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Anon studied thermodynamics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)14:53:14 No.64392409 >see autistic roommate filling ice- tray >tell him not to pour ice in the sink or else it'll clog the drain >he looks at me with panicked dear-eyes and asks if he's been doing that 58 KB JPG >mfw ice melts
: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)14:53:14 No.64392409 >see autistic roommate filling ice- tray >tell him not to pour ice in the sink or else it'll clog the drain >he looks at me with panicked dear-eyes and asks if he's been doing that 58 KB JPG >mfw ice melts

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mfw its hot! | /r/Greentext

File: poggers.jpg (50 KB, 778x778) O Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)18:02:23 No.798464277 [Reply] >be me >5 yrs old >in kitchen >watch mom cook >looks at hotplate >about to touch it >mom stop me and says "it's very hot don't touch it" >looks at her and proceeds either way >mfw it's hot
File: poggers.jpg (50 KB, 778x778) O Anonymous 04/28/19(Sun)18:02:23 No.798464277 [Reply] >be me >5 yrs old >in kitchen >watch mom cook >looks at hotplate >about to touch it >mom stop me and says "it's very hot don't touch it" >looks at her and proceeds either way >mfw it's hot

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What a turn of events... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)16:57:33 No.858096614 >be me >at girlfriends house >too scared to drink water Doesn't feel good throughout the day because I don't know what to do with my glass afterwards 15 KB PNG >don't care because I don't even feel that thirsty >a few days of this and I haven't shat yet >haha yeah it's going to be a huge log, hope I don't block the toilet >feel an uncomfortable weight... today's the day >toilet door has no lock so I have to finish quickly >get in, sit down, and push >no movement >push like crazy >still no movement >panic is beginning to set in >eventually work the tip out but by now l'm exhausted >everything's trembling and my legs feel numb >I'm well past the point of no return >take a second to compose myself before pushing with everything I have >it's working but I can feel my anus protesting >push towards the promise of relief >an explosion of pain and relief tells me it's over >look down between my legs >blood all over the bowl >stand up to get a good look at everything >blood drips all over the floor I'm lying in bed right now and my a------ hurts a lot. Any ideas what to do?
: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)16:57:33 No.858096614 >be me >at girlfriends house >too scared to drink water Doesn't feel good throughout the day because I don't know what to do with my glass afterwards 15 KB PNG >don't care because I don't even feel that thirsty >a few days of this and I haven't shat yet >haha yeah it's going to be a huge log, hope I don't block the toilet >feel an uncomfortable weight... today's the day >toilet door has no lock so I have to finish quickly >get in, sit down, and push >no movement >push like crazy >still no movement >panic is beginning to set in >eventually work the tip out but by now l'm exhausted >everything's trembling and my legs feel numb >I'm well past the point of no return >take a second to compose myself before pushing with everything I have >it's working but I can feel my anus protesting >push towards the promise of relief >an explosion of pain and relief tells me it's over >look down between my legs >blood all over the bowl >stand up to get a good look at everything >blood drips all over the floor I'm lying in bed right now and my a------ hurts a lot. Any ideas what to do?

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Anon makes women seethe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:44:24 No.858011798 >match with women on dating apps >send dismissive comments like you mistook them for a t----- >make them seethe and destroy their confidence >??? 293 KB JPG >profit Bonus points for not believing them when they tell you they aren't trans, making them guess why you thought they were trans, "I could have sworn I saw an Adam's apple in your pics," accusing them of transphobia when they rage, asking if they're still down to f---, etc Remember - keep it subtle.
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:44:24 No.858011798 >match with women on dating apps >send dismissive comments like you mistook them for a t----- >make them seethe and destroy their confidence >??? 293 KB JPG >profit Bonus points for not believing them when they tell you they aren't trans, making them guess why you thought they were trans, "I could have sworn I saw an Adam's apple in your pics," accusing them of transphobia when they rage, asking if they're still down to f---, etc Remember - keep it subtle.

