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Anon questions his sexuality | /r/Greentext

File: glass-wave-200-ml-transparent.jpg (13 KB, 768x512) O is this gay? Anonymous 07/07/21 (Wed)21:08:50 No.64477683 hello r9k, quick question > be me, 18 male > have cute boy over, also 18 male > offer him a drink > he finishes and gives the glass back to me > he leaves couple of hours later > see the glass > really, REALLY want to touch my d--- where his mouth was is this gay? am i gay?
File: glass-wave-200-ml-transparent.jpg (13 KB, 768x512) O is this gay? Anonymous 07/07/21 (Wed)21:08:50 No.64477683 hello r9k, quick question > be me, 18 male > have cute boy over, also 18 male > offer him a drink > he finishes and gives the glass back to me > he leaves couple of hours later > see the glass > really, REALLY want to touch my d--- where his mouth was is this gay? am i gay?

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anon doesn't quite understand how microwaves work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21 (Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/09/21 (Tue)12:04:48 No.849177823 >no fire >spinning plate (???) 107 KB JPG >hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm >beep beep beep beep >food is hot just imagine believing in microwave 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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To thine own self be true | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)17:12:44 No.64457120 >i regularly stimulate a man's penis with my hand until he orgasms THE HOLY LAND TIKE PAK >b-but l'm not gay because that man is me! Coomer copes are so desperate. M----------- is gay. 84 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)17:12:44 No.64457120 >i regularly stimulate a man's penis with my hand until he orgasms THE HOLY LAND TIKE PAK >b-but l'm not gay because that man is me! Coomer copes are so desperate. M----------- is gay. 84 KB JPG

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anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >BEEP BEEP >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs ARFRATMIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up, "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TABLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe
1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >BEEP BEEP >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs ARFRATMIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up, "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TABLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe

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Anon likes Goblins | /r/Greentext

HAUNTED ANGER 1612719474588.jpg 26 KB JPG >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to call you names >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to cuddle >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to mary and have kids with >tfw goblin girls don't exist
HAUNTED ANGER 1612719474588.jpg 26 KB JPG >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to call you names >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to cuddle >tfw you don't have a cute goblin gf to mary and have kids with >tfw goblin girls don't exist

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Anon doesn't want to share his wallet | /r/Greentext

O Wife wants access to wallet Anonymous (ID: DhiFjFDy) 07/07/21(Wed)11:58:06 No.38598444 >>38598466 >>38598736 >married 6 months ago >everything was going well for ~4 months >one day she asks me about crypto in a really strange roundabout casual way >pretend I don't know much about it >clearly doesn't believe me >no idea how she could know >had put my inheritance in crypto two years before we got married >we had agreed when we got married that when her parents passed she would keep 100% of her inheritance >less and less sex since then >more arguments over b------- >be yesterday >making breakfast >she says 'I know about your bitcoins and I want you to give me access to them' >deny everything >don't see each other that night >this morning she's overly polite and doesn't mention crypto or anything fight related >now says she's going for a girls night out with her best friend Catherine >Catherine is a level 99 lawyer who works in finance what do?
O Wife wants access to wallet Anonymous (ID: DhiFjFDy) 07/07/21(Wed)11:58:06 No.38598444 >>38598466 >>38598736 >married 6 months ago >everything was going well for ~4 months >one day she asks me about crypto in a really strange roundabout casual way >pretend I don't know much about it >clearly doesn't believe me >no idea how she could know >had put my inheritance in crypto two years before we got married >we had agreed when we got married that when her parents passed she would keep 100% of her inheritance >less and less sex since then >more arguments over b------- >be yesterday >making breakfast >she says 'I know about your bitcoins and I want you to give me access to them' >deny everything >don't see each other that night >this morning she's overly polite and doesn't mention crypto or anything fight related >now says she's going for a girls night out with her best friend Catherine >Catherine is a level 99 lawyer who works in finance what do?

