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Anon is a good father | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a shit cook | /r/Greentext

No.858211868 07/02/21(Fri)17:37:39 5AEA8BF6-AE99-4C1C-9886-AC580C41ECB2.jpg JPG 351.6 KİB 958x1280 >be me, 15 minutes ago >at Walmart >my wife just had our third child three days ago and I haven't slept or showered in two days >look and feel like s--- >at self check out >have my power beats pro in right ear >QT3.14 ginger gril next to me >gives me this most sincere heart warming smile >autism.exe "Don't f------ smile at me l'm married." >walk out >don't even know what her expression was Bitches might be hotter than my hot wife but doesn't mean want to get seduced by their whoreness. pic semi related it's tonight's dinner l've been cooking since this morning 2 replies No.858212017 07/02/21(Fri)17:39:58 Your story and your dinner are s--- 1 reply •..
No.858211868 07/02/21(Fri)17:37:39 5AEA8BF6-AE99-4C1C-9886-AC580C41ECB2.jpg JPG 351.6 KİB 958x1280 >be me, 15 minutes ago >at Walmart >my wife just had our third child three days ago and I haven't slept or showered in two days >look and feel like s--- >at self check out >have my power beats pro in right ear >QT3.14 ginger gril next to me >gives me this most sincere heart warming smile >autism.exe "Don't f------ smile at me l'm married." >walk out >don't even know what her expression was Bitches might be hotter than my hot wife but doesn't mean want to get seduced by their whoreness. pic semi related it's tonight's dinner l've been cooking since this morning 2 replies No.858212017 07/02/21(Fri)17:39:58 Your story and your dinner are s--- 1 reply •..

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Anon gets McDonald’s | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNigger" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry > do mobile order and decide to pick up 23 KB JPG > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNIGGER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >"n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out
: Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNigger" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry > do mobile order and decide to pick up 23 KB JPG > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNIGGER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >"n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out

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Anon goes to grampa birthday | /r/Greentext

File: dg.png (704 KB, 526x594) Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)14:09:15 No.858192393 this happened yesterday >be me >in grampa birthday >all family together, 15 people >uncle decides to put some funny yt videos on the big screen >he finds a compilation of people in a amusenment park ride >seems nice >hits play >the video starts >the person shooting the first clip close up at this girls ass >plsgodno.jpg >the next clip it's a couple humping in the same ride >my uncle didn't realize what was going on >the video continues >mfw it's 90% just people humping on each other >whygod.mp4 >the rest of the family is in complete silence >i'm so embarrassed that i just pretend to be looking at my phone the whole time >the video finally ends longest 2 min and 22 seconds of my life
File: dg.png (704 KB, 526x594) Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)14:09:15 No.858192393 this happened yesterday >be me >in grampa birthday >all family together, 15 people >uncle decides to put some funny yt videos on the big screen >he finds a compilation of people in a amusenment park ride >seems nice >hits play >the video starts >the person shooting the first clip close up at this girls ass >plsgodno.jpg >the next clip it's a couple humping in the same ride >my uncle didn't realize what was going on >the video continues >mfw it's 90% just people humping on each other >whygod.mp4 >the rest of the family is in complete silence >i'm so embarrassed that i just pretend to be looking at my phone the whole time >the video finally ends longest 2 min and 22 seconds of my life

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Anon spends quality time with his father | /r/Greentext

