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Anon does not like PC gamers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers
: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers

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Anon is an intern | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)13:59:22 No.53483337 >Вe me >in order to get a degree i need to do an internship >work really hard but the company told me that they won't pay me >depression.jpeg 266 KB GIF >walking down the street >see an homeless people >feel sorry for him >give him some money >at least I make someone feel better >wait a minute >mfw today he earned more money than me Honk
: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)13:59:22 No.53483337 >Вe me >in order to get a degree i need to do an internship >work really hard but the company told me that they won't pay me >depression.jpeg 266 KB GIF >walking down the street >see an homeless people >feel sorry for him >give him some money >at least I make someone feel better >wait a minute >mfw today he earned more money than me Honk

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How do i get muscley eyes? the | /r/Greentext

No.53071195 2 hours ago 1560540895 cover2.jpg JPG 55.7 KIB 1137x640 Just finished watching a video on what bodyparts girls prefer, most say the eyes. >Tfw I've been skipping eye day my whole life What exercises can I do to get more muscley eyes? 13 replies ...
No.53071195 2 hours ago 1560540895 cover2.jpg JPG 55.7 KIB 1137x640 Just finished watching a video on what bodyparts girls prefer, most say the eyes. >Tfw I've been skipping eye day my whole life What exercises can I do to get more muscley eyes? 13 replies ...

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Anon is the hero we deserve | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)23:47:44 No.786096503 I'll start >be me, 8 year old first grader >watched nothing but Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight for weeks >spring break's over, back to 4 KB PNG school >watching over all the citizens from the playground castle when I hear my calling "STOO0OP! CUT IT OO0OUT!" It's Joker Chad harassing Rachel! >"I'd better get there fast..." >climb to the tallest point possible >spread jacket as wide as possible >dislocate my shoulder and bruise the entire right half of my body from the fall Wasn't allowed to play outside after that.
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)23:47:44 No.786096503 I'll start >be me, 8 year old first grader >watched nothing but Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight for weeks >spring break's over, back to 4 KB PNG school >watching over all the citizens from the playground castle when I hear my calling "STOO0OP! CUT IT OO0OUT!" It's Joker Chad harassing Rachel! >"I'd better get there fast..." >climb to the tallest point possible >spread jacket as wide as possible >dislocate my shoulder and bruise the entire right half of my body from the fall Wasn't allowed to play outside after that.

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Anon got caught in 4K | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)06:14:03 No.63174849 >be me >virgin but really want to lose it >parents are out for the weekend so they leave me home alone >know no girls that would want to f--- me and too young and stupid 53 KB JPG to know how to hire a h----- >idea.jpg >remember there's a meth head lady that sweeps our porch for 5 bucks >she usually comes on sundays so wait for her >offer her 20 bucks my parents left me for pizza to take my virginity and since she's really cheap she accepts >go into the living room and have sex in the couch >lostmyvirginitytoamilf.mp4 >finally I'm not a virgin anymore and she didn't even judge me >be happy as heck >be an hour ago >dad called me and told me he checked the cameras to see what I did today >turns out they installed a nanny cam in the living room cause they don't trust me >yells at me and tell me l'm in deep trouble once they get back home >hear mom crying in the background for some reason Bros i dont want it to be tomorrow i really wanna die rn h-------- nothing ever goes right in my Ifie
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)06:14:03 No.63174849 >be me >virgin but really want to lose it >parents are out for the weekend so they leave me home alone >know no girls that would want to f--- me and too young and stupid 53 KB JPG to know how to hire a h----- >idea.jpg >remember there's a meth head lady that sweeps our porch for 5 bucks >she usually comes on sundays so wait for her >offer her 20 bucks my parents left me for pizza to take my virginity and since she's really cheap she accepts >go into the living room and have sex in the couch >lostmyvirginitytoamilf.mp4 >finally I'm not a virgin anymore and she didn't even judge me >be happy as heck >be an hour ago >dad called me and told me he checked the cameras to see what I did today >turns out they installed a nanny cam in the living room cause they don't trust me >yells at me and tell me l'm in deep trouble once they get back home >hear mom crying in the background for some reason Bros i dont want it to be tomorrow i really wanna die rn h-------- nothing ever goes right in my Ifie