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anon becomes you | /r/Greentext

File: MPZSC-tf_400x400.jpg (17 KB, 311 x311) Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:38:16 No.858089739 >>858090384 >be me >Nevermind >You will never be me >. bitch! >> Anonymous 07/01/21 (Thu)10:46:32 No.858090118 >> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:48:03 No.858090176 ► >> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:49:43 No.858090251 ► >> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:50:43 No.858090297 Anonymous 07/01/21 (Thu)10:52:08 No.858090358 Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:52:47 No.858090384 File: 1624934376350. gif (374 KB, 112x112) >>858090588 >>858089739 (OP) >Be me >Jealous I can't be you >cut your skin off >wear it like a fursuit >Mfw I'm you
File: MPZSC-tf_400x400.jpg (17 KB, 311 x311) Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:38:16 No.858089739 >>858090384 >be me >Nevermind >You will never be me >. bitch! >> Anonymous 07/01/21 (Thu)10:46:32 No.858090118 >> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:48:03 No.858090176 ► >> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:49:43 No.858090251 ► >> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:50:43 No.858090297 Anonymous 07/01/21 (Thu)10:52:08 No.858090358 Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)10:52:47 No.858090384 File: 1624934376350. gif (374 KB, 112x112) >>858090588 >>858089739 (OP) >Be me >Jealous I can't be you >cut your skin off >wear it like a fursuit >Mfw I'm you

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Anon goes on Pornhub | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)01:05:57 No.858082723 >on pornhun >know omegle has a p--- version >type omegle in search bar >content you searched may contain children in it Am I on a list now
>> Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)01:05:57 No.858082723 >on pornhun >know omegle has a p--- version >type omegle in search bar >content you searched may contain children in it Am I on a list now

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Anon is straight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)14:49:08 No.858042195 >pride month is over >boyfriend still sucking my d--- gguys is he gay? I don't know how to tell him but l'm straight. 445 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)14:49:08 No.858042195 >pride month is over >boyfriend still sucking my d--- gguys is he gay? I don't know how to tell him but l'm straight. 445 KB JPG

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Anon gets radicalised | /r/Greentext

File: E3UmtBtVEBA2HKh.jpg (55 KB, 521x680) O Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)12:57:54 No.64389104 [Reply] >be me >2008 >high school >holocaust day >show & tell assignment >had spent 2 months researching about jewish practices >prepare a full report on how the world could have changed if we embraced jewish practices, starting by ritual baths and how they prevented the jews from getting sick during the great plague >bring box full of homemade soaps to explain the ritual practice + sciences of bathing >"your turn anon" >walk towards the whiteboard with a box full of soaps >Jewish kid gasps in horror as he sees the soap >"NAZI NAZI NAZIII!" >Jewlet starts speaking in torah as he foams from mouth >starts convulsing while speaking yiddish pleading for his life to not get thrown into the camps >the whole classroom drags me out >"consider yourself expelled anon, you nazi" >2 f------ months worth of research to the trash >l could take bullying >l could take not having a gf >even lacking friends >now this, this was too much >something in me broke that day Hate jews since then.
File: E3UmtBtVEBA2HKh.jpg (55 KB, 521x680) O Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)12:57:54 No.64389104 [Reply] >be me >2008 >high school >holocaust day >show & tell assignment >had spent 2 months researching about jewish practices >prepare a full report on how the world could have changed if we embraced jewish practices, starting by ritual baths and how they prevented the jews from getting sick during the great plague >bring box full of homemade soaps to explain the ritual practice + sciences of bathing >"your turn anon" >walk towards the whiteboard with a box full of soaps >Jewish kid gasps in horror as he sees the soap >"NAZI NAZI NAZIII!" >Jewlet starts speaking in torah as he foams from mouth >starts convulsing while speaking yiddish pleading for his life to not get thrown into the camps >the whole classroom drags me out >"consider yourself expelled anon, you nazi" >2 f------ months worth of research to the trash >l could take bullying >l could take not having a gf >even lacking friends >now this, this was too much >something in me broke that day Hate jews since then.