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Anon is disappointed. | /r/Greentext

>>323094529 (OP) File: F0965968-E784-469F-B51A-4(...).png (1.65 MB, 964x1322) O Anonymous (ID: U7UQMN) I•1 05/24/21(Mon)22:01:38 No.323094529 >>323095778 >>323095879 >>323096173 >>323096251 >>323096680 >>323097195 >>323097325 >>323097400 >>323097484 >>323098018 >>323098098 >>323098550 Could /pol/ have saved her? O Anonymous (ID: UPCLISAP) 05/24/21(Mon)22:32:47 No.323098098 ► File: 2dcb1fdcf23c25f26a81117bf(..).png (45 KB, 897x298) O Anonymous (ID: 7ZFluu6b) E 05/24/21(Mon)18:37:04 No.323076979 ► >>323067787 O Anonymous (ID: 1041-Fk6 ) 05/24/21(Mon)17:22:48 No.323067787 >>323068360 >>323068475 >>323068888 >>323069750 >>323072280 >>323072341 >>323076979 >>323077909 >>323078137 File: 72d29c82-36f3-4cf0-8d1e-6(.).jpg (31 KB, 360x303) >>323067675 (OP) >finally get to see Ellen Page's t--- >it has to be like this This has gotta be the most savage monkey paw wish ever granted
>>323094529 (OP) File: F0965968-E784-469F-B51A-4(...).png (1.65 MB, 964x1322) O Anonymous (ID: U7UQMN) I•1 05/24/21(Mon)22:01:38 No.323094529 >>323095778 >>323095879 >>323096173 >>323096251 >>323096680 >>323097195 >>323097325 >>323097400 >>323097484 >>323098018 >>323098098 >>323098550 Could /pol/ have saved her? O Anonymous (ID: UPCLISAP) 05/24/21(Mon)22:32:47 No.323098098 ► File: 2dcb1fdcf23c25f26a81117bf(..).png (45 KB, 897x298) O Anonymous (ID: 7ZFluu6b) E 05/24/21(Mon)18:37:04 No.323076979 ► >>323067787 O Anonymous (ID: 1041-Fk6 ) 05/24/21(Mon)17:22:48 No.323067787 >>323068360 >>323068475 >>323068888 >>323069750 >>323072280 >>323072341 >>323076979 >>323077909 >>323078137 File: 72d29c82-36f3-4cf0-8d1e-6(.).jpg (31 KB, 360x303) >>323067675 (OP) >finally get to see Ellen Page's t--- >it has to be like this This has gotta be the most savage monkey paw wish ever granted

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anon poops in public | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)00:09:04 No.64432554 >went to see a movie at the park tonight >portapotties instead of real bathrooms >get bad stomach pains >while waiting in line one girl starts shouting 'they've all been occupied 20 KB JPG a long time. Are they pooing? Gross! Why would you poo in a portapotty?" >already feeling embarassed, but too much pain to care >get into a porta potty >quietly do my business >after several minutes the door opens >I thought I had locked it, but it had not gone all the way >the guy apologizes and closes, but everyone saw me, a giant line of people >i can hear a woman asking if im 'okay', as i was sitting on the toilet >suddenly hear lots of laughing >it goes on for almost 3 whole minutes
: Anonymous 07/04/21(Sun)00:09:04 No.64432554 >went to see a movie at the park tonight >portapotties instead of real bathrooms >get bad stomach pains >while waiting in line one girl starts shouting 'they've all been occupied 20 KB JPG a long time. Are they pooing? Gross! Why would you poo in a portapotty?" >already feeling embarassed, but too much pain to care >get into a porta potty >quietly do my business >after several minutes the door opens >I thought I had locked it, but it had not gone all the way >the guy apologizes and closes, but everyone saw me, a giant line of people >i can hear a woman asking if im 'okay', as i was sitting on the toilet >suddenly hear lots of laughing >it goes on for almost 3 whole minutes

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Anon gets groceries | /r/Greentext

File: 9B687024-4362-4409-8174-2(..).jpg (55 KB, 640x640) O Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:16:24 No.858520561 >>858520 >Be me >At the store hanging out with mom, buying groceries with her >Get to the checkout >10/10 girl behind one of the registers >Looks like pic related >Knees weak >Arms heavy >mom's spaghetti >We go to another register >Pay like a normal person >Leave >> Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:20:54 No.858520771►
File: 9B687024-4362-4409-8174-2(..).jpg (55 KB, 640x640) O Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:16:24 No.858520561 >>858520 >Be me >At the store hanging out with mom, buying groceries with her >Get to the checkout >10/10 girl behind one of the registers >Looks like pic related >Knees weak >Arms heavy >mom's spaghetti >We go to another register >Pay like a normal person >Leave >> Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)23:20:54 No.858520771►

