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Anon confesses | /r/Greentext

Confession time Every weekend or so I take a s---, put it in a bag, and drive to a suburban neighborhood so I can throw it at houses the process usually goes as follows 274.2 kB PNG >I s--- into a bag some time around midnight >Tie bag up and get into car >Drive around 40 minutes out of my town >Find a house that looks very nice, not one that's already dirty >Make sure it doesn't have any cameras or video doorbells >Sneak up to house and rub s--- onto walls, windows, the front door, really anything at all. >Throw any leftover s--- into open windows or onto the roof >Knock very loudly on door and ring the doorbell >Run back to car >Watch pure shock and absolute horror envelop their face as they walk outside to find my masterful work >They quickly notice me sitting in my car with a s----eating grin across my face >9/10 times they angrily run or walk towards my car >l drive away just enough to make them realize that can't chase my car on foot >They go to their own car to chase me >Because of how angry they are, they usually don't see the s--- I sloppily hide under the car door handle >They quickly recoil away from their car in disgust when they realize they just grabbed my s--- >Stick my head out my car window and laugh even harder at them as they get even angrier >Quickly speed off
Confession time Every weekend or so I take a s---, put it in a bag, and drive to a suburban neighborhood so I can throw it at houses the process usually goes as follows 274.2 kB PNG >I s--- into a bag some time around midnight >Tie bag up and get into car >Drive around 40 minutes out of my town >Find a house that looks very nice, not one that's already dirty >Make sure it doesn't have any cameras or video doorbells >Sneak up to house and rub s--- onto walls, windows, the front door, really anything at all. >Throw any leftover s--- into open windows or onto the roof >Knock very loudly on door and ring the doorbell >Run back to car >Watch pure shock and absolute horror envelop their face as they walk outside to find my masterful work >They quickly notice me sitting in my car with a s----eating grin across my face >9/10 times they angrily run or walk towards my car >l drive away just enough to make them realize that can't chase my car on foot >They go to their own car to chase me >Because of how angry they are, they usually don't see the s--- I sloppily hide under the car door handle >They quickly recoil away from their car in disgust when they realize they just grabbed my s--- >Stick my head out my car window and laugh even harder at them as they get even angrier >Quickly speed off

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Anon attempts to get back with his ex. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)06:28:35 No.64765424 >ex broke up with me 10 months ago >really cared about her, was the only meaningful relationship l've ever had (im 21) >was my fault we broke up and I didn't rly get over it >every relationship since and before her has been a complete disaster, still think about 21 KВ JPG her daily >she randomly starts following me on ig two weeks ago >we start talking and hanging out again >it's obvious she wants us to get back together >incredibly happy >ask her if she wants us to start over expecting her to say yes >"anon I'm talking to this guy and I'm really into him I can't I'm so sorry" >Imao ok then >later that night driving around with some friends at 3 am >pull up into gas station and see that guys car >don't know him but found out who he was, friend knows him tho >was with another girl >comes up to us obviously f----- up on something >barely able to speak, shaking, stumbling etc >asks us if we can hook him up with some crystal, says he needs his fix asap >police car pull passes by, he thinks they're coming for him and runs away into the darkness >leaves car in gear, car rolls forward and crashes into some fence >comes back after police is gone gets in car and drives away with bumper scraping >this in a country where hard drugs and this kind of s--- in general are rly uncommon >mfw
Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)06:28:35 No.64765424 >ex broke up with me 10 months ago >really cared about her, was the only meaningful relationship l've ever had (im 21) >was my fault we broke up and I didn't rly get over it >every relationship since and before her has been a complete disaster, still think about 21 KВ JPG her daily >she randomly starts following me on ig two weeks ago >we start talking and hanging out again >it's obvious she wants us to get back together >incredibly happy >ask her if she wants us to start over expecting her to say yes >"anon I'm talking to this guy and I'm really into him I can't I'm so sorry" >Imao ok then >later that night driving around with some friends at 3 am >pull up into gas station and see that guys car >don't know him but found out who he was, friend knows him tho >was with another girl >comes up to us obviously f----- up on something >barely able to speak, shaking, stumbling etc >asks us if we can hook him up with some crystal, says he needs his fix asap >police car pull passes by, he thinks they're coming for him and runs away into the darkness >leaves car in gear, car rolls forward and crashes into some fence >comes back after police is gone gets in car and drives away with bumper scraping >this in a country where hard drugs and this kind of s--- in general are rly uncommon >mfw