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Anon is a 4channer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)16:19:21 No.858083450 > be me > use an irrelevant Pepe for my greentext so people know l'm a 4chin hackerman > make sure I start my story with >be me 28 KB JPG > post on reddit and get lots of upvotes because it'll then be funny when I use 4chin references.jpg > booba > f--- I hate reddit
: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)16:19:21 No.858083450 > be me > use an irrelevant Pepe for my greentext so people know l'm a 4chin hackerman > make sure I start my story with >be me 28 KB JPG > post on reddit and get lots of upvotes because it'll then be funny when I use 4chin references.jpg > booba > f--- I hate reddit

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California Burnin’ | /r/Greentext

12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >>152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down
12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >>152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down

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Anons sister isn’t a weeb | /r/Greentext

File: tumblr_static_tumblr stat(..).jpg (28 KB, 500x281) Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)18:20:13 No.784287841 [Reply] story time /b/ >be me >16 >sister finds out I watch anime >she thinks all anime is hentai >threatens to tell parents >think it'll scare me into doing whatever she tells me >ldontgiveafuck.jpg >tells parents >they start calling me a weeb >sister is p----- I'm not being severely punished >dad say's he honestly doesn't give a s--- >mfw he used to watch anime when he was my age >mfw my sister didn't talk to anyone for a week
File: tumblr_static_tumblr stat(..).jpg (28 KB, 500x281) Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)18:20:13 No.784287841 [Reply] story time /b/ >be me >16 >sister finds out I watch anime >she thinks all anime is hentai >threatens to tell parents >think it'll scare me into doing whatever she tells me >ldontgiveafuck.jpg >tells parents >they start calling me a weeb >sister is p----- I'm not being severely punished >dad say's he honestly doesn't give a s--- >mfw he used to watch anime when he was my age >mfw my sister didn't talk to anyone for a week

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Anon proves himself the true autist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)23:19:35 No.858073933 >be me >5th grade >well established autist, everyone knows who i am >feels great >middle of school year >kid named kevin moves to our THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE 12 KB JPG school >but im named kevin >new kevin is just as retarded >somehow becomes the most popular kid in school in his first few days >sad >for some reason, people think we should fight >f--- it >pick a day after school >everyone shows up >kevin 2 and i get ready to fight >it is time >start circling around each other >decide to start off with my ultimate attack >bring my arm back and charge >release >slap the f--- out of kevin 2 in the cheek >he stops, staring in shock >starts to cry and runs off >all of my classmates just kinda walk off disappointed >at school 5 weeks later >kevin 2 hasn't shown up since the fight >turns out he switched schools >everything went back to normal >mfw
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)23:19:35 No.858073933 >be me >5th grade >well established autist, everyone knows who i am >feels great >middle of school year >kid named kevin moves to our THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE 12 KB JPG school >but im named kevin >new kevin is just as retarded >somehow becomes the most popular kid in school in his first few days >sad >for some reason, people think we should fight >f--- it >pick a day after school >everyone shows up >kevin 2 and i get ready to fight >it is time >start circling around each other >decide to start off with my ultimate attack >bring my arm back and charge >release >slap the f--- out of kevin 2 in the cheek >he stops, staring in shock >starts to cry and runs off >all of my classmates just kinda walk off disappointed >at school 5 weeks later >kevin 2 hasn't shown up since the fight >turns out he switched schools >everything went back to normal >mfw

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Anon pulls a sneaky | /r/Greentext

No.723560076 53 minutes ago JPG 23.9 KIB 495x495 >be me >14 y/o > school uses white boards > replace white board marker ink with permanent marker ink > Bio class > teacher happens to teach human reproduction on that day > Live in a pretty conservative country so it is a taboo topic > draws huge c--- on the board > class over > next teacher comes in > tries to erase the board > class laughs > my autism kicks in > "Ma'am stop rubbing the penis" > She loses it > principal's office > She doesn't know I replaced the ink > Lets me go >I go back and see 3 bottles of acetone from the chem lab > successfully wasted time and resources
No.723560076 53 minutes ago JPG 23.9 KIB 495x495 >be me >14 y/o > school uses white boards > replace white board marker ink with permanent marker ink > Bio class > teacher happens to teach human reproduction on that day > Live in a pretty conservative country so it is a taboo topic > draws huge c--- on the board > class over > next teacher comes in > tries to erase the board > class laughs > my autism kicks in > "Ma'am stop rubbing the penis" > She loses it > principal's office > She doesn't know I replaced the ink > Lets me go >I go back and see 3 bottles of acetone from the chem lab > successfully wasted time and resources