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Anon violates the Geneva convention | /r/Greentext

File: Ezt2MChUcAMZpF5.jpg (88 KB, 854x1047) O Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)21:19:49 No.858554753 >go to foreign country >walk into an office complex >go to the office area >walk past security >go into bathroom >take the fattest s--- ever in the urinal >walk out >leave the country >never return
File: Ezt2MChUcAMZpF5.jpg (88 KB, 854x1047) O Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)21:19:49 No.858554753 >go to foreign country >walk into an office complex >go to the office area >walk past security >go into bathroom >take the fattest s--- ever in the urinal >walk out >leave the country >never return

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Anon Chadmaxxed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Axgiz9DM ) 07/06/21(Tue)22:35:15 No.38588487 >>38588626 >>38588650 >>38588558 >be me >had a nerdy white name >salary: $55k (last year) >rarely used to get calls from recruiters >this year >decide to change name to "Chad" >start to get too much recruiter spam than I can handle >currently interviewing for a job that pays $110k >interviewer is super nice which is a surreal experience What the f--- is this life hack? Short manly sounding names = higher net worth now? Do my qualifications and experience mean nothing anymore?
Anonymous (ID: Axgiz9DM ) 07/06/21(Tue)22:35:15 No.38588487 >>38588626 >>38588650 >>38588558 >be me >had a nerdy white name >salary: $55k (last year) >rarely used to get calls from recruiters >this year >decide to change name to "Chad" >start to get too much recruiter spam than I can handle >currently interviewing for a job that pays $110k >interviewer is super nice which is a surreal experience What the f--- is this life hack? Short manly sounding names = higher net worth now? Do my qualifications and experience mean nothing anymore?

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Christopher me boy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)01:54:01 No.18603051 >Christopher, have I ever told you about my fondness towards the LGBTQ+ movement? A movement not even invented during my time. You've heard me speak about them before, those people, hippies I called them. You know I was always uncomfortable with them endorsing my books for their own socialist 40 KB JPG agenda. >you know Christopher, you know I take my religion towards high practise, I shall not talk or speak the English language in any church or holy setting. For it would be blasphemy to do so and I despise the church for ruining the beautiful traditional language of ye old latin >for I am a conservative, traditionalist loving monarchist. >but I want ye to know me boy, 50 years after my death I am a staunch ally of the queer fandom on a site they call Twitter, a platform that gave the mentally depraved a chance to speak and for the idiots around them to feel good about themselves >and a World War 1 survivor like me who interpretted my comraderie of my fallen friends into my books, I want you to know they were "f------" all along, and not the timber kind.
: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)01:54:01 No.18603051 >Christopher, have I ever told you about my fondness towards the LGBTQ+ movement? A movement not even invented during my time. You've heard me speak about them before, those people, hippies I called them. You know I was always uncomfortable with them endorsing my books for their own socialist 40 KB JPG agenda. >you know Christopher, you know I take my religion towards high practise, I shall not talk or speak the English language in any church or holy setting. For it would be blasphemy to do so and I despise the church for ruining the beautiful traditional language of ye old latin >for I am a conservative, traditionalist loving monarchist. >but I want ye to know me boy, 50 years after my death I am a staunch ally of the queer fandom on a site they call Twitter, a platform that gave the mentally depraved a chance to speak and for the idiots around them to feel good about themselves >and a World War 1 survivor like me who interpretted my comraderie of my fallen friends into my books, I want you to know they were "f------" all along, and not the timber kind.

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Anon get out of a speeding ticket | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'l go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car al 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'l go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car al 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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Anon lifts | /r/Greentext

1620573052056.jpg 226 KB JPG >>61657418 (OP) # >The only woman I lift for is my mother, so l can help her when she gets old.
1620573052056.jpg 226 KB JPG >>61657418 (OP) # >The only woman I lift for is my mother, so l can help her when she gets old.

