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If anon says it still counts, it still counts. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/19(Fri)05:56:20 No.816617250 > Be me > Live in norway > Go to club > Buy expensive drink > Start talking to a girl > Girl is pretty > Buy drink to a gril > Start making out with a girl 137 KB PNG > Go to toilet with a gril > Take my hand down here panties Mfw i realised she have a d--- This is how i lost my verginity. F--- you kissless virgins 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 12/20/19(Fri)05:56:20 No.816617250 > Be me > Live in norway > Go to club > Buy expensive drink > Start talking to a girl > Girl is pretty > Buy drink to a gril > Start making out with a girl 137 KB PNG > Go to toilet with a gril > Take my hand down here panties Mfw i realised she have a d--- This is how i lost my verginity. F--- you kissless virgins 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon lives in Australia | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/23/18(Sun)22:09:24 No.780634355 > be me; white kid > live in stralya; status quo > make sure ground-harness is strapped on tight > go for walk > niceweather.png > walking down this narrow path > black guy was jogging behind me, so i move to the side 15 KB JPG to let him pass > without even slowing down or looking at me, he goes, "much obliged my n----" and keeps jogging > mfw a black guy called me their n----
: Anonymous 09/23/18(Sun)22:09:24 No.780634355 > be me; white kid > live in stralya; status quo > make sure ground-harness is strapped on tight > go for walk > niceweather.png > walking down this narrow path > black guy was jogging behind me, so i move to the side 15 KB JPG to let him pass > without even slowing down or looking at me, he goes, "much obliged my n----" and keeps jogging > mfw a black guy called me their n----

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Anon stands up to normie | /r/Greentext

1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"
1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"

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Anon cucks a short Italian plumber | /r/Greentext

> be me > shoot p--- occasionally > f--- some hot chick > she has a husband, but whatever we sex > cameraman is a stoner, kinda weird but good at his job > husband hears rumors, tries to catch us in the act > hear he has found out where we are > oshit.jpeg > we hide while the cameraman tries to save the situation > "sorry, but your princess is in another castle" > he buys it > mfw 31.6 kB PNG
> be me > shoot p--- occasionally > f--- some hot chick > she has a husband, but whatever we sex > cameraman is a stoner, kinda weird but good at his job > husband hears rumors, tries to catch us in the act > hear he has found out where we are > oshit.jpeg > we hide while the cameraman tries to save the situation > "sorry, but your princess is in another castle" > he buys it > mfw 31.6 kB PNG

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Anon gets a promotion | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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Anon's sarcasm is r/nextfuckinglevel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)20:10:41 No.61917729 holy f---... R 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)20:18:18 No.61917839 >>61917729 (OP) # it's over for the manlet >>61917902 # : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)20:23:20 No.61917902 >>61917729 (OP) # >>61917839 # Heh hes still going to get f------ destroyed by floyd 17 KB JPG >>61917923 # >>61918503 # >>61919894 # >>61921137 # : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:08:29 No.61918503 >>61917902 # >floyd Didn't he die last year? 88 KB PNG >>61918961 # >>61927515 # >>61929027 # : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:43:15 No.61918961 WES >>61918503 # He can breathe now John Floyd 98 KB PNG
: Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)20:10:41 No.61917729 holy f---... R 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)20:18:18 No.61917839 >>61917729 (OP) # it's over for the manlet >>61917902 # : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)20:23:20 No.61917902 >>61917729 (OP) # >>61917839 # Heh hes still going to get f------ destroyed by floyd 17 KB JPG >>61917923 # >>61918503 # >>61919894 # >>61921137 # : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:08:29 No.61918503 >>61917902 # >floyd Didn't he die last year? 88 KB PNG >>61918961 # >>61927515 # >>61929027 # : Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)21:43:15 No.61918961 WES >>61918503 # He can breathe now John Floyd 98 KB PNG

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Anon is stuck inside the 4chan matrix | /r/Greentext

