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Bum Fights | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)15:39:24 No.64709677 >wrestling with fren >Get thrown on bed >Pomf >Lock legs around his waist and table the turns >He just gropes my ass >Get boner 21 KB JPG I'm not gay right? : Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)15:40:48 No.64709689 >>64709677 (OP) # You're gay, anon. And even worse, you're a bottom. >>64709803 #
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)15:39:24 No.64709677 >wrestling with fren >Get thrown on bed >Pomf >Lock legs around his waist and table the turns >He just gropes my ass >Get boner 21 KB JPG I'm not gay right? : Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)15:40:48 No.64709689 >>64709677 (OP) # You're gay, anon. And even worse, you're a bottom. >>64709803 #

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Anon identifies a larp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.62737421 >>62737387 # >l'm a charismatic, fit person with money but no women like me Gee I wonder why I think you're lying
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.62737421 >>62737387 # >l'm a charismatic, fit person with money but no women like me Gee I wonder why I think you're lying

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Chadanon takes a dump | /r/Greentext

File: gigachad.jpg (33 KB, 680x763) Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)14:25:46 No.859664888 >be me >have to take a s--- >s--- pants >don't change pants because don't let s--- bother me
File: gigachad.jpg (33 KB, 680x763) Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)14:25:46 No.859664888 >be me >have to take a s--- >s--- pants >don't change pants because don't let s--- bother me

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Anon goes for a run | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)18:28:13 No.64711565 >sister had a house party with her friends last night >i go for my run through the park >already hear them talking and giggling at me as i leave in my workout clothes >whatever 968 KB JPG >come back, exhausted and sweaty >HEY THERES ANON HAHA >HEY ANON >ignore them >go to the kitchen and have my oatmeal >they're laughing at me as i'm eating healthy after my workout >one of the girls comes up to me and talks to me like i'm an autistic toddler >"do you mind the loud music? let me know if it's too loud and we'll turn it down a notch" >no, enjoy yourself >finish oatmeal, go upstairs and play chess while listening to podcasts until they're done partying How can people develop such a condescending attitude by drinking alcohol and having braindead chit chat while screaming over uncomfortably loud music?
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)18:28:13 No.64711565 >sister had a house party with her friends last night >i go for my run through the park >already hear them talking and giggling at me as i leave in my workout clothes >whatever 968 KB JPG >come back, exhausted and sweaty >HEY THERES ANON HAHA >HEY ANON >ignore them >go to the kitchen and have my oatmeal >they're laughing at me as i'm eating healthy after my workout >one of the girls comes up to me and talks to me like i'm an autistic toddler >"do you mind the loud music? let me know if it's too loud and we'll turn it down a notch" >no, enjoy yourself >finish oatmeal, go upstairs and play chess while listening to podcasts until they're done partying How can people develop such a condescending attitude by drinking alcohol and having braindead chit chat while screaming over uncomfortably loud music?

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Anon’s Christmas story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)08:56:03 No.859650272 >be kid >believe in santa >love christmas >all the wonder and magic >everyone's happy >presents and cookies >christmas movies on tv 228 KB JPG >glow of warm fireplace >want to hold onto magic forever >grow older >move out, get apartment >still believe in santa >friends think i'm retarded >won't let them discourage me >seen all the movies >adults stop believing >santa goes away >the magic fades >not me >santa's real and i believe in him >christmas eve >set out cookies and milk >leave carrots for reindeer >i believe >fall asleep all excited >can't wait to prove friends wrong >stupid grown-up nonbelievers >eyes close >visions of sugarplums dance in my head >wake up >f-----' christmas morning >run to living room >cookies still there >full glass of milk >carrots uneaten >no presents >it's all b------- >my life is a lie >tears roll down cheeks >suddenly feel a tap on shoulder >i knew he'd show >turn around with open arms >expecting warm hug >cold knife plunges into stomach >blood oozes from mouth >fall into arms of masked intruder >"merry christmas, a------" >apartment ransacked >money and belongings stolen >slowly bleed out >mfw i wasted my life being a total f-----
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)08:56:03 No.859650272 >be kid >believe in santa >love christmas >all the wonder and magic >everyone's happy >presents and cookies >christmas movies on tv 228 KB JPG >glow of warm fireplace >want to hold onto magic forever >grow older >move out, get apartment >still believe in santa >friends think i'm retarded >won't let them discourage me >seen all the movies >adults stop believing >santa goes away >the magic fades >not me >santa's real and i believe in him >christmas eve >set out cookies and milk >leave carrots for reindeer >i believe >fall asleep all excited >can't wait to prove friends wrong >stupid grown-up nonbelievers >eyes close >visions of sugarplums dance in my head >wake up >f-----' christmas morning >run to living room >cookies still there >full glass of milk >carrots uneaten >no presents >it's all b------- >my life is a lie >tears roll down cheeks >suddenly feel a tap on shoulder >i knew he'd show >turn around with open arms >expecting warm hug >cold knife plunges into stomach >blood oozes from mouth >fall into arms of masked intruder >"merry christmas, a------" >apartment ransacked >money and belongings stolen >slowly bleed out >mfw i wasted my life being a total f-----

