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Anon gets blackout drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)13:30:59 No.20125044 Not a girl but my r--- story >be me 18 >Going out to party with trens >We allways go to the same bar >Free drinks and all >Get in a drinkin contest >Ended up Black out drinks outside the bar >Wake up to a Guy sucking my D--- >Get scared and ran to the nearst gas station >Call an Uber to Go home >Never think about It again >FWD 4 moths later >My best friend's GF is friends with the f------ Guy >Still scared to randomly bump into that fude F--- my life man
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)13:30:59 No.20125044 Not a girl but my r--- story >be me 18 >Going out to party with trens >We allways go to the same bar >Free drinks and all >Get in a drinkin contest >Ended up Black out drinks outside the bar >Wake up to a Guy sucking my D--- >Get scared and ran to the nearst gas station >Call an Uber to Go home >Never think about It again >FWD 4 moths later >My best friend's GF is friends with the f------ Guy >Still scared to randomly bump into that fude F--- my life man

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Anon defeats the shadowman | /r/Greentext

>>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when 5 KB JPG suddenly I feel like l'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >l begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >I hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >l tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god
>>27093470 >boning my gf >doggystyle, she's loving it >my d--- is 7.5in easily >she achieves orgasm (as usual) when 5 KB JPG suddenly I feel like l'm being watched >pubes suddenly stand on end >gf doesn't notice, and I maintain my rhythmic thrusting, making her c-- again with my rock hard 8 incher >but something feels off >reach for my rechargeable Maglite RL1019 and scan the room >gf mumbles "what the f---" as waves of pleasure sweep through her body >a strange sulfuric smell fills the room, smells like the huevos rancheros and refried beans I had for breakfast >I turn around >there's a tall dark figure standing behind me >he wasn't there before >feels like he's feeding off of my virility, like a vampire >panic.jpg >l begin to thrust ferociously >gotta make my gf c-- one more time before dealing with the strange apparition/demon >as gf achieves orgasm (again, as usual), I pull out my solid 9 inch woody and blast my load all over the dark entity >I hear a hiss as the j--- hits his shadowy form and the spectre lets out a piercing cry >once more, the stench of sulfur fills the room >the floor is covered in c-- and a strange black-ish substance >gf asks, "did you f------ fart??" >l tell her it was the shadowman >somehow she didn't see him (paranormal) >"Oh my f------ god Josh did you s--- on the ground?" >it was the shadowman bitch >I swear to god

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Scott Steiner explains futanari. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/16(Sun)05:47:31 No.25727890 >>25727841 # Actually, futa can be made less gay than straight p---. You see straight p--- has one guy and one girl. Because you're fapping to something with one guy in it, that's 50% gay. If you watch a futa f--- a girl, that's one girl and a half girl, thus only 25% gay. You could try to make it 0% gay with two girls, but the problem is that makes them lesbian, which wraps back to being 100% gay. >>25727924 # >>25728322 # >>25729994 # >>25731185 # >25731377 # ST YOUGHEST COMBOY SPIKE
: Anonymous 03/27/16(Sun)05:47:31 No.25727890 >>25727841 # Actually, futa can be made less gay than straight p---. You see straight p--- has one guy and one girl. Because you're fapping to something with one guy in it, that's 50% gay. If you watch a futa f--- a girl, that's one girl and a half girl, thus only 25% gay. You could try to make it 0% gay with two girls, but the problem is that makes them lesbian, which wraps back to being 100% gay. >>25727924 # >>25728322 # >>25729994 # >>25731185 # >25731377 # ST YOUGHEST COMBOY SPIKE

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Anon understands society | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)14:07:11 No.64244130 >Go to party/large social situation >Girls literally just sit there and feel no pressure to do anything while the guys engage in constant psychological warfare and competition to be the most fun I hate this 619 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)14:07:11 No.64244130 >Go to party/large social situation >Girls literally just sit there and feel no pressure to do anything while the guys engage in constant psychological warfare and competition to be the most fun I hate this 619 KB JPG

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this is gonna be a classic in 2 years | /r/Greentext


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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

>be on the plane >girl is visibly uncomfortable, scared even >sit on the edge of the seat next to her >are you ok? there's no need to be scared >she tries to calm herself down but it's useless >reach out my hand to her like she's a scared animal >she takes it, her hand is so soft and warm >make small talk, she's better now, smiling, even giggling >have a great conversation, realize how beautiful she is (the kind that you write songs about) > idk how much time has passed, she still hasn't let go of my hand, she's holding it even tighter >she puts my hand on her cheek at some point, i melt >have to get off the plane, she hugs me >tell her to call me >she does, it's awesome >i'm happy >knock on the door >wake up >only a dream >day ruined if i lay in bed and close my eyes i can still feel her hug. so soft and so warm. want to kill myself again
>be on the plane >girl is visibly uncomfortable, scared even >sit on the edge of the seat next to her >are you ok? there's no need to be scared >she tries to calm herself down but it's useless >reach out my hand to her like she's a scared animal >she takes it, her hand is so soft and warm >make small talk, she's better now, smiling, even giggling >have a great conversation, realize how beautiful she is (the kind that you write songs about) > idk how much time has passed, she still hasn't let go of my hand, she's holding it even tighter >she puts my hand on her cheek at some point, i melt >have to get off the plane, she hugs me >tell her to call me >she does, it's awesome >i'm happy >knock on the door >wake up >only a dream >day ruined if i lay in bed and close my eyes i can still feel her hug. so soft and so warm. want to kill myself again