No Service >>5808255b not sure if its worse 2:48 DM. 10% >15 >try to make pancakes >spill hot oil on myself >burns on both hands and my right thigh >cant j------- >dryhump everything in my room >cant c-- >worst blueballs i ever felt >dad helps me shower >get rock hard as soon as he soaps my thigh >tell him i cant j------- >he cant stop laughing >then tells me to promise not to tell mom >i kind of expect he will jerk me off in the shower but instead he makes it way weirder >he instructs me to lie on my back on my bed and hands me a sleepmask, tells me he will be right back >after a couple of minutes he comes back, speaking in a feminine offensively thick asian accent >"you come for special massage yes yes? good." >he gives me a proper massage while I feel like my balls are going to explode >he occasionally says random stuff about my body being tense, fully in character >after about 30 minutes of massage, he starts doing this onedirectional slowjerk motion with a lubed hand while playing with my balls with other >from this point on i am just nonstop moaning like a bitch >edged me like that for at least 15 minutes, occasionally slowjerking in different ways >finally lets me c--, >i take off the sleepmask >he wipes off the c-- with a worm moist towel >i burst out laughing, he joins >he clearly saw this as a fun experience, i was still being awkward, he told me he'll take me to thailand when i turn 18 >he died two years later >when i was 20 i saved up enough to travel to thailand on my own >went to get a 'special massage', closed my eyes and pretended it was my dad doing an offensive accent, couldn't stop crying after i came and they didn't charge me
No Service >>5808255b not sure if its worse 2:48 DM. 10% >15 >try to make pancakes >spill hot oil on myself >burns on both hands and my right thigh >cant j------- >dryhump everything in my room >cant c-- >worst blueballs i ever felt >dad helps me shower >get rock hard as soon as he soaps my thigh >tell him i cant j------- >he cant stop laughing >then tells me to promise not to tell mom >i kind of expect he will jerk me off in the shower but instead he makes it way weirder >he instructs me to lie on my back on my bed and hands me a sleepmask, tells me he will be right back >after a couple of minutes he comes back, speaking in a feminine offensively thick asian accent >"you come for special massage yes yes? good." >he gives me a proper massage while I feel like my balls are going to explode >he occasionally says random stuff about my body being tense, fully in character >after about 30 minutes of massage, he starts doing this onedirectional slowjerk motion with a lubed hand while playing with my balls with other >from this point on i am just nonstop moaning like a bitch >edged me like that for at least 15 minutes, occasionally slowjerking in different ways >finally lets me c--, >i take off the sleepmask >he wipes off the c-- with a worm moist towel >i burst out laughing, he joins >he clearly saw this as a fun experience, i was still being awkward, he told me he'll take me to thailand when i turn 18 >he died two years later >when i was 20 i saved up enough to travel to thailand on my own >went to get a 'special massage', closed my eyes and pretended it was my dad doing an offensive accent, couldn't stop crying after i came and they didn't charge me

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I'm a little teapot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:55:48 No.64409337 >come across apex attractive 10/10 girl in my area on IG >ruins the rest of my day knowing I will never meet her >relieve this stress by autistically yelling sporadically to myself in frustration once in a while every 2:42 AM 76 KB GIF time I think about the fact she's out there
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:55:48 No.64409337 >come across apex attractive 10/10 girl in my area on IG >ruins the rest of my day knowing I will never meet her >relieve this stress by autistically yelling sporadically to myself in frustration once in a while every 2:42 AM 76 KB GIF time I think about the fact she's out there

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Anon has a lifehack | /r/Greentext

File: 69f jpg (15 KB, 354x286) O Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:36:18 No.82350337 >be me >dad bought cheapass chink earphones without asking me >poor sound quality >really annoying >idea.jpg >download free bass booster app from play store >sound quality increases tenfold >susbribe for more lifehaxxxx
File: 69f jpg (15 KB, 354x286) O Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:36:18 No.82350337 >be me >dad bought cheapass chink earphones without asking me >poor sound quality >really annoying >idea.jpg >download free bass booster app from play store >sound quality increases tenfold >susbribe for more lifehaxxxx

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Anon is working on himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)23:57:19 No.858209416 prevented myself from being a retard today at work MAN >at work, fixing something with a coworker who is black >she says "okay, that's all good" >Nearly say "all is good in the hood" but bite my tongue so I can't say it 5 KB JPG >Manage to get out an "alright, cool" feels like progress
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)23:57:19 No.858209416 prevented myself from being a retard today at work MAN >at work, fixing something with a coworker who is black >she says "okay, that's all good" >Nearly say "all is good in the hood" but bite my tongue so I can't say it 5 KB JPG >Manage to get out an "alright, cool" feels like progress