E500C3AB-FCBD-4C06-B75F-F3DC53E35607.png 58 KB PNG >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly sav "white woman spotted"
E500C3AB-FCBD-4C06-B75F-F3DC53E35607.png 58 KB PNG >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly sav "white woman spotted"

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Anon doesn’t know what that was about | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:18:12 No.48594932 >doorbell rings >its a young girl >shes barefoot >she's just staring at me in silence >"what? what do you want?" >she walks away 42 KB PNG What the F--- was that about. Should I be worried? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:28:53 No.48595087 >"what? what do you want?" why would you say that to a poor clearly abused little girl, have you no heart? 34 KB JPG >>48595095 # : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:29:39 No.48595095 >>48595087 # Right? Should have grabbed her and show her what real abuse look like, the f------ crybaby.
: Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:18:12 No.48594932 >doorbell rings >its a young girl >shes barefoot >she's just staring at me in silence >"what? what do you want?" >she walks away 42 KB PNG What the F--- was that about. Should I be worried? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:28:53 No.48595087 >"what? what do you want?" why would you say that to a poor clearly abused little girl, have you no heart? 34 KB JPG >>48595095 # : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:29:39 No.48595095 >>48595087 # Right? Should have grabbed her and show her what real abuse look like, the f------ crybaby.

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Anon does not like PC gamers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers
: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers

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Anon is an intern | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)13:59:22 No.53483337 >Вe me >in order to get a degree i need to do an internship >work really hard but the company told me that they won't pay me >depression.jpeg 266 KB GIF >walking down the street >see an homeless people >feel sorry for him >give him some money >at least I make someone feel better >wait a minute >mfw today he earned more money than me Honk
: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)13:59:22 No.53483337 >Вe me >in order to get a degree i need to do an internship >work really hard but the company told me that they won't pay me >depression.jpeg 266 KB GIF >walking down the street >see an homeless people >feel sorry for him >give him some money >at least I make someone feel better >wait a minute >mfw today he earned more money than me Honk

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How do i get muscley eyes? the | /r/Greentext

No.53071195 2 hours ago 1560540895 cover2.jpg JPG 55.7 KIB 1137x640 Just finished watching a video on what bodyparts girls prefer, most say the eyes. >Tfw I've been skipping eye day my whole life What exercises can I do to get more muscley eyes? 13 replies ...
No.53071195 2 hours ago 1560540895 cover2.jpg JPG 55.7 KIB 1137x640 Just finished watching a video on what bodyparts girls prefer, most say the eyes. >Tfw I've been skipping eye day my whole life What exercises can I do to get more muscley eyes? 13 replies ...

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Anon is the hero we deserve | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)23:47:44 No.786096503 I'll start >be me, 8 year old first grader >watched nothing but Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight for weeks >spring break's over, back to 4 KB PNG school >watching over all the citizens from the playground castle when I hear my calling "STOO0OP! CUT IT OO0OUT!" It's Joker Chad harassing Rachel! >"I'd better get there fast..." >climb to the tallest point possible >spread jacket as wide as possible >dislocate my shoulder and bruise the entire right half of my body from the fall Wasn't allowed to play outside after that.
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)23:47:44 No.786096503 I'll start >be me, 8 year old first grader >watched nothing but Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight for weeks >spring break's over, back to 4 KB PNG school >watching over all the citizens from the playground castle when I hear my calling "STOO0OP! CUT IT OO0OUT!" It's Joker Chad harassing Rachel! >"I'd better get there fast..." >climb to the tallest point possible >spread jacket as wide as possible >dislocate my shoulder and bruise the entire right half of my body from the fall Wasn't allowed to play outside after that.

