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Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/21(Thu)16:58:15 No.851065730 >Senior year >Perfect plan >Me and my friend >We start fighting in the men showers >Nobody stoping us >Kick, punch and push each other all the way to the womens 94 KB JPG showers >Burst inside >Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize >Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop The only reason we got in trouble was for fighting, nobody cared we got good look at all the girls. 7 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/01/21(Thu)16:58:15 No.851065730 >Senior year >Perfect plan >Me and my friend >We start fighting in the men showers >Nobody stoping us >Kick, punch and push each other all the way to the womens 94 KB JPG showers >Burst inside >Keep fighting pretending we didn't even realize >Naked girls come rushing and grab us to stop The only reason we got in trouble was for fighting, nobody cared we got good look at all the girls. 7 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us
: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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Anon has a spill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21 (Wed)16:07:40 No.63968308 >be me >Getting all comfy in bed >Ready to watch some new shows >Spill juice Man I just wanted some juice 28 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/02/21 (Wed)16:07:40 No.63968308 >be me >Getting all comfy in bed >Ready to watch some new shows >Spill juice Man I just wanted some juice 28 KB JPG

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Anon cums on arm | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)22:38:33 No.855915155 >be me >3 min ago >in the kitchen talking with my mom >she points at my forearm >"did you fell?" >looks at my forearm >it's a long line of dried c-- >"uhhh no idk what this is" *scratches it off* 316 KB PNG >conversation immediately ends >go to my room and type this
: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)22:38:33 No.855915155 >be me >3 min ago >in the kitchen talking with my mom >she points at my forearm >"did you fell?" >looks at my forearm >it's a long line of dried c-- >"uhhh no idk what this is" *scratches it off* 316 KB PNG >conversation immediately ends >go to my room and type this

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Best CN show | /r/Greentext

i Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)18:33:10 No.551571831 127044CA-B3B5-4700-B032-E0835BDEE30F,jpg 138 KB JPG >551570270 (OP) # >Red, Redd n Reddit 2>551572035 # >>551572047 # >>551572695 #
i Anonymous 04/11/21(Sun)18:33:10 No.551571831 127044CA-B3B5-4700-B032-E0835BDEE30F,jpg 138 KB JPG >551570270 (OP) # >Red, Redd n Reddit 2>551572035 # >>551572047 # >>551572695 #

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Can't believe anon did this | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)01:02:24 No.755392693 >>755392983 My wife doesn't even know about this one. > be 17yo me > 1994 > senior year hs is almost here, last summer party > girl a year older than me, had a crush on since kindergarten > one of the few nice older kids > see her at the party > she sees me and gets all huggy >i have one beer > she's already 3 sheets to the wind, and knocking back md20/20 > she sticks to me like glue > never had female attention like this before > she starts to get really wobbly > still virgin whiteknight, getting protective of her > decide she's not safe here, watching jocks eye her > maybe just paranoia > convince her to sit and talk in my car > she passes out > nobody really paying attention to us for awhile > the jocks have found other targets > take her back to my house > sneak into house by myself > make sure dog sees/hears me, knows it's me, doesn't bark > good dog > go back out to car > don't lift, but not manlet either, so pick her up > over my shoulder, get her in house > carry her upstairs > lay her on my bed > she looks so peaceful, innocent > realize she is out > she won't remember anything >i gaze at her and something stirs in my soul > and my pants >i reach out > vhs copy of last action hero on my nightstand > remember that s--- is overdue > sneak back out of house, drive like maniac to blockbuster > drop it in the night dropoff box > as soon as door slams shut i realize >i never rewound it. God damn it. I never rewound it. They never said anything and they're out of business now, but holy f---. I feel like a f------ monster.
Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)01:02:24 No.755392693 >>755392983 My wife doesn't even know about this one. > be 17yo me > 1994 > senior year hs is almost here, last summer party > girl a year older than me, had a crush on since kindergarten > one of the few nice older kids > see her at the party > she sees me and gets all huggy >i have one beer > she's already 3 sheets to the wind, and knocking back md20/20 > she sticks to me like glue > never had female attention like this before > she starts to get really wobbly > still virgin whiteknight, getting protective of her > decide she's not safe here, watching jocks eye her > maybe just paranoia > convince her to sit and talk in my car > she passes out > nobody really paying attention to us for awhile > the jocks have found other targets > take her back to my house > sneak into house by myself > make sure dog sees/hears me, knows it's me, doesn't bark > good dog > go back out to car > don't lift, but not manlet either, so pick her up > over my shoulder, get her in house > carry her upstairs > lay her on my bed > she looks so peaceful, innocent > realize she is out > she won't remember anything >i gaze at her and something stirs in my soul > and my pants >i reach out > vhs copy of last action hero on my nightstand > remember that s--- is overdue > sneak back out of house, drive like maniac to blockbuster > drop it in the night dropoff box > as soon as door slams shut i realize >i never rewound it. God damn it. I never rewound it. They never said anything and they're out of business now, but holy f---. I feel like a f------ monster.