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Anon is provocative | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)19:07:06 No.153130032 >recent movie is in black and white 98 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)19:08:11 No.153130059 >thread starts with a lame attempt at being provocative >>153130129 #
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)19:07:06 No.153130032 >recent movie is in black and white 98 KB PNG : Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)19:08:11 No.153130059 >thread starts with a lame attempt at being provocative >>153130129 #

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That's one small step for man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:50:51 No.64409282 I was lovebombed and BPDd by my step sister. >out of nowhere seduces me >monkey listen to pp >stick pp in, feels great >keep thinking to myself that I can die now, 76 KB JPG because I'm not a virgin >afterwards she tells me that she loves me >continue to listen to pp, suddenly feel like i love her to >meet up one more time, f--- 7 times in 2 days, shower together, feel great >she becomes distant and then ends our thing, after previously telling me how much she loves me and that she wants to be with me for the foreseeable future. Overall Experience: 5/10 Misery Induced: 10/10 P----: 10/10 She had the porportions of a greek goddess, shrunk down into a sub 5 foot form. When I stand up my c--- is practically in between her t--- (which are huge for her size). Overall I want to die because I was just used because she was r---- or something and just wanted to regain control and once that was done I was discarded. I think I've actually given up with love at this point, I've been betrayed by someone l've known for 10 years and discarded like that time meant nothing. I can't even masturbate to females anymore, because it just makes me feel sad and angry. How do I find love and trust a woman again /r9k/ surely you must know?
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:50:51 No.64409282 I was lovebombed and BPDd by my step sister. >out of nowhere seduces me >monkey listen to pp >stick pp in, feels great >keep thinking to myself that I can die now, 76 KB JPG because I'm not a virgin >afterwards she tells me that she loves me >continue to listen to pp, suddenly feel like i love her to >meet up one more time, f--- 7 times in 2 days, shower together, feel great >she becomes distant and then ends our thing, after previously telling me how much she loves me and that she wants to be with me for the foreseeable future. Overall Experience: 5/10 Misery Induced: 10/10 P----: 10/10 She had the porportions of a greek goddess, shrunk down into a sub 5 foot form. When I stand up my c--- is practically in between her t--- (which are huge for her size). Overall I want to die because I was just used because she was r---- or something and just wanted to regain control and once that was done I was discarded. I think I've actually given up with love at this point, I've been betrayed by someone l've known for 10 years and discarded like that time meant nothing. I can't even masturbate to females anymore, because it just makes me feel sad and angry. How do I find love and trust a woman again /r9k/ surely you must know?

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Anon is also anon irl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)17:44:05 No.64410352 >high school, 9th grade >english teacher is reading the names of people that don't have to retake a test >gets to my name >girl loudly asks "Who's anon?" >people start laughing, while 39 KB PNG someone at my table points out that l'm anon
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)17:44:05 No.64410352 >high school, 9th grade >english teacher is reading the names of people that don't have to retake a test >gets to my name >girl loudly asks "Who's anon?" >people start laughing, while 39 KB PNG someone at my table points out that l'm anon

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Anon Likes Assassin's Creed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)11:43:12 No.858198249 >be me middle school assasinfag 7 KB PNG dress like assassin wear s----- leather gauntlet on left arm middle school men's locker room airassasination.jpeg jump off locker make the noises with my mouth sweaty wrist hits the back of classmates neck at 30MPH floor him to the f------ ground requiescatinpace.wav never speaks to me again pic related
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)11:43:12 No.858198249 >be me middle school assasinfag 7 KB PNG dress like assassin wear s----- leather gauntlet on left arm middle school men's locker room airassasination.jpeg jump off locker make the noises with my mouth sweaty wrist hits the back of classmates neck at 30MPH floor him to the f------ ground requiescatinpace.wav never speaks to me again pic related

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Anon shares a tip | /r/Greentext


