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Anon plays the trumpet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:33:29 No.64091971 >be me >virgin af >someone tells me to learn an instrument, it might make me look cooler and attract girls >learn to play the trumpet >l walk to the city center and play 284 KB PNG my trumpet, think the people might like it >as I blow into the trumpet, a horrible fart-like sound can be heard >everyone stares at me in disgust >kids laugh at me
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:33:29 No.64091971 >be me >virgin af >someone tells me to learn an instrument, it might make me look cooler and attract girls >learn to play the trumpet >l walk to the city center and play 284 KB PNG my trumpet, think the people might like it >as I blow into the trumpet, a horrible fart-like sound can be heard >everyone stares at me in disgust >kids laugh at me

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Anon watches fight club | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous story time 02/24/18(Sat)22:49:12 No.43452373 >be me >be in 7th grade >obsessed with the movie fight club >start pretending to fight myself because autism >people at school ask why i have bruises 143 KB JPG >tell them i got into fight >with who? >tell them im not gonna snitch >people believe me >tfw people start to think im a little bit cooler due to autism 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous story time 02/24/18(Sat)22:49:12 No.43452373 >be me >be in 7th grade >obsessed with the movie fight club >start pretending to fight myself because autism >people at school ask why i have bruises 143 KB JPG >tell them i got into fight >with who? >tell them im not gonna snitch >people believe me >tfw people start to think im a little bit cooler due to autism 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon's friends have regrets | /r/Greentext

>be me, retail f--, 10ish years ago. >Boss at Gamestop is a 400 pound weeb. >He only plays Borderlands and waifu games. Still lives with parents at fourty, spends all his money on imported hentai blu-rays and buying gamestop stock. >he has been with the company since it was owned by Barnes and Noble. Full Virgin. >he gets really into bitcoin when nobody knew what it was, builds a fourty- thousand dollar mining rig. >gets scared when it crashed from 950$ to $600, sells thirty something full coins, sells the mining rig, buys a new Camaro with cash and moves out of parent's house. >he gets girlfriend, she's a gigantess but at least has a human p----. >genuinely happy for him. He promotes me to wageslave+1 we get beers once a week. years go by, Bitcoin spikes to 2k, 4k, 8k, our gamestop gets shut down, we're all fired, finds out girlfriend is a public use sperm whale same week, he gets drunk and drives Camaro off a cliff, leaves his little brother everything. >little bro sells inherited gamestop stock at 12$ a share, takes us all out for nice meal, buys himself a mustang and a s----- trailer outside town. >few
>be me, retail f--, 10ish years ago. >Boss at Gamestop is a 400 pound weeb. >He only plays Borderlands and waifu games. Still lives with parents at fourty, spends all his money on imported hentai blu-rays and buying gamestop stock. >he has been with the company since it was owned by Barnes and Noble. Full Virgin. >he gets really into bitcoin when nobody knew what it was, builds a fourty- thousand dollar mining rig. >gets scared when it crashed from 950$ to $600, sells thirty something full coins, sells the mining rig, buys a new Camaro with cash and moves out of parent's house. >he gets girlfriend, she's a gigantess but at least has a human p----. >genuinely happy for him. He promotes me to wageslave+1 we get beers once a week. years go by, Bitcoin spikes to 2k, 4k, 8k, our gamestop gets shut down, we're all fired, finds out girlfriend is a public use sperm whale same week, he gets drunk and drives Camaro off a cliff, leaves his little brother everything. >little bro sells inherited gamestop stock at 12$ a share, takes us all out for nice meal, buys himself a mustang and a s----- trailer outside town. >few