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Anon tries anal play | /r/Greentext

>be 15 >had an older goth chick (bout 21-22) who was into a--- play >still a virgin >go to her house >makeout and fonddle >she guides me what to do >she pulls out a--- bead >didnt know what that was >was instructed to just keep putting it in >was told to put lube on it >didnt realize this means to put lube on the whole thing >mfw I only put lube on the first bead >she moans while I insert like 8-9 beads in >im still confused as to what this is supposed to do >she says "now pull it out" >being the kid me, I didnt know she meant slowly and sexually >mfw I pull it out like a lawn mower >bitch got on all fours on the floor shaking >feces and blood everywhere >she starts freaking and told me to get the f--- out of her house >i run on the neighborhood wearing boxers >i cried at home
>be 15 >had an older goth chick (bout 21-22) who was into a--- play >still a virgin >go to her house >makeout and fonddle >she guides me what to do >she pulls out a--- bead >didnt know what that was >was instructed to just keep putting it in >was told to put lube on it >didnt realize this means to put lube on the whole thing >mfw I only put lube on the first bead >she moans while I insert like 8-9 beads in >im still confused as to what this is supposed to do >she says "now pull it out" >being the kid me, I didnt know she meant slowly and sexually >mfw I pull it out like a lawn mower >bitch got on all fours on the floor shaking >feces and blood everywhere >she starts freaking and told me to get the f--- out of her house >i run on the neighborhood wearing boxers >i cried at home

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Anon’s dad is not the brightest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.
: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.

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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

02/16/17(Thu)23:40:54 No.34926837 Anonymous Fat Fridays How was your week, fat bros? Me: >At the supermarket, browsing the junk food aisles >5 year old kid looks at me as he walks past with his mom >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote 29 KB JPG "your" because kids can't spell) >what a nasty little c--- >mfw >his mom looks embarrassed and keeps walking >At the next alsle, he is coming towards me again, trailing way behind his mom >i pass his mom, she does her best to ignore me but I still take up much of her field of vision >the kid sees me and starts smirking again >I want to punch his smug skinny little face >the kid is about to pass me, his mom has turned into the next aisle >"Your fa." WHACK >As he walks past me I turn deliberately, without making eye contact, pretending not to see him >The force of my shifting belly mass slams the kid against the shelves in the aisle with the full force of flab >he lies there, looking dazed, and then starts сгying >His Mom didn't see as she was already in the next aisle >l pretend I didn't notice as well and waddle away >quickly pay for my snackies and drive home >mfw I forgot to buy my fizzy drink | Anonymous 02/16/17(Thu)23:43:26 No.34926888 >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote your" because kids can't spell) I wrote you're when I was five.
02/16/17(Thu)23:40:54 No.34926837 Anonymous Fat Fridays How was your week, fat bros? Me: >At the supermarket, browsing the junk food aisles >5 year old kid looks at me as he walks past with his mom >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote 29 KB JPG "your" because kids can't spell) >what a nasty little c--- >mfw >his mom looks embarrassed and keeps walking >At the next alsle, he is coming towards me again, trailing way behind his mom >i pass his mom, she does her best to ignore me but I still take up much of her field of vision >the kid sees me and starts smirking again >I want to punch his smug skinny little face >the kid is about to pass me, his mom has turned into the next aisle >"Your fa." WHACK >As he walks past me I turn deliberately, without making eye contact, pretending not to see him >The force of my shifting belly mass slams the kid against the shelves in the aisle with the full force of flab >he lies there, looking dazed, and then starts сгying >His Mom didn't see as she was already in the next aisle >l pretend I didn't notice as well and waddle away >quickly pay for my snackies and drive home >mfw I forgot to buy my fizzy drink | Anonymous 02/16/17(Thu)23:43:26 No.34926888 >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote your" because kids can't spell) I wrote you're when I was five.