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Anon goes clubbing | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)20:30:21 No.30522404 ► >30525016 >>30531188 >>30532087 >>30533081 >>30534190 >>30536021 >>30536034 >>30537174 File: 1421425423642.png (511 KB, 642x479) >finally get /fit/ after a few years >get coerced into going out clubbing with mates >they're all dancing and force me onto the floor >girl takes interest in me and wants to dance >don't know how to dance so I just bob my knees while doing the reload animations for different guns from various games
Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)20:30:21 No.30522404 ► >30525016 >>30531188 >>30532087 >>30533081 >>30534190 >>30536021 >>30536034 >>30537174 File: 1421425423642.png (511 KB, 642x479) >finally get /fit/ after a few years >get coerced into going out clubbing with mates >they're all dancing and force me onto the floor >girl takes interest in me and wants to dance >don't know how to dance so I just bob my knees while doing the reload animations for different guns from various games

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Anon owns his own home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)20:47:18 No.858065588 >Be me, 30 year old virgin >Finally got my life together after years of dealing with social anxiety and low self esteem >Own my own home, car, etc >Close friend's girlfriend says a friend of hers is single and she can set me up >a little anxious but my friend's girlfriend 49 KB JPG says she was practically made for me >Says she's a huge fan of Star Trek like me, vidya, shooting compound bows, ju-jitsu >Show up to her house looking my absolute best >Opens the door and outwalks a literal t----- >Can't remember if my mouth was hanging wide open or if it just felt that way >it immediately starts talking to me about the ferengi rules of acquisition >Still standing completely motionless trying to process this situation and how my friends could betray me like this >turn around, get in my car, drive home 15 Replies / 4 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)20:47:18 No.858065588 >Be me, 30 year old virgin >Finally got my life together after years of dealing with social anxiety and low self esteem >Own my own home, car, etc >Close friend's girlfriend says a friend of hers is single and she can set me up >a little anxious but my friend's girlfriend 49 KB JPG says she was practically made for me >Says she's a huge fan of Star Trek like me, vidya, shooting compound bows, ju-jitsu >Show up to her house looking my absolute best >Opens the door and outwalks a literal t----- >Can't remember if my mouth was hanging wide open or if it just felt that way >it immediately starts talking to me about the ferengi rules of acquisition >Still standing completely motionless trying to process this situation and how my friends could betray me like this >turn around, get in my car, drive home 15 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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Anon owns a cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/26/21(Sat)14:13:54 No.3847091 >cat does mean thing >can't help but forgive him when i look at him because he's so CUTE it's like cats have mind control abilities HE'S SO CUTE CUTE CUTE FUZZY CUTE CUTE CUTE 47 KB JPG ADORABLE FUZZY LITTLE KITTEN AND ITS LITTLE MITTENS MEOW MEOW <3<3<3<3<3< : Anonymous 06/26/21(Sat)14:17:08 No.3847093 >OP could not comprehend the cat and went insane >>3847106 #
: Anonymous 06/26/21(Sat)14:13:54 No.3847091 >cat does mean thing >can't help but forgive him when i look at him because he's so CUTE it's like cats have mind control abilities HE'S SO CUTE CUTE CUTE FUZZY CUTE CUTE CUTE 47 KB JPG ADORABLE FUZZY LITTLE KITTEN AND ITS LITTLE MITTENS MEOW MEOW <3<3<3<3<3< : Anonymous 06/26/21(Sat)14:17:08 No.3847093 >OP could not comprehend the cat and went insane >>3847106 #