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Transphobia | /r/Greentext

>be me >hanging out with friends >one is qt3.14 >other one is her boyfriend and his cousin >cousin is f------ FAT >complains that she's always out of 155 KB JPG breath and that it hurts to exist >without thinking, I ask her if she has tried exercising >she loses her f------ mind >"That's really fatphobic anon >"you can't say s--- like that." >"This is why you only have femanon as a friend" >I feel adrenaline surge in me as I open my mouth "It isn't a fear. It's disgust." >her face turns bright red >looks like a fish out of water >turn around and don't look back I lost my friend that day and even if she was pretty I still never do regret what I did
>be me >hanging out with friends >one is qt3.14 >other one is her boyfriend and his cousin >cousin is f------ FAT >complains that she's always out of 155 KB JPG breath and that it hurts to exist >without thinking, I ask her if she has tried exercising >she loses her f------ mind >"That's really fatphobic anon >"you can't say s--- like that." >"This is why you only have femanon as a friend" >I feel adrenaline surge in me as I open my mouth "It isn't a fear. It's disgust." >her face turns bright red >looks like a fish out of water >turn around and don't look back I lost my friend that day and even if she was pretty I still never do regret what I did

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Anon tries a trick he heard about | /r/Greentext

9712869 : Anonymous 6 hours ago Psychopath.jpg (111.5 KB, 1688x2000) >Sitting in room >Feeling depressed >Heard just smiling can make you happier >Put on as genuine a fake smile possible >Feel like a goddamn psychopath >"Maybe I just have to do it for longer" >Smile for 30 minutes >Feel like a goddamn psychopath >Doesn't work 1 REPLY
9712869 : Anonymous 6 hours ago Psychopath.jpg (111.5 KB, 1688x2000) >Sitting in room >Feeling depressed >Heard just smiling can make you happier >Put on as genuine a fake smile possible >Feel like a goddamn psychopath >"Maybe I just have to do it for longer" >Smile for 30 minutes >Feel like a goddamn psychopath >Doesn't work 1 REPLY

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Femanon realises the truth of her species. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)23:56:12 No.795258129 >be me >hate females >every one i've met has given me unnecessary problems >they're illogical attention seeking sex dolls that take your money leaving you mentally and sometimes physically drained >most of my friends see them the same way also 28 KB JPG >one problem >be me >femanon is suicide the only option here, I can't explain how ashamed I am of my gender and I hear more and more stories justifying my hate for us
: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)23:56:12 No.795258129 >be me >hate females >every one i've met has given me unnecessary problems >they're illogical attention seeking sex dolls that take your money leaving you mentally and sometimes physically drained >most of my friends see them the same way also 28 KB JPG >one problem >be me >femanon is suicide the only option here, I can't explain how ashamed I am of my gender and I hear more and more stories justifying my hate for us

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Anon is from Montenegro | /r/Greentext

Anonymous E 05/03/21 (Mon)17:24:58 No.14 >Fall asleep on my keyboard >Poles in the thread agree with me 62 KB JPG
Anonymous E 05/03/21 (Mon)17:24:58 No.14 >Fall asleep on my keyboard >Poles in the thread agree with me 62 KB JPG

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Anon question boomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)16:40:42 No.856539410 >Be me >go to the local public pool >swim around for a while. >Out of the corner of my eye see two old boomers waddle out of the mens locker room 9 KB PNG >They proceed to stare at the 8/10 strawberry blonde lifeguards ass for 5 minutes straight while mumbling to each other. >They literally do not break eye contact with that caboose >eventually wander back into the change room and do not return... Why are old people like this? 5 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)16:40:42 No.856539410 >Be me >go to the local public pool >swim around for a while. >Out of the corner of my eye see two old boomers waddle out of the mens locker room 9 KB PNG >They proceed to stare at the 8/10 strawberry blonde lifeguards ass for 5 minutes straight while mumbling to each other. >They literally do not break eye contact with that caboose >eventually wander back into the change room and do not return... Why are old people like this? 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon has had enough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread
: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread

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anon is thankful to mystery asshole mendor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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Anon is financially responsible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD ) 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #
: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD ) 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #