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Anon is having fun | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)23:01:52 No.64402302 >driving with friend >accidentally grab his leg instead of gearstick >we both laugh and i unzip his pants >park the car while fondling his balls >friend is laughing because he knows it's just a joke >start sucking his d--- on this empty parking lot >almost chock on his d--- because i'm laughing so hard >friend is also laughing his ass off >he starts making train noises while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB! CHOO CHOO" >he c--- and i swallow it all like some stupid f----- >kiss my friend and call him a f----- while laughing Gotta love playing pranks on my friends
O Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)23:01:52 No.64402302 >driving with friend >accidentally grab his leg instead of gearstick >we both laugh and i unzip his pants >park the car while fondling his balls >friend is laughing because he knows it's just a joke >start sucking his d--- on this empty parking lot >almost chock on his d--- because i'm laughing so hard >friend is also laughing his ass off >he starts making train noises while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB! CHOO CHOO" >he c--- and i swallow it all like some stupid f----- >kiss my friend and call him a f----- while laughing Gotta love playing pranks on my friends

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Great title | /r/Greentext

File: iu.jpg (32 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:28:01 No.4623881 >>4624045 >>4624063 >>4624108 >>4624211 >make extremely unfunny, bland post with no thought >get 0 replies >reply to it about 50 times all saying stuff like "kek" "based" or "my sides" actual people start replying to it Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:28:33 No.4623884 >>4624144 wait wait wait the last line was supposed to be greentext I f----- up O Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:53:20 No.4624036 D>>4624144 kek Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:53:50 No.4624040 D>>4624144 based
File: iu.jpg (32 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:28:01 No.4623881 >>4624045 >>4624063 >>4624108 >>4624211 >make extremely unfunny, bland post with no thought >get 0 replies >reply to it about 50 times all saying stuff like "kek" "based" or "my sides" actual people start replying to it Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:28:33 No.4623884 >>4624144 wait wait wait the last line was supposed to be greentext I f----- up O Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:53:20 No.4624036 D>>4624144 kek Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)13:53:50 No.4624040 D>>4624144 based

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Aliens visit 4chan | /r/Greentext

File: a.jpg (82 KB, 1300x650) U Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:18:27 No.64410693 Вe prepared. This is not a warning, this is a threat. We are coming. We will not be persuaded by your leaders or your people. You have been warned. O Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:19:00 No.64410700 >aliens confirmed retarded Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:20:09 No.64410711 >this is not a warning >you have been warned f------
File: a.jpg (82 KB, 1300x650) U Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:18:27 No.64410693 Вe prepared. This is not a warning, this is a threat. We are coming. We will not be persuaded by your leaders or your people. You have been warned. O Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:19:00 No.64410700 >aliens confirmed retarded Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)15:20:09 No.64410711 >this is not a warning >you have been warned f------

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Anon has had enough. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)10:56:31 No.858185718 Why are /pol/cels and moralfags like this, literally : >most of the loli content is a google search away, just think about it >trannies are 0,0001% of the global population, there's none here and once you stop deliberately using leddit they'll GLUE 395 KB PNG disappear from your life >what does it matter ? Drumpf or Bidet ? You're still a wageslave, its like choosing between a 23,99 and 24 cm dildo >"OMMGG ONE PERSON IN A GROUP IS BAD, BELIEVE THIS SCREENSHOT HERE"...and ?What does it matter again >"x race is bad, y race is better than z race" this literally disappear once you close your pc Why would you care this much about things you can't change and will do nothing about ? F------ pathetic 51 Replies / 24 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)10:56:31 No.858185718 Why are /pol/cels and moralfags like this, literally : >most of the loli content is a google search away, just think about it >trannies are 0,0001% of the global population, there's none here and once you stop deliberately using leddit they'll GLUE 395 KB PNG disappear from your life >what does it matter ? Drumpf or Bidet ? You're still a wageslave, its like choosing between a 23,99 and 24 cm dildo >"OMMGG ONE PERSON IN A GROUP IS BAD, BELIEVE THIS SCREENSHOT HERE"...and ?What does it matter again >"x race is bad, y race is better than z race" this literally disappear once you close your pc Why would you care this much about things you can't change and will do nothing about ? F------ pathetic 51 Replies / 24 Images View Thread

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The great saga of lobster chad | /r/Greentext


