my friend Pablo Juan 195 KB JPG Rodrigaz gave me a ladder for my birthday so I brought that s--- with me >climb over wall and hop over the other side >hear sirens blaring in distance >ohfuck.guacamole >start booking it >border security catches up with me and i pull a gun out on them >one of them tases me, I hit my head on the ground and everyone goes black >"hey you, your finally awake. You were trying to cross that border, right?" >oh thank god I'm safe >open my eyes >in some f------ wagon pulled by a horse >turn around >"The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" Todd Howard you've done it again, amigo.
>be me >Member of Mexican Drug Cartel >trying to hop over border to sell Americans s--- to get those sweet pesos >my friend Pablo Juan 195 KB JPG Rodrigaz gave me a ladder for my birthday so I brought that s--- with me >climb over wall and hop over the other side >hear sirens blaring in distance >ohfuck.guacamole >start booking it >border security catches up with me and i pull a gun out on them >one of them tases me, I hit my head on the ground and everyone goes black >"hey you, your finally awake. You were trying to cross that border, right?" >oh thank god I'm safe >open my eyes >in some f------ wagon pulled by a horse >turn around >"The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim" Todd Howard you've done it again, amigo.

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Anon is Todd Howard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/18(Sun)21:29:12 No.775720487 >be me >Todd Howard >go to E3 >literally own the place >BE3 conference starts >waiting backstage for my time >i can hear the audience shuffling and 66 KB JPG mumbling my name >"WELCOME TO THE STAGE, MY GOOD FRIEND TODD HOWARD" >the crowd goes f------ insane >the entire front row s---- themselves >the back row are literally sobbing >rub my hands together >this is my moment >"We know why you're here, and we're happy to annouce-" >room darkens and the spotlight thunks on over me >"The newest game in our most popular franchise-" >the rest of the audience starts pissing their pants >old man having a f------ stroke >screen above me reee's to life >the fated words scream across the room >"SKYRIM 2 - BATTLE ROYALE" >twelve year olds are beating the s--- out of each other >ali-a c--- literal buckets backstage >preorder money rains down upon me >be me >Godd Howard >l own you all
: Anonymous 07/29/18(Sun)21:29:12 No.775720487 >be me >Todd Howard >go to E3 >literally own the place >BE3 conference starts >waiting backstage for my time >i can hear the audience shuffling and 66 KB JPG mumbling my name >"WELCOME TO THE STAGE, MY GOOD FRIEND TODD HOWARD" >the crowd goes f------ insane >the entire front row s---- themselves >the back row are literally sobbing >rub my hands together >this is my moment >"We know why you're here, and we're happy to annouce-" >room darkens and the spotlight thunks on over me >"The newest game in our most popular franchise-" >the rest of the audience starts pissing their pants >old man having a f------ stroke >screen above me reee's to life >the fated words scream across the room >"SKYRIM 2 - BATTLE ROYALE" >twelve year olds are beating the s--- out of each other >ali-a c--- literal buckets backstage >preorder money rains down upon me >be me >Godd Howard >l own you all

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Anon is sad | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 09/11/20(Fri)06:42:01 No.835822577 >Наpрy >Told I have to put my dog down >Sad >Email my teacher that I will be gone putting my dog down during his class >Don't show up to his zoom 172 KB PNG >Put my dog down >Cry >Check my grades >0/10 (Didn't show up) >"Anon i'm sorry about your dog but that doesn't excuse you from my class." >Cry harder 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 09/11/20(Fri)06:42:57 No.835822606 : Anonymous 09/11/20(Fri)06:48:01 No.835822793 F--- that teacher, f--- their family, f--- their ancestors, f--- their descendants. As for you anon, I hope you find peace soon.
I Anonymous 09/11/20(Fri)06:42:01 No.835822577 >Наpрy >Told I have to put my dog down >Sad >Email my teacher that I will be gone putting my dog down during his class >Don't show up to his zoom 172 KB PNG >Put my dog down >Cry >Check my grades >0/10 (Didn't show up) >"Anon i'm sorry about your dog but that doesn't excuse you from my class." >Cry harder 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 09/11/20(Fri)06:42:57 No.835822606 : Anonymous 09/11/20(Fri)06:48:01 No.835822793 F--- that teacher, f--- their family, f--- their ancestors, f--- their descendants. As for you anon, I hope you find peace soon.