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occupational safety | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)00:43:34 No.49812438 >be me >at work 11pm about to mop the floor in the back >hear front door open, peak around corner >see two men in ski masks holding like a crowbar and a monkey wrench >they're yelling >first guy in sees me and starts running towards me >i backpeddle around the corner still facing his direction >he faces me from about 3 feet away, he's still yelling and holding his long blunt object >l draw ruger Icp from front right pocket and shoot him in the chest three times >i drew with an improper grip with my thumb not wrapped around so the slide cuts my thumb and i bleed a fair bit >guy falls down yelling and weezing, second guy runs away back out the front door the guy died. cops come. they also believe it was justified. coworkers were all unharmed.
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)00:43:34 No.49812438 >be me >at work 11pm about to mop the floor in the back >hear front door open, peak around corner >see two men in ski masks holding like a crowbar and a monkey wrench >they're yelling >first guy in sees me and starts running towards me >i backpeddle around the corner still facing his direction >he faces me from about 3 feet away, he's still yelling and holding his long blunt object >l draw ruger Icp from front right pocket and shoot him in the chest three times >i drew with an improper grip with my thumb not wrapped around so the slide cuts my thumb and i bleed a fair bit >guy falls down yelling and weezing, second guy runs away back out the front door the guy died. cops come. they also believe it was justified. coworkers were all unharmed.

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Anon is the Anti-President of the United States | /r/Greentext

1627645468065.png (221 KB, 1210x1000) google yandex iqdb wait O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:45:55 No.859970066 >be me >bored >unhappy with the current situation >don't know what to do >scroll random pages on wikipedia >find a page called "anti pope" >basically the antipope was someone who declared himself pope if he didn't like the current one >lightbulb.gif >take a bible >swear in as a president >tfw i am the antipresident of the united states no need to thank me american citizens
1627645468065.png (221 KB, 1210x1000) google yandex iqdb wait O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:45:55 No.859970066 >be me >bored >unhappy with the current situation >don't know what to do >scroll random pages on wikipedia >find a page called "anti pope" >basically the antipope was someone who declared himself pope if he didn't like the current one >lightbulb.gif >take a bible >swear in as a president >tfw i am the antipresident of the united states no need to thank me american citizens

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Anon is native american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)10:45:49 No.859895809 >be me >come from lower class family >also native american >decide to go to college >l've gotten essentially a full ride scholarship from all the s--- they throw at me for my background >family has never payed a dime 22 KB PNG being a minority in america is hard View Thread
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)10:45:49 No.859895809 >be me >come from lower class family >also native american >decide to go to college >l've gotten essentially a full ride scholarship from all the s--- they throw at me for my background >family has never payed a dime 22 KB PNG being a minority in america is hard View Thread

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Mozart and Salieri | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)09:59:24 No.64766882 >get an interest in a subject >realize theres people studying this since 12 >realize im so far behind and everyone will think im a fraud >get overwhelmed and panic >go back to browsing 4chan mindlessly 41 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:00:31 No.64766889 >>64766882 (OP) # What a bitch you are. No matter what you think you're good at, there's a 12 year old asian boy who is 100x better than you at it. Just accept it, and don't give a s---. >>64767065 #
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)09:59:24 No.64766882 >get an interest in a subject >realize theres people studying this since 12 >realize im so far behind and everyone will think im a fraud >get overwhelmed and panic >go back to browsing 4chan mindlessly 41 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)10:00:31 No.64766889 >>64766882 (OP) # What a bitch you are. No matter what you think you're good at, there's a 12 year old asian boy who is 100x better than you at it. Just accept it, and don't give a s---. >>64767065 #

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Anon wants an Xbox | /r/Greentext

>be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy
>be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy

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Anon is a man of gender equality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)15:57:47 No.64602560 >hit the wall? look at your face, creep 816 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)16:11:36 No.64602667 WOMAN >>64602560 (OP) # >look at my face? count your remaining eggs, roastie. МОMENT 48 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)15:57:47 No.64602560 >hit the wall? look at your face, creep 816 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)16:11:36 No.64602667 WOMAN >>64602560 (OP) # >look at my face? count your remaining eggs, roastie. МОMENT 48 KB JPG

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Anon stalks his prey | /r/Greentext

>These tracks... The imprint of women's shoes, but the stride length is that of a man. I'm getting close..
>These tracks... The imprint of women's shoes, but the stride length is that of a man. I'm getting close..