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Anon wants to take a shit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10 minutes ago 858107619 >be me 40 minutes ago >shopping in supermarket >out of nowhere huge urge to take a s--- >ignore it >urge becomes bigger and bigger >start sweating and legs feel weak >pay my stuff and start walking fast to the bathroom >i can feel it coming out >clench my ass so hard not even wi-fi could pass between my ass cheeks >arrive in the stall >at the same time as im sitting i let it out >s--- for like 5 minutes, it hurts like hell >can feel tear in my eye >but at least i made it on time 4 REPLIES Anonymous 10 minutes ago 858107660 : >>858107619 (OP) F--- yeah im s------- while posting this Anonymous 9 minutes ago 858107702 congrats anon
Anonymous 10 minutes ago 858107619 >be me 40 minutes ago >shopping in supermarket >out of nowhere huge urge to take a s--- >ignore it >urge becomes bigger and bigger >start sweating and legs feel weak >pay my stuff and start walking fast to the bathroom >i can feel it coming out >clench my ass so hard not even wi-fi could pass between my ass cheeks >arrive in the stall >at the same time as im sitting i let it out >s--- for like 5 minutes, it hurts like hell >can feel tear in my eye >but at least i made it on time 4 REPLIES Anonymous 10 minutes ago 858107660 : >>858107619 (OP) F--- yeah im s------- while posting this Anonymous 9 minutes ago 858107702 congrats anon

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Anon is dog | /r/Greentext

File: google-image-search jpg (71 KB, 666x1000) O Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:46:13 No.858179686 >>858179812 >>858179906 >>858180030 >>858180746 >be me >be hour ago >it's raining >went for a ride in my car >suburbs, driving around, no particular destination >at the bus stop, a woman in her 30s is hitchhiking >stop, take her >she asks where I am heading and if I can take her to a nearby town (3km away) >l tell her I'm just driving around and I will happily do it >she is sexy, dressed in elegant jacket >we chat and joke a little, she is very self-confident >I'm starting to like her >we arrive at the shop she needed to visit >she asks me if I can wait for her and that she will be back in a few minutes >You want me to wait for you here like a dog?' I joke >Well. yes, if you could. So. stay? >she jokes back and smiles at me with a grin >not sure what she meant by this >after like 10 minutes she is back >she asks if I will drive her home >sure >at her place, she invites me in, I agree >she leaves the car, smiles and commands me: >'Heel. Or shall I get you a leash?' >l'm so shocked I just follow her and say nothing >w--? she really starts to treat me like a dog >l'm into femdom, and she strangely seems to fit the picture >at her house now, she is taking a shower what do? if she really is into femdom, should I let her tie me up or sth? please reply quickly Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:47:33 No.858179749 >>858179785 >>858179909 you boutta get tied up and robbed son
File: google-image-search jpg (71 KB, 666x1000) O Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:46:13 No.858179686 >>858179812 >>858179906 >>858180030 >>858180746 >be me >be hour ago >it's raining >went for a ride in my car >suburbs, driving around, no particular destination >at the bus stop, a woman in her 30s is hitchhiking >stop, take her >she asks where I am heading and if I can take her to a nearby town (3km away) >l tell her I'm just driving around and I will happily do it >she is sexy, dressed in elegant jacket >we chat and joke a little, she is very self-confident >I'm starting to like her >we arrive at the shop she needed to visit >she asks me if I can wait for her and that she will be back in a few minutes >You want me to wait for you here like a dog?' I joke >Well. yes, if you could. So. stay? >she jokes back and smiles at me with a grin >not sure what she meant by this >after like 10 minutes she is back >she asks if I will drive her home >sure >at her place, she invites me in, I agree >she leaves the car, smiles and commands me: >'Heel. Or shall I get you a leash?' >l'm so shocked I just follow her and say nothing >w--? she really starts to treat me like a dog >l'm into femdom, and she strangely seems to fit the picture >at her house now, she is taking a shower what do? if she really is into femdom, should I let her tie me up or sth? please reply quickly Anonymous 07/02/21(Fri)08:47:33 No.858179749 >>858179785 >>858179909 you boutta get tied up and robbed son

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