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Anon eats grape | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)01:56:21 No.848996983 >be me >eating grape and watching tv >grape tasty grape 8 KB JPG 5 Replies /3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)01:56:21 No.848996983 >be me >eating grape and watching tv >grape tasty grape 8 KB JPG 5 Replies /3 Images View Thread

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Anon falls down stairs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)12:20:36 No.858546889 >l fell down the stairs when I was 16 >Broke my nose and hurt my wrist pretty bad >Dad takes me to the hospital >Nurses are doing some nurse s--- to me and asks me what happened >When I tell her that I fell down the stairs she stops what she's doing and goes into another room >after 10 minutes of watching Gumball on the TV all 10 KB JPG alone a cop walks into the room with the nurse >I remember that "fell down the stairs" is the cover up for "my dad hit me" >nurse cleans my nose and puts some toilet paper or whatever in it >Cop takes me to the Sheriffs Department and starts asking me questions >Two more cops walk in and bring my dad and gf to different interrogation rooms >First cop brings me into a room with a couch and some plants >Talked to me for a few hours while I tried to explain that i'm just a retard who somehow fell down stairs >He walks out and leaves the door open >Hear one of the officers tell the first one that they let my gf go, but they're still questioning my dad >Apparently my dad got a temporary lawyer which made them more suspicious of him >Anyways the brings in a therapist who also tried to get me to say that my dad hit me >Obviously I don't, but he's clearly not buying that i'm retarded enough to fall down the stairs >The cops searched our house and found blood at the end of the railing on the stairs and more blood on the floor by the last stair >Another cop drives me to the hospital where a pretty hot nurse made me take off my shirt >Thank god that at this point in my life I was pretty fit and could bench more than twice my body weight >She looks at my back for awhile and occasionally rubs it or some s--- like that >Her and the cop talk for awhile outside the room >She tells him that there's nothing showing I was pushed >Dad picks me up and we go home >He tells me they were gonna charge him with assault and battery and some other stuff too >Mfw my dad almost went to prison because i'm too f------ dumb to walk down stairs
: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)12:20:36 No.858546889 >l fell down the stairs when I was 16 >Broke my nose and hurt my wrist pretty bad >Dad takes me to the hospital >Nurses are doing some nurse s--- to me and asks me what happened >When I tell her that I fell down the stairs she stops what she's doing and goes into another room >after 10 minutes of watching Gumball on the TV all 10 KB JPG alone a cop walks into the room with the nurse >I remember that "fell down the stairs" is the cover up for "my dad hit me" >nurse cleans my nose and puts some toilet paper or whatever in it >Cop takes me to the Sheriffs Department and starts asking me questions >Two more cops walk in and bring my dad and gf to different interrogation rooms >First cop brings me into a room with a couch and some plants >Talked to me for a few hours while I tried to explain that i'm just a retard who somehow fell down stairs >He walks out and leaves the door open >Hear one of the officers tell the first one that they let my gf go, but they're still questioning my dad >Apparently my dad got a temporary lawyer which made them more suspicious of him >Anyways the brings in a therapist who also tried to get me to say that my dad hit me >Obviously I don't, but he's clearly not buying that i'm retarded enough to fall down the stairs >The cops searched our house and found blood at the end of the railing on the stairs and more blood on the floor by the last stair >Another cop drives me to the hospital where a pretty hot nurse made me take off my shirt >Thank god that at this point in my life I was pretty fit and could bench more than twice my body weight >She looks at my back for awhile and occasionally rubs it or some s--- like that >Her and the cop talk for awhile outside the room >She tells him that there's nothing showing I was pushed >Dad picks me up and we go home >He tells me they were gonna charge him with assault and battery and some other stuff too >Mfw my dad almost went to prison because i'm too f------ dumb to walk down stairs

