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"One of their young" | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at(...)png (179 KB, 310x294) greentxt time > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BAP > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw
Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at(...)png (179 KB, 310x294) greentxt time > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BAP > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw

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Men only want one thing and it's disgusting | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)04:45:10 No.14818808 >held bf in bed last night >"I like when you hold me" >tfw he started crying >tfw rubbing his back and kissing his hair while he sobs into my chest >tfw he kept saying sorry and I had to tell him over and over that it was ok 326 KB PNG >tfw he asked me not to leave him >tfw never leaving him Was a weird experience, never had a man cry in my arms before All I felt was love and a need to protect him
Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)04:45:10 No.14818808 >held bf in bed last night >"I like when you hold me" >tfw he started crying >tfw rubbing his back and kissing his hair while he sobs into my chest >tfw he kept saying sorry and I had to tell him over and over that it was ok 326 KB PNG >tfw he asked me not to leave him >tfw never leaving him Was a weird experience, never had a man cry in my arms before All I felt was love and a need to protect him

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Anon is in the cleaning business | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: yk738S8S ) 07/24/21(Sat)00:41:32 No.39122830 >work as a Hygiene Technician >company is contracted by several fast food restaurants >many of them opened in the recent weeks >arrive at a Burger King because apparently someone trashed the 845 KB PNG stalls >they lead me to the toilet stalls and I see that someone has written "SEX" multiple times with their poop on the walls >toiletpaper is soaked in piss >you can smell the piss everywhere and he used that turd like a pencil >bring the pressure washer and blast poop from walls >clean everything which took like 2 hours >couple weeks later the same thing happens but in a different public toilet >he wrote ASS SEX this time and I recognize his handwriting what is his problem and how is it fair that I only get 10 bucks an hour for this?
: Anonymous (ID: yk738S8S ) 07/24/21(Sat)00:41:32 No.39122830 >work as a Hygiene Technician >company is contracted by several fast food restaurants >many of them opened in the recent weeks >arrive at a Burger King because apparently someone trashed the 845 KB PNG stalls >they lead me to the toilet stalls and I see that someone has written "SEX" multiple times with their poop on the walls >toiletpaper is soaked in piss >you can smell the piss everywhere and he used that turd like a pencil >bring the pressure washer and blast poop from walls >clean everything which took like 2 hours >couple weeks later the same thing happens but in a different public toilet >he wrote ASS SEX this time and I recognize his handwriting what is his problem and how is it fair that I only get 10 bucks an hour for this?

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Anon has a cool uncle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)19:38:31 No.859570461 > be me > at family gathering > on my phone, antisocial f-- > cool uncle walks up to me, asks what I'm doing > ohshit.png > "just scrolling" 72 KB PNG > switches tabs so he doesn't see 4chan > mfw I just switched to my gay p--- tab
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)19:38:31 No.859570461 > be me > at family gathering > on my phone, antisocial f-- > cool uncle walks up to me, asks what I'm doing > ohshit.png > "just scrolling" 72 KB PNG > switches tabs so he doesn't see 4chan > mfw I just switched to my gay p--- tab

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Snitches get stitches. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2/19(Tue)23:18:58 No.794842283 >be me >beta jew >have a close group of friends >i always feel left out though >one guy is most popular guy in our area 191 KB JPG >smart, charismatic, basically a god >start to get p----- off and jealous of him >find out he's in trouble with the local authorities for some random bs >decide to snitch on him >go to the cops, they give me a big ass reward >shekeltime.jpg >later we're all getting some food together >he says he knows there's a snitch in the friend group >oshit >try to play it cool >the next day the cops make me bring them to him so they can arrest him >he ends up getting the death penalty >w-- >feel really guilty and try to return my reward >cops tell me to f--- off >i end up killing myself out of guilt >three days later he rises from the dead >he's literally god >mfw i snitched on god
: Anonymous 2/19(Tue)23:18:58 No.794842283 >be me >beta jew >have a close group of friends >i always feel left out though >one guy is most popular guy in our area 191 KB JPG >smart, charismatic, basically a god >start to get p----- off and jealous of him >find out he's in trouble with the local authorities for some random bs >decide to snitch on him >go to the cops, they give me a big ass reward >shekeltime.jpg >later we're all getting some food together >he says he knows there's a snitch in the friend group >oshit >try to play it cool >the next day the cops make me bring them to him so they can arrest him >he ends up getting the death penalty >w-- >feel really guilty and try to return my reward >cops tell me to f--- off >i end up killing myself out of guilt >three days later he rises from the dead >he's literally god >mfw i snitched on god