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Anon takes dick pics | /r/Greentext

File: 1408454892908 jpg (90 KB, 866x1300) O Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:14:19 No. 25578008 [Reply] > >25578060 >haven't taken a d--- pic in f------ years >think my d--- has grown since last I took photos >borrow my mums ipad >take several photos of it >planning to move them to my HDD and just delete them off her ipad before she comes home >just found out she has f------ automatic iCloud upload services on >s--- has been uploading my d--- pics to all her b------- devices and facebook since I was taking them >her fb wall is covered in like 20 of my d--- pics, some where you can see my face I'm done, see you guys in the next life Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:16:36 No.25578065 Kill yourself before she confronts you, everyone will think you knew what you were doing and decided to post d--- pics to your moms facebook as a final act instead of leaving a suicide note, it will be funny as f---.
File: 1408454892908 jpg (90 KB, 866x1300) O Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:14:19 No. 25578008 [Reply] > >25578060 >haven't taken a d--- pic in f------ years >think my d--- has grown since last I took photos >borrow my mums ipad >take several photos of it >planning to move them to my HDD and just delete them off her ipad before she comes home >just found out she has f------ automatic iCloud upload services on >s--- has been uploading my d--- pics to all her b------- devices and facebook since I was taking them >her fb wall is covered in like 20 of my d--- pics, some where you can see my face I'm done, see you guys in the next life Anonymous 01/07/16(Thu)19:16:36 No.25578065 Kill yourself before she confronts you, everyone will think you knew what you were doing and decided to post d--- pics to your moms facebook as a final act instead of leaving a suicide note, it will be funny as f---.

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Depression = Cringe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me ? >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never 9 KB JPG worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me ? >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never 9 KB JPG worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon falls sick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/18/18(Sat)17:42:13 No.777525593 Dumb s--- we did as a kid thread >Be me >7 years old and sick af >Mom is a single mother of three kids and can't afford to miss work 57 KB JPG >Get taken to work with her >l'm wrapped up in a blanket sitting in the break room Ofuck.bowelmovement >the flood gates of diarrhea slam into my anus >My butthole is making a last stand the equivalent of The Alamo >Need to get to bathroom or I'm going to s--- myself >I don't know where it is tho, I'm also extremely shy, and I don't know where my mom is Floodgateshaveopened.exe >only have time to run to corner where a drain pipe is on the ground and proceed to piss and s--- all over myself >mfw my mom came in and saw me shivering covered in my own piss and s--- >mfw she cleaned my undies in the toilet and I still had to sit there at her work >mfw I ended up working there 13 years later and nobody knows
: Anonymous 08/18/18(Sat)17:42:13 No.777525593 Dumb s--- we did as a kid thread >Be me >7 years old and sick af >Mom is a single mother of three kids and can't afford to miss work 57 KB JPG >Get taken to work with her >l'm wrapped up in a blanket sitting in the break room Ofuck.bowelmovement >the flood gates of diarrhea slam into my anus >My butthole is making a last stand the equivalent of The Alamo >Need to get to bathroom or I'm going to s--- myself >I don't know where it is tho, I'm also extremely shy, and I don't know where my mom is Floodgateshaveopened.exe >only have time to run to corner where a drain pipe is on the ground and proceed to piss and s--- all over myself >mfw my mom came in and saw me shivering covered in my own piss and s--- >mfw she cleaned my undies in the toilet and I still had to sit there at her work >mfw I ended up working there 13 years later and nobody knows

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Right-Wing Health Squads | /r/Greentext

*, Laura K @laurasaur_roar So today I was in line at the grocery store buying what I needed for that week, when all of a sudden a group of 3 little white boys came up behind me in line and started replacing my snacks with fruits and vegetables to embarrass me. I was on the verge of tears. 4/20/18, 6:30 PM 15 Retweets 22 Likes Anonymous (ID: nzyOJZox ) E 04/23/18(Mon)20:58.09 No.169242094 >>169224770 >Right Wing Health Squads
*, Laura K @laurasaur_roar So today I was in line at the grocery store buying what I needed for that week, when all of a sudden a group of 3 little white boys came up behind me in line and started replacing my snacks with fruits and vegetables to embarrass me. I was on the verge of tears. 4/20/18, 6:30 PM 15 Retweets 22 Likes Anonymous (ID: nzyOJZox ) E 04/23/18(Mon)20:58.09 No.169242094 >>169224770 >Right Wing Health Squads