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Anon is le epic wholesome 100 redditor | /r/Greentext

File: bsthethtebtjpg (68 KB, 499x547) Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:14:36 No.859955339 >Be me >Le epic redditor >Work at McDonald's >Le Karen comes in and starts recording me for vegan tiktok >Start recording to post on rslashcringe >Call her a le cringe chonker >Make her a reddit styled chungus burger on the house >Cringe vegan seething Another win for us le epic redditors Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:46:40 No.859956567 File: b3b9e29f70ae2b7451ece3dac6db55.jpg (43 KB, 513x600) Put me in the r/greentext post
File: bsthethtebtjpg (68 KB, 499x547) Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:14:36 No.859955339 >Be me >Le epic redditor >Work at McDonald's >Le Karen comes in and starts recording me for vegan tiktok >Start recording to post on rslashcringe >Call her a le cringe chonker >Make her a reddit styled chungus burger on the house >Cringe vegan seething Another win for us le epic redditors Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)02:46:40 No.859956567 File: b3b9e29f70ae2b7451ece3dac6db55.jpg (43 KB, 513x600) Put me in the r/greentext post

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Anon's CBT sock | /r/Greentext

File: Tfw+mom+finds+your+piss+d{.).jpg (30 KB, 495x362) O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:25:08 No.859854691 [Reply] >mom found the ball stretching sock
File: Tfw+mom+finds+your+piss+d{.).jpg (30 KB, 495x362) O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:25:08 No.859854691 [Reply] >mom found the ball stretching sock

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Anon is slow, but he's learning | /r/Greentext

File: pepethumbsup.jpg (7 KB, 282x179) I Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:59:54 No.859920033 ► >TIL a person should have seks with another person (usually a male and a female) in order to have kids I learn new things everyday one day at a time
File: pepethumbsup.jpg (7 KB, 282x179) I Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:59:54 No.859920033 ► >TIL a person should have seks with another person (usually a male and a female) in order to have kids I learn new things everyday one day at a time

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anon lives in america | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)12:23:22 No.64764987 >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep 53 KB PNG barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)13:15:21 No.64765339 buy a gun
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)12:23:22 No.64764987 >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking The neighbours dogs keep 53 KB PNG barking >The neighbours dogs keep barking 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)13:15:21 No.64765339 buy a gun

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)22:42:10 No.859942087 >>859942164 >>859942193 >>859942241 >>859942243 >>859942257 >Be me >30 y/o black Canadian, last year >Talking with black coworkers >Talking about how black Americans make us all look bad with their looting and rioting and thug lyfe crap >Wonder how they expect police not to shoot first, ask later when so many of them act like f------ baboons. >We all mostly agree >WorkDone.zip >GetHome >Log on to Reddit >Every post got something to do with blm george floyd or some other retarded crap >Post my opinion >Youarenowbannedfromallthebigsubreddits.jpg >Inbox fills up with death threats, race traitor, racist, you're not a real black man messages >mfw I'm being threatened and called a racist by white people. >mfw white people on reddit think black people cant have their own opinions.
O Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)22:42:10 No.859942087 >>859942164 >>859942193 >>859942241 >>859942243 >>859942257 >Be me >30 y/o black Canadian, last year >Talking with black coworkers >Talking about how black Americans make us all look bad with their looting and rioting and thug lyfe crap >Wonder how they expect police not to shoot first, ask later when so many of them act like f------ baboons. >We all mostly agree >WorkDone.zip >GetHome >Log on to Reddit >Every post got something to do with blm george floyd or some other retarded crap >Post my opinion >Youarenowbannedfromallthebigsubreddits.jpg >Inbox fills up with death threats, race traitor, racist, you're not a real black man messages >mfw I'm being threatened and called a racist by white people. >mfw white people on reddit think black people cant have their own opinions.

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Bear knuckle brawler | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)22:39:13 No.64762228 >Put up your dukes if you're not a bitch What do, anons? 512 KB JPG 16 Replies / 7 Images View Thread : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:08:45 No.64762487 : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:16:02 No.64762534 : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:19:24 No.64762560 : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:24:53 No.64762611 >>64762228 (OP) # >suckerpunch her square in the jaw >her weak chin shatters on impact and meth-stained teeth go flying >turn 180 degrees and 1.34 MB GIF moonwalk away >>64762625 #
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)22:39:13 No.64762228 >Put up your dukes if you're not a bitch What do, anons? 512 KB JPG 16 Replies / 7 Images View Thread : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:08:45 No.64762487 : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:16:02 No.64762534 : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:19:24 No.64762560 : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)23:24:53 No.64762611 >>64762228 (OP) # >suckerpunch her square in the jaw >her weak chin shatters on impact and meth-stained teeth go flying >turn 180 degrees and 1.34 MB GIF moonwalk away >>64762625 #