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Anon goes through a phase | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)18:26:22 No.47414971 1524085735334.jpg 122 KB JPG >tfw had a general grievous phase when i was younger >would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing and doing the voice i-i wasn't the only one right?
: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)18:26:22 No.47414971 1524085735334.jpg 122 KB JPG >tfw had a general grievous phase when i was younger >would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing and doing the voice i-i wasn't the only one right?

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Opposites detract | /r/Greentext

File: klkkygrlqat61.jpg (23 KB, 640x673) U Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)14:40:11 No.64026562 [Reply] >>64026830 >>64026895 >>64026900 >be gorl >playing video game >sea of thieve >proximity voice chat >kill enemy player >yell insults at me >tell them to get better >as soon as they realise I am gorl >"I will r--- u in ur sleep u stupid w----" >usually along the lines of that Why is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind when beaten by a girl *sigh
File: klkkygrlqat61.jpg (23 KB, 640x673) U Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)14:40:11 No.64026562 [Reply] >>64026830 >>64026895 >>64026900 >be gorl >playing video game >sea of thieve >proximity voice chat >kill enemy player >yell insults at me >tell them to get better >as soon as they realise I am gorl >"I will r--- u in ur sleep u stupid w----" >usually along the lines of that Why is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind when beaten by a girl *sigh

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Skittles you dumb fucks | /r/Greentext

>>856259778 (OP) # DR. KEK and MY SIDES >Be guy in charge of skittles >Think of something to do for f----- month >TFW skittles are already rainbow >idea.jpg 38 KB JPG >Remove the rainbow from the skittles >Only one rainbow matters for pride month, after all >Skittles are all white >Suddenly realize >White >Pride
>>856259778 (OP) # DR. KEK and MY SIDES >Be guy in charge of skittles >Think of something to do for f----- month >TFW skittles are already rainbow >idea.jpg 38 KB JPG >Remove the rainbow from the skittles >Only one rainbow matters for pride month, after all >Skittles are all white >Suddenly realize >White >Pride

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Anon overdoses on pickles | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 >>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.
Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 >>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.

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Anon writes a greentext anoon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)22:53:06 No.7717373 >/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the sad story of my relationship with my gf and our breakup >go to post it >remember i haven't linked a picture 200 KB JPG >put this stupid picture of this fish in a mousetrap >file was too big >lost the story
: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)22:53:06 No.7717373 >/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the sad story of my relationship with my gf and our breakup >go to post it >remember i haven't linked a picture 200 KB JPG >put this stupid picture of this fish in a mousetrap >file was too big >lost the story

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Anon’s GF does a lil bit of trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.64033474 >in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >turn to her and ask w-- shes doing 111 KB JPG >"just a little bit of trolling" >mfw And i thought i was autistic.
: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:27:47 No.64033474 >in bed with gf >she wants my attention >decides upon the best course of action >rams her fingers up my butthole >jesusfuckwoman >turn to her and ask w-- shes doing 111 KB JPG >"just a little bit of trolling" >mfw And i thought i was autistic.

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Anon's thought on women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)00:07:21 No.64011614 >can't do manual labor >can't fight in times of war >can't innovate >can't create >can't be funny Women are literally only good at making babies, otherwise they would of gone extinct thousands 19 KB JPG of years ago. Call me an incel but it's the truth. : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)00:56:40 No.64012232 >>64011614 (OP) # >can't fight in times of war *blocks your path* also you must be a literal middle schooler, as evident by the 35 KB JPG statement >otherwise they would of gone extinct thousands of years ago >>64014228 #
: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)00:07:21 No.64011614 >can't do manual labor >can't fight in times of war >can't innovate >can't create >can't be funny Women are literally only good at making babies, otherwise they would of gone extinct thousands 19 KB JPG of years ago. Call me an incel but it's the truth. : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)00:56:40 No.64012232 >>64011614 (OP) # >can't fight in times of war *blocks your path* also you must be a literal middle schooler, as evident by the 35 KB JPG statement >otherwise they would of gone extinct thousands of years ago >>64014228 #