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Anon works as techsupport | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)11:24:51 No.857322579 >be me, working >person calls >asks to access someone else's account (dad's, brother's, son's etc) >tell them they can't access an account that doesn't belong to them & that they should ask the 190 KB JPG account holder to call instead >caller is baffled by this >explodes and starts shouting at me Why is it news to everyone that I can't give them someone else's information and they can't amend someone else's account?
: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)11:24:51 No.857322579 >be me, working >person calls >asks to access someone else's account (dad's, brother's, son's etc) >tell them they can't access an account that doesn't belong to them & that they should ask the 190 KB JPG account holder to call instead >caller is baffled by this >explodes and starts shouting at me Why is it news to everyone that I can't give them someone else's information and they can't amend someone else's account?

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Anon made it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Went from incelly recluse to h(...) 06/21/21(Mon)06:53:54 No.64240991 I sill cant comprehend how the f--- this happened. >another day, mindlessly browsing the internet >some kid from my old school messages me all of a sudden >anon lets link up come to my party 21 KB JPG >think it's a joke, arrange to come but still very suspicious (I'm going outside for the first time in months) >actually have a good time, everyone treats me like a celebrity, get high and drunk and dance with multiple girls >still no ulterior motive detected >fast forward a month or so >ive been going out and going to parties with my new friends literally every single week and having a blast >meeting women and going on late night adventures in my city I think im genuinely ascending bros. Idk how this happened but this is the most love l've felt in a long time. Im not even that religious but this feels like some intervention by God or something. Life is getting better.
: Anonymous Went from incelly recluse to h(...) 06/21/21(Mon)06:53:54 No.64240991 I sill cant comprehend how the f--- this happened. >another day, mindlessly browsing the internet >some kid from my old school messages me all of a sudden >anon lets link up come to my party 21 KB JPG >think it's a joke, arrange to come but still very suspicious (I'm going outside for the first time in months) >actually have a good time, everyone treats me like a celebrity, get high and drunk and dance with multiple girls >still no ulterior motive detected >fast forward a month or so >ive been going out and going to parties with my new friends literally every single week and having a blast >meeting women and going on late night adventures in my city I think im genuinely ascending bros. Idk how this happened but this is the most love l've felt in a long time. Im not even that religious but this feels like some intervention by God or something. Life is getting better.

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Anon is french | /r/Greentext


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Anon plays the most dangerous game | /r/Greentext

0000 connect 4.jpg 37 KB JPG >Valiant effort, Mr. Bond. However, you neglected to look diagonally.
0000 connect 4.jpg 37 KB JPG >Valiant effort, Mr. Bond. However, you neglected to look diagonally.

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Anon detonates toys | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)21:18:11 No.64238733 >walk up to pick up my food from the girl at the register >"OMG can I tell you something" >sure I guess >"You look EXACTLY like the evil little kid from Toy Story" >awkwardly laugh it off and try to escape the interaction 22 KB JPG That one stung a little not gonna lie bros.
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)21:18:11 No.64238733 >walk up to pick up my food from the girl at the register >"OMG can I tell you something" >sure I guess >"You look EXACTLY like the evil little kid from Toy Story" >awkwardly laugh it off and try to escape the interaction 22 KB JPG That one stung a little not gonna lie bros.

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We were going to build our lives together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #
: Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #

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Anon gets fucking raped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Share stories you shouldn't re...) 06/21/21(Mon)12:11:05 No.147154827 >Be me, 14 >Parents leave me at Persian family friends house for a week bc funeral > She says "I always wanted a cute blond son :))" >She keeps bear hugging and squeezing me every time I walk past, 6 KB JPG >She gave me tea while we were watching tv >don't remember anything else after that except driving home >MFW >MFW 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous Share stories you shouldn't re...) 06/21/21(Mon)12:11:05 No.147154827 >Be me, 14 >Parents leave me at Persian family friends house for a week bc funeral > She says "I always wanted a cute blond son :))" >She keeps bear hugging and squeezing me every time I walk past, 6 KB JPG >She gave me tea while we were watching tv >don't remember anything else after that except driving home >MFW >MFW 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon witnesses something wholesome | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)21:06:11 No.845348201 >be me >waiting at bus stop >late at night >see crazed looking hobo go behind abortion clinic 136 KB GIF >he digs through garbage can >he finds a fetus >he hugs it >'imma call you.cleetus, cleetus tha fetus' >he looks around >he takes bite of cleetus >mfw that is the sweetest thing i have seen in awhile
: Anonymous 01/20/21(Wed)21:06:11 No.845348201 >be me >waiting at bus stop >late at night >see crazed looking hobo go behind abortion clinic 136 KB GIF >he digs through garbage can >he finds a fetus >he hugs it >'imma call you.cleetus, cleetus tha fetus' >he looks around >he takes bite of cleetus >mfw that is the sweetest thing i have seen in awhile

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Anon visits McDonald's | /r/Greentext

O Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILD!" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYYI" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN!" >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.
O Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILD!" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYYI" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN!" >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.