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anon hates North Carolina | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)21:37:34 No.859938916 > be me > dad needs to go to North Carolina for some reason, me and mom tag along > get off the plane, everything's fine, just a bit humid > go hiking with dad and mom next day > go hiking multiple times with family and 11 KB PNG friends over the next couple of days > 3 days pass > wake up one morning, start sneezing > can't stop sneezing > dads a doctor, tells mom to take me to a pharmacy and pick up some allergy meds > mom takes me to pharmacy, we pick up some generic anti-histamine > still sneezing > can't stop sneezing > sneezed twice while making this post > w-- anons i could've just got /fit/ in the gym. f--- nature. > : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)21:38:45 No.859938982 >>859938916 (OP) # did you see any animals while hiking 16 KB JPG >>859939336 #
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)21:37:34 No.859938916 > be me > dad needs to go to North Carolina for some reason, me and mom tag along > get off the plane, everything's fine, just a bit humid > go hiking with dad and mom next day > go hiking multiple times with family and 11 KB PNG friends over the next couple of days > 3 days pass > wake up one morning, start sneezing > can't stop sneezing > dads a doctor, tells mom to take me to a pharmacy and pick up some allergy meds > mom takes me to pharmacy, we pick up some generic anti-histamine > still sneezing > can't stop sneezing > sneezed twice while making this post > w-- anons i could've just got /fit/ in the gym. f--- nature. > : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)21:38:45 No.859938982 >>859938916 (OP) # did you see any animals while hiking 16 KB JPG >>859939336 #

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Anon is a monk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:52:17 No.859956744 >Be me >raised in Buddhist monastery cuz parents were irresponsible cucks >other kids want to become monks >fuckthat.jpeg 4 KB JPG >monks are gay >decide to leave, explore the world >turns out world is also gay >nowhere to sleep, have to steal food to live >get caught >f--- >country hates thieves >get beaten, thrown in jail >reflect on life in cell >mfw never made it as a wise man >mfw couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:52:17 No.859956744 >Be me >raised in Buddhist monastery cuz parents were irresponsible cucks >other kids want to become monks >fuckthat.jpeg 4 KB JPG >monks are gay >decide to leave, explore the world >turns out world is also gay >nowhere to sleep, have to steal food to live >get caught >f--- >country hates thieves >get beaten, thrown in jail >reflect on life in cell >mfw never made it as a wise man >mfw couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing

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Mummy's curse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:37:02 No.64763214 ch.png 447 KB PNG >sitting quietly with my mom watching tv >out of nowhere she asks me a question >"anon do you resent me" >think about all the s--- she's done to me and my sister >think about my mental and emotional problems and how she's the cause of it all >think about how garbage my life has been in general because of her decisions >smile and say "of course not"
: Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)00:37:02 No.64763214 ch.png 447 KB PNG >sitting quietly with my mom watching tv >out of nowhere she asks me a question >"anon do you resent me" >think about all the s--- she's done to me and my sister >think about my mental and emotional problems and how she's the cause of it all >think about how garbage my life has been in general because of her decisions >smile and say "of course not"

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anon has trauma | /r/Greentext

File: WEGCMMG.jpg (32 KB, 680x680) O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)12:08:05 No.859953773 ► >>859953821 >be me >10 years ago >on trip with older bro and his gf >sleeping in his room >wake up >see gf sitting on his face >scared.jpg >dont say anything >think she will suffocate me too if she sees me >stay awake all night| took me 4 years to get rid of the trauma
File: WEGCMMG.jpg (32 KB, 680x680) O Anonymous 07/30/21(Fri)12:08:05 No.859953773 ► >>859953821 >be me >10 years ago >on trip with older bro and his gf >sleeping in his room >wake up >see gf sitting on his face >scared.jpg >dont say anything >think she will suffocate me too if she sees me >stay awake all night| took me 4 years to get rid of the trauma

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Buckle up, it’s time for a feels trip | /r/Greentext

>Be a kid >Come home from school >Mom works an evening shift at a gas station >She leaves pizza for me >Have two games for my 22 KB PNG SNES >TMNT Tournament Fighters and The Addams Family >Put pizza in oven and use watch to time it >Play game while pizza cooks, often get distracted by my games. >Have burnt pizza most nights but eat it anyway. >Usually asleep by the time Mom gets home >We'd chat for a while if I was still up playing games. >One night on her way home she was hit by a drunk driver and she died. >In my 20s now >Occasionally l'll play TMNT and Addams Family on a SNES and fat old CRT TV and eat burnt pizza. >Eating burnt pizza comforts me regardless of the taste. >Pretend Mom is still out there working at the gas station >Go to bed early so the illusion isn't broken
>Be a kid >Come home from school >Mom works an evening shift at a gas station >She leaves pizza for me >Have two games for my 22 KB PNG SNES >TMNT Tournament Fighters and The Addams Family >Put pizza in oven and use watch to time it >Play game while pizza cooks, often get distracted by my games. >Have burnt pizza most nights but eat it anyway. >Usually asleep by the time Mom gets home >We'd chat for a while if I was still up playing games. >One night on her way home she was hit by a drunk driver and she died. >In my 20s now >Occasionally l'll play TMNT and Addams Family on a SNES and fat old CRT TV and eat burnt pizza. >Eating burnt pizza comforts me regardless of the taste. >Pretend Mom is still out there working at the gas station >Go to bed early so the illusion isn't broken

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