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Britbong comes up with a solution. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RIGYOIG ) EE 07/31/21(Sat)01:56:20 No.332217206 dreamstime ime Download from Dreamstime.com This watermarked comp image is for previewing purposes onty. ID 15455569 O Gualtiero Boffi Dreamstime.com armed-robbery-background-15455569.jpg| 79 KB JPG >>332214595 (OP)_# >TAKE OUT YOUR WALLET NOW "h-here you go, dont hurt me" >takes vaccination card and give back the wallet "why didn't you take the money?" >all i need is this card for proof "b-but what am i supposed to do without it?" >go get 2 more doses kek
: Anonymous (ID: RIGYOIG ) EE 07/31/21(Sat)01:56:20 No.332217206 dreamstime ime Download from Dreamstime.com This watermarked comp image is for previewing purposes onty. ID 15455569 O Gualtiero Boffi Dreamstime.com armed-robbery-background-15455569.jpg| 79 KB JPG >>332214595 (OP)_# >TAKE OUT YOUR WALLET NOW "h-here you go, dont hurt me" >takes vaccination card and give back the wallet "why didn't you take the money?" >all i need is this card for proof "b-but what am i supposed to do without it?" >go get 2 more doses kek

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Anon is gay and based | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)22:35:33 No.21703989 [Reply] Please be patient I have autism >be gay >go out in public with bf >we both hit on and dogwhistle at women >we're not bi >we just hate women
O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)22:35:33 No.21703989 [Reply] Please be patient I have autism >be gay >go out in public with bf >we both hit on and dogwhistle at women >we're not bi >we just hate women

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Sigurds life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: y2WkrRZf) 05/14/13(Tue)15:06:56 No.480078695 >be working on a cold morndas morning >town is all on edge about some "return of the dovahkiin" b------- 49 KB JPG >see a guy i've never seen 'round Whiterun before >decide to be friendly and introduce myself >"I work for belethor at the general goods store" >says nothing >crouches and rummages through my pockets >goes into store >puts bucket on Belethor's head >steals everything >drops 36 cheese wheels from his bag to make room >runs outside and teleports away >mfw
Anonymous (ID: y2WkrRZf) 05/14/13(Tue)15:06:56 No.480078695 >be working on a cold morndas morning >town is all on edge about some "return of the dovahkiin" b------- 49 KB JPG >see a guy i've never seen 'round Whiterun before >decide to be friendly and introduce myself >"I work for belethor at the general goods store" >says nothing >crouches and rummages through my pockets >goes into store >puts bucket on Belethor's head >steals everything >drops 36 cheese wheels from his bag to make room >runs outside and teleports away >mfw

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Anon Gets BTFO | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)18:54:25 No.64558434 >5'9 manlet >ask 5'1 girl out BIG >says im "too short for her" BOY 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)18:54:25 No.64558434 >5'9 manlet >ask 5'1 girl out BIG >says im "too short for her" BOY 29 KB JPG

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Anon is a self-loathing addict | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)23:30:03 >get high >regret it >next day >get high >regret it >next day >get high 124 KB JPG >regret it
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)23:30:03 >get high >regret it >next day >get high >regret it >next day >get high 124 KB JPG >regret it

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Anon has a good time | /r/Greentext

>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it
>work s----- retail job >coworker brings in edibles one day >get super high with everyone at work >feelsgoodman.png >decide I wanna make my own edibles >next weekend make firecrackers 100 KB JPG >recommended dose is .10 grams per cracker >put 1G per cracker because I'm autistic >invite over friends to come get high >eat the firecrackers >5/10 taste because of so much weed >waiting for edibles to kick in >45 minutes later >decide to watch shrek the musical >edibles start to kick in >immediately filled with regret >can't move >can't speak >look over at friends >one friend is praying to Jesus >he's an atheist >other friend is quietly talking to himself about lizards >still can't move >begin to have panic attack >think I'm dying >this whole time shrek the musical is still playing >can't reach phone to call for help >think my last moment in life will be dying to shrek the musical >suddenly pass out >wake up 15 hours later >friends are super mad at me >worth it