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It’s that kind of day. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous f--- hollidays 10/31/18(Wed)18:25:18 No.7278266 >wake up >9pm because sleep schedule is s--- > get out of bed and go grab a bowl of cereal >see figures outside on my porch 107 KB JPG >grab my bat and open my door >beat the s--- out of them no questions asked >mfw it was two kids trick or treating
: Anonymous f--- hollidays 10/31/18(Wed)18:25:18 No.7278266 >wake up >9pm because sleep schedule is s--- > get out of bed and go grab a bowl of cereal >see figures outside on my porch 107 KB JPG >grab my bat and open my door >beat the s--- out of them no questions asked >mfw it was two kids trick or treating

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[removed]. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Faggotry on Discord - if you d(...) 04/15/21(Thu)00:23:15 No.63220353 nae n---- nae nae >be me >someone sends *that* one n---- n---- nae nae Chinese song that sounds like a funny English word on a Discord meme channel (pic related) >I reply "nae n---- nae nae n---- 47 KB JPG n---- nae nae" >mod deletes my comment and says it is racist, gives me a warning >fight him for like 30 minutes on how my message does not break any server rules as it is not directed towards no one in specific >kicks me >ffw 3 days later >receive friend request from some random guy >accept >he sends screenshots of the mod's message history on the server, 156 results for "n----" How can people be so shameless?
: Anonymous Faggotry on Discord - if you d(...) 04/15/21(Thu)00:23:15 No.63220353 nae n---- nae nae >be me >someone sends *that* one n---- n---- nae nae Chinese song that sounds like a funny English word on a Discord meme channel (pic related) >I reply "nae n---- nae nae n---- 47 KB JPG n---- nae nae" >mod deletes my comment and says it is racist, gives me a warning >fight him for like 30 minutes on how my message does not break any server rules as it is not directed towards no one in specific >kicks me >ffw 3 days later >receive friend request from some random guy >accept >he sends screenshots of the mod's message history on the server, 156 results for "n----" How can people be so shameless?

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Anon is factpilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 2rghcRhd)= 11/04/20(Wed)15:28:02 No.287412051 >world's destiny is in the hands of drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers, hookers and degenerates 287 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: wUAOu58q ) - 11/04/20(Wed)15:28:32 No.287412288 >>287412051 (OP) # As it should be >>287412763 # >>287414072 # >>287415106 # >>287415188 # >>287416935 # >>287418225 # >>287421065 # >>287421239 # >>287422731 # >>287423448 ##
: Anonymous (ID: 2rghcRhd)= 11/04/20(Wed)15:28:02 No.287412051 >world's destiny is in the hands of drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers, hookers and degenerates 287 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: wUAOu58q ) - 11/04/20(Wed)15:28:32 No.287412288 >>287412051 (OP) # As it should be >>287412763 # >>287414072 # >>287415106 # >>287415188 # >>287416935 # >>287418225 # >>287421065 # >>287421239 # >>287422731 # >>287423448 ##

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Anon takes fibre supplement | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it in water 225 KB JPG >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like l'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it in water 225 KB JPG >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like l'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?

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Anon is from Venezuela | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)17:13:43 No.855921254 I'm from Venezuela. Ask me anything 3 KB PNG : Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)17:15:32 No.855921396 >>855921254 (OP) # where are you from
: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)17:13:43 No.855921254 I'm from Venezuela. Ask me anything 3 KB PNG : Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)17:15:32 No.855921396 >>855921254 (OP) # where are you from

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Anon is not a retard | /r/Greentext

20m (6/3 1:20) · 855929895 O Re · 0 Img · JPG · 9KB · (225 × 225) >be me >have a doctors appointment >they give me the wrong address >turns out its a place for mentally disabled people >women there says i must have the wrong place because im "clearly not mentally disabled" Anyone else win as hard as me today
20m (6/3 1:20) · 855929895 O Re · 0 Img · JPG · 9KB · (225 × 225) >be me >have a doctors appointment >they give me the wrong address >turns out its a place for mentally disabled people >women there says i must have the wrong place because im "clearly not mentally disabled" Anyone else win as hard as me today