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Anons talk tv | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)18:48:32 No.153990861 >villain has killed dozens+ innocent people and done other horrific things >eventually becomes not only ally of protagonists but is on friends with them 9 KB JPG >past actions barely acknowledged and don't seem to weigh on anyone's mind : Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri) 18:50:53 No.153990915
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)18:48:32 No.153990861 >villain has killed dozens+ innocent people and done other horrific things >eventually becomes not only ally of protagonists but is on friends with them 9 KB JPG >past actions barely acknowledged and don't seem to weigh on anyone's mind : Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri) 18:50:53 No.153990915

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Anon attempts to get laid | /r/Greentext

File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300. tSrfb2A.jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15: 14:15 UTC-6 No. 519 So /bl, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda
File: 1386105255853 jpg-(18 KB. 300x300. tSrfb2A.jpg) Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15: 14:15 UTC-6 No. 519 So /bl, this is the first time Ive shared this story >be me >be 18 >at a house party >girl is talking to me >we're wasted >time to go to the love station >says she wants to wait until morning >so she can "remember it" >wake up in the morning next to her >she's already awake watching the news or some s--- >start making out >put my hand in her panties >she's moaning >says "what the f---" in a terrified voice >"holy f--- my dad works there" >immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone >look at TV just in time >mother >f------ >9/11 >second plane crashes into tower >she starts balling uncontrollably That's my story of how I got cockblocked by m------------ al qaeda

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Drunk logic | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. Ill go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. Ill go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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Anon gets sick | /r/Greentext

>>859537789 (OP) # >be me >felt ill for the 1.5 weeks >take a coof test >test is positive >not gonna tell any medical 226 KB JPG proffesionals >gonna hit the gym as soon as I feel even slightly better >still not getting the vax
>>859537789 (OP) # >be me >felt ill for the 1.5 weeks >take a coof test >test is positive >not gonna tell any medical 226 KB JPG proffesionals >gonna hit the gym as soon as I feel even slightly better >still not getting the vax

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Anon loses weight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous = 07/24/21(Sat)00:00:11 No.64682606 >be me >want to lose weight but cant find THICK BUSSY motivation >idea.jpg >ill get into sissy hypno and femboy s--- so that ill want to look like a girl and lose weight >can always snap out of it later 30 KB JPG >few weeks into it im stealing my sister's clothes and trying them on >too small >start dieting and working out everyday >6 months later and I've lost around 20 kilos >have a flat tummy with somewhat visible abs and a toned ass >arms are still quite scrawny cause femboy s--- and all that >decide i've reached a good point and its about time i've snapped out of this sissy trance >try watching regular straight p--- again >can't get hard >try wearing men's clothes again >feel uncomfortable >try growing out my body hair again >can't, always impulsively shave it off >can't snap out of it >uh oh
: Anonymous = 07/24/21(Sat)00:00:11 No.64682606 >be me >want to lose weight but cant find THICK BUSSY motivation >idea.jpg >ill get into sissy hypno and femboy s--- so that ill want to look like a girl and lose weight >can always snap out of it later 30 KB JPG >few weeks into it im stealing my sister's clothes and trying them on >too small >start dieting and working out everyday >6 months later and I've lost around 20 kilos >have a flat tummy with somewhat visible abs and a toned ass >arms are still quite scrawny cause femboy s--- and all that >decide i've reached a good point and its about time i've snapped out of this sissy trance >try watching regular straight p--- again >can't get hard >try wearing men's clothes again >feel uncomfortable >try growing out my body hair again >can't, always impulsively shave it off >can't snap out of it >uh oh