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Beverage of choice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:42:55 No.64773025 >I PREFER WATER OVER ALCOHOL!!!! 82 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:45:40 No.64773050 : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:47:12 No.64773069 >>64773025 (OP) # >l prefer watered down alchol 211 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:47:37 No.64773074 Drug use is one of the main separators between NPCS and people. If you actually can live in this world without mind altering substances you are a bot. An NPC. Simple as. >>64773349 # >>64773381 # >>64773531 # >>64774130 # >>64774244 # : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:49:24 No.64773095 : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:49:51 No.64773100 >>64773025 (OP) # >'Il have a glass of milk. Choccy mix? Stir that in, boss. 258 KB PNG >>64773727 #
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:42:55 No.64773025 >I PREFER WATER OVER ALCOHOL!!!! 82 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:45:40 No.64773050 : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:47:12 No.64773069 >>64773025 (OP) # >l prefer watered down alchol 211 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:47:37 No.64773074 Drug use is one of the main separators between NPCS and people. If you actually can live in this world without mind altering substances you are a bot. An NPC. Simple as. >>64773349 # >>64773381 # >>64773531 # >>64774130 # >>64774244 # : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:49:24 No.64773095 : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)19:49:51 No.64773100 >>64773025 (OP) # >'Il have a glass of milk. Choccy mix? Stir that in, boss. 258 KB PNG >>64773727 #

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Anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

>be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.
>be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.

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Anon is an arch linux guy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:04:14 No.63329932 >and heres our sons room, you can see hes different from the others 196 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:05:33 No.63329945 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:14:57 No.63330006 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:27:57 No.63330507 I Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:52:39 No.63330666 >>63329932 (OP) # >Oh, good morning, dear sir or madam. Do you have a moment to talk about open source software? 40 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:04:14 No.63329932 >and heres our sons room, you can see hes different from the others 196 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:05:33 No.63329945 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)04:14:57 No.63330006 : Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:27:57 No.63330507 I Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)05:52:39 No.63330666 >>63329932 (OP) # >Oh, good morning, dear sir or madam. Do you have a moment to talk about open source software? 40 KB JPG

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Being Adrianne | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/19/14(Sun)07:28:43 UTC+1 No.527824608 File: 1390112923225.jpg-(36 KB, 480x270, 302678.jpg) EGO >be me >working hard as s--- for years to become the best one at smithing >random guy shows up >buys all my iron ore >craft tons of s----- daggers >sell all to me >i didnt want to buy all those s---, but i did anyways, lol >i need to restock >he backs up and stand there for f------ 2 days without eating >im restocked >he buys all my ore again >in 3 weeks he got better at smithing than me
O Anonymous 01/19/14(Sun)07:28:43 UTC+1 No.527824608 File: 1390112923225.jpg-(36 KB, 480x270, 302678.jpg) EGO >be me >working hard as s--- for years to become the best one at smithing >random guy shows up >buys all my iron ore >craft tons of s----- daggers >sell all to me >i didnt want to buy all those s---, but i did anyways, lol >i need to restock >he backs up and stand there for f------ 2 days without eating >im restocked >he buys all my ore again >in 3 weeks he got better at smithing than me

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Alvors problem | /r/Greentext

File: image.jpg (188 KB, 500x833) Anonymous 04/17/15(Fri)15:37:43 No.610530903 22610531137 >610531197 2610531519 >610531770 >2610531989 >610532139 >>610532140 >>610532559 >>610532941 >>610533007 >»610533606 >>610533895 2610534399 >610534550 >>610535082 >»610537050 >Be me >Live in Riverwood >Nephew Hadvar wanders back from wherever the hell he's been >Tells me of a dragon in Helgen, has a rescued traveler with him >The rescued traveler and I talk a bit >Every time I begin to speak he cuts me off >It's my civic duty. Whiterun needs to know. >It's beginning to get Dark >Tell him he can take what he needs for his Journey >Watch helplessly as the traveler rushes around my home stuffing all my food, including whole cheese wheels into his pockets >Takes all my gold etc. >Traveler suddenly stops and does not move for over an hour >WHO THE HELL DID YOU BRING HOME HADVAR.pdf >After 12 hours the traveler finally exits my home >Go outside the next day to work at the forge >Traveler is out here >Makes 61 daggers >Who is this demon.
File: image.jpg (188 KB, 500x833) Anonymous 04/17/15(Fri)15:37:43 No.610530903 22610531137 >610531197 2610531519 >610531770 >2610531989 >610532139 >>610532140 >>610532559 >>610532941 >>610533007 >»610533606 >>610533895 2610534399 >610534550 >>610535082 >»610537050 >Be me >Live in Riverwood >Nephew Hadvar wanders back from wherever the hell he's been >Tells me of a dragon in Helgen, has a rescued traveler with him >The rescued traveler and I talk a bit >Every time I begin to speak he cuts me off >It's my civic duty. Whiterun needs to know. >It's beginning to get Dark >Tell him he can take what he needs for his Journey >Watch helplessly as the traveler rushes around my home stuffing all my food, including whole cheese wheels into his pockets >Takes all my gold etc. >Traveler suddenly stops and does not move for over an hour >WHO THE HELL DID YOU BRING HOME HADVAR.pdf >After 12 hours the traveler finally exits my home >Go outside the next day to work at the forge >Traveler is out here >Makes 61 daggers >Who is this demon.