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Anon got caught in 4K | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)06:14:03 No.63174849 >be me >virgin but really want to lose it >parents are out for the weekend so they leave me home alone >know no girls that would want to f--- me and too young and stupid 53 KB JPG to know how to hire a h----- >idea.jpg >remember there's a meth head lady that sweeps our porch for 5 bucks >she usually comes on sundays so wait for her >offer her 20 bucks my parents left me for pizza to take my virginity and since she's really cheap she accepts >go into the living room and have sex in the couch >lostmyvirginitytoamilf.mp4 >finally I'm not a virgin anymore and she didn't even judge me >be happy as heck >be an hour ago >dad called me and told me he checked the cameras to see what I did today >turns out they installed a nanny cam in the living room cause they don't trust me >yells at me and tell me l'm in deep trouble once they get back home >hear mom crying in the background for some reason Bros i dont want it to be tomorrow i really wanna die rn h-------- nothing ever goes right in my Ifie
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)06:14:03 No.63174849 >be me >virgin but really want to lose it >parents are out for the weekend so they leave me home alone >know no girls that would want to f--- me and too young and stupid 53 KB JPG to know how to hire a h----- >idea.jpg >remember there's a meth head lady that sweeps our porch for 5 bucks >she usually comes on sundays so wait for her >offer her 20 bucks my parents left me for pizza to take my virginity and since she's really cheap she accepts >go into the living room and have sex in the couch >lostmyvirginitytoamilf.mp4 >finally I'm not a virgin anymore and she didn't even judge me >be happy as heck >be an hour ago >dad called me and told me he checked the cameras to see what I did today >turns out they installed a nanny cam in the living room cause they don't trust me >yells at me and tell me l'm in deep trouble once they get back home >hear mom crying in the background for some reason Bros i dont want it to be tomorrow i really wanna die rn h-------- nothing ever goes right in my Ifie

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Anon tries anal play | /r/Greentext

>be 15 >had an older goth chick (bout 21-22) who was into a--- play >still a virgin >go to her house >makeout and fonddle >she guides me what to do >she pulls out a--- bead >didnt know what that was >was instructed to just keep putting it in >was told to put lube on it >didnt realize this means to put lube on the whole thing >mfw I only put lube on the first bead >she moans while I insert like 8-9 beads in >im still confused as to what this is supposed to do >she says "now pull it out" >being the kid me, I didnt know she meant slowly and sexually >mfw I pull it out like a lawn mower >bitch got on all fours on the floor shaking >feces and blood everywhere >she starts freaking and told me to get the f--- out of her house >i run on the neighborhood wearing boxers >i cried at home
>be 15 >had an older goth chick (bout 21-22) who was into a--- play >still a virgin >go to her house >makeout and fonddle >she guides me what to do >she pulls out a--- bead >didnt know what that was >was instructed to just keep putting it in >was told to put lube on it >didnt realize this means to put lube on the whole thing >mfw I only put lube on the first bead >she moans while I insert like 8-9 beads in >im still confused as to what this is supposed to do >she says "now pull it out" >being the kid me, I didnt know she meant slowly and sexually >mfw I pull it out like a lawn mower >bitch got on all fours on the floor shaking >feces and blood everywhere >she starts freaking and told me to get the f--- out of her house >i run on the neighborhood wearing boxers >i cried at home

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Anon’s dad is not the brightest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.
: Anonymous Driving with pops 04/03/21(Sat)17:10:28 No.63038341 >Be me >Driving old truck with dad >He asks how much gas left >"3/8 tank" >Dad smugly glances over at gauge >"Lol no. Less than half, more than a quarter." 4 KB JPG >Am 25 >mfw : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)17:12:28 No.63038356 >>63038341 (OP) # I'm sorry anon, but your dad is an idiot. I'm afraid it's terminal, there's nothing you can do.