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weeb moment | /r/Greentext

File: _boko_mika_and_shimada_ar(..).jpg (120 KB, 1004x654) O Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:46:45 No.5104860 [Reply] >>5104870 >grandpa is 95 years old >was in a British tank batallion during WWII >was stationed in Europe several times during the conflict >was always a role model for me, and a tough guy to heart >go visit him the other day at his beach house >brought my laptop with Girls und Panzer on it >thought he would think it fun that old tanks from his time are now used in popular culture >tell him I have something to show him >start with first episode >he just sits there with a blank expression >half way through the episode he asks me to stop >asks me to leave him alone >he retreats into his study mumbling something like This is what i fought for". >haven't heard from him since what do I do? I didn't mean to upset him. I really don't want to be unfriendly with my gramps in his last years. Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:55:04 No.5104870 >>5104860 (OP) I think a part of me died while reading this.
File: _boko_mika_and_shimada_ar(..).jpg (120 KB, 1004x654) O Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:46:45 No.5104860 [Reply] >>5104870 >grandpa is 95 years old >was in a British tank batallion during WWII >was stationed in Europe several times during the conflict >was always a role model for me, and a tough guy to heart >go visit him the other day at his beach house >brought my laptop with Girls und Panzer on it >thought he would think it fun that old tanks from his time are now used in popular culture >tell him I have something to show him >start with first episode >he just sits there with a blank expression >half way through the episode he asks me to stop >asks me to leave him alone >he retreats into his study mumbling something like This is what i fought for". >haven't heard from him since what do I do? I didn't mean to upset him. I really don't want to be unfriendly with my gramps in his last years. Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:55:04 No.5104870 >>5104860 (OP) I think a part of me died while reading this.

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Anon cucks all the tracies with his autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)20:18:03 No.858036649 >20 years old >virgin if you don't include prostitutes >regularly got approached by girls at bars and clubs and even on the street sometimes who start the conversation saying how good looking I am >Friend says whenever he posts a pic of me on his Instagram there's multiple girls 21 KB JPG and f------ asking about me >too autistic to do anything >COVID happens >now i'm due to start college in September How do I not f--- up? How over is it for me already as a 20 year old? Am I passed the point of no return? Will I be a bitter old man at 30?
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)20:18:03 No.858036649 >20 years old >virgin if you don't include prostitutes >regularly got approached by girls at bars and clubs and even on the street sometimes who start the conversation saying how good looking I am >Friend says whenever he posts a pic of me on his Instagram there's multiple girls 21 KB JPG and f------ asking about me >too autistic to do anything >COVID happens >now i'm due to start college in September How do I not f--- up? How over is it for me already as a 20 year old? Am I passed the point of no return? Will I be a bitter old man at 30?

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Anon is a flat-earther | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:41:24 No.858068662 What finally convinced you that the Earth is flat? NAP UF THE FLAT E 349 KB PNG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:51:42 No.858069207 : Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:54:24 No.858069359 : Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:54:36 No.858069366 >>858068662 (OP)# For me, it was when I got into a really bad car crash and suffered really bad dain bramage.
: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:41:24 No.858068662 What finally convinced you that the Earth is flat? NAP UF THE FLAT E 349 KB PNG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:51:42 No.858069207 : Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:54:24 No.858069359 : Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)02:54:36 No.858069366 >>858068662 (OP)# For me, it was when I got into a really bad car crash and suffered really bad dain bramage.

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Anon plays CoD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)09:09:54 No.6438688E >>64386505 (OP) # >Play, on 360 >With friend >late-night cod >His headset goes, so he has to use kinect and has to use TV-volume >"S---! Don't talk; My TV is loud" >Realise I have mere milliseconds, before he sorts it out. >ohyes.png >"F--- N------ F--- N------ F--- N------" >Put mic in mouth, and start making thunder-screams >Hear thudding, from friends' mic >Door slams open >"TURN THAT F------ S--- OFF NOW" >Hear arguing >silence >Anon has left the party >Tearsoflaughter.jpeg >Mom barges into my room >Same thing happens. >Couldn't sleep, due to laughter
: Anonymous 07/01/21(Thu)09:09:54 No.6438688E >>64386505 (OP) # >Play, on 360 >With friend >late-night cod >His headset goes, so he has to use kinect and has to use TV-volume >"S---! Don't talk; My TV is loud" >Realise I have mere milliseconds, before he sorts it out. >ohyes.png >"F--- N------ F--- N------ F--- N------" >Put mic in mouth, and start making thunder-screams >Hear thudding, from friends' mic >Door slams open >"TURN THAT F------ S--- OFF NOW" >Hear arguing >silence >Anon has left the party >Tearsoflaughter.jpeg >Mom barges into my room >Same thing happens. >Couldn't sleep, due to laughter

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