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Anon tried to sing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)02:18:30 No.63922871 >Crush is named Victoria >Trying to impress her >Me and the boys show up at her house singing the nazi song Sieg Heil Viktoria >She calls the police instead of liking it 5 KB JPG >F------ normie bitch
: Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)02:18:30 No.63922871 >Crush is named Victoria >Trying to impress her >Me and the boys show up at her house singing the nazi song Sieg Heil Viktoria >She calls the police instead of liking it 5 KB JPG >F------ normie bitch

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Anon learns economics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)09:12:52 No.786349490 >be 8 y.o me >eating chicken tendies >my booty still leaking daddy's mayo from the good boy points loan I had to take out for them >he left for the bar 27 KB JPG >mommy comes home >"anon I know you don't have enough good boy points for those" "Daddy gave me a loan >"now you know all loans need to come through me. Looks like we need to get mommy's fake peenie weenie for a loan" "No mommy please" >pulls me away from my remaining tendies and takes me to her bank/bedroom >forces her fake peenie weenie into my booty for a good half an hour >when she's done she has a smokey and let's me go back to my temdies >they're cold This economy sucks
: Anonymous 12/02/18(Sun)09:12:52 No.786349490 >be 8 y.o me >eating chicken tendies >my booty still leaking daddy's mayo from the good boy points loan I had to take out for them >he left for the bar 27 KB JPG >mommy comes home >"anon I know you don't have enough good boy points for those" "Daddy gave me a loan >"now you know all loans need to come through me. Looks like we need to get mommy's fake peenie weenie for a loan" "No mommy please" >pulls me away from my remaining tendies and takes me to her bank/bedroom >forces her fake peenie weenie into my booty for a good half an hour >when she's done she has a smokey and let's me go back to my temdies >they're cold This economy sucks

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Anon is tired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)16:21:46 No.780278536 >Be me >Tired of doing nothing but sitting on my ass and getting fat >See a video of a guy who runs everyday as long as he can for a year and becomes fit >I decide that I should at least try >Right then, I set an alarm on my phone to trigger everyday at 5 to remind me to run no matter what >Through rain, snow, or hellfire, I ran and will 73 KB JPG continue to run >Feel happy and accomplished everyday after >start sleeping better >have more energy >only been a week Im having such a good time, /b/. I feel like it can only get better from here. 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)16:33:09 No.780279320 Go on anon , we know you can do It , be Happy and be good for you >>780279375 # : Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)16:33:44 No.780279375 >>780279320 # Thanks :D
: Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)16:21:46 No.780278536 >Be me >Tired of doing nothing but sitting on my ass and getting fat >See a video of a guy who runs everyday as long as he can for a year and becomes fit >I decide that I should at least try >Right then, I set an alarm on my phone to trigger everyday at 5 to remind me to run no matter what >Through rain, snow, or hellfire, I ran and will 73 KB JPG continue to run >Feel happy and accomplished everyday after >start sleeping better >have more energy >only been a week Im having such a good time, /b/. I feel like it can only get better from here. 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)16:33:09 No.780279320 Go on anon , we know you can do It , be Happy and be good for you >>780279375 # : Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)16:33:44 No.780279375 >>780279320 # Thanks :D

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Anon is a champion | /r/Greentext

File: 20190131-053124-Ali-Liston.jpg (239 KB, 1500x1125) O Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)16:56:30 No.854355841 >logs onto omegle for daily social interaction >"stranger: what are ur pronouns?" >SJW spotted >"Me:Nig/Ger." >They disconect crowning me the victor pic related
File: 20190131-053124-Ali-Liston.jpg (239 KB, 1500x1125) O Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)16:56:30 No.854355841 >logs onto omegle for daily social interaction >"stranger: what are ur pronouns?" >SJW spotted >"Me:Nig/Ger." >They disconect crowning me the victor pic related