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Tharr she blows | /r/Greentext

ile: image jpg (16 KB, 409x307) Anonymous (ID: 8yTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girlfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"Ive always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat.jpg >Only thing I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWS" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after closing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw
ile: image jpg (16 KB, 409x307) Anonymous (ID: 8yTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girlfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"Ive always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat.jpg >Only thing I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWS" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after closing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw

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Anon is losing touch with reality. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)19:09:51 No.860212835 >Wake up at 2am to the sound of 3 cats being electrocuted in your basement. >ignore them they don't understand the grind. >Sprint naked into kitchen and rub penis in bowl of chili peppers. 6 KB JPG >shave face with rusty razor utilizing saltwater. >throw on dishrag for quick clothing option. >jump in your 1998 Toyota camry and blast 14 anime at the same time in Japanese with no subs. >you don't understand it? >Good, you will. >sneak into work 3 hours early and preemptively booby trap the coffee machines with Tabasco sauce. >Your co-workers will thank you later. >Begin work immediately even though you have no clue what the plan of the day is. >Your coworkers aren't wolves in sheep's clothing like you are. >get kicked out of Dennys for the 18th time for trespassing. >Sprint home to your cardboard box and immediately begin work on your newest grind. >Do you know where you are? >no? >Good. : Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)19:11:19 No.860212918 10/10 : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)19:14:02 No.860213087 >>860212835(OP) # they'll never understand the grind : Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)19:15:47 No.860213187 >>860212835 (OP) # A Gods mentality.
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)19:09:51 No.860212835 >Wake up at 2am to the sound of 3 cats being electrocuted in your basement. >ignore them they don't understand the grind. >Sprint naked into kitchen and rub penis in bowl of chili peppers. 6 KB JPG >shave face with rusty razor utilizing saltwater. >throw on dishrag for quick clothing option. >jump in your 1998 Toyota camry and blast 14 anime at the same time in Japanese with no subs. >you don't understand it? >Good, you will. >sneak into work 3 hours early and preemptively booby trap the coffee machines with Tabasco sauce. >Your co-workers will thank you later. >Begin work immediately even though you have no clue what the plan of the day is. >Your coworkers aren't wolves in sheep's clothing like you are. >get kicked out of Dennys for the 18th time for trespassing. >Sprint home to your cardboard box and immediately begin work on your newest grind. >Do you know where you are? >no? >Good. : Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)19:11:19 No.860212918 10/10 : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)19:14:02 No.860213087 >>860212835(OP) # they'll never understand the grind : Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)19:15:47 No.860213187 >>860212835 (OP) # A Gods mentality.

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Anon’s prostate exam | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)20:50:56 No.49517483 >Be me >Getting prostate exam >Doctor slips his fingers in my ass >Get massive hard on >F-----.png >Doctor says its normal >He probes deeper 250 KB PNG >Feels like hes going for the whole fist >Turn and stare into his soul Would it kill you for some foreplay? >mfw Im asked to leave the doctors office >mfw I still might have prostate cancer
: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)20:50:56 No.49517483 >Be me >Getting prostate exam >Doctor slips his fingers in my ass >Get massive hard on >F-----.png >Doctor says its normal >He probes deeper 250 KB PNG >Feels like hes going for the whole fist >Turn and stare into his soul Would it kill you for some foreplay? >mfw Im asked to leave the doctors office >mfw I still might have prostate cancer