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oh, /b/ you never fail to make me... wanna kill myself | /r/Greentext

File: Matilda classic.png (19 KB, 164x185) O Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri god i wanna f--- her so bad
File: Matilda classic.png (19 KB, 164x185) O Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri god i wanna f--- her so bad

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Anon goes job hunting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)16:12:09 No.64685102 >Got Job interview at Costco >Interviewer was two middle-aged women >Interview was going well >Midway through the interview got an urge to sneeze >Sneeze into hands, realize l'm covered 28 KB JPG in bloody mucus. >Sneeze again but didn't catch it this time >Goes all over desk, papers and little on the interviewer >I hastily excuse myself to go the bathroom and bolt out of the building. Why is new job hunting so f------ hard?
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)16:12:09 No.64685102 >Got Job interview at Costco >Interviewer was two middle-aged women >Interview was going well >Midway through the interview got an urge to sneeze >Sneeze into hands, realize l'm covered 28 KB JPG in bloody mucus. >Sneeze again but didn't catch it this time >Goes all over desk, papers and little on the interviewer >I hastily excuse myself to go the bathroom and bolt out of the building. Why is new job hunting so f------ hard?

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Anon has a shitty dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)03:49:14 No.64680250 >Trying to unclog the toilet with a plunger because of a fat s--- >Plunger breaks 125 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)03:49:14 No.64680250 >Trying to unclog the toilet with a plunger because of a fat s--- >Plunger breaks 125 KB JPG

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Anon Keeps it in the Family | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)06:29:03 No.64668629 >just realized my waifu has the same personality and general appearance as my older sister welp that can't be good. 539 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)06:29:03 No.64668629 >just realized my waifu has the same personality and general appearance as my older sister welp that can't be good. 539 KB JPG

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Anon is funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)18:36:04 No.85955895 >be me few years ago >on double date with best friend and his gf >my gf is 8/10 religious girl >everything is going great >we are paying the bill when best friend mentions something about a butterfly 65 KB JPG knife >brainblast.jpeg >"yeah, you butterfly deez nuts in your face" >best friend dies laughing >best friend gf is giggling >my gf is just staring at me >"anon, I think we should see other people" >laugh harder thinking she was joking >she walks out of the restaurant and into best friend gf's car (I drove her there) >everyone is super quiet >"idk what she's on about anon, it was pretty funny" >fast forward to yesterday >talking with best friend >he mentions the double date >laugh my ass off because I'm over it >look her up on Facebook >200 pounds fatter with 2 kids and no husband >kek F--- you Ashley rot in hell.
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)18:36:04 No.85955895 >be me few years ago >on double date with best friend and his gf >my gf is 8/10 religious girl >everything is going great >we are paying the bill when best friend mentions something about a butterfly 65 KB JPG knife >brainblast.jpeg >"yeah, you butterfly deez nuts in your face" >best friend dies laughing >best friend gf is giggling >my gf is just staring at me >"anon, I think we should see other people" >laugh harder thinking she was joking >she walks out of the restaurant and into best friend gf's car (I drove her there) >everyone is super quiet >"idk what she's on about anon, it was pretty funny" >fast forward to yesterday >talking with best friend >he mentions the double date >laugh my ass off because I'm over it >look her up on Facebook >200 pounds fatter with 2 kids and no husband >kek F--- you Ashley rot in hell.

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the best green-text of all time | /r/Greentext

File: 1371922563634.jpg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt_laughing.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYsi) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replies: >>488565738 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school >Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut. >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf
File: 1371922563634.jpg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt_laughing.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYsi) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replies: >>488565738 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school >Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut. >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf

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Anon got played | /r/Greentext

