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Anon celebrates a birthday | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/19(Sun)20:42:51 No.805223939 >17th bday >the bois got tired of me being a virgin >they gave a slut at our school 500 USD to f--- me 575 KB JPG >they locked us in a room together >i give her a hug and tell her "Your better than this" >she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity
: Anonymous 07/21/19(Sun)20:42:51 No.805223939 >17th bday >the bois got tired of me being a virgin >they gave a slut at our school 500 USD to f--- me 575 KB JPG >they locked us in a room together >i give her a hug and tell her "Your better than this" >she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity

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Anon is trapped in a nightmare | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon discovers aliens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I discovered aliens anons 04/26/21 (Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist
: Anonymous I discovered aliens anons 04/26/21 (Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist

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Anon goes for a run | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/20(Wed)12:43:49 No.6026769 I went running once >never run >not very good at all >look super unnatural >cop pulls up, asks me if l'm ok, and if I'm running from someone sad day
: Anonymous 09/30/20(Wed)12:43:49 No.6026769 I went running once >never run >not very good at all >look super unnatural >cop pulls up, asks me if l'm ok, and if I'm running from someone sad day

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Anon complains about bikers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)07:00:05 No.851910609 fagonwheels.png 582 KB PNG >ON YOUR LEFT >blows through stop sign >doesn't signal where he's turning >runs through red light causing 5 car pileup What the hell man!? We're rightful vehicles on the road, WATCH, THE, F---, OUT.
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)07:00:05 No.851910609 fagonwheels.png 582 KB PNG >ON YOUR LEFT >blows through stop sign >doesn't signal where he's turning >runs through red light causing 5 car pileup What the hell man!? We're rightful vehicles on the road, WATCH, THE, F---, OUT.

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anon's gonna be okay | /r/Greentext

32m · 856121460 O Re · 0 Img · GIF · 461KB · (498 × 498) >be me >can't sleep because depressed and over thinking >look over and find a pack of fruit snacks I had in my pocket >open it up >all reds >mfw we're gonna be okay Thank you fruit snacks
32m · 856121460 O Re · 0 Img · GIF · 461KB · (498 × 498) >be me >can't sleep because depressed and over thinking >look over and find a pack of fruit snacks I had in my pocket >open it up >all reds >mfw we're gonna be okay Thank you fruit snacks

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Anon tries to write a story | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)11:45:23 No.856119221 [Reply] Hey /b/ros! Let's make a story by contributing one word each! I'lls Once | howing all replies. Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)11:46:19 No.856119255 n----- Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)11:46:31 No.856119259 >>856119221 (OP) N-----
O Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)11:45:23 No.856119221 [Reply] Hey /b/ros! Let's make a story by contributing one word each! I'lls Once | howing all replies. Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)11:46:19 No.856119255 n----- Anonymous 06/05/21(Sat)11:46:31 No.856119259 >>856119221 (OP) N-----

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Sanest man in Florida | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmatur 14 KB JPG >profit
| Anonymous 05/21/17(Sun)14:36:47 No.733287790 >go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a p----star >answer in accordance to what you want your p----star to look like >akinator gives you a hand-picked p----star to fit your preferences akmatur 14 KB JPG >profit

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"Maybe" is the word i hate the most. | /r/Greentext

>>43132963 (OP) >feel fine >love my life >get gf >find out I was missing out on real love >gf leaves me >wow this void is worse than my life before her 562.0 kB GIF Women are gay.
>>43132963 (OP) >feel fine >love my life >get gf >find out I was missing out on real love >gf leaves me >wow this void is worse than my life before her 562.0 kB GIF Women are gay.

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save the best for last | /r/Greentext

>playing a single player shooter game >spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo types and never using them >only use the s-------- weapons and ammo because "I might need the good stuff later" >complete the final mission >suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever having fun with the coolest weapons in it >realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life 128,0 kB PNG
>playing a single player shooter game >spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo types and never using them >only use the s-------- weapons and ammo because "I might need the good stuff later" >complete the final mission >suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever having fun with the coolest weapons in it >realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life 128,0 kB PNG

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Anon does Spanish classes | /r/Greentext

>>856104953 (OP) >spanish class >teacher handing back spanish test >"anon, su prueba" >she's turning away >"danke mein fuhrer" >"what?" >"thank you"
>>856104953 (OP) >spanish class >teacher handing back spanish test >"anon, su prueba" >she's turning away >"danke mein fuhrer" >"what?" >"thank you"

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Anon forces his fat sweaty ass to go outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/18(Sat)12:38:25 No.45840432 >go outside for the first time in months because of the heat >as I am walking this group of teenage girls are smirking and gossiping >one girl calls me a fatty and they all start laughing at me 41 KB PNG >f--- this c--- >l pick up a rock and hurl it in their direction >my aim was better than I thought >it smacks her right in the f------ eye and blood starts gushing everywhere >she is screaming and crying, she can't see anything >the girls start screaming too, a big commotion starts >l f------ run for it back home jesus christ, I am never going outside again How likely is it that the police will be involved? Am I f-----?
: Anonymous 06/02/18(Sat)12:38:25 No.45840432 >go outside for the first time in months because of the heat >as I am walking this group of teenage girls are smirking and gossiping >one girl calls me a fatty and they all start laughing at me 41 KB PNG >f--- this c--- >l pick up a rock and hurl it in their direction >my aim was better than I thought >it smacks her right in the f------ eye and blood starts gushing everywhere >she is screaming and crying, she can't see anything >the girls start screaming too, a big commotion starts >l f------ run for it back home jesus christ, I am never going outside again How likely is it that the police will be involved? Am I f-----?