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Anon is doing a cart race | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 6Sym3aq6 09/23/18(Sun)11:57:11 No.6508221 > be me > 12 years old > my neighborhood is hosting homemade kart races > fuckyes.wav > ask my dad to help me make the best racing wagon ever 489 KB JPG > ffw 2 weeks later > my kart is ready, biggest one in the race > I have a 100 percent chance of winning race starts and Im already in first place > Im going fast as f---, too fast > all of a sudden theres a sharp turn to avoid a forest > oh f--- its too late > I go flying through the forest on my wagon and cover my head to avoid concusion via branch > wagon starts slowing down, but its still moving > this isnt normal > look up > oh no > Im too late > horse is pulling my kart through the forest > look behind me, the title appears > Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim > Todd Howard you m----------- > Youve done it again
: Anonymous (ID: 6Sym3aq6 09/23/18(Sun)11:57:11 No.6508221 > be me > 12 years old > my neighborhood is hosting homemade kart races > fuckyes.wav > ask my dad to help me make the best racing wagon ever 489 KB JPG > ffw 2 weeks later > my kart is ready, biggest one in the race > I have a 100 percent chance of winning race starts and Im already in first place > Im going fast as f---, too fast > all of a sudden theres a sharp turn to avoid a forest > oh f--- its too late > I go flying through the forest on my wagon and cover my head to avoid concusion via branch > wagon starts slowing down, but its still moving > this isnt normal > look up > oh no > Im too late > horse is pulling my kart through the forest > look behind me, the title appears > Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim > Todd Howard you m----------- > Youve done it again

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Why am I cursed with eyeballs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)11:27:07 No.860193024 >be me >decide to piss in sink since I was curious how it felt >first time ever doing it >forget to lock door >employee comes in >we lock eyes for a moment before 200 KB JPG he leaves >awkward and can't piss I still have to piss and can't go back what the f--- do I do : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)11:27:37 No.860193048 >>860193024 (OP) # lock the door dummy
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)11:27:07 No.860193024 >be me >decide to piss in sink since I was curious how it felt >first time ever doing it >forget to lock door >employee comes in >we lock eyes for a moment before 200 KB JPG he leaves >awkward and can't piss I still have to piss and can't go back what the f--- do I do : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)11:27:37 No.860193048 >>860193024 (OP) # lock the door dummy

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Anon reads | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)16:57:07 No.860215884 >Read 314 pages of terms and conditions >Clicked 'disagree' 1.09 MB GIF
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)16:57:07 No.860215884 >Read 314 pages of terms and conditions >Clicked 'disagree' 1.09 MB GIF

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The great lie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I f----- up bros 08/02/21(Mon)16:17:09 No.64809204 >be me >20 >at a college party >girl approaches me >start talking >one think leads to another 305 KB JPG >hey anon can we go back to your place? >at my place >seggs >post seggs pillow talk >she is a leftist >little does she know I am far right >she starts talking about the Illuminati >the Illuminati controls everything >l tell her she is wrong >she thinks she is so right >l tell her why she is wrong >l say it is the Jews >she is shocked >l try to explain to her about why >she does not listen and just gets mad >calls me a nazi and leaves before we could fall asleep >mfw Why bros. Why must I bring up the Jews after I have seggs with a women. She was really cute and i thought we could have a chance at a relationship. But no I blew it because I could not help it but bringing up the Jews : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)16:19:13 No.64809238 >>64809204 (OP) # This didn't happen, Anon.
: Anonymous I f----- up bros 08/02/21(Mon)16:17:09 No.64809204 >be me >20 >at a college party >girl approaches me >start talking >one think leads to another 305 KB JPG >hey anon can we go back to your place? >at my place >seggs >post seggs pillow talk >she is a leftist >little does she know I am far right >she starts talking about the Illuminati >the Illuminati controls everything >l tell her she is wrong >she thinks she is so right >l tell her why she is wrong >l say it is the Jews >she is shocked >l try to explain to her about why >she does not listen and just gets mad >calls me a nazi and leaves before we could fall asleep >mfw Why bros. Why must I bring up the Jews after I have seggs with a women. She was really cute and i thought we could have a chance at a relationship. But no I blew it because I could not help it but bringing up the Jews : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)16:19:13 No.64809238 >>64809204 (OP) # This didn't happen, Anon.