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Sigma male energy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)22:15:18 No.8596 >be white >listen to n----- in Paris >some schoolmate ask me what i am listening to >say n----- in Paris by Kanye and Jay-z >she gets offended >i continue to listen to the song Kanye knew this title would filter the weak
Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)22:15:18 No.8596 >be white >listen to n----- in Paris >some schoolmate ask me what i am listening to >say n----- in Paris by Kanye and Jay-z >she gets offended >i continue to listen to the song Kanye knew this title would filter the weak

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)10:07:52 No.859655691 >go to sleep last friday >dream about some weird drama about this guy I know leaving his wife and kid >have an argument with him >f----- leaves gets on bus never to be seen again 41 KB JPG >p----- off I go to my fictional home >take a piss >once done pissing feel I have piss reserves >d--- feels weird like there is some kind of weight on it so grab it in place and force piss >piss also feels weird and different from earlier piss >l can't even see my piss I just feel it >wake up >at the f------ age of 23 I p----- the bed goddamit >quickly follow guide to clean it with vinegar and laundry detergent >and finish it off with baking soda for 8hrs >s--- looks clean >go to sleep >piss myself again I feel like im being punished
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)10:07:52 No.859655691 >go to sleep last friday >dream about some weird drama about this guy I know leaving his wife and kid >have an argument with him >f----- leaves gets on bus never to be seen again 41 KB JPG >p----- off I go to my fictional home >take a piss >once done pissing feel I have piss reserves >d--- feels weird like there is some kind of weight on it so grab it in place and force piss >piss also feels weird and different from earlier piss >l can't even see my piss I just feel it >wake up >at the f------ age of 23 I p----- the bed goddamit >quickly follow guide to clean it with vinegar and laundry detergent >and finish it off with baking soda for 8hrs >s--- looks clean >go to sleep >piss myself again I feel like im being punished

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Anti-social Darwinism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)14:06:08 No.64708778 >hanging out with group of nerd friends in college dorm >women across the hall comes around and completely changes the group dynamic >literally witnessing some biological evolutionary inclination to simp compete and one up each 34 KB JPG other for her attention/approval >bros before hoes meme is a complete cope myth Why are men such f------?
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)14:06:08 No.64708778 >hanging out with group of nerd friends in college dorm >women across the hall comes around and completely changes the group dynamic >literally witnessing some biological evolutionary inclination to simp compete and one up each 34 KB JPG other for her attention/approval >bros before hoes meme is a complete cope myth Why are men such f------?

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Anon teaches internet customs | /r/Greentext

Goose.jpg 289 KB JPG >See that guy posted the letter N, now I have to reply to him with the letter I
Goose.jpg 289 KB JPG >See that guy posted the letter N, now I have to reply to him with the letter I

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Anon is a Kinder Egg | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)17:20:28 No.64662338 >Be guy >Got groped in park by p--- >He called me a "double-wide surprise" 424 KB PNG
: Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)17:20:28 No.64662338 >Be guy >Got groped in park by p--- >He called me a "double-wide surprise" 424 KB PNG

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Anon wants a Spotify student discount | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)16:15:09 No.104953433 >want Spotify student discount >search for some random "UNIVERSITY CLASS OF 2022" facebook page >find random stacy with her birthday in her profile >use her name/birthday/uni to claim discount easy as pie i do this once a year
U Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)16:15:09 No.104953433 >want Spotify student discount >search for some random "UNIVERSITY CLASS OF 2022" facebook page >find random stacy with her birthday in her profile >use her name/birthday/uni to claim discount easy as pie i do this once a year