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Anon flew too close to the sun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)00:40:07 No.119151659 >it's another "teeth falls out of your mouth" dream episode 201 KB PNG : Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP) # The other day I had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou
: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)00:40:07 No.119151659 >it's another "teeth falls out of your mouth" dream episode 201 KB PNG : Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP) # The other day I had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou

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Anon cannot commit | /r/Greentext

>>48408831 # My great uncle, uncle, cousin, and dad all killed themselves with the same .22 revolver and another uncle was shot and paralyzed with it while playing with it as a kid. The kid that accidentally shot him was so terrified of what his dad would do when he found out he went home and hung himself with a belt. My brother and me both wanted it but the police released it to our stepmom and she won't give it up. >tfw l'll never be able to kill myself with the family suicide gun >>48409514 # >>48409556 # >>48409648 # >>48409926 # >>48409998 # >>48410321 # >>48410548 # >>48410605 # >>48410685 # >>48412747 # >>48415294 #
>>48408831 # My great uncle, uncle, cousin, and dad all killed themselves with the same .22 revolver and another uncle was shot and paralyzed with it while playing with it as a kid. The kid that accidentally shot him was so terrified of what his dad would do when he found out he went home and hung himself with a belt. My brother and me both wanted it but the police released it to our stepmom and she won't give it up. >tfw l'll never be able to kill myself with the family suicide gun >>48409514 # >>48409556 # >>48409648 # >>48409926 # >>48409998 # >>48410321 # >>48410548 # >>48410605 # >>48410685 # >>48412747 # >>48415294 #

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Anon forgets | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/19(Tue)22:01:43 No.790107518 >Be me >26 >Gf a solid 12/10 >We've had sex before >See ya virgins >One day she asks to talk we me 23 KB JPG >Dead Serious >Ohshit.png >I sit down >Tells me she's not who I think she is >Getting queasy now >Starts breaking down and hands me a photo album >Pictures of a young boy >"Is this your brother?" >"No it's me" >MFW my "girlfriend" is my "boyfriend" >MFW I had sex with her countless times and didn't say "No H---"
: Anonymous 01/15/19(Tue)22:01:43 No.790107518 >Be me >26 >Gf a solid 12/10 >We've had sex before >See ya virgins >One day she asks to talk we me 23 KB JPG >Dead Serious >Ohshit.png >I sit down >Tells me she's not who I think she is >Getting queasy now >Starts breaking down and hands me a photo album >Pictures of a young boy >"Is this your brother?" >"No it's me" >MFW my "girlfriend" is my "boyfriend" >MFW I had sex with her countless times and didn't say "No H---"

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Anon scares a robber | /r/Greentext


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Anon is an alcoholic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/21(Tue)14:37:12 No.15685527 >>15684060 # >be alcoholic >move to new town >first thought is to scout liquor stores and compare prices >halfway through realize how bad 411 KB GIF this is >keep doing it >cheapest prices are also closest to me >they have a points system for in store bonus' >blessing and a curse >go every other day for 3 weeks >l catch the same worker every time without fail >walk in one day >worker looks at me >punches in my points number without asking me what it is bros...
: Anonymous 03/02/21(Tue)14:37:12 No.15685527 >>15684060 # >be alcoholic >move to new town >first thought is to scout liquor stores and compare prices >halfway through realize how bad 411 KB GIF this is >keep doing it >cheapest prices are also closest to me >they have a points system for in store bonus' >blessing and a curse >go every other day for 3 weeks >l catch the same worker every time without fail >walk in one day >worker looks at me >punches in my points number without asking me what it is bros...

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Get dabbed on | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 54839998 49 min. geleden ... >be 6 year old anon in primay school >call kid in class a f----- >teacher gets mad and explains to me that having sex is very normal and that everyone does it >tells me I will do it too later heh... get ABSOLUTELY dabbed on Mrs. 89,5 kB JPG
Anonymous | 54839998 49 min. geleden ... >be 6 year old anon in primay school >call kid in class a f----- >teacher gets mad and explains to me that having sex is very normal and that everyone does it >tells me I will do it too later heh... get ABSOLUTELY dabbed on Mrs. 89,5 kB JPG

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Anon makes a fren | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)20:35:17 No.804061306 >be me >look at contacts >text the most recent person >"hey wanna play minecraft?" >he replies "i'm your drug dealer >feel.jpg 441 KB PNG >"that's the closest i've had to a friend" >he says "damn bro..." >embarrassment.jpg >he says he will come over and what to bring >i tell him to bring an xbox controller >silence >more silence >worry.jpg >he replies an hour later >"i'm at your door brought some doritos and dew, what gamemode we playing?" >wipe the tears off my face >tfw first friend
| Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)20:35:17 No.804061306 >be me >look at contacts >text the most recent person >"hey wanna play minecraft?" >he replies "i'm your drug dealer >feel.jpg 441 KB PNG >"that's the closest i've had to a friend" >he says "damn bro..." >embarrassment.jpg >he says he will come over and what to bring >i tell him to bring an xbox controller >silence >more silence >worry.jpg >he replies an hour later >"i'm at your door brought some doritos and dew, what gamemode we playing?" >wipe the tears off my face >tfw first friend

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