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Anon mods his keyboard | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/16/19(Tue)17:28:16 No.53418127 >>53418076 (OP) >get a new keyboard >has a retarded wrist guard built into it >use gardening shears to cut it off >fast forward >jerking off before work >mother comes around >use keyboard to hide d--- >mother notices keyboard is modified >"what did you do anon cut it?" >suddenly grabs and lifts the keyboard to get a closer look >rock hard d--- springs up beneath it >she sets the keyboard back down on it >walks away
O Anonymous 07/16/19(Tue)17:28:16 No.53418127 >>53418076 (OP) >get a new keyboard >has a retarded wrist guard built into it >use gardening shears to cut it off >fast forward >jerking off before work >mother comes around >use keyboard to hide d--- >mother notices keyboard is modified >"what did you do anon cut it?" >suddenly grabs and lifts the keyboard to get a closer look >rock hard d--- springs up beneath it >she sets the keyboard back down on it >walks away

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Anon is hardcore | /r/Greentext

>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am
>sleep on hardwood floor with no pillow >alarm goes off at 1am >immediately kip up into a standing position and scream LETS GET IT 50 KB JPG >shower with liquid nitrogen >shave with a large hunting knife >for breakfast, 6 egg shells and 4 banana peels >waterboard myself to build pain tolerance >decide to go easy today, do 5000 push ups and 2000 pull ups >ready for the day at 2am

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Anon exploits simps | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/13/20(Tue)23:00:30 No.837830448 >be me >17 >male >broke af >think of ways to make easy money >remember hearing about girls 19 KB PNG selling feet pics on OnlyFans >look at my feet >notice how feminine they look idea.jpg few weeks later >turn 18 >download OnlyFans on my phone >setup billing information and s--- >shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs >take pictures of feet >horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet >starts off slow but eventually start making decent money tfw I realize many grown men have nutted to my feet >doesn't matter, now financially stable
: Anonymous 10/13/20(Tue)23:00:30 No.837830448 >be me >17 >male >broke af >think of ways to make easy money >remember hearing about girls 19 KB PNG selling feet pics on OnlyFans >look at my feet >notice how feminine they look idea.jpg few weeks later >turn 18 >download OnlyFans on my phone >setup billing information and s--- >shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs >take pictures of feet >horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet >starts off slow but eventually start making decent money tfw I realize many grown men have nutted to my feet >doesn't matter, now financially stable

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Anon has a secret | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)06:46:39 No.856513152 Secrets. We all have secrets, anon. What's yours? WE ALL HAVE SECRETS 32 KB JPG 43 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)08:37:17 No.856518941 >Put security cams in living room and around house for security reasons >Realize that bringing home Tinder dates captures everything on couch >Sex tapes with lots of Tinder dates
: Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)06:46:39 No.856513152 Secrets. We all have secrets, anon. What's yours? WE ALL HAVE SECRETS 32 KB JPG 43 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/10/21(Thu)08:37:17 No.856518941 >Put security cams in living room and around house for security reasons >Realize that bringing home Tinder dates captures everything on couch >Sex tapes with lots of Tinder dates

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Anon is a plague doctor | /r/Greentext

> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman
> be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ö>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become ill" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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funny cat floppa | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG
I Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)09:57:51 No.78 >be me >greg 48 KB JPG

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Anon meets a cute receptionist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" 9 KB JPG >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..
Anonymous 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" 9 KB JPG >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..

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Anon wakes up from a nightmare | /r/Greentext

1535121227321.jpg 232 KB JPG >Damn bro, you were out for a while. White people? Europe? Anglos? BLM? Globohomo? Jews? Muslims? Trannies? Not sure what you're talking about. C'mon, if we want to get home to Pluto tonight we have to catch the space shuttle by 10 o'clock.
1535121227321.jpg 232 KB JPG >Damn bro, you were out for a while. White people? Europe? Anglos? BLM? Globohomo? Jews? Muslims? Trannies? Not sure what you're talking about. C'mon, if we want to get home to Pluto tonight we have to catch the space shuttle by 10 o'clock.

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Anon likes Milk(ies) | /r/Greentext

R: 86/1: 9 >Sir Anon, thou hast depleted the stocks of milk by drinking one gallon per day. Where perchance do you plan to get more?
R: 86/1: 9 >Sir Anon, thou hast depleted the stocks of milk by drinking one gallon per day. Where perchance do you plan to get more?

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