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>Margarine | /r/Greentext

No.16081403 19 hours ago 1596976383675.jpg JPG 58.2 KiB 720x720 >Recipe calls for "butter" >My mom uses "margarine" >Complains about the recipe 5 replies No.16081421 19 hours ago ...
No.16081403 19 hours ago 1596976383675.jpg JPG 58.2 KiB 720x720 >Recipe calls for "butter" >My mom uses "margarine" >Complains about the recipe 5 replies No.16081421 19 hours ago ...

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Anon tries logging In | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)19:03:53 No.857299321 How to login in 2021 >*enter password for website* >"Security code sent to email" >*login to email* >"Security code sent to backup email" >*login to backup email* >"Security code sent to phone" REEEEEE 241 KB PNG >*pickup phone and open text >*input code into backup email* >:Please input new password" >"Must be 9-11 characters" >"Must contain at least 1 lower case" >"Must contain at least 1 capital letter" >"Must contain at least 1 number" >"Must contain at least 1 symbol" >"Cannot contain any letter, number, or symbols previously used" >*make new password* >"Logging in" >*get code* >*login to email* >*get code for website* >*login to original website* >"Unusual account activity, account locked for 24 hours"
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)19:03:53 No.857299321 How to login in 2021 >*enter password for website* >"Security code sent to email" >*login to email* >"Security code sent to backup email" >*login to backup email* >"Security code sent to phone" REEEEEE 241 KB PNG >*pickup phone and open text >*input code into backup email* >:Please input new password" >"Must be 9-11 characters" >"Must contain at least 1 lower case" >"Must contain at least 1 capital letter" >"Must contain at least 1 number" >"Must contain at least 1 symbol" >"Cannot contain any letter, number, or symbols previously used" >*make new password* >"Logging in" >*get code* >*login to email* >*get code for website* >*login to original website* >"Unusual account activity, account locked for 24 hours"

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Anon is sus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)21:16:31 No.48287782 >7 year old cousin is over >She wants to play the PS4 in my room >Mom tells me to "keep the door open" What the f--- did she mean by 765 KB PNG this? 37 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)21:16:31 No.48287782 >7 year old cousin is over >She wants to play the PS4 in my room >Mom tells me to "keep the door open" What the f--- did she mean by 765 KB PNG this? 37 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Happy Father’s Day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)18:13:44 No.857283234 >be me >be talking to my dad >he's a taxi driver >he says he had to pick up a off duty cop >Cop and my Dad talk. >long story short >Cop told my dad if he Beats the s--- out of somebody on his property. To drag them off his 255 KB PNG property to get away with it. Thanks for the good information Cool Cop :)
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)18:13:44 No.857283234 >be me >be talking to my dad >he's a taxi driver >he says he had to pick up a off duty cop >Cop and my Dad talk. >long story short >Cop told my dad if he Beats the s--- out of somebody on his property. To drag them off his 255 KB PNG property to get away with it. Thanks for the good information Cool Cop :)

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Anon is a coomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)23:27:29 No.857270798 >be me >jerking off to my usual coom material >notice footsteps coming up the stairs >close all tabs and put c--- away >mom barges into room asking if i can print something on my pc for her 136 KB PNG >marches over to my monitors to observe >desktop visible >ohshit.jpg >mom says "wow anon you sure do have alot of folders" >franticly open search engine to hide desktop >most visited sites had x------ listed >close tab and just let desktop be visible in shame pic related f------ kill me i renamed them after this happened to avoid this from happening again dont think she knows what loli, shota, futa, and traps are but the other stuff had the full names before usually i don't feel any guilt or shame when jerking my c--- but in situations like that i cant help but cringe
: Anonymous 06/20/21(Sun)23:27:29 No.857270798 >be me >jerking off to my usual coom material >notice footsteps coming up the stairs >close all tabs and put c--- away >mom barges into room asking if i can print something on my pc for her 136 KB PNG >marches over to my monitors to observe >desktop visible >ohshit.jpg >mom says "wow anon you sure do have alot of folders" >franticly open search engine to hide desktop >most visited sites had x------ listed >close tab and just let desktop be visible in shame pic related f------ kill me i renamed them after this happened to avoid this from happening again dont think she knows what loli, shota, futa, and traps are but the other stuff had the full names before usually i don't feel any guilt or shame when jerking my c--- but in situations like that i cant help but cringe

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