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Anon gets courage | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/08/20(Sun)00:10:49 No.60816531 >oneitis looks exactly like pic related but brunette >always saw her as beautiful >find pic related >ask anons what they think >get made fun of >girl gets called a pig faced trailer trash slut Dadd 71 KB JPG >anons make fun of her make up, hair, and bad skin >realize that my oneitis is not really out of my league if anons are right >gather up the courage to ask her out on date >says yes >at the end of the date hugs me >says I should hit her up whenever I wanna go out because she's always bored at home >today we go on our 2nd date >we get tipsy on wine >end up kissing in my car Thanks, robots.
Anonymous 11/08/20(Sun)00:10:49 No.60816531 >oneitis looks exactly like pic related but brunette >always saw her as beautiful >find pic related >ask anons what they think >get made fun of >girl gets called a pig faced trailer trash slut Dadd 71 KB JPG >anons make fun of her make up, hair, and bad skin >realize that my oneitis is not really out of my league if anons are right >gather up the courage to ask her out on date >says yes >at the end of the date hugs me >says I should hit her up whenever I wanna go out because she's always bored at home >today we go on our 2nd date >we get tipsy on wine >end up kissing in my car Thanks, robots.

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What’s wrong with 4chaners?? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)07:24:45 No.17971749 SAMSUNG d0650f6ac8e7df70f3a78bc86f69ced9.jpg 236 KB JPG the existence of a model of Sam's shoes implies the existence of a barefoot Sam I want to smell Sam's feet I bet they smell like a computer store
: Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)07:24:45 No.17971749 SAMSUNG d0650f6ac8e7df70f3a78bc86f69ced9.jpg 236 KB JPG the existence of a model of Sam's shoes implies the existence of a barefoot Sam I want to smell Sam's feet I bet they smell like a computer store

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Anon is a Mac user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)07:34:11 No.81884708 >Oh, you want to install an app? Good. What's your Apple™ ID? >Hahahaha what do you mean you don't have one, silly? >W-what? It wants to access a.. f- folder?? Oh noononono, please open settings and MANUALLY allow it to access this specific ICRT soylent Presetera LACKEDCOM 188 KB JPG folder, then close it and open again >Yeah, you want to capture screen, right? No, we don't have a printscreen key, that's for losers. Please memorize this 3-key sequence to capture the whole screen, this other 3-key sequence for area capture and 4 key for saving it to the clipboard. Isn't it practical?? >I'm sorry, we don't know who programmed this particular program (even if it's for work and used by millions), so we're blocking it. Please download this s----- tool from our AppStore™ instead, have a good day. >O-oh, what are you doing?? Using... The terminal like a hacker??? Noononono, please use the FinderT to access files or Highlight™ to find that PDF you downloaded >Do you want to scan all folders recursively using cli? Fine, but we're gonna have to ask permission before accessing each folder, just to be safe >Your battery is dying, please pay $1000 to replace it with our tech Geniuses", don't forget to buy our new iPhoneT™!! >CPU goes brrrrrrr
: Anonymous 06/02/21(Wed)07:34:11 No.81884708 >Oh, you want to install an app? Good. What's your Apple™ ID? >Hahahaha what do you mean you don't have one, silly? >W-what? It wants to access a.. f- folder?? Oh noononono, please open settings and MANUALLY allow it to access this specific ICRT soylent Presetera LACKEDCOM 188 KB JPG folder, then close it and open again >Yeah, you want to capture screen, right? No, we don't have a printscreen key, that's for losers. Please memorize this 3-key sequence to capture the whole screen, this other 3-key sequence for area capture and 4 key for saving it to the clipboard. Isn't it practical?? >I'm sorry, we don't know who programmed this particular program (even if it's for work and used by millions), so we're blocking it. Please download this s----- tool from our AppStore™ instead, have a good day. >O-oh, what are you doing?? Using... The terminal like a hacker??? Noononono, please use the FinderT to access files or Highlight™ to find that PDF you downloaded >Do you want to scan all folders recursively using cli? Fine, but we're gonna have to ask permission before accessing each folder, just to be safe >Your battery is dying, please pay $1000 to replace it with our tech Geniuses", don't forget to buy our new iPhoneT™!! >CPU goes brrrrrrr

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Anon is clueless | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Ea 03/03/15(Tue)17:15:35 No.383353 >taking a piss at university >American student walks in >"Cold day, isn't it?" Why do Americans talk to strangers? Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:16:24 No.3835 he was calling your d--- small Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:17:29 No.383 File: 1387850227320.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) >>38335310 (OP) >Taking a piss >"Cold day isn't it" OP...
Anonymous Ea 03/03/15(Tue)17:15:35 No.383353 >taking a piss at university >American student walks in >"Cold day, isn't it?" Why do Americans talk to strangers? Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:16:24 No.3835 he was calling your d--- small Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:17:29 No.383 File: 1387850227320.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) >>38335310 (OP) >Taking a piss >"Cold day isn't it" OP...

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