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Anon needs to know | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)16:49:08 No.856241936 >Put big black bat in front of white woman >She instinctively starts to lick and suck on it Why do they love big black bats so bad? 85 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)16:58:11 No.856242425 >>856241936 (OP) # They like the taste of lead paint.
: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)16:49:08 No.856241936 >Put big black bat in front of white woman >She instinctively starts to lick and suck on it Why do they love big black bats so bad? 85 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)16:58:11 No.856242425 >>856241936 (OP) # They like the taste of lead paint.

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)00:10:51 No.856222076 >Be Me >Figured out that my best friends wife is cheating on him >Try to tell him about it but she stops me >She begs me not to tell him >l say no 125 KB JPG >She insisted that it was a one time mistake >She knows l'm loser virgin >Offers to suck my d--- if I don't tell him >What should I do?
: Anonymous 06/07/21(Mon)00:10:51 No.856222076 >Be Me >Figured out that my best friends wife is cheating on him >Try to tell him about it but she stops me >She begs me not to tell him >l say no 125 KB JPG >She insisted that it was a one time mistake >She knows l'm loser virgin >Offers to suck my d--- if I don't tell him >What should I do?

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Anon makes the mutt seethe | /r/Greentext

F------ MOVE!! STACY IS GIVING BIRTH TO CHAD'S CHILD RIGHT NOW! I NEED TO GET TO WORK!II MOVE YOU F------ IDIOT! I'M GONNA BE LATE! MR. NOSEBERG TOLD ME TO BE EARLY TODAY!! SLOW YOUR ROLL slowyourrollpaythetoll.png 823 KB PNG >this makes the mutt seethe
F------ MOVE!! STACY IS GIVING BIRTH TO CHAD'S CHILD RIGHT NOW! I NEED TO GET TO WORK!II MOVE YOU F------ IDIOT! I'M GONNA BE LATE! MR. NOSEBERG TOLD ME TO BE EARLY TODAY!! SLOW YOUR ROLL slowyourrollpaythetoll.png 823 KB PNG >this makes the mutt seethe

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Anon characterizes himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:17:17 No.64027099 >5'5.5 (5'5 1/2) >small d--- >small balls >impotent >infertile >weak 213 KB PNG >brain damage >low IQ >mentally ill >fat >hairline receding /or balding >suck at physical things >suck at physical job >can't communicate well >no license >college dropout >no friends >no girl >no gf >khhv : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:38:15 No.64027419 >>64027099 (OP) # How are you still alive OP?Like h-------- , what will power did you have to survive this far? 99 KB JPG >>64027511 #
: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:17:17 No.64027099 >5'5.5 (5'5 1/2) >small d--- >small balls >impotent >infertile >weak 213 KB PNG >brain damage >low IQ >mentally ill >fat >hairline receding /or balding >suck at physical things >suck at physical job >can't communicate well >no license >college dropout >no friends >no girl >no gf >khhv : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:38:15 No.64027419 >>64027099 (OP) # How are you still alive OP?Like h-------- , what will power did you have to survive this far? 99 KB JPG >>64027511 #

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Anon leaves all social media | /r/Greentext

File: americanpsycho460-2.jpg (10 KB, 200x200) Anonymous 08/15/15(Sat)20:55:03 No.634948902 >delete facebook >leave all social media >leave city >move to Himalayas >one day pigeon comes with note >open note >Candy Crush request
File: americanpsycho460-2.jpg (10 KB, 200x200) Anonymous 08/15/15(Sat)20:55:03 No.634948902 >delete facebook >leave all social media >leave city >move to Himalayas >one day pigeon comes with note >open note >Candy Crush request

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