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Friend in need | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)13:51:22 No.64466824 can i just have one normal friend or something holy f--- >only know one person my age thats 3-4 miles down the road 83 KB JPG >would be totally easy to just hang out >we used to hang out in school >it was normal we just hung out played video games smoked a little bit walked around >he goes crazy >hes just an ass hole to everyone >always sarcastic, snapping on people, arguing, being an ass hole about everything for no reason >im alone with no friends and he lives 4 minutes away so i try hanging out with him >just go there smoke, do some kratom, a couple drinks, hanging out >just there being nice and half the time hes just an ass hole for no reason >i asked him why hes being an ass hole and he just sounds retarded and gives h--------- apologies >just say f--- it and stop hanging out >now i just sit alone all day >the only other people i know are ridiculously far away my quality of life would improve like 1000% if i had a friend close even if it was an acquaintance but im stuck with the lunatic
: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)13:51:22 No.64466824 can i just have one normal friend or something holy f--- >only know one person my age thats 3-4 miles down the road 83 KB JPG >would be totally easy to just hang out >we used to hang out in school >it was normal we just hung out played video games smoked a little bit walked around >he goes crazy >hes just an ass hole to everyone >always sarcastic, snapping on people, arguing, being an ass hole about everything for no reason >im alone with no friends and he lives 4 minutes away so i try hanging out with him >just go there smoke, do some kratom, a couple drinks, hanging out >just there being nice and half the time hes just an ass hole for no reason >i asked him why hes being an ass hole and he just sounds retarded and gives h--------- apologies >just say f--- it and stop hanging out >now i just sit alone all day >the only other people i know are ridiculously far away my quality of life would improve like 1000% if i had a friend close even if it was an acquaintance but im stuck with the lunatic

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Anon is transforming | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)15:40:40 No.64474134 >brush teeth twice a day (from brushing once a month) >cold shower daily (used to shower once a month if that) >day 5 of nofap >keeping room tidy (almost got kicked out because of how dirty i 139 KB JPG kept it) >eating well >job interview in an hour 30 im crawling out, boys
: Anonymous 07/07/21(Wed)15:40:40 No.64474134 >brush teeth twice a day (from brushing once a month) >cold shower daily (used to shower once a month if that) >day 5 of nofap >keeping room tidy (almost got kicked out because of how dirty i 139 KB JPG kept it) >eating well >job interview in an hour 30 im crawling out, boys

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Anon is just a centrist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/21 (Wed)18:40:29 No.64474293 >be me, white, 21 >have cancer, get it treated with chemo at the hospital >it's abosulte hell, but I manage to survive it >leave the hospital 31 KB JPG >few days later, I'm in the urban area to buy groceries >it's really busy & theres angry people walking through the streets with signs up, can't be bothered to even read it. >hear some guy screaming 'SKINHEAD' >group of people wearing black clothes starts beating me up and kicking me for no reason, manage to pull through >now I'm in the hospital again >Didn't see any of their faces because they were wearing masks, so the police can't arrest anyone Just kill me already. I'm not a skinhead, nazi, whatever. I'm not even a right winger. Just a centrist
: Anonymous 07/07/21 (Wed)18:40:29 No.64474293 >be me, white, 21 >have cancer, get it treated with chemo at the hospital >it's abosulte hell, but I manage to survive it >leave the hospital 31 KB JPG >few days later, I'm in the urban area to buy groceries >it's really busy & theres angry people walking through the streets with signs up, can't be bothered to even read it. >hear some guy screaming 'SKINHEAD' >group of people wearing black clothes starts beating me up and kicking me for no reason, manage to pull through >now I'm in the hospital again >Didn't see any of their faces because they were wearing masks, so the police can't arrest anyone Just kill me already. I'm not a skinhead, nazi, whatever. I'm not even a right winger. Just a centrist

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Anon and the cockatoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/28/17(Thu)02:04:18 No.755100053 >be me >have a dream about sentient cockatoo >tells me that i have to be careful >ask why 173 KB JPG >all he says is 'soon' >dissappears for a while >comes back >i get hit by car >lose leg, have to use crutches anx prosthetics for the rest of my life >sentient cockatoo comes back >tells me to pet his underfluffies >i do >mfw i woke up rock hard
: Anonymous 12/28/17(Thu)02:04:18 No.755100053 >be me >have a dream about sentient cockatoo >tells me that i have to be careful >ask why 173 KB JPG >all he says is 'soon' >dissappears for a while >comes back >i get hit by car >lose leg, have to use crutches anx prosthetics for the rest of my life >sentient cockatoo comes back >tells me to pet his underfluffies >i do >mfw i woke up rock hard

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