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Anon is a proud Chinese citizen | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: H2PqNkyH 07/25/21(Sun)14:37:21 No.331452024 >be Chinese >wake up at 3am >breakfast: 5 packs of cigarettes and powdered elephant tusk for strong penis >get into car and drive off 679 KB WEBM >see elderly woman with her grandson on sidewalk >veer onto sidewalk to run them over >check rearview mirror >kid's still twitching >hit reverse and finish the job >get on highway >sit in 3 day traffic jam surviving on cigarettes and roadkill soup >arrive at shoe factory in time for my 18 hour shift >spend all day praising glorious leader Xi for wonderful life
: Anonymous (ID: H2PqNkyH 07/25/21(Sun)14:37:21 No.331452024 >be Chinese >wake up at 3am >breakfast: 5 packs of cigarettes and powdered elephant tusk for strong penis >get into car and drive off 679 KB WEBM >see elderly woman with her grandson on sidewalk >veer onto sidewalk to run them over >check rearview mirror >kid's still twitching >hit reverse and finish the job >get on highway >sit in 3 day traffic jam surviving on cigarettes and roadkill soup >arrive at shoe factory in time for my 18 hour shift >spend all day praising glorious leader Xi for wonderful life

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Anon’s brother gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)22:45:58 No.859647910 >be me >brother gets girlfriend >becomes an absolute douchebag d------- 98 KB JPG driving me f------ insane h--------
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)22:45:58 No.859647910 >be me >brother gets girlfriend >becomes an absolute douchebag d------- 98 KB JPG driving me f------ insane h--------

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Anon is a wagie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)23:07:14 No.64672110 >Be me >Working at Burger King >l add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, as I did that deliberately 12 KB JPG My devilish nature cannot be contained
: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)23:07:14 No.64672110 >Be me >Working at Burger King >l add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, as I did that deliberately 12 KB JPG My devilish nature cannot be contained

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Anon does “Centirsm” | /r/Greentext

File: del.png (144 KB, 800x800) O Centirsm Anonymous (ID: KpiJom | 02/20/20(Thu)16:49:45 No.244596911 >be me, centrist >wake up in my bed in the center of the room >eat bland breakfast as not to upset anyone's palate >pick up some friends for lunch >at a 2 way intersection >one friend wants to go right for some food and the other wants to go left >centrism kicks in >go straight forward into building and crash car >wake up later in hospital >nurse says I should've broken my back, but luckily I am spineless >mfw it finally pays off to be a centrist
File: del.png (144 KB, 800x800) O Centirsm Anonymous (ID: KpiJom | 02/20/20(Thu)16:49:45 No.244596911 >be me, centrist >wake up in my bed in the center of the room >eat bland breakfast as not to upset anyone's palate >pick up some friends for lunch >at a 2 way intersection >one friend wants to go right for some food and the other wants to go left >centrism kicks in >go straight forward into building and crash car >wake up later in hospital >nurse says I should've broken my back, but luckily I am spineless >mfw it finally pays off to be a centrist

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Camp fever | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)08:50:31 No.64706166 >go to the same summer camp every year >there was a girl with that I was unbelievably in love with >every year we'd latch onto each other and do everything we could together >only time we didn't see each 486 KB JPG other was through circumstance of schedule, night, etc >never had sex but kissed and did perform manual and oral on each other >haven't seen her for five years >she found a way to get to me through family because I don't have any social media profiles >meeting up with her next weekend So uh, what do I say? I've kind of become a s------ since then.
: Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)08:50:31 No.64706166 >go to the same summer camp every year >there was a girl with that I was unbelievably in love with >every year we'd latch onto each other and do everything we could together >only time we didn't see each 486 KB JPG other was through circumstance of schedule, night, etc >never had sex but kissed and did perform manual and oral on each other >haven't seen her for five years >she found a way to get to me through family because I don't have any social media profiles >meeting up with her next weekend So uh, what do I say? I've kind of become a s------ since then.