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In for a penny... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)16:15:49 No.64809188 >be me >arrive at the sex shop >look around and then go to the register >uhhhhhhhhhhh >"sir what do you want we don't have the whole day" >"yeah so, can I get 3 pounds If 22 KB JPG sex" >mfw I receive around 3lbs of sex for less than $10 It was a pretty good deal.
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)16:15:49 No.64809188 >be me >arrive at the sex shop >look around and then go to the register >uhhhhhhhhhhh >"sir what do you want we don't have the whole day" >"yeah so, can I get 3 pounds If 22 KB JPG sex" >mfw I receive around 3lbs of sex for less than $10 It was a pretty good deal.

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Anon gets BF1 for free | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)20:52:50 No.860197304 >be me >see amazon prime gaming giving BF1 away >create account >get BF1 and activate it >delete Amazon account >l already did this with BF4 >suck it Jeff Bezos u aint getting 18 KB JPG cent from me
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)20:52:50 No.860197304 >be me >see amazon prime gaming giving BF1 away >create account >get BF1 and activate it >delete Amazon account >l already did this with BF4 >suck it Jeff Bezos u aint getting 18 KB JPG cent from me

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anon gives us some advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)14:06:47 No.860195133 alien pepe.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >get alien gf >says she wants to peg me >i comply >prepare for the p------ >feel it go in >ngh >i turn around and she's probing me, not p------ me >"i can't believe you would trick me like this" i say "we're done" >i hop out her ufo, she's begging me to stay as i'm leaving >my advice, never let your alien gf peg you
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)14:06:47 No.860195133 alien pepe.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >get alien gf >says she wants to peg me >i comply >prepare for the p------ >feel it go in >ngh >i turn around and she's probing me, not p------ me >"i can't believe you would trick me like this" i say "we're done" >i hop out her ufo, she's begging me to stay as i'm leaving >my advice, never let your alien gf peg you

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Glass half full | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)09:53:14 No.64805434 BELETARLTO >meet autistic girl on campus >wears glasses >is also hated by everyone in same campus >reason why is because she sleeps with almost every guy >has an onlyfans 154 KB JPG Why does this always happens to me, I just want my second chance on a nerdy glasses clad gf. 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)10:12:30 No.64805563 : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)10:13:56 No.64805575 : Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)11:24:54 No.64806034 >>64805434 (OP) # well go f--- her then. also post her OF
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)09:53:14 No.64805434 BELETARLTO >meet autistic girl on campus >wears glasses >is also hated by everyone in same campus >reason why is because she sleeps with almost every guy >has an onlyfans 154 KB JPG Why does this always happens to me, I just want my second chance on a nerdy glasses clad gf. 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)10:12:30 No.64805563 : Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)10:13:56 No.64805575 : Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)11:24:54 No.64806034 >>64805434 (OP) # well go f--- her then. also post her OF

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The End of the Scene/Emo Era for all 90’s Babies. FeelsBadMan. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/14/18(Wed)02:03:49 No.49268962 >tfw ideal is qt emo looking gf >pale skin, black hair, bangs, cute face, not fat >it's not 2008 anymore >l didn't have to courage to talk to them when I was a 54 KB PNG teenager >emo chicks aren't around anymore, especially in 20s age bracket this feels like when your favourite food place stops making your favourite limited time food, but worse.
: Anonymous 11/14/18(Wed)02:03:49 No.49268962 >tfw ideal is qt emo looking gf >pale skin, black hair, bangs, cute face, not fat >it's not 2008 anymore >l didn't have to courage to talk to them when I was a 54 KB PNG teenager >emo chicks aren't around anymore, especially in 20s age bracket this feels like when your favourite food place stops making your favourite limited time food, but worse.

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Anon Likes to Party Hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)19:36:24 No.64612555 >got drunk and fired the gun in the house again >mom is threatening to kick me out Bros... 16 KB PNG
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)19:36:24 No.64612555 >got drunk and fired the gun in the house again >mom is threatening to kick me out Bros... 16 KB PNG

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