0/0/1/? [Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [CO Auto] File: dddddd jpg (6 KB, 226x223) O I'm la cuck? Anonymous (ID: ds50yoHK 07/23/21(Fri)12:20:39 No.331195059 ► SIAKRAMERIA GREAT AGAN >don't get vaccinated because I think Trump told me not to >catch covid >hate liberals >throw my support behind a New York City liberal who literally said he'd pretend to be a republican to get elected and get power TRU MP >vote for Trump because muh jobs >fake Foxconn plant never gets built >jobs keep going overseas >go on disability >still unironically hate the idea of social programs >vote for Trump to scope illegal immigration with a wall >wall doesn't work >contract was given to one of his buddies I'm starting to think that I might have been played
0/0/1/? [Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [CO Auto] File: dddddd jpg (6 KB, 226x223) O I'm la cuck? Anonymous (ID: ds50yoHK 07/23/21(Fri)12:20:39 No.331195059 ► SIAKRAMERIA GREAT AGAN >don't get vaccinated because I think Trump told me not to >catch covid >hate liberals >throw my support behind a New York City liberal who literally said he'd pretend to be a republican to get elected and get power TRU MP >vote for Trump because muh jobs >fake Foxconn plant never gets built >jobs keep going overseas >go on disability >still unironically hate the idea of social programs >vote for Trump to scope illegal immigration with a wall >wall doesn't work >contract was given to one of his buddies I'm starting to think that I might have been played

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Anon joins okcupid. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)11:45:20 No.64682480 >sign up for okcupid because i'm desperate >get 7 likes on my profile but can't see them unless I get premium >actually pay $60 to see that I am only being liked from girls on the other side of the world in Indonesia and Taiwan 48 KB JPG You can laugh at me now
Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)11:45:20 No.64682480 >sign up for okcupid because i'm desperate >get 7 likes on my profile but can't see them unless I get premium >actually pay $60 to see that I am only being liked from girls on the other side of the world in Indonesia and Taiwan 48 KB JPG You can laugh at me now

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Don't be stupid, be a smarty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)22:19:41 No.64676106 I might have f----- up real big >be me >meet group of guys >they're kinda fascist >we start singing nazi/fascist 100 KB PNG songs >l get nominated as the supreme nazifa >3 girls approach me >"Hey are you the Nazi one?" >"Well yes" >on the verge of tears they tell me that they are jewish >the other guys keep singing Should I feel bad or proud?
: Anonymous 07/22/21(Thu)22:19:41 No.64676106 I might have f----- up real big >be me >meet group of guys >they're kinda fascist >we start singing nazi/fascist 100 KB PNG songs >l get nominated as the supreme nazifa >3 girls approach me >"Hey are you the Nazi one?" >"Well yes" >on the verge of tears they tell me that they are jewish >the other guys keep singing Should I feel bad or proud?

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The last Samurai | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)06:37:08 No.64680158 Imagine this: >You become a young Japanese soldier at the start of ww2 >lf you survive the entire war you get $10,000,000,000 in real life >You also get one free wish (you can't wish anyone dead, change history or get infinite wishes etc.) >You also become perfectly fluent in Japanese >lf you die during the war you are locked out of 359 KВ ЈPG the game permanently How do you survive? How do you survive : Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)06:43:38 No.64680205 >>64680158 (OP) # No, OP thats wrong. A warrior's death is honorable, and Bushido is the resolute acceptance of death. For me to truly embody the soul of Japan, I must be willing to lay down my life for this nation. If I stray from The Way, it can be said that there is no Japan. Only a nation of desperate people. >>64680215 #
: Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)06:37:08 No.64680158 Imagine this: >You become a young Japanese soldier at the start of ww2 >lf you survive the entire war you get $10,000,000,000 in real life >You also get one free wish (you can't wish anyone dead, change history or get infinite wishes etc.) >You also become perfectly fluent in Japanese >lf you die during the war you are locked out of 359 KВ ЈPG the game permanently How do you survive? How do you survive : Anonymous 07/23/21(Fri)06:43:38 No.64680205 >>64680158 (OP) # No, OP thats wrong. A warrior's death is honorable, and Bushido is the resolute acceptance of death. For me to truly embody the soul of Japan, I must be willing to lay down my life for this nation. If I stray from The Way, it can be said that there is no Japan. Only a nation of desperate people. >>64680215 #

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