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Father of the groom | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)23:27:05 No.62730570 >>62731454 >>62732944 >>62733242 File: 773F1974-789B-4A2A-B5F0-D(...).jpg (25 KB, 250x293) >>62715432 (OP)# >Making out with girl in party >we're kinda making small talk between kisses >she says "wanna know why I think you're hot?" >l say yea sure why not >because you look like my dad when he was younger >mfw
U Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)23:27:05 No.62730570 >>62731454 >>62732944 >>62733242 File: 773F1974-789B-4A2A-B5F0-D(...).jpg (25 KB, 250x293) >>62715432 (OP)# >Making out with girl in party >we're kinda making small talk between kisses >she says "wanna know why I think you're hot?" >l say yea sure why not >because you look like my dad when he was younger >mfw

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Anon has a headache | /r/Greentext

Has anyone else ever had m----------- almost ruined for them? >Be me >23 years old >Have a pretty gnarly headache >f--- it, decide to fap anyways 1.58 MB JPG | >as soon as I c--, a wave of pain pulsates over my head >can't help but think of pots and pans being thrown down the stairs >now whenever I c-- I think about pots and pans clanging together loudly >mfw
Has anyone else ever had m----------- almost ruined for them? >Be me >23 years old >Have a pretty gnarly headache >f--- it, decide to fap anyways 1.58 MB JPG | >as soon as I c--, a wave of pain pulsates over my head >can't help but think of pots and pans being thrown down the stairs >now whenever I c-- I think about pots and pans clanging together loudly >mfw

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The flow of time itself is convoluted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Guys am I broken? 07/25/21(Sun)06:52:50 No.64705304 >go outside >McDonalds nugget time >see the spitting image of the basedjak there >I say hey did you start working here cause of the Schezwan 69 KB JPG sauce? >lts not gonna come back no matter how often you post on Reddit >he says dude what? Anyway here are you nuggets >angry at his dismal of me >l say you know what I mean >like the funny meme from a bit ago >dude that was 5 years ago Was 2016 really 5 f------ years ago? No way right? I know how f------ long a year is and thats too short. Are years being sped up to deny us of our youth and get us to wage slave faster? 10 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)07:14:38 No.64705483 >>64705304 (OP) # >be OP >10 years from now >see an amputee with no arms >look him straight in the eyes >"amogus." >>64705495 #
: Anonymous Guys am I broken? 07/25/21(Sun)06:52:50 No.64705304 >go outside >McDonalds nugget time >see the spitting image of the basedjak there >I say hey did you start working here cause of the Schezwan 69 KB JPG sauce? >lts not gonna come back no matter how often you post on Reddit >he says dude what? Anyway here are you nuggets >angry at his dismal of me >l say you know what I mean >like the funny meme from a bit ago >dude that was 5 years ago Was 2016 really 5 f------ years ago? No way right? I know how f------ long a year is and thats too short. Are years being sped up to deny us of our youth and get us to wage slave faster? 10 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)07:14:38 No.64705483 >>64705304 (OP) # >be OP >10 years from now >see an amputee with no arms >look him straight in the eyes >"amogus." >>64705495 #

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Anon uses Tinder. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:31:04 No.64704762 >quit 4chan and other stupid s--- >try to be outgoing 24/7 >get zero matches on tinder >not fat, have hair, clear skin >bought tinder plus when I was drunk >sat there swiping for hours and never one match 10 KB JPG >managed to talk to some girls most seemed like w----- and too far away to do anything 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:44:05 No.64704874 >>64704762 (OP) Do you have any friends with Tinder success? Ask them to look over your profile Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:53:03 No.64704928 >>64704771 My face is perfectly symmetrical and I look 14 Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:55:36 No.64704945 >>64704928 >and I look 14 Have you considered that is your problem?
Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:31:04 No.64704762 >quit 4chan and other stupid s--- >try to be outgoing 24/7 >get zero matches on tinder >not fat, have hair, clear skin >bought tinder plus when I was drunk >sat there swiping for hours and never one match 10 KB JPG >managed to talk to some girls most seemed like w----- and too far away to do anything 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:44:05 No.64704874 >>64704762 (OP) Do you have any friends with Tinder success? Ask them to look over your profile Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:53:03 No.64704928 >>64704771 My face is perfectly symmetrical and I look 14 Anonymous 07/25/21(Sun)05:55:36 No.64704945 >>64704928 >and I look 14 Have you considered that is your problem?

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