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Anon loves his son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/08/19(Sun)03:03:27 No.8114915 >Be Me >Dad of two >A boy and a girl > my son is 12 year old 13 in December >I think he might be gay >Beg me to take him and his best friend to one of those Instagram famous guys Pepe And son 163 KB PNG meet and greets >Said screw it I bought tickets >Go to the event dumb boring concert but screw it deal with it cuz my kid and his friend are having fun. >Concert is over my kid & his friend go to the back with there VIP passes to meet the Instagram guys >Let them go by them self cuz why not >l'm waiting in the lobby for them >My kid come out crying his eyes out Obviously was worried ask him what was wrong >My kid told me he was just so happy to finally meet him and got a chance to talk to him >On the way home both my kid & his friend are talkin & laughing in the backseat on the way home >never seen my son so happy before >I love you son no matter what gay or straight > l just want you to be happy
: Anonymous 09/08/19(Sun)03:03:27 No.8114915 >Be Me >Dad of two >A boy and a girl > my son is 12 year old 13 in December >I think he might be gay >Beg me to take him and his best friend to one of those Instagram famous guys Pepe And son 163 KB PNG meet and greets >Said screw it I bought tickets >Go to the event dumb boring concert but screw it deal with it cuz my kid and his friend are having fun. >Concert is over my kid & his friend go to the back with there VIP passes to meet the Instagram guys >Let them go by them self cuz why not >l'm waiting in the lobby for them >My kid come out crying his eyes out Obviously was worried ask him what was wrong >My kid told me he was just so happy to finally meet him and got a chance to talk to him >On the way home both my kid & his friend are talkin & laughing in the backseat on the way home >never seen my son so happy before >I love you son no matter what gay or straight > l just want you to be happy

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Wingmom>>> | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)18:31:50 No.62413130 >flying back home for the holidays >had a long layover in Chicago >decided to take a nap in the airport to pass the time >when I wake up, there is a note on my lap >"I think you're hot. Only in town a few days. Call me *phone number* Chrissy." >Laugh it off. Already have a gf, plus I'm leaving Soon >Take picture of note and send it to my mom, figured she'd get a kick out of it >Mom starts texting the girl, pretending to be me, then sends me screenshots >Chrissy is super sexually aggressive in her texts. >She's looking to hook up while it town over break >Sends mom nudes
: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)18:31:50 No.62413130 >flying back home for the holidays >had a long layover in Chicago >decided to take a nap in the airport to pass the time >when I wake up, there is a note on my lap >"I think you're hot. Only in town a few days. Call me *phone number* Chrissy." >Laugh it off. Already have a gf, plus I'm leaving Soon >Take picture of note and send it to my mom, figured she'd get a kick out of it >Mom starts texting the girl, pretending to be me, then sends me screenshots >Chrissy is super sexually aggressive in her texts. >She's looking to hook up while it town over break >Sends mom nudes

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Anon gets cockblocked | /r/Greentext

File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300. tSrfb2A jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15:14:15 UTC-6 No 519 So /bl, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda
File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300. tSrfb2A jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15:14:15 UTC-6 No 519 So /bl, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda

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Nun of them wants Anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:23:16 No.64665666 >be me >highschool >try to get girlfriend >"sorry anon let's stay friends" >becomes a nun >uni >have a gf >"sorry anon I felt the calling" 27 KB JPG >becomes a nun >make friends with lady at the cafe near my home >ask on a date >"oh anon pardon me, I can't" >ofc she would be a nun How the f--- am I supposed to compete with Jesus? | Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:27:57 No.64665698 >>64665666 (OP) # >666 Lmao get f----- antichrist
: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:23:16 No.64665666 >be me >highschool >try to get girlfriend >"sorry anon let's stay friends" >becomes a nun >uni >have a gf >"sorry anon I felt the calling" 27 KB JPG >becomes a nun >make friends with lady at the cafe near my home >ask on a date >"oh anon pardon me, I can't" >ofc she would be a nun How the f--- am I supposed to compete with Jesus? | Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)13:27:57 No.64665698 >>64665666 (OP) # >666 Lmao get f----- antichrist

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Khan Academy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)08:55:59 No.64766386 80552736-CDEA-4828-AA16-5F57FBABC95E.jpg 182 KB JPG >one shot at life > TENGAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZAYAT TAIIIIIIIIIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGAS IYZDAGGULLLLLLLSEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNWWOHHNNNCHOOONNNNHICHEENEGTE ESIIIDDDHIМOORAAASAHНННННННННННН HEYEEEEEAHНННННННННННННННННННЕЕEYEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАННННННННННННЕRELHEGG GGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYYYYYYYEZZ EEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIIIISSKHAAAAA NNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAAS SSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHUCCHHHHTT EEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARI DSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)08:55:59 No.64766386 80552736-CDEA-4828-AA16-5F57FBABC95E.jpg 182 KB JPG >one shot at life > TENGAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZAYAT TAIIIIIIIIIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGAS IYZDAGGULLLLLLLSEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNWWOHHNNNCHOOONNNNHICHEENEGTE ESIIIDDDHIМOORAAASAHНННННННННННН HEYEEEEEAHНННННННННННННННННННЕЕEYEE ЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАННННННННННННЕRELHEGG GGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYYYYYYYEZZ EEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIIIISSKHAAAAA NNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAAS SSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHUCCHHHHTT EEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARI DSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY

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