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Anon is fat | /r/Greentext

02/16/17(Thu)23:40:54 No.34926837 Anonymous Fat Fridays How was your week, fat bros? Me: >At the supermarket, browsing the junk food aisles >5 year old kid looks at me as he walks past with his mom >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote 29 KB JPG "your" because kids can't spell) >what a nasty little c--- >mfw >his mom looks embarrassed and keeps walking >At the next alsle, he is coming towards me again, trailing way behind his mom >i pass his mom, she does her best to ignore me but I still take up much of her field of vision >the kid sees me and starts smirking again >I want to punch his smug skinny little face >the kid is about to pass me, his mom has turned into the next aisle >"Your fa." WHACK >As he walks past me I turn deliberately, without making eye contact, pretending not to see him >The force of my shifting belly mass slams the kid against the shelves in the aisle with the full force of flab >he lies there, looking dazed, and then starts сгying >His Mom didn't see as she was already in the next aisle >l pretend I didn't notice as well and waddle away >quickly pay for my snackies and drive home >mfw I forgot to buy my fizzy drink | Anonymous 02/16/17(Thu)23:43:26 No.34926888 >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote your" because kids can't spell) I wrote you're when I was five.
02/16/17(Thu)23:40:54 No.34926837 Anonymous Fat Fridays How was your week, fat bros? Me: >At the supermarket, browsing the junk food aisles >5 year old kid looks at me as he walks past with his mom >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote 29 KB JPG "your" because kids can't spell) >what a nasty little c--- >mfw >his mom looks embarrassed and keeps walking >At the next alsle, he is coming towards me again, trailing way behind his mom >i pass his mom, she does her best to ignore me but I still take up much of her field of vision >the kid sees me and starts smirking again >I want to punch his smug skinny little face >the kid is about to pass me, his mom has turned into the next aisle >"Your fa." WHACK >As he walks past me I turn deliberately, without making eye contact, pretending not to see him >The force of my shifting belly mass slams the kid against the shelves in the aisle with the full force of flab >he lies there, looking dazed, and then starts сгying >His Mom didn't see as she was already in the next aisle >l pretend I didn't notice as well and waddle away >quickly pay for my snackies and drive home >mfw I forgot to buy my fizzy drink | Anonymous 02/16/17(Thu)23:43:26 No.34926888 >He smirks and says "Your fat hahaha" (I wrote your" because kids can't spell) I wrote you're when I was five.

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Anon goes through a phase | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)18:26:22 No.47414971 1524085735334.jpg 122 KB JPG >tfw had a general grievous phase when i was younger >would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing and doing the voice i-i wasn't the only one right?
: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)18:26:22 No.47414971 1524085735334.jpg 122 KB JPG >tfw had a general grievous phase when i was younger >would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing and doing the voice i-i wasn't the only one right?

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Opposites detract | /r/Greentext

File: klkkygrlqat61.jpg (23 KB, 640x673) U Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)14:40:11 No.64026562 [Reply] >>64026830 >>64026895 >>64026900 >be gorl >playing video game >sea of thieve >proximity voice chat >kill enemy player >yell insults at me >tell them to get better >as soon as they realise I am gorl >"I will r--- u in ur sleep u stupid w----" >usually along the lines of that Why is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind when beaten by a girl *sigh
File: klkkygrlqat61.jpg (23 KB, 640x673) U Anonymous 06/06/21(Sun)14:40:11 No.64026562 [Reply] >>64026830 >>64026895 >>64026900 >be gorl >playing video game >sea of thieve >proximity voice chat >kill enemy player >yell insults at me >tell them to get better >as soon as they realise I am gorl >"I will r--- u in ur sleep u stupid w----" >usually along the lines of that Why is the first thing that comes to a guy's mind when beaten by a girl *sigh

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Skittles you dumb fucks | /r/Greentext

>>856259778 (OP) # DR. KEK and MY SIDES >Be guy in charge of skittles >Think of something to do for f----- month >TFW skittles are already rainbow >idea.jpg 38 KB JPG >Remove the rainbow from the skittles >Only one rainbow matters for pride month, after all >Skittles are all white >Suddenly realize >White >Pride
>>856259778 (OP) # DR. KEK and MY SIDES >Be guy in charge of skittles >Think of something to do for f----- month >TFW skittles are already rainbow >idea.jpg 38 KB JPG >Remove the rainbow from the skittles >Only one rainbow matters for pride month, after all >Skittles are all white >Suddenly realize >White >Pride

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Anon overdoses on pickles | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 >>